by Greene, Dane
Many people would call me brave, but the truth is, I’m not. True, I left the apartment and am risking death because of it, but I don’t provide much to the group. The most valuable thing I’m doing is documenting our existence. And that’s only valuable if we survive all this.
A tap on my shoulder interrupts my thoughts. Startled, I turn around to see Dawn behind me.
“Hey, Melany. How are you doing? I’m sure everything that’s happened is hitting you hard. Look, I’m sorry about earlier. I forget that not everyone can kill a Paleman without remorse.”
“Don’t be sorry, Dawn. If it weren’t for you, I wouldn’t have made it through today. You’re so strong. I wish I could be half as strong as you.”
Dawn comes closer to me and grabs me by my shoulders.
“You’re stronger than I’ll ever be. What I have isn’t true strength. The only time I’m brave is when I’m backed into a corner and forced to act. That’s instinct; it doesn’t take bravery or strength to rely on instinct. Even Aaron relies on instinct, but not you. You stare into the face of what terrifies you, and yet it doesn’t stop you. You look into the future, even if it’s only a few weeks or months. I’ve seen you take photos, and I’m telling you it’s the bravest thing I’ve seen any of us do.”
What Dawn is telling me confuses me. How can she think taking photos is brave? What I take photos of might be horrifying, but at the end of the day, I’m not confronting what’s in them. I’m only documenting.
Maybe that’s what she’s talking about. She must admire that even though the world has crumbled, I’ve held on to a piece of me from before. Or she might think that when I take photos, I’m choosing to remember everything that’s happened to us instead of moving on.
My personal feelings don’t matter if I’m giving others hope. If Dawn wants to believe I’m brave, I won’t correct her. To her, I could be like the storytellers and historians of old. My pictures tell tales of what we once were and what our journey has become.
That’s what I am to this group. Telling the stories about those who fight must be my task. Smiling, I hug Dawn and say, “Thanks.” The hug catches her by surprise, but only for a second.
After the hug, our moods change. The situation we’re in right now isn’t a good one. Aaron is in a sickroom, unconscious. Ted is tolerating our presence, but I have a feeling that our opportunity to leave will expire soon. To top it all off, Kent hasn’t returned, and considering he had the car, the chances he will return are slim.
As if she’s reading my mind, Dawn says, “So what are we going to do now?” The time for feeling bad or good is over. The way Ted has acted so far, if we were to ask him to leave, I doubt he would say yes. But I’ve noticed that ever since the battle, I haven’t been asked what I’m doing.
The security is such a joke here we could literally walk out and no one would even bother stopping us. The only thing stopping us is Aaron being unconscious.
For the briefest second, I ponder leaving him behind. But I immediately realize how foolish that would be. Aaron is my brother, and beyond that, he’s a huge part of why we’re still alive. The group looks to him as our leader, and without him, we would fall apart. No, whatever we do will have to wait until Aaron wakes up.
Dawn’s question rings fresh in my mind. What will we do?
“Dawn, let’s go see Aaron.”
Chapter 12: Dawn
July 26th
My eyes open. Forgetting where I am, I look around, panicked. Brian shushes me, and I remember that we’re in Chicago. Even now, weeks later, I wake up afraid. I never thought I would grow to miss the tube playground that was my home for months. Even though I hated sleeping there, it still became home, and now I’m always scared when I wake up.
Brian’s relaxed breaths calm me down and keep me from panic. He lies against the wall, and I lie against him, my ear to his chest. The slow rhythmic beating of his heart calms me down, and I remind myself that I’m safe with him here. Even though I know he may be uncomfortable right now, nothing I could say would convince him to have it any other way.
Ever since the first night we spent together, Brian has tried to appear strong for me. He and I both know he wouldn’t last two seconds in a fight with me. He has me beat in a lot of ways, but I’ll always be a better fighter and survivor than him. Looking up, I see Brian sound asleep. Trying not to wake him, I look at our surroundings.
They seem unfamiliar until I remember where I am. Disappointment hits me as I realize that Aaron must not have woken up during the night. Guilt sets in, and once again, I consider convincing Brian to leave with me. Tension is so high right now, and I’m afraid that it’s only a matter of time until it comes to violence. We aren’t welcome here, not in Ted’s home.
While thinking these things through, I lie against Brian and wait. After several minutes, I start to drive myself crazy, so I decide to wake him. Leaning up to him, I kiss him on the cheek. Brian rustles, and when he opens his eyes, they lock with mine. We both smile, and after a few moments of happiness, Brian looks more serious. Knowing what he’s thinking, I ask, “He isn’t up.”
“No, I suppose he isn’t. If he was, Melany would have gotten us and we would have left. Things are getting pretty tense here. I’m not sure Ted has much more patience.”
Even with my short time in this group, I’ve grown to trust Aaron. There’s no way we’ll leave here without him. If we still had the car, we could sneak him out of here, but last I heard, Kent hadn’t come back. Presumably, he died when he detonated the explosives that destroyed the building. If he wasn’t far enough away when the explosion went off, there’s no way he made it out.
“Hey, Brian, I realized I haven’t seen Melany since last night. Do you know what she’s up to?”
Brian looks around. Then, seeing no one is near, he whispers to me. “She’s scouting out the best way to leave. We’re getting out of here the second Aaron wakes up, and we’ll need to know how to escape.”
Melany was smart to think of escaping. She beat me to it. I wish I’d thought to scope out an exit strategy first. My muscles ache, and I decide that I want to stand. Getting up, I stretch, yawning as I do so. If we’re waiting on Aaron anyway, we should do something to keep our minds busy.
“Brian, come on a walk with me.” Brian stands, and we start walking together through the old bank. It’s still pretty early, so we don’t run into many people. When we get to the front, I decide I want to walk outside. Even though I know it might be dangerous, there’s something we should check.
“Brian, let’s go outside. We should try to go to where Kent brought down the building. There’s a chance he’s still alive, and we owe it to him to check. Besides, if we can find the car, escaping from here is going to be much easier.”
“Okay. By the time we get back, Aaron might be awake. Let’s find Melany and check in with her first. In case Aaron does wake up, we should have a backup plan.” We get moving, and it isn’t long before we find Melany and tell her what’s going on. Together, we all decide on a meeting spot a little north of the bank. With everything arranged, Brian and I head out.
After walking in the city for a few minutes, I realize that I have no idea which way I’m going. When the building collapsed, I didn’t see it—only the dust cloud that came after.
“Hey,” I say, “do you know where we’re going?”
“Um, sort of. I saw the building collapse from my vantage point. Only problem is, I’ve never been to Chicago, so I have no idea what building it was.” Laughing, I have Brian describe the building, and it becomes clear it’s Willis Tower. Strange how Brian, who’s lived in Illinois his whole life, never managed to go to Chicago. It makes me think that his parents were always reluctant to leave their bubble.
We travel along the old elevated rails as much as we can. The wide spacing between the railroad ties makes it impossible for Palemen to traverse them. We see plenty on the ground but know we’re safe.
As we walk, I notice more of the city. When we w
ere driving, it was easy to notice the small details. Now, I see that the city is in bad shape. Old trash, shattered windows, and graffiti are everywhere. From the looks of things, the city decayed long before the Palemen arrived.
Living farther south was something I took for granted. Fewer people and more arable land made survival and organization much easier. The fact that Ted’s group survived through it all is astounding. The people in the city were no doubt at war shortly after the power went out.
In all likelihood, one in a thousand people is all that survived. After the Palemen hit, I imagine most of those who’d survived were wiped out.
Seeing the city like this forces me to respect Ted. He’s faced things we couldn’t even imagine; he may be an idiot, but he knows how to survive. The fact that he’s let us stay with him and his group this long is astonishing, and I see him in a new light. He might not be the bad guy we thought he was.
When we reach Willis Tower, the destruction is obvious. Rubble and dust cover everything for blocks. The remains of the building are still smoldering, and as I look at the twisted steel and concrete, I’m humbled.
The idea that such a massive structure has crumbled like this terrifies me. The building that used to stretch hundreds of feet into the air is now a large pile that I could climb to the top of in two or three minutes.
Curious, I look over at Brian and see that he’s also staring in awe at what lies in front of us. He notices me looking at him and says, “Kent is dead. If he didn’t make it out of the collapse, there’s no hope that he’s still alive.”
Part of me knows he’s right, but I still want to believe he has a chance. “Couldn’t he be alive? I mean, isn’t there a chance he’s in the rubble?”
Brian looks at me, and I can tell he’s struggling with what to say next. “Yes, I suppose it would be possible that he survived, but for his sake, I hope he’s dead. Think about it: even if he’s alive, he’s trapped under the thousands of pounds of unsteady metal and concrete. What could we do for him? We don’t have cranes or machinery to lift anything. We don’t have sonar or surveying tools to see where it’s safe to dig. On top of all that, even if we did try to uncover him, all it would take is one Paleman to come up on us while we’re working. That would be the end for us. We would both be dead. If Kent was trapped in the building, he’s either already dead or doomed to die from dehydration.”
Brian’s words are blunt and raw, but they’re true. He’s right, and I too hope that Kent didn’t survive the explosion.
“Should we head back, then?” I ask.
Brian nods and we start to walk back to the bank. About halfway there, Brian stops and sits down. He motions for me to do the same, so I sit next to him. He reaches for my hand and intertwines his fingers with mine.
“Dawn, the world is all messed up and I don’t know what to do about it.” Brian looks into the distance as he speaks to me. He’s opened up to me before, but this is the first time I’ve seen him admit weakness. As I look at him, he hunches over, and I see despair on his face.
“Everyone’s looked to me to be someone who’s level-headed and knows the answer to things,” he continues. “They aren’t wrong, and I understand why they look to me. I know I’m able to look at things in a way no one else can, but I’m worried. We’ve been lucky so far, but what happens when we come across something I can’t answer? Or what happens when our luck runs out? It’s only a matter of time until someone’s hurt or bitten.”
Brian looks at me, and I know he’s asking me for help. He’s never turned to me like this before, and I realize that I’ve always been the one who turns to him for help.
Even Aaron, our leader, relies on him to provide ideas and strategy. Brian’s the brain of our group, and that pressure must be intense. Brian must be under a lot of strain now, but I’m not sure what he needs.
“Brian, you have been strong up to this point. I haven’t seen you waver when you give input. Has something changed? What are you worried about?”
Brian looks at me, and I see there’s a tear on his cheek. “Dawn, I know I’ve done okay so far, but what happens when I have to make a hard decision? When we get back, I’ll have to decide whether Aaron lives or dies. We’ve spent too long here, and we need to leave—for the safety of the group. If we stay one more night, we won’t make it to the morning. No one else will decide, and everyone’s looking to me for the answer. Even if by some miracle Aaron does wake up, there will still be questions I don’t know how to answer.”
Brian cries as he tells me this. He isn’t wrong; everyone’s waited on him to decide what to do next. He might be the brains of the group, but I don’t think he’s ready, willing, or able to lead us.
Brian has become more important to me than anyone else, and I feel like I’m closer to him than the others. Even with all the love and respect I hold for him, I know he isn’t capable of leading our group. He’s one of the strongest and most honest people I’ve ever met. What he isn’t, though, is a leader. His way of talking and presenting himself is too gentle.
From what I know of Brian, I don’t think he’d be able to make a decision that would determine if someone lived or died. After sitting in silence for a minute, Brian calms down and wipes the tears from his eyes.
“As I lie awake at night, I try to think what I would do if someone in our party is bitten. Or how we would respond to cannibals or other deranged people. I never find any answers. On top of the other worries, I’m always thinking of you. What would I do if I had to trade another person’s life for you? What if you were bitten?”
Interrupting Brian, I say, “Don’t worry about me. Nothing’s going to get me any time soon. Besides, you haven’t even known me that long. You shouldn’t worry about me or things that haven’t happened. No one can control the future.” I say all this to reassure Brian. He’s the most important person to me, but I can tell that isn’t what he needs to hear right now.
“You’re trying to protect me. I know that because I’d do the same thing in your shoes. Dawn, you should know that you’re the most important thing in the world to me. My biggest fear is that I’ll have to make choices between you and the group. If I had to face that, I know I’d always choose you above everyone else, even if that choice was the wrong one. I want to spend my life with you, Dawn.”
Tears well in my eyes as Brian speaks. He looks at me, and I can tell he’s unsure why I’m crying. He might think I’m sad or upset, but I’m happy. I pull him close to me and kiss him.
We fall back together. At first, he hesitates, but then he gives in to me. We kiss each other passionately, and the rest of the world fades. After a few seconds, though, Brian gently pushes me off of him.
“Sorry, there are Palemen around here. I don’t want to take the chance of letting any sneak up on us.”
“You’re right. I should’ve been more careful, but I wanted to kiss you right then.” Brian smiles, and I smile with him. The fear and worries have left him for the moment.
Never in my whole life would I have thought that I’d fall for someone like Brian. The fact that I not only fell for someone but fell for them so quickly, and in the worst possible circumstances, is a miracle. That miracle is something I wouldn’t trade for anything. The time I’ve spent with Brian has been the best in my life, Palemen and all.
“We should get going,” Brian says, and I nod in agreement. We stand up together, holding hands, and make our way back to the bank.
The walk back goes by much more quickly than I want, and I find that I’m dreading our return. A loud pop echoes, and a sharp pain slices across my arm. Instinct kicks in, and I drop to the ground. Brian falls with me.
“Dammit, I missed her. You two run around and flank them, now!” The voice screams commands to an unknown number of people, and I recognize it. Ted’s patience must have run out, and now he’s trying to kill us.
Brian looks at me and mouths, “Are you okay?” Remembering the gunshot, I look down at my arm, and the pain hits me. Examining the wound,
I see two holes in my upper arm. My arm is mildly bleeding, so it must not have hit anything vital. My wound burns, but I’m pretty sure I’ll live.
“The bullet went through,” I say. “I don’t think it hit anything vital. We need to see what’s going on. My guess is that Ted fired the shot, and I bet his lackeys aren’t as willing to kill us in cold blood.” We creep to the edge of the railway platform we’re on. We’re lucky; if we had been on tracks, we would have been full of bullets by now. When I peek over the edge, I see Ted alone below me. He’s looking away for some reason, and I decide now is the perfect time to attack him.
Hoping that I’m right and the other kids won’t shoot me, I pull myself over the edge of the railway and fall feet-first into Ted.
The fall would’ve hurt if Ted hadn’t absorbed the impact. We both crumble to the ground, but I manage to roll to my knees and leap onto Ted’s back. He starts screaming, but I ignore his desperate cries. Using my good arm, I slam his head into the pavement. He stops moving, and that’s when something cold presses against my neck.
“Listen to me and don’t move. You should realize I could’ve shot you by now. The others will be here soon, and you don’t have much time. Many of us at the bank are grateful to your group. We wouldn’t have survived if you hadn’t come along, so I’m going to let you go. Run, now. The rest of your party already left. They were heading north.”
Hearing that the others made it out is enough for me, so I nod and stand. The gun stays against me, so without turning back, I run, screaming, “Brian, run!” I follow the tracks, running until I’m exhausted. When I stop to take a breath, Brian climbs down from the railway. I explain what happened, and we agree to try to find our group. Alarmed, he also looks at my arm, and when I look, too, I see why. It’s covered in blood, and that’s when the pain hits me.
Brian pulls a shirt from his backpack and tears it into strips. He does his best to clean and wrap the wound while I wince in pain. Shortly after he finishes, we hear a moan and see several Palemen coming toward us. Gritting my teeth, I grab Brian’s hand with my good arm, and we start running again.