by Jillian Hart
Definitely the uh-oh stage.
Jack knifed a bite of filet and considered the evening so far. Did the pluses outweigh the minuses? He probably wouldn’t find out until after dessert. “There’s a bonus to eating in the car. It’ll be harder for you to duck out on me.”
“It will depend on what you have for dessert, whether I run or stay.” She balanced the plate on her lap, neat as a pin, daintily slicing a tiny bite off her steak.
“You’re a good sport, Katherine. I’m trying to think of any other woman I’ve dated who wouldn’t have turned on me after losing the dinner reservation.”
“Turning on you would have made no sense. I was starving.” The glitter in her eyes, one of humor and maybe something deeper, said otherwise.
That was exactly what he wanted to know. “This steak is the best I’ve ever had. It was worth all it took to get here. Even—” Rain drops began to ping on the roof. “—this ambiance. It’s one of a kind.”
“It’s memorable. Hey, I haven’t asked you how Hayden liked working with Marin. Am I right in thinking that today was her last volunteer day?”
Jack nodded, chewing, considering how to answer that tactfully, but he told the truth. “She hasn’t been happy about this, or a lot of the changes I’ve imposed on her. I’m not sure how this will work out, or if I’m doing the right thing by standing firm or if I’m pushing too hard. I just have to hang in there and have faith that good intentions matter in the long run.”
“I know they do.”
“I’ve thought about what you said. About your dad. That his staying and his leadership made a bigger impact than your mom’s leaving. That’s what I want to show my daughter. The loss of her mother is always going to be a wound she carries, but you also said something else I think is true. That we learn to live again, even with the scar.”
“We have my dad to thank for that. It’s his wisdom. And my grandmother’s. You credit me with far too much.”
Modest. He loved that about her; he couldn’t quite believe she didn’t know how remarkable she was. When she opened herself up like this, it was easy to see the shadows she carried. Everyone had them, but not everyone coped as well.
Heaven knew he hadn’t coped well. “I see a lot of difficult things in my line of work. Accidents. Violence. Kidnappings. A lot of injustice. I always wondered how good people dealt with the consequences of those things. Did it ruin their lives? Sometimes, I saw that it did. But I didn’t know until it happened to me what it took to get past the trauma.”
She stopped eating to watch him. The overhead dome light glowed enough to see the secrets shadowing her eyes and in the air between them.
“Several years ago, a hot July afternoon, the last seventeen minutes of my shift, I was responding to a call,” he found himself saying. “A multiple-car injury accident, blocking a major route north of the city. Heidi, Hayden and I, we had plans to go out for hamburgers and a movie. That’s what was on my mind, not wanting to disappoint them if I was late.”
He closed his eyes against the images. “When I pulled up, I saw a minivan just like ours. Medium blue, same make and model, sideswiped at high speed by an industrial van. Both vehicles were destroyed and blocking the intersection. It was a mess. Another unit had pulled in ahead of me. Decker held up a hand, told me to stay back. That I didn’t want to see this.”
It was his wife. Katherine heard that thought as if it were her own, in her mind and in her heart. She felt the cold wall of grief. Of Jack’s grief. She reached across the plates on the seat between them and laid her hand on the back of his.
“There was nothing I could do. Nothing anyone could do. She was already gone. It was impossible to accept. What was harder was learning she’d caused the accident on the way to pick up Hayden at school. She’d run a red light. The impact of the collision had involved other cars. Two kids and their mother were hurt. They all recovered eventually.” He fell silent.
The air seemed to vibrate with his pain. “This had to be devastating for you and Hayden. It was sudden.”
“Wait, what am I doing? This is too much information. I didn’t mean to talk about this tonight. I’ve blown it. You’re waiting for the dessert so you can get home.”
How could she feel so connected emotionally to this man that she could feel his pain, and yet he couldn’t sense her feelings? “I’m not reaching for my cell to call a cab.”
“For all I know you have a cab company on speed dial.”
“I’ll be able to hold off dialing for a while.” Humor softened the gentle curves of her face.
The compassion he felt made it easier to let go of his worries. Maybe the success of a first date wasn’t so much that every thing and every conversation had to go right. Perhaps what really mattered was the emotional connection forged between two people.
Maybe that’s what Katherine was looking for, too. Maybe this evening wouldn’t be as bust as he thought. The sight of her slim hand resting over his, soft and small and delicate, broke him open in a way he’d never experienced before.
“When the lab reports came back with Heidi’s toxicology report, I was stunned.” He paused. “I didn’t believe it. Not even after I saw her credit card statement detailing that she’d been at a local bar, and it wasn’t the first time. She handled the finances so I didn’t suspect. I also found cancelled checks to liquor stores.”
“She hid that from you.”
“She did. It was against her beliefs, and she hid it from me. Looking back, I should have known. Heidi had several miscarriages after Hayden. The doctor finally told her no more. I think her grief was something I just couldn’t help her with. I tried.”
“But she kept that from you, too.”
“I don’t want to lose Hayden the same way.”
“Is that why you moved here?”
He nodded. “The stages of grief sound clichéd until you go through them, or watch someone you love move through them. Hayden hit depression and seemed to stick there. She started being unreliable. She lost all of her close friends. Made new friendships with kids who got into trouble and drank.”
“I bet that scared you.”
“At the first sign of it, I gave a knee-jerk reaction. I had to protect her. She’s still my little girl. I called some of my old friends who lived in other states, looking to relocate. I figured it might be better to start over somewhere without all the memories.”
“After my mom left, the memories were the hardest part.” She thought of her teen years and had to push down those recollections. “Maybe sad memories are always the toughest.”
“I think you can try to deny them or block them. But they stick with you, whether you want to acknowledge them or not.” He grimaced. “Too much information, right?”
“No.”
“I’m not going to top Alvin on your date-disaster list?”
Like an arrow to her heart. Katherine closed her eyes. Of course he didn’t know what he’d said. “You’re not going to have to worry about topping my funniest date disaster list. Alvin isn’t dethroned yet.”
He looked at her for a moment, as if he could see past her calm and her will, her struggle to keep the past buried. Panic jolted through her like a lightning strike. Had she said too much? What if he’d heard what she hadn’t said? Dani’s words rang through Katherine’s mind. If this Jack guy isn’t the kind of man to accept what happened to you, then he isn’t good enough for you.
Just be rational, Katherine. She knew Danielle was right. It was what she believed, too. But a woman’s heart didn’t run on logic. She cared about Jack, she was falling for Jack. And she didn’t know enough about him to be sure he would understand. She suspected he might. She hoped he might.
But if he didn’t, his rejection was going to hurt. Once, it hadn’t occurred to her that a man might not understand. Until Kevin, a man she’d known all her life, a man she’d come to love with all her heart, didn’t want her after he knew the truth. His words still haunted her. You’ve ruined the most sacr
ed gifts a wife can give to her husband. If a woman can’t keep herself for marriage for any reason, then she’s not a good Christian.
For any reason. As if she hadn’t fought as hard as she could. As if she’d chosen what had happened to her. Kevin’s love had vanished, just like that. When she most needed his acceptance, he’d looked at her with contempt.
One man’s lack of compassion is not what I want to determine my life, she thought, willing down the panic. One man’s heart wasn’t big enough to be compassionate. It didn’t mean another man’s wouldn’t be. That Jack’s wouldn’t be.
“Katherine, look at that.”
Jack’s baritone shattered her thoughts, and she followed his gesture toward the side window where an elderly couple, walking hand in hand, approached the neighboring car. The low murmur of their voices, the close intimacy of it, spoke of a devoted, successful marriage.
See, it wasn’t a dream. It happened to some people. It could happen to her. Katherine watched the husband unlock and hold the door for his wife. Although rain slicked the side window, she didn’t miss the honest affection the man and woman exchanged with a simple look, in a single moment in time.
There was real love, the kind that lasted. It made her wish. Just wish.
“If you’re done,” Jack said, “I’ll take this stuff back to the hostess. It was nice of her to trust us with their real plates instead of plastic. It made this a little nicer.”
“Plus, it’s easier to cut the steak with a real knife instead of a plastic one.” Katherine managed a smile. Managed to tuck away her wishes and dreams and the vestiges of the past. “What about dessert?”
“I figure we can eat it at your place, it that’s okay. I’m stuffed.” With a grin he began stacking the plates and forks and setting them into the sturdy take-out bag they’d gotten from the hostess.
The neighboring car backed out of its space and out of sight, and Jack slung open the door. “I’ll be back.”
“I may be waiting. I may not be,” she teased to make him smile. She should be happy, but disappointment was filling her up. She didn’t know why.
“At least we didn’t get any flat tires on the way back.” Jack pulled to a stop in a space marked Guest Parking. “How about that dessert?”
“Come in. I’ll make tea.”
A good sign. She seemed relaxed and happy and glad about how things were going.
He was, too. He’d seen the look on her face when she’d watched the elderly couple getting into their car. They both wanted the same thing. Good to know.
Not that he could relax, because the evening wasn’t over. There was still time for a disaster or two, but so far so good. He also had Hayden to win over and that wasn’t going to be easy.
Give it time, he thought, hurrying around to open the passenger door and take her hand. He was rewarded with a demure smile, pure sweetness. If this didn’t work out, he was going to be a mess. He was going to get hurt something bad.
Don’t think about that, Jack. Just take it one step at a time. Right now, this step was pretty nice. He grabbed the bagged desserts from the floor, closed the door and locked the vehicle.
“Oh, no. My living-room lights are on.” She froze in her tracks in the middle of the wet, slick parking lot. “It’s probably the twins. Maybe you want to rethink our dessert plans.”
“I can handle your sisters.”
“You haven’t met the twins. They might send you running.”
“I’m tough. I can take it.”
“Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
The wind battered at the ends of her hair, brushing against the soft angle of her jaw. A lock tumbled into her eyes and he swept it back behind her ear.
Tender feelings rendered him helpless. Nothing could stop him from falling all the way, irrevocably, in love with her.
Chapter Thirteen
The instant the front door closed behind Jack, Aubrey poked her head in from clearing the dining-room table. “I like him.”
“Totally.” Ava paused with a stack of dessert plates in hand. “He’s more dreamy than I thought.”
“He’s so into you, Kath.” Aubrey vibrated with happiness as she went back to the table and scooped up the good china teacups with care. “It’s so wow.”
“Super wow,” Ava corrected from the kitchen.
Katherine leaned her forehead against the cool plane of the door. How she’d survived the stress of the twins and the end of her date with Jack was too much to contemplate right now. She only knew that she’d survived intact.
Well, almost intact. It was surprising how fast a wish could go from tiny to full-blown. As she dragged herself away from the door, she caught sight of Jack’s truck through the window, taillights glowing in the shimmering dark as he drove out of the complex.
“So?” Aubrey looked up from stacking the plates in the dishwasher’s bottom basket.
Ava plopped the cups on the counter. “What do you think?”
“It went really well tonight.” Katherine grabbed a dishcloth from the top drawer. “Wonderfully well.”
“You sound very happy.” Ava leaned close. “Tell us. It was a really good date, right?”
Aubrey dragged out the top rack with a clank. “Don’t you see? She’s in the uh-oh phase.”
“Hey, stop analyzing me. We can discuss the reason why neither of you are dating.” Katherine ran the cloth under the tap and added a couple drops of dishwashing soap. “Ava, what happened to that chef guy you were serious about?”
“Three dates. That doesn’t qualify as serious. Stop trying to change the subject.”
“Those white roses have to be from Jack. Not that she’ll admit it,” Aubrey said conspiratorially to her twin.
“He’s serious.”
“I’m not listening.” Katherine left the room, heading for the table with a few crumbs on it. She scrubbed until the wood gleamed.
Yeah, she thought Jack was serious, too. It had felt right when she’d been beside him, with her hand tucked in his much bigger one. She’d never felt so safe and comfortable simply from holding a man’s hand. That had to be a sign, right?
It was another sign that she’d never had so many things not go as planned on a first date and still have it turn out fine. He’d made her laugh. He’d solved every problem that came his way with a sensible competence she found highly attractive.
“Are you going to kick us out?” Ava asked from the sink. “Or are you going to let us hang?”
“C’mon, let us hang with you,” Aubrey pleaded as she shut the dishwasher up tight. “We came just in case things didn’t go well and you didn’t want to be alone. We can go, but we don’t have anything else to do.”
“I was just going to read. You might as well stay.”
“Thanks, Kath,” they said in unison, turning back to wiping down their halves of the counter.
She loved her sisters. Without words, they understood how important this date had been to her. “I’m going to go change.”
“Not too much,” Ava began.
“We like you just the way you are,” Aubrey said.
Katherine rolled her eyes. Sisters. Blessings she thanked God for every day. What if the evening had been a disappointment? Then she would really have needed their company.
She peeled off her date clothes and sank into comfy fleece sweats. As she was shoving her feet into a pair of thick wool socks, it hit her. When Jack had talked about the loss of his wife and of her problems, he didn’t sound judgmental of her. Or angry or disapproving. Because he had loved her.
Maybe that was a sign of a man with a heart big enough.
Maybe. She would pray on it. Then she’d have to wait and see. See if he called. See if he was still interested after the tire thing and eating dinner in the car and then putting up with her sisters. Face it, Katherine, he might have taken that as a sign to run. Or, at the very least, he could be suffering from dater’s remorse.
Please, the deepest part of her heart pleaded, le
t this work. Let him be the one. She felt totally vulnerable, as if tonight’s closeness to Jack had peeled back every defense layer, leaving her spirit exposed, like the root of a rose when the dirt was brushed away.
A sign that she was now in the point-of-no-return phase. She was falling so hard for this man, if he didn’t understand, if he turned away from her, she might never be the same.
After locking the door after Mrs. Garcia, Jack couldn’t figure out what was bugging him. The date had been great. What had gone right had far outweighed what had gone wrong. He ought to be grinning ear to ear. He’d even enjoyed dessert at Katherine’s place with her younger twin sisters, who were as funny as could be.
Tonight, he’d gotten a good glimpse of the woman Katherine was, confirming that the surface calm and kindness went deep. That she valued family and marriage. He’d learned they were surprisingly compatible in the ways they handled problems, enjoyed each other’s sense of humor and rolled with the punches when things didn’t go as planned. They were on the same page on a lot of things like values and living a faith-centered life and wanting a serious relationship. They both liked steaks and chocolate fudge cake.
It was a good start. Tonight, being with her had felt like a fit, a perfect match. As if heaven was saying, see, this is the one who fits in your life.
And, Jack knew, in his heart.
He grabbed the remote from the coffee table and clicked on the TV, keeping the volume low so it wouldn’t wake Hayden. He found a news show and left it on for noise. He felt restless. Troubled. He couldn’t put his finger on it.
Maybe his Bible would help. He reached for the well-worn leather volume on the middle shelf of the six-foot bookcase. That’s when he noticed the shelf below, haphazard and untidy, certainly not the way Mrs. Garcia had left it when she’d done the cleaning. Looking at the thick, tall photo albums made the dam break, and all his personal troubles flooded to the surface, powerful enough to rock him.
I shouldn’t have talked about Heidi tonight. His hand seemed to move of its own volition, withdrawing one of the albums and opening it to the middle page. Heidi had gone through a scrapbooking phase and her artistic talent had made the simple pages into beauty.