by Jillian Hart
He nodded once, staring out the window and not seeing anything at all. “Then what do I do? I can’t accept the direction she’s heading in. I won’t let it happen. Somehow, I gotta get her through this. I’m at a loss. She was in counseling for a while and I thought she was doing better. Looking forward in her life, not back.”
“That’s a tall order for any of us. It takes a lot of time to get to those roots of pain. They can go deeper than you think.”
“Speaking from experience?”
“It’s the same road we’re all on, right?” She tilted her head to the side, gazing up at him through her long, natural lashes. All honesty and compassion. “Life is a tough path to walk, and kids aren’t immune to the struggles of it, no matter how a parent tries to shelter them.”
“That’s what I’ve worked hard for. To insulate her from anything that could hurt her. And when her mother died, there was no way to shield her from that. In trying to, maybe I got it all wrong. Maybe I’ve done more harm than good.”
“I don’t believe that for a minute.”
As if her belief in him was the key to a lock within him, he felt a door give way and the truth tumble out. He was a man who prided himself on his strength and discipline. He was a do-the-right-thing kind of man, but as hard as he’d tried, with all the good intentions, still there were shattered pieces, like failure, tumbled, broken at his feet. “I’ve made mistakes.”
“Who hasn’t?” Her understanding made him feel less alone. Less confused. “After my mom left, Dad had such a hard time. We all did. Our world, as we knew it, had ended, and it was never the same again. But my dad, he held it together. He held us together.”
“He sounds like a good man.”
“That’s my point, exactly. In the end, he is what mattered. Our mom may have left us, but our dad, he didn’t. It took me a long time to get it, to understand that no matter how much it hurt when our mother left, it did not have the power of our dad’s love and commitment to us. Some people you can count on no matter what. And that kind of love is more important and more powerful.”
He felt too revealed. She’d gotten too close, and his instincts were bellowing at him to back up, close down, move as far away from this woman as humanly possible. He was riveted in place, torn. It wasn’t only her understanding that had forged a connection between them. It wasn’t that she’d said the right words at the right time or what he’d most needed to hear. He’d felt glimmers of this before she’d entered the lounge, before he’d barreled past her on the ski slope like a buffoon on two pieces of wood. Even before he’d brought the roses to her store.
You can’t be interested in her because she’s rejection waiting to happen. Women like her were a deep mystery to a straightforward, old-school man like him. Not that he had anything against career woman with fancy degrees—you only had to look at her to know she had one—but he had as much of a chance of understanding her as he did of taking a running leap and landing on the moon.
Maybe he’d been down the romance path too many times between his marriage and his previous dating attempts not to believe it was a path lined with thorns, not rose petals. Love was a dangerous proposition. If he asked her to dinner, she’d turn him down flat. Or would she?
“You seem like a good man, Jack. I know this will work out for Hayden. She’s lucky to have a caring father in her corner. Just follow your heart. If you’re listening, God will lead you in the right way.”
“I know. Sometimes my reception gets a little static. Too much interference and it’s hard to hear clearly.” He took a sip of his tea, gone cool, and couldn’t swallow past the emotion lumped in his throat. “Probably you don’t know how that is.”
“You would be wrong. The problem isn’t coming from above, but it’s me. Always me. I don’t know if I just can’t let go of controlling my life, or if I just can’t trust even God that much. I don’t know.”
Feelings came to life within his heart and weren’t like anything he’d felt before. They were soft and warm, and as soothing as prayer. Tenderness lit him up from the inside out and he wanted…he didn’t know what he wanted. But he liked being with her.
The storm of footsteps pounding behind him was his first clue. The shock of the air, like the stillness before a deadly lightning strike was the second. He was already turning in his chair when Hayden’s fury hit.
“Daddy! What are you doing? Why are you with her?”
He rose to his full height, growing oddly calm as he stared down at his daughter. She was steaming mad, no mistake about that, not with the narrow, blazing eyes, pinched nostrils and the flat angry line of her mouth. She looked like Heidi in a full tantrum and it shook him to his soul. He opened his mouth to set her straight, but she was on a roll.
“Why are you with her? She ruined my life. This was all her stupid idea. You take me home. Now.”
A snorting bull would be calm next to the way he felt. “Enough.” Over the sound of his voice echoing in the vast room, he turned to Hayden. “Apologize.”
His pulse thundered in his veins as he took in Katherine’s shocked and, to her credit, sympathetic look toward the teenager. He was aware of Hayden’s rage and, underneath that, fear.
He wagered Katherine had just figured out the real reason he’d never been able to remarry.
Hayden hadn’t been ready.
“It’s okay, Jack.” Katherine stood and collected her book and bag. Elegant, classy, as if she hadn’t been touched by Hayden’s insulting behavior. “Hayden, it’s good seeing you again. I think I’ll keep both of you on my prayer list.”
She left, and it was like watching a dream walk away. Leaving him feeling empty, defeated, obliterating every bit of progress he’d made with Katherine. Obliterating any possibility, had there truly been one at all.
Chapter Six
By the time Katherine reached home, the snow had turned to a bitter rain. Marin and Holly had wanted to talk over what had happened, but she’d been running late and, besides, she wasn’t up to it. That was the understatement of the century. What good came from rehashing the past? Not one thing.
What she needed was to retreat to her nice quiet condominium and dig some comfort foods out of the cupboards. Maybe, if she closed all the windows and locked the doors behind her she could escape the pieces of the past. Those broken pieces were razor-sharp.
Home. Finally. She pulled into her garage and hit the remote. The door slid down, shutting out her view of the world.
Good. Maybe she could shut out the memories, too. Her stomach rumbled, but she couldn’t feel her hunger. As she swung open the car door, the cold temperature didn’t touch her, for she felt colder inside. Seeing Hayden tonight was like looking into her past. Looking at her biggest mistakes.
Katherine took a deep breath to try to clear away the feelings in her chest, feelings that did not seem to be her own, but they stuck like glue to the pieces of her past. They weren’t going to be so easy to turn off and stuff back down. Maybe a vat of chocolate fudge ripple ice cream would help. At least it couldn’t hurt.
It wasn’t just the memories that were getting to her or the weight of the past. It was Jack, too. He’d gotten past her first walls of defense and she hadn’t been able to shore up the breach.
She fumbled with her key ring in search of her deadbolt key, but the keys slipped through her fingers, crashed on the cement at her feet and went flying against the shadowed recycling bins.
Take a deep breath, Katherine, and think of the ice cream. If chocolate can’t fix it, then prayer will.
Unexpectedly, the inside door whipped open and Ava stood in the brightness. With one look at her sister’s sunny smile, some of the shadows in her heart receded. Katherine scooped up her keys and pocketed them. Thank you, Father. My sisters are just what I need right now.
“What are you doing?”
“I dropped my keys.”
“Well come in. Danielle just got here with dinner. You don’t look so good.”
“I’m oka
y.” She managed to stand, smoothing away her emotions. Behind Ava in the well-lit kitchen she could see her stepsister opening take-out cartons at the marble counter. Aubrey was helping her.
It was good to be home. The wonderful spicy tang of Chinese food drew her forward. The sight of Ava’s signature fudge chocolate cream cookie crust pie was an answered prayer, the cheerful greetings from her sisters a precious blessing.
“Next week, maybe I’ll tag along,” Danielle said as she stuck a serving spoon in a huge carton of kung pao chicken. “If you don’t mind and if the kids manage to stay healthy. I haven’t hit the slopes since our big New Year’s outing.”
“You work too much.” Aubrey grabbed a pile of plates from the cupboard over the dishwasher. “Besides, this is why you’ll be eternally stuck on the bunny run. You don’t practice.”
“It could be that I’m not athletic in the slightest.” Danielle swished a lock of dark hair behind her ear, smiling easily, but the slight strain always showed whenever she was around them. It always had. Blended families weren’t as simple as prime time sitcoms made them out to be. Danielle sighed, and the strain smoothed from her heart-shaped face. “Katherine, you look exhausted. Sit down. I’ve got a pot of tea steeping on the table.”
“Thanks, Dani.” Katherine shrugged out of her coat. She’d managed to leave everything in the car, including her purse. “But no waiting on me, okay? You work hard enough keeping up with your little ones.”
“I do work hard.” On her way to the fridge, Danielle shouldered past Ava who was counting forks out of the drawer. “Unlike the twins.”
“Hey, why do you say it like that? I work. A little.”
“At least I have a job,” Aubrey argued from the counter. “So, Kath, are you gonna tell us the scoop? Or do we have to torture it out of you?”
“The scoop?” Thank heavens that her sisters had no idea she’d had a run-in with Jack on the mountain. And a sort of, well, bonding experience. Whatever she wanted to call it, her time with him had been illuminating, hopeful and disastrous all at the same time.
It took talent to turn a pleasant cup of tea and conversation with an available man into a totally devastating experience. Which she wasn’t about to share with anyone, even her sisters, whom she loved most in the world. It was best to sound indifferent; maybe the fervor over those white roses would blow over faster.
She took a plate from the top of the stack on the edge of the island and started the serving line. The twins were arguing about their jobs and their lack of full-time work outside the family business, and Danielle was stressing over the sweet and sour sauce she’d forgotten to pour over the pork. “We’re missing Rebecca. She couldn’t make it?”
“She had some kind of lab thing for one of her classes.” Ava grabbed a plate and dug into the carton of moo gao gai pan. Chunks of chicken and vegetables tumbled onto her plate and the counter. “Oops. Back to the scoop. Has Jack called you yet?”
“No. And I’m absolutely positive that he won’t.”
Wasn’t that the truth? She remembered the look on Jack’s face when his daughter had started yelling. It wasn’t likely she’d forget Hayden’s words or how it felt to see a teenager almost the age… Don’t think about that, Katherine.
Danielle looked scandalized. “How could this guy not like you? He’s the one who brought the roses, right?”
“As a thank-you, not as a romantic thing.” Katherine moved on to the noodle chow mein and, in need of comforting carbs, piled it high. Thank heavens there was pork-fried rice, too. “Let me repeat that, since the twins are hard of hearing. It’s not a romantic thing. It’s just impossible, end of story.”
“Hey, we’re not hard of hearing—” Ava protested.
“—It’s just that we know something you don’t,” Aubrey finished.
“I’m not even going to ask.” Katherine looked to Danielle. “How are the kids?”
“I signed Tyler up for swimming lessons.” Danielle, the perfect housewife and mom, calmly redirected the conversation, bless her. “They have baby swimming lessons, too, so I broke down and put Madison in a class, although I have to go in with her, and I’m not a swimmer. Luckily we stay in the shallow end. We’ll see how it goes.”
“You’ll do fine.” Katherine looked down at her full plate. No more room, so she got out of Ava’s way and met her stepsister’s gaze. There was a greater sadness there, the kind a woman rarely spoke of. Or even examined for herself in quiet times. “If you don’t like it, let me know. I’ll go in the water with her, and you can watch safe and dry from the benches.”
“Thanks.” Dani reached out and laid her hand on Katherine’s. The slight squeeze said more than thanks, more than understanding. It went deeper. “If this guy, the one who brought the roses, isn’t the kind of man to accept what happened to you, then he isn’t good enough for you. Don’t forget that.”
What did you do when you feared the kind words of your family were only that? Kind words. The truth was that people could be tough and cold at heart, and she’d already lost the chance for marriage once because Kevin had refused to understand.
She squeezed Dani’s hand right back, her sister not of blood but of circumstance. The Lord in His benevolent wisdom was ever gracious. “C’mon, sit by me. We got in these great new picture books at the store this morning. I haven’t even shelved them yet, but they are just adorable. I brought a copy home for Madison.”
Ava and Aubrey were waiting at the dining-room table, plates piled high, tea poured and steaming. “Hurry up,” they said in unison. “We’re starving.”
Katherine took her seat and bowed her head for the blessing, grateful for her sisters. She was glad not to be alone with visions of her past or thoughts of Jack Munroe.
Home. It ought to be a man’s castle, a place where he could leave his troubles at the door. Home hadn’t been that for Jack in a long while. For so long, peace was only a memory gone dim with time. Tonight, there would be no peace, he knew. One look at his daughter’s face told him that. As she burst through the garage door and tore through the kitchen toward the stairs and her room, he knew that she thought she had the upper hand.
Maybe the truth was that she did and had for a long time. He was only seeing it now. In his attempts to make her happy, to keep her calm, to appease his guilt, he’d been reacting to her behavior instead of directing it.
“Sit down, young lady.” He let the door bang closed for effect. “At the table.”
“I’m going to my room. I’m upset.”
“Not as upset as you’ve made me.” When she kept going he raised his voice. “You have one extra week of volunteer work. I’ll be happy to make it more.”
She hesitated. He saw her weighing her options. Then she gave a strand of blond hair a flip behind her shoulder and took the stairs.
“Did I mention that volunteer work will be in Katherine McKaslin’s book store?”
That got her attention. She whirled around, horrified. “Daddy, no! I hate that lady.”
“Katherine McKaslin is the reason you aren’t facing shoplifting charges.”
“She can afford it. Jan says that her family has all kinds of money—” She stopped, eyes widening from anger to horror as she realized what had slipped out.
“You are still seeing Jan even though I forbade you to.”
“We go to the same school. We have like tons of classes together. I can’t avoid her. It’d be rude.”
“You have no problem being rude to Miss McKaslin. You disobeyed me, Hayden. Again.”
“Sorry, Dad. It’s like the only time.” She turned on the Bambi eyes, the innocent sweet look that he’d bought every time. Because he’d wanted to. Because he could not believe that his little girl was anything but good and innocent and sweet. But the years following Heidi’s death had been troubled ones at best. There had been problems at work, and problems at home. Grief, his and Hayden’s. Anger, his and Hayden’s. He’d had long workdays and endless overtime.
Mayb
e, after what he’d learned about Heidi, he’d needed to believe there was innocence somewhere. So he’d never even noticed the small things until they were too big to ignore. Until now.
“The week of volunteer work is for the lie.” He kept talking over his daughter’s blowup. The trick was to be louder and stay that way. Eventually, what he was saying would sink in. “I’m taking you out of public school and enrolling you in another one. I’m sure Pastor Marin has a good suggestion for a private Christian school in the area. Uniforms will probably be mandatory, so that should solve your problem with inappropriate choices when it comes to your school wardrobe.”
Since she was grounded until eternity anyway, he figured he had things pretty well under control. And wasn’t that the key? “Now up to your room. I want you to think about what you’ve done. And how you’re going to apologize to Miss McKaslin.”
He waited, watching as his little girl gnashed her teeth and clenched her fists. “I’d be more than happy to make it another week.”
Hayden kept whatever she wanted to say to herself, pivoted on the landing and stormed the rest of the way up the stairs and slammed her bedroom door. The entire house vibrated from the shockwave.
He got out a pound of hamburger and a skillet. While the hamburger was browning, he pawed through the pantry. His mind kept going back not to his little girl’s behavior but to the look on Katherine’s face. Of sadness. Of regret. Of understanding. Something she’d said bugged him and he kept coming back to it.
…everyone has wounds in their lives. It’s not so much that you erase that wound from your heart, as much as you learn to move past the pain. He wondered what else had happened in her life to make her so wise when it came to deep wounds of the heart.
Then again, she was right. Life was a tough path to walk. No one was immune from that, no matter how it looked from the outside. Miss Katherine McKaslin looked like she had it going on; she was smart, kind, savvy and warm. She was faithful and principled and a fine example of what a woman should be.