by Greene, Dane
Without thinking I jump. The boat isn’t far from the ground, only five feet or so, so my momentum doesn’t stop when I hit the ground. I’m alone but notice that Brian is ahead of me. I didn’t see him jump, but he’s so far ahead of me that he must have gone long before me.
Running faster, I try to catch up, but Brian’s running as fast as he can, and I have a hard time gaining on him. Even when I push myself as hard as I can, I only match his mad pace. Brian reaches the group about ten seconds before I do. He whips out his rifle and aims it at the man holding the Palemen on chains.
Now that Brian’s still, I catch up and unsheathe my two pistols and aim one at the same man as Brian. The other I aim at another of the men in the group. The men look upset and one screams out.
“You dare point a gun at a god!” The situation is tense, but we’re outnumbered. Without knowing what’s going on, I hold my fire, and luckily, so does Brian.
“Wha—” I try to speak but am cut off by the man who I can only presume is a zealot.
“How dare you speak in God’s presence. He is a virtue among men, and a dirty outsider like yourself has no right to speak in his presence. He has descended from heaven and provided protection from the evils of the world. He does what is right by chasing those vile women. He sanctified them with his own flesh and gave them his greatest blessing.” The man’s insane rambling falls on deaf ears; whoever these people are, they think the Paleman general is a god. His ability to control other Palemen isn’t a divine gift—it’s a fluke of a disease.
Sadly, I know there’s no changing a zealot’s mind, and because of this, I see only one course of action. My focus shifts to the gun pointed at the Paleman general, and I aim, knowing I’ll only have one shot. The gun fires, and the false god drops.
“Brian, grab Dawn and run!” I scream as a chain reaction hits the general-worshipers. Some drop to their knees; some stare in shock. Brian follows my advice and grabs Dawn, helping her run. Ignoring the chaos erupting around me, I run toward Sophia. When I get to her, she mutters sorry and collapses onto the ground. Standing over her, I curse to myself. Where there was some semblance of order before, there is only chaos now. The Palemen, chained and controlled a second ago, are ripping, biting, and tearing into their captors.
A few stragglers come toward me, but I pick them off. As I stand guard over Sophia, I’m forced to watch as the other men are torn apart. When it’s all over, there are around twenty bodies, Palemen and human. I empty my gun magazine into any of the men or Palemen who were unfortunate enough to survive. With the crises past, I pick up Sophia and move her to the boat.
As I walk back, a slight twinge of guilt hits me, but I brush it away, feeling that I’ve become a cold, emotionless monster, snuffing out life after life. But at what point will I finally confront it? At what point will I admit to myself that I enjoy the horror I’m inflicting?
Tears stream down my face as I walk back toward the boat. There’s no returning from the things I’ve done. Sophia moans and shifts. Thinking she’s coming to, I set her down. She starts to stir, and I wipe the tears from my face.
She doesn’t come to, but when she shifts, I see a wound on her neck that I know is a bite mark. Tears return to my eyes, and I put my gun to her head, knowing that she’s now doomed. My guilt for the man I killed turns to hatred, and I’m now glad they’re dead and in the depths of hell.
I’m about to pull the trigger when Sophia mutters something. It’s soft and I don’t hear it, so I move my ear over her mouth.
“Don’t shoot. Immune… I’m immune.” My resolve to kill her collapses. Remembering her telling me she was immune, I curse myself for forgetting. I still doubt it’s true, but it would be wrong of me not to trust her. If she turns, I’ll kill her myself.
From past experience, I know that I have about thirty minutes before she turns, so I decide it would be better to wait here with her. Holding her hand, I set the gun down next to us. She falls asleep, and I do my best to make her comfortable on the cold concrete.
As I watch her, the time passes, and though she grows paler, her eyes stay purple and she remains herself, as far as I can tell. Even after thirty minutes, I wait. Only when an hour has passed and the sun is starting to set do I decide to bring her back to the ship.
When I reach the ship, Jason helps bring me and Sophia on board. Once we’re on deck, the others come toward me. Evelyn runs up and hugs my leg.
“Dawn is gone,” she says as she weeps into my leg.
I see Brian approach, and he has a look of dark fury and sadness on his face. “Why have you brought her aboard?” he asks. “She’s infected like Dawn, isn’t she? Why is she alive? Are you so dumb that you’re willing to risk all our lives for nothing? Could you not kill her?” Brian waves his gun around as he screams at me. Dawn’s death is having more of an impact on him than I would have thought. I step between him and Sophia.
“Brian, please trust me. She’s been bitten and infected, but she’ll be fine. She’s immune. This isn’t the first time she’s been infected.”
Brian stares at me for a second before collapsing. He starts to scream. He’s past his breaking point. “What do you mean? Can people be immune? Did I kill Dawn when she had a chance to live? Why, why, why, why, why!”
Brian moves his gun toward his head, and I’m sure he’s about to end his life. Before he can pull the trigger, I see Jason kick the gun out of his hand. He must have snuck around when Brian started to break down. Brian starts to thrash around, and Jason, Melany, and I all have to fight to subdue him.
“There’s been enough death today, Brian,” Jason says before turning to me. “Aaron, even if what you say is true, we can’t risk having an infected person on a moving ship. There will be no escaping her on the open water if she turns. By the looks of her, though, she seems like she might be about to turn.”
“I… I can’t, Jason. Please, give her a chance. We’ll get off the boat until she’s come through, but please give her a chance. I can’t kill someone who has a chance of pulling through. She should’ve already turned by now, and if she does end up turning, I swear I’ll end it.”
Jason nods, and with his help, we move Sophia into a nearby houseboat. Before Jason leaves, he pulls me to the side. “Aaron, I only want to risk it until morning. If she isn’t better by then, we have to leave her. I’ll look after your daughter if you want to stay here.”
I nob my consent, and Jason leaves. He’s right, and I know that if I made everyone stay longer, it would only ruin the trust the group has in me. Even so, a part of me hates him for what he’s doing.
When I return to Sophia’s side, I see that she’s even paler than she was before. Despite this, I can’t help but be mesmerized by her. In the moonlight, she looks so beautiful. I realize then that I’m in love with her. Growing up, I always thought love would be something simple, not something like this. Sophia is someone I never want to see die, much less kill by my own hand. Tears stream down my face as I leave Sophia to check my perimeter.
On one of the laps I make around the boat, I see someone walking toward me. The darkness of the night shades the figure, but I know it isn’t a Paleman by the way it’s walking. My hatchet and guns come out of their sheaths, and I ready myself. When the figure gets closer, though, I recognize it as my sister Melany, so I help her onto the boat and we embrace.
“Aaron, it’s all so wrong. This world is wrong.” She starts to cry, and I hold her closer as she cries into my chest. All these people I’m with are suffering, and I want this hell to end for them.
Tears stream down my face as I say, “I know, Melany, but soon, it will become right again. Soon, we will be safe.”
Melany quiets her sobbing a bit and continues speaking. “Aaron, I need to go back soon. I needed to see you. Please don’t hate Brian. He was in love with Dawn. He didn’t know what he was doing. He was the one to end her life.”
The realization slams into me. I can’t imagine how it felt to find some measure of happin
ess in this post-apocalyptic world, only to have it ripped away. Part of me understands now why he was in so much pain.
After everything Brian has been through to find love, having to kill the person he found happiness with would be shattering. His actions make sense. That’s why I understand why he’s so upset to hear that someone might be immune. There’s no doubt in my mind that he would have traded Sophia’s life for Dawn’s, and I can’t blame him.
“Don’t worry, Melany. I could never hate him. I can only hope he feels the same about me.” She smiles and starts to walk away. Suddenly, I remember our conversation earlier about us being treated like children. I realize I have an answer to her question.
“Hey, Melany. You know how I know it’ll work out when we get to the island? Nobody can go through as much pain and trials as we have and still be considered a child.” She looks at me, and I see a small glimmer of reassurance—and sadness.
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” I help her off the boat and watch as she walks away.
A part of me feels bad for lying to her, but hope is all I can give her. We’ve all learned firsthand how little people can see. When we reach the island, it’s possible that the survivors will see us as children who somehow made it there. They’d be wrong. There’s no going back to being a child after you’ve taken someone’s life.
As I walk into the houseboat and sit down on the bed, I put my arm on Sophia’s forehead. Noticing that her fever is down, I begin to hope. When I look closer, I see that her skin is also starting to regain some color. Encouraged by this, I sit by and watch her. After a few minutes, she stirs into consciousness.
“What? Where am I?” Relief at hearing Sophia’s voice floods into me. My relief is so great that, without thinking, I lean down and kiss her. Before I can regret my decision, I notice that she’s kissing me back. After a few minutes like this, we stop, and Sophia looks at me.
“Not that that wasn’t nice, but where am I?” Flushed with embarrassment, I catch Sophia up on everything that happened. Part of me feels guilty for kissing her and letting myself feel some measure of joy. With Dawn’s death so fresh in my memory, I understand that any of us could die at any moment. I didn’t want to risk never letting Sophia know how I felt.
When I explain this to her, she agrees with me, and though we’re sad, we also find happiness and warmth in each other. It’s only when the sun comes up that we realize that we have to return to the others.
As we walk to the boat and I look at the sunrise, I realize that the world we live in now is cold and it is dark, but there’s always hope found at the dawn.
Chapter 17: Brian
August 18th
It was only this morning that I woke up happy and full of hope; the person I loved most in all the world sleeping in my arms. How did I not realize that things could change at the flip of a coin? I was foolish to believe that I could find any lasting happiness in this hellish world. Why didn’t I realized that any joy I found could just as easily be lost?
My presumption that our luck would last was idiotic, and I can see that now. Dawn shifts in my arms, and I remember what I have to do.
“Brian,” she says, “I’m not ready. I don’t want to die. Not now. Why now? Six months ago, I could have, but now, I finally found a reason to live.” Every word she speaks lashes out against me like a whip. My heart hurts, and there’s a knot in my throat.
The seconds tick by, and I know I’m that much closer to losing her and that much closer to having to say goodbye. She begs me to live, but there’s no way I can fulfill her wish. If I could give my life for hers, I would.
The others gave us privacy, but I know they didn’t want to do what I must. No one wants to end the lives of friends or loved ones. Even so, I can’t forget or forgive what I saw on my friends’ faces when they saw the bite on Dawn. Their faces showed sadness and sympathy—but also fear.
Before the power went out, I had no purpose, and even after the power went out, I had no purpose. Not until after the outbreak did I finally start living for myself. I stopped being a slave to my parents’ fears and found that my life was better under my own control. The freedom I found was the sweetest thing I’d ever experienced until Dawn came into my life.
She made the purpose of my life clear. Or so I thought. Without her, I’m not sure what to do. She stirs, and I force the knot out of my throat.
“I know, Dawn. I know, but what can I do? I want to save you—I do—but how? Tell me how.” My nerves fray and I realize that I’m starting to break down and panic. My life is collapsing all around me, and I can’t think of what to do to stop it.
The desperation is thick in my voice, and it’s killing me. Dawn moans in pain, and I’m immediately worried. Without realizing how futile it is, I try to think of ways to lessen her pain, but I remember there’s nothing I can do to help her now.
She’s dying, and I’m worried that she’s feeling some pain. Even if it would be a waste to the others, I debate going to Sophia’s room and looking for morphine when I hear Dawn speak.
“I’m sorry, Brian. I know this can’t be easy for you. I forgot that I wasn’t the only scared one.” I calm down a little when she talks.
“Brian, can you do something for me?” she asks. My anxiety returns. I’m scared to know what she wants from me. Mostly, I’m scared to let her go; I don’t want to move past this moment. Even with the fear and anxiety right now, at least I have her in my arms. At least she’s still alive.
“You know I can’t say no to you, Dawn, especially not now.”
When Dawn laughs, I’m shocked. Her laugh is beautiful, though it’s the last thing I would expect to hear right now. How could she laugh, knowing that she’s about to die? If I was in the same situation, I would only feel anger and grief, not joy. The laughter goes on, and I can only listen and wait.
“Yeah, I was kind of counting on that. Brian, I know it’s hard, but I want you to spend the next few minutes with me, pretending everything’s fine. I want our last few minutes together to be happy ones. I don’t want your last memories of me to be ones where we’re sad, miserable, and scared. There’s nothing I can do to stay alive, but I can make sure you’ll still want to live after I’m gone.”
Dawn is putting on a strong face for me, and it hurts. Like always, though, she’s right. It would be better to spend the next few minutes enjoying her in my arms. The pain is boiling, but I force it down my throat. It burns as it goes down, but I ignore it and wrap my arms tighter around her.
“Yeah, let’s do that.” I force a fake smile, but when I see Dawn smiling at me, I can’t help but smile back. Dawn hugs my arm, and we lean back against the wall of one of the many abandoned building in town. Even now, as our time runs out, I can’t help but feel happy with Dawn in my arms.
“Brian, do you remember that first night we talked how hostile I was toward you? There’s no one else in the world that could’ve charmed me as fast as you did. I don’t know what it is about you, but I swear, after that first night, I would have followed you to the ends of the world.”
As I remember the night, I smile. Dawn had just joined the group and we were on watch together. Before that night, I’d thought nothing of her. Somehow, we understood each other, and before the end of that night, we were in love. It only took two hours for me to become closer to her than to any other person I’d known before.
She’s wrong about me charming her, though. Words were never something I was good at, and I was a pretty big fool that night. By some miracle, though, she understood who I was. Or rather, she understood how I thought. She made me want to open up to her. Never before had I felt the desire to let someone know who I was.
Before that night ended, we both knew each other’s life stories—and more. Dawn learned my insecurities and desires, and I knew hers. We fell in love before either of us had a chance to realize what was going on. When I think about it, I suppose we charmed each other somehow.
“After that first night, I knew I’d do anything
to spend my life with you. I’d never been so sure of anything in my life, not until that moment.”
Her words fill me with happiness—until I remember that her life is almost over and I have to pause to regain my strength. My eyes burn, and I have to force back tears. She won’t hear me cry, not in her last minutes. I try to distract myself with happy thoughts and happy memories.
“How about the day I taught you to shoot a gun? You were so afraid. Remember how you shook and how you were scared you might hurt one of us? You always acted tough in front of everyone. You never acted like that with me. I’m glad I got to see a different side of you.”
When I look at Dawn, I hope to see a smile, but I notice her skin becoming paler. When I stroke her head, hair comes out in my hands. Even so, her smile tells me she’s happy. It’s so beautiful, and I capture it in my mind, never wanting to forget it.
“Yeah, I remember that. I also remember how you were scared for me. You tried to hide it—you always do. I can’t remember the first time I knew what you were feeling. All I remember is being glad I could understand you. Brian, you always act so calm and collected, but I know you have as many doubts as the rest of us.”
Right now, despite myself, I’m happy, and Dawn knows it. She’s the only person in the world who could make me feel anything but pain right now. I love her more than I can comprehend, and I don’t know what I’m going to do without her.
Thinking past today is hard for me. Never have I thought about what I’d do if I lost Dawn. The possibility had never crossed my mind. While I suppose I should have, considering how dangerous this world is, Dawn has always been so strong, so I always thought she would make it.
“Brian, I don’t think I have that long left. I want you to make a few promises to me before I go, okay?” Fear grips my stomach. I don’t know what promises she wants from me, but knowing her, they’ll be hard to fulfill. When I look at her, I know she understands that I’ll do anything she asks.