by Glover, Dan
"Let me show you what I have in mind, Billy."
After she got off work Lisa had gone to the second-hand shop in Little River picking out several silk scarves of varying sizes and colors taking them home to try them on for size by tying them around her eyes and checking for fit.
She particularly liked the purple one that blotted out even the sunshine bursting through the enormous windows in the living room. She thought how mysteriously delightful it might be if someone was to sneak up, blindfold her, and have their way with her.
"Look at these scarves... I picked them up today. Remember the other night after our Jell-O fight? What did I ask you, Billy?"
"I... we... were all pretty drunk, Lisa."
"I know that, sweetie. That wasn’t my question, though."
"You asked me how I would feel about sleeping with both you and Allison."
"Well, have you thought about it, Billy?"
"I love you, Lisa. I would never do anything to jeopardize our life together. You know that."
"So you don’t want to sleep with us both. Is that what you're saying?"
"Yes... no... I don’t know, Lisa. What am I supposed to say? Allison's a gorgeous girl. And you are a knock out. Only a fool would turn down an opportunity to have both of you in bed with him at the same time."
"I want to do it, Billy. I want Allison to be part of our lives too. I know you love me and I love you too, sweetie. But I need... we need... something more. I can see it when you kiss Allison. I feel it when I'm with her too. I'm in love with her. I can hardly keep my hands to myself when we're alone."
"Wow. So you're saying I'm not enough for you, Lisa?"
"Oh no, Billy! I would never say that. It's just that there is so much more waiting for us both. You're in love with Allison too. I know you are. It's okay, though. I'm not jealous."
She watched his eyes as a porphyry light began to burn within the darkness of his pupils igniting her own desires as she watched a secret sort of smile erupt along the corners of his mouth. She wanted Billy to be her partner in crime... to help her make Allison their own.
The girl was going to leave them soon. Allison had remarked numerous times about how much she felt like a third wheel forever destined to watch as Billy and Lisa grew ever closer together until there would be no room in their lives for her.
Lisa loved Billy with her whole being but Allison had worked her way deep into her heart too. She couldn’t bear to lose either of them. She had a plan. If it worked, Allison would become a cherished part of their family. If it failed, she knew she risked losing both of them. The reward seemed far greater. She had been alone before.
“You’re serious about this, aren’t you, Lisa. We were pretty drunk the other night… I couldn’t sure if you two were just playing around with me…”
“If you don’t think we should do this, Billy, say so now. I want us all to enjoy it.”
"What kind of chicanery does my lovely wife have in mind?"
"I want to surprise Allison... me and you. That's why I bought the scarves. We can sneak over to her side of the house, tie her up, and have our way with her."
“How do you think Allison will react? Don’t you think it might scare her? She's been talking about that brother of hers showing up here. What if she thinks it's him?”
“She knows I’m up to something. We had a long talk about it. She just doesn’t know what's going to happen or when. She'll know who it is.”
"How will she know that?"
"Well, if you haven’t noticed, Billy, I always wear a certain perfume. I guess men don’t pay attention to those kinds of things like a woman does. Allison will know it's me. I guarantee it."
"So are you going to share the day you've planned to do this thing, Lisa? Or am I going to be surprised too?"
"Sunday night is the only time we're all off work together. I thought we could wait until our daughter is asleep and then..."
“Speaking of our daughter... where’s Jem? Is she asleep?”
“Of course… it’s way past midnight… why?”
“Because I really need to be with you right now, Lisa.”
Billy picked her up and carried her up the stairs to their bedroom where the darkness enveloped them both.
Sunday afternoon Jem came home with a girl she had made fast friends with who was named Karen and who lived just down the way. They both wondered of Jem could spend the night at the girl’s house. Lisa called Karen’s mother who said of course... she would be by to pick up both girls in an hour or so.
“See how things are working out, Billy?”
Lisa stifled a giggle as she and Billy helped Jem pack for her overnight stay while Karen sat downstairs watching television with Allison and eating toast with marmalade and drinking chocolate milk.
“Some things are pre-ordained.”
“What do you mean, mommy?”
“I mean your daddy and I have some plans for tonight… it's the one night we're all off work so we plan on having some adult time together.”
“You’re going to have sex, right?”
“Jem! What a thing to say! You don’t say things like that to your friends, do you?”
“I’m not stupid, mommy. I wouldn’t do that.”
“I know you’re not… yes, Jem… we’re going to have sex. We were going to wait until you were asleep.”
Lisa stood helplessly looking at Billy and shrugging not knowing what else to say.
“Now, we don’t have to…”
“I'm going to have a brother, aren’t I, mommy?”
“I don’t know about that, Jem… would you like a brother?”
“I dreamed about him… he has the same name as daddy… and the same name as my mom Allison.”
“Billy Allison Austin?”
“No, you silly mommy… Billy Johns Austin.”
Jem said it as if she was stating a well-known fact.
“What a wonderful name… I tell you what… if we have a little brother we’ll name him after your daddy… and after Allison too… just for you, Jem.”
“I like that. Okay… I’m going back downstairs now.”
Jem skipped away her hair bouncing in unison with each step.
“Are you pregnant, Lisa?”
Billy sounded as surprised at Jem’s words as she was.
“Not yet, honeybunch… but I’m working on it! Or should I say we’re working at it.”
Chapter 40—Helen
“Let me ask you something, Billy.”
It was one of those luscious August days that blossom cool in the morning and stays that way. Roger and Billy were taking a break during the mid-afternoon lull that happened most times between the end of lunch hour and the beginning of happy hour.
“And I don’t mean to pry… if you think that I am, just tell me to go jump in the ocean. But I couldn’t help noticing you and Allison have gotten pretty close over the last few weeks.”
“We’ve been close for a long time, Roger. When I first started here, Yelena started acting weird—you know how she does—and she introduced me to Allison by telling me that we were going to be great friends. She was right.”
“I know Allison lives with you and Lisa and that you’re all great friends. I guess what I’m asking is: Are you two having an affair? I wouldn’t blame you… she’s a gorgeous woman… but Lisa is bound to find out. Women sense things like that.”
“Lisa knows already. All three of us have become very close. I don’t know how it happened and I can’t describe the feelings I’m having other than I’ve fallen in love with both Lisa and Allison. Maybe I shouldn’t be telling you this, Roger, but I feel we’re close enough that you can keep a secret and you won’t judge us… Lisa and Allison have their own thing going on too.
"Lisa’s the one who talked me into seeing Allison again. We had a brief fling before Lisa and I got together… nothing serious, just a few nights together. When Lisa found out what happened between Allison and me, she insisted that we… well, I… get back
together with her.”
“I guess congratulations are in order then? I’m glad it is what it is and not what I thought it was. My God, though, Billy… how do you do it? I mean, between Lisa and Allison they must wear you out.”
“Maybe someday they will but not yet they haven’t… though they’ve come close a couple times.”
“I didn’t realize Yelena introduced you to Allison… how did that come about?”
“I started mopping the kitchen after her shift finished… that's a good time; no one is in the kitchen. She called out to me: Billy! Come out there. I have someone you should meet. It happened the day after she passed out and started talking to me in that weird voice. Remember? I didn't want to be around her any more… I was afraid it would happen again, but Yelena acted like she didn’t recall a thing.”
“I do remember that day, yes.”
“Anyway, Allison was standing next to Yelena as she introduced us. I’d never met a girl like Allison before… there is no way I would have approached her on my own. I got the feeling that Yelena knew it too… that’s why she introduced us. And I’ve been in love with Allison ever since. I mean, I would never cheat on Lisa… but I have these feelings for Allison too. I’m glad I can finally express them.”
“I miss that part of my life.”
Roger gazed out over the empty tavern as if searching through a ghost of memory.
“I don’t know if I ever told you the story of how I met Justine, my second wife. I married her sister, Helen… we were together for two years. We had a son. We named him Noah Jackson Barnes and we called him Noah. When he grew older he insisted on being called Jack so that’s how I always think of him now. Anyway… after Jack was born, Helen developed some kind of phobia about having sex. She wouldn’t let me near her… not even to kiss her hello or goodbye. Before Jack, we were like rabbits… making love two and three times a day. Of course being a lot younger then helped.
“After Helen gave birth she refused to have sex with me. I talked to a doctor, thinking maybe something medically wrong led to her change. The doctor said he could nothing do unless Helen agreed to see him. She wouldn’t. She had grown up with her mother telling her to have sex for procreation… that sinners and blasphemers had sex for pleasure.
"Jesus, Billy... I had visions of being married to a woman for the next fifty years that wouldn’t let me touch her. So as a last resort, I called Helen’s sister, Justine, thinking she might be able to get through to Helen where I couldn’t. Well, one thing led to another and Justine and I ended up at a motel. I’d never enjoyed being with a woman more than Justine. She reminded me of love again… it was nothing like being with her sister, Helen.
“We ended up divorcing. I married Justine not long afterwards. Jack came to live with us permanently when he was two years old… before that Helen and I shared custody. Helen called one day telling me to come and get him… that she couldn’t handle him any longer. For all intents, Justine became his mother after that… Helen wouldn’t have anything to do with him… we invited her to his birthday parties and for Christmas but she never attended. She sent Jack gifts but he wouldn’t open them. They’re still in a closet at home. I keep thinking I should get rid of them but somehow they make me feel like Jack is still around.
“So you can see I’m in no position to judge you and Lisa and Allison for what you have together. I think it’s wonderful. That first day Allison came into the tavern I had a funny sensation that Lisa… well… had feelings for her. She seemed so bouncy and happy to see Allison… as if they were old friends. And when I heard Allison had moved in with Lisa, I honestly thought they might be lesbians. Not that it would have mattered… but you know how people talk.”
“I had no idea you were married twice, Roger. I never know how to bring up a subject like that with someone… when it comes to losing a loved one. Thank you for telling me that story… it makes me feel closer to you. I wanted to tell you about Allison before but I wasn’t sure how you’d take it. Some people wouldn’t understand. Did you ever think about getting back together with Helen?”
“I saw her at Justine and Jack’s funeral with another man… he looked sharp, like a high-powered attorney, wearing a two thousand dollar suit and driving a Lexus. They seemed quietly desperate. I noticed when he tried to comfort her she shook him off. For a long time after Justine and Jack passed away, I hated her mother, Carolyn, for filling Helen and Justine’s heads with such nonsense while they were growing up.
"But then I came to realize Carolyn had probably been raised the same way. It seemed kind of silly to keep hating her so one day I just stopped. I heard she passed away a number of years ago but no one told me until well after the funeral. I don’t know that I would have attended anyway, but I might have. So to answer your question… no… whatever I had with Helen died many years ago… so long ago that I think it was a dream, sometimes.”
“Have you ever thought about getting married again … or at least maybe seeing someone else?”
“Honestly… no. Let me show you something…”
Roger opened a drawer under the bar pulling out a picture to hand to Billy. A much younger Roger was holding a small boy’s hand and a woman stood next to him.
“Who does the woman there remind you of?”
“Lisa... it looks just like her, Roger.”
Bill said it without thinking. He turned the photograph over. The year 1973 was written on the back.
“Is that Justine? She looks like she could be Lisa's twin sister.”
“It is Justine… and Jack and me. And yes… the day Lisa walked into the tavern looking for a job I thought for a silly instant that Justine had come home. Of course she would look much older than Lisa… it just startled me, I guess. Do you believe in reincarnation, Billy?”
“I never thought about it much… I figure something must happen when we die… I mean it seems silly to think we just disappear.”
“I never thought about it much either. But the older I get, the more I believe that death isn’t as final as we think… that maybe it’s like a door that opens only to one side and once we go through it the only way back is to be reborn.”
“My mother always told me to be good so I would go to heaven when I died. But these days I tend to believe more like you… that we keep coming back to those we love… like a gathering of lovers.”
“Jack used to talk about how he remembered living by the ocean in a log cabin… he was so specific with his memories that it scared me sometimes. He kept saying how he was scared of the beetles that came out of the logs and bit his toes while in bed. I thought he had maybe dreamed about it or perhaps someone read him a book or he saw a movie… but Justine convinced me his memories were real… that children can sometimes remember their previous lives and as they grow older they forget.
“A little while after they died, I remembered Justine telling me about how Yelena read her fortune… she said Yelena told her not to go on a trip. I thought fortune telling was just a load of bullshit. I never believed in fortune tellers or people who claimed to see the future. I always thought they were just out to line their own pockets. These days I’m not so sure of myself. I wonder if I had taken Yelena more seriously maybe Justine and Jack would still be alive.”
“You can’t blame yourself for something like that, Roger. I wouldn’t have believed it either.”
“I don’t blame myself. I’m just more open to the idea that a person like Yelena is really who she says she is… that she has a gift, or a curse, or whatever you want to call it. I remember she told me that Justine and Jack are home now. I didn’t understand at the time but now I’m beginning to realize what she meant.”
“I can see why you never remarried.”
Billy handed the photograph back to Roger.
“God forbid… if I ever lost Lisa or Allison I’d never want to see anyone else either.”
“It was a special time in my life.”
Roger turned and carefully put the photograph back
into the drawer.
“I still miss them… to this day. But having you and Lisa around has made it easier to bear, somehow. I can’t describe how, exactly. I want you to know that I love the both of you. Hell, Allison is growing on me even though she drinks more than she serves most nights.”
“That girl does like her liquor.”
Billy grinned as he thought of her as sunshine.
“And just so you know… we all love you too, Roger. We feel like we’re all part of a family here. I couldn’t imagine having a better boss, or a better friend than you.”
"Justine wanted me to go with them. Her mother called begging her to visit. She lived in San Francisco. I couldn’t bring myself to go. The old woman never liked me, even when I was married to her other daughter. I made an excuse that I had to stay to run the tavern. Justine knew I was lying. She never argued with me though. She just went by herself. Since she knew I'd be here all the time she brought Jack along.
"On the day they were supposed to return they never showed up. There'd been a storm raging for three days, one of the worst I've ever seen. I went looking for them but all the roads were flooded. I only got a mile from home and had to turn around. Later that night, Tom Three Deer showed up at the tavern with his cousin Mouse. They were driving an enormous pickup truck jacked up high with stacks rising through the bed.
"When I told them that my wife and son were missing they volunteered to help me find them. For three days and nights we drove down roads I never knew existed. Every so often we came back here to Twenty Nine Katz to see if there was a message from Justine. We found Yelena asleep at the bar. I thought she got drunk waiting for us but she was fully sober. I asked her if she could help us find my family.
"I remember she wanted a map and a pencil. I didn’t know why. We got them for her. She reached out touching my hand and fell into some kind of trance. She brought the pencil down on the map in a stabbing motion. She told us that’s where we would find Justine and Jack. I'll be damned if we didn’t find the car at that very spot. They were dead. The road washed out. They drove over the edge into an abyss.
"The thing was, Yelena knew. She knew all along what would happen. Remember that, Billy. She's someone you can trust with your life."