by Joan Jonker
Rene sighed. Our Eileen thinks I’ve got everything I want. But what’s the good of a nice house if there’s no family to live in it? No children’s toys on the floor and no childish laughter to make it sound like a real home. No; me and Alan would swap everything to have what our Eileen’s got.
As she passed the window, Eileen rapped loudly on one of the panes, then stood muttering as she waited for Mary to open the door. ‘I’ll find out what’s wrong, even if I have to drag it out of her.’ But when she saw Mary’s pale, drawn face, her resolve wavered.
‘What’s up?’ Mary stepped back to let her pass. ‘It’s too early for work.’
‘I had to go on a message an’ it wasn’t worth going home again, so I thought I’d come and have a cuppa with yer. We can go to work together.’ Eileen followed Mary through to the kitchen and settled on one of the wooden chairs while Mary filled the kettle. ‘Had yer dinner yet, kid?’
‘I’ve had cheese on toast.’ Mary eyed her friend suspiciously. ‘I thought you said you’d been on a message … where’s your bag?’
‘That was a lie!’ To hell with it, Eileen thought. What’s the good of messing around. ‘I came early so we could have a natter. We don’t seem to get a chance in work.’ She pointed to the chair opposite. ‘Sit down, kid, yer making me nervous.’
The kettle started to whistle and Mary filled the pot. ‘I’ll let it brew for a while, otherwise you’ll be moaning about it being too weak.’
‘Then for Christ’s sake sit down while yer waitin’, instead of hopping round like a cat on hot bricks.’
Mary sat down, nervously biting on her bottom lip. Her eyes fixed on a spot on the wall behind Eileen’s head and her fingers picked at the skin around her nails. Her whole body was as taut as a violin string, her eyes refusing to meet her friend’s.
‘What is it, kid?’ Eileen reached across to touch her arm. ‘Yer look worried to death.’
‘How should I look?’ Mary’s laugh was high pitched. ‘Me mam’s in hospital and me boyfriend’s thousands of miles away! You don’t expect me to go round laughing and singing, do you?’
‘Yer know I don’t mean it like that, so there’s no need to be sarcastic.’
Eileen’s voice was soft. ‘I know yer’ve had a lousy time over the last few months, but there seems to be something else worryin’ yer. I thought yer might need a friend to talk to … and we are friends, aren’t we, kid?’
When Mary screwed her eyes up tight, Eileen could see a tear glisten on the long black lashes. ‘What is it, kid? Tell your Auntie Eileen.’
The sympathy in her friend’s voice was all Mary needed to burst out crying. ‘I don’t know what to do, Eileen! I’m going to have a baby!’
‘Jesus Christ!’ Eileen’s mouth gaped. ‘Are yer sure?’
‘I should have started me period last week, and I haven’t come on.’
Eileen’s chest heaved in relief. ‘That’s nothing to worry about! I’m often a few days late!’
‘But it’s the second month I’ve missed. And I know I am because me whole body feels different.’
Lost for words, Eileen could only shake her head. ‘What yer goin’ to do?’
‘What can I do? Bob’s not here to marry me, and I can’t tell me mam ’cos it would kill her.’ There was bitterness in Mary’s voice. ‘You’re not going to believe it, nobody is, but it only happened the once. That was when Bob came home on those twenty-four-hours’ embarkation leave.’
‘I don’t know what to say, kid.’ Not for a second had Eileen guessed this could be what was worrying Mary.
‘It’s me mam I’m worried about. I won’t be able to look her in the face.’
‘Don’t say anything to her until yer’ve seen the doctor. Yer might not be pregnant after all.’
Mary drew back, a look of fear on her face. ‘I couldn’t tell the doctor! I’d be too ashamed!’
‘If yer are pregnant, there’s a lot of things yer’ll have to do that yer won’t like! Having a baby isn’t something yer can keep to yerself.’
‘I can’t sleep for thinking about it.’ Mary covered her face with her hands, muffling the sound of her voice. ‘The shock will kill me mam!’
‘Have you written and told Bob?’
‘No! I can’t give him this worry when he’s out there fighting! I feel like running away and hiding meself from everyone, I’m that ashamed.’ Mary’s eyes begged. ‘What can I do, Eileen? I’m so frightened.’
‘It’s no good telling yer not to worry, kid, ’cos that would be daft. But at least I know now, and I can help yer. The first thing is to see the doctor and find out for sure.’ When Mary shook her head, Eileen said. ‘Just hang on a minute, will yer? I’ll see the doctor and tell him what’s going on, and I’ll make an appointment for yer to go for an examination. You aren’t the first girl to get herself in the family way, an’ yer won’t be the last.’ She stood up and put her arms round Mary’s shoulders. ‘The scandal-mongers will have a fine time, kid, but it’ll only be a nine days’ wonder. An’ I’ll see yer come to no harm.’
‘Have you mentioned the decorating to Mary yet?’
Eileen’s eyes slid sideways to see Harry with a sheepish grin on his face. What a mess, she thought. Here’s a good bloke, crazy about Mary, and trying to win her over. I should tell him the truth, but it’s not up to me to interfere in people’s lives. He’d be finding out soon enough, anyway. ‘Why don’t you ask her yerself?’
‘She’s more likely to agree if you ask her.’
The short sleeves on Eileen’s overall strained against the expanding muscles as she lifted a faulty shell from the conveyor and transferred it to the trolley. Tucking a wayward strand of hair back into her turban she looked into brown eyes that were pleading. ‘Please, Eileen?’
‘Bloody hell, Harry! I’m trying to work! I’ve said I’ll ask her, an’ I will when I get the chance. But I can’t twist her flippin’ arm!’
‘I’m only askin’ you to try.’ Harry walked away leaving Eileen thoughtful. He was a nice bloke and she wished she could help him. But he’d never really stood much chance with Mary, and the way things were now, he stood even less.
John Greenfield looked across his desk at Mary’s bowed head. He could almost feel the tension as her hands clasped and unclasped on her knee. ‘Are you going to tell me about it, Mary?’
Her head shot up. ‘Eileen said she’d told you!’
‘Eileen told me you think you’re pregnant. I want you to tell me why you think this. Have you seen a doctor?’
Mary shook her head. She’d never discussed her periods with her mother, never mind with a man. Her face flooded with colour and John said softly, ‘I am a doctor, Mary, and used to these things.’
‘I feel so embarrassed.’
Looking at the beautiful, sad face, John was put in mind of a gentle, frightened fawn. Eileen had told him, in her own outspoken way, that Mary had been caught the only time she’d had intercourse with her boyfriend. They weren’t Eileen’s exact words, and John had to hold back a smile as he remembered how the big woman had sat where Mary was sitting now. ‘Bob was on embarkation leave, an’ the silly sods got carried away. They’d never done it before … in fact she’s that bloody innocent I’m surprised she knew what it was for!’
John sighed. It was going to come as a shock to Mrs Bradshaw, and he wondered whether she was strong enough to stand the shock, and the shame that went with it. ‘You won’t know for certain whether you’re expecting a baby until you’ve been examined. So, behind those screens, and take some of your clothes off. I’ll send Mrs Cooper in to help you.’
When Mary was lying on the couch, naked from the waist down except for a half blanket Mrs Cooper had given her, John walked over. ‘Relax, Mary! You’re far too tense!’ His hands moved over her tummy, pressing gently. ‘Open your legs, there’s a good girl, and draw them up to your chest.’
Mary turned her head to the wall, sick with humiliation. She had no idea that this was what an int
ernal meant.
‘Right! You can get dressed now.’
Mary shot from the couch with the blanket held tightly around her. And when she came back from behind the screens, John was sitting at his desk going through some papers. She sat down, her eyes fastened on an ink stain on the wooden top of the desk, and she didn’t look up till John spoke. ‘You are pregnant, Mary.’
A sob left Mary’s throat. ‘What about me mam?’
John gazed thoughtfully at the nib on his fountain pen before answering. ‘We’re going to have to consider very carefully how we do this. Your mother is responding quite well to treatment, but I don’t know how a shock like this will affect her.’ He could see the pain in Mary’s eyes and wished he had a magic wand to make the pain disappear. But being a mere mortal, he had no magic wand. ‘I think we’ll leave it for a week before doing anything. After all, a week’s not going to make any difference. I’ll have a word with the hospital, then we can talk about it.’ He came from behind the desk. ‘In the meantime, look after yourself and remember you’re eating for two.’ He rushed to open the door for her. ‘I’ll see you the same time next week.’
Mary made herself a cup of tea and spread some Marmite on a round of bread. She carried them through to sit on her mother’s chair and rocked slowly to and fro as she forced herself to eat the bread which tasted like sawdust. Her mind was in turmoil. She felt she was being swept along on a tidal wave and had no control over her life. Over the last two weeks her mind had been too numbed with worry to face what the future held in store. All she’d been able to think about was having to face her mother. Now she thought of all the other people she’d have to face. The neighbours who had known her since the day she was born.
The chair stopped rocking as a loud cry left Mary’s lips. Oh, dear God! How was she going to face Father Younger and Father Murphy?
It was a long time before Mary could bring herself to move from the chair. If only Bob was here to share the trouble with her. But then there wouldn’t be any troubles if he was home because they’d be married.
Eileen kept her eyes on her daughters as she dumped her bag on the floor. They were huddled together on the couch and young Edna’s face was blotchy from crying. ‘OK, let’s have it! What have yez been up to?’
Maggie was hovering in the background nervously clutching her pinny. ‘They got sent home from school.’
‘Oh, aye! What for?’ Eileen put a hand under each of the girls’ chins and lifted their faces. ‘Come on, out with it!’
‘I didn’t do nothin’, Mam!’ Joan moved away from her sister, disassociating herself from trouble. ‘Teacher made me bring our Edna home.’
‘What did yer do, Edna?’
‘It wasn’t my fault, Mam! I ’ad me hand up, but teacher took no notice of me.’ The words spilled from Edna’s trembling mouth. ‘By the time she said I could go to the WC it was too late … I’d wet me knickers.’
‘What?’ Eileen exploded. ‘Six years of age, and yer wet yer knickers!’
‘It wasn’t my fault! I had me hand up for ages and Miss Devereux took no notice of me.’ Tears spilled out at the injustice of it. ‘She made me stand in front of the class and say, ten times over, “I’m six years of age but I’m like a little baby who can’t ask if she can go to the WC.”’ Memories of the humiliation brought forth loud sobs as Edna wiped her running nose on the back of her hand. ‘Then she sent for our Joan and told her to take the baby home.’
She’d make a good actress, this one, Eileen thought, as she struggled to keep a smile at bay. ‘It’s over now, so stop crying. But in future don’t leave it till the last minute, like yer always do! Hopping up and down on one leg instead of goin’ to the lavvy when yer need to. Anyway, yer’ve learned yer lesson now, so off out to play.’
As the two girls pushed each other out of the way in their scramble for the door, Eileen grabbed Edna’s arm. ‘Have yer changed yer knickers?’
It was Maggie who took pity on the big, sad eyes. ‘I changed everything she had on.’ She waited till she heard the footsteps running into the street, then turned to Eileen. ‘Poor kid! Fancy having to stand in front of all the class, then come home and face you! She went green when she heard you coming in; thought she was in for a hiding.’ Maggie’s features softened. ‘She’s the spitting image of you, you know. She looked just like you did the day you were sent home from school for wetting your knickers.’
Eileen gasped. ‘I never did no such thing!’
‘Oh, yes you did!’ Maggie’s head bobbed up and down. ‘Twice!’
‘And you’re goin’ to give the game away on me, are yer, Mam?’
‘Not on your life! I won’t tell them about the times you put a ball through windows, either! You were more trouble than the three of them put together!’
Eileen grinned. ‘Anyway, there’s a bloody war on, and more important things to worry about than our Edna wettin’ her knickers.’ A look of resignation crossed her face at the sound of the knocker. ‘What is it now?’
At first she didn’t recognise the man standing on the step, and when she did her mouth gaped in shock. It was only two months since she’d seen Mr West, but the man standing in front of her had aged ten years. He’d changed so much she hardly recognised him. His clothes were hanging loosely from his stooped shoulders and his face was grey and haggard. ‘Hello, Mr West!’ Eileen was so taken back by his appearance it took her all her time to smile. ‘Come in.’
Bob West stood in the middle of the room nervously twisting his cap in his hand, ‘Hello, Maggie.’
‘Bob!’ Maggie took in the sunken eyes and the deathly pallor. Something was very wrong here. ‘Sit down, Bob! I didn’t expect to see you round here so soon.’
‘I’ve got bad news, Maggie.’ Bob’s adam’s apple moved up and down as he tried to control his emotions. ‘I called here before going to Mary’s.’
Eileen had gone into the kitchen, but now she rushed back. ‘Has something happened to Mrs West?’
Bob shook his head slowly, in a movement of despair. ‘It’s our Bob! He’s dead!’ Unable to say more, he slumped in a chair and buried his head in his hands.
‘Oh, dear God!’ Maggie cried. ‘And here’s Mary …’ A heavy push almost sent her sprawling as Eileen guessed what her next words were going to be. This was no time to tell him Mary was pregnant, and it wasn’t their place to tell him, anyway. After a warning glance at her mother, who was wringing her hands as she stared at the broken man before her, Eileen asked, ‘How d’yer know?’
‘We got a telegram yesterday from the War Office, saying he’d been killed in action.’ Bob lifted his head and the pain in his eyes told of his suffering. ‘Lily answered the door to the postman and she opened the telegram. Me and Nancy heard this thud, and when we dashed into the hall there was Lily on the floor with the telegram clutched in her hands. I thought she was dead, too! If it hadn’t been for our Nancy, I don’t know what I’d have done.’
‘So Mary doesn’t know yet?’ Eileen asked quietly.
‘No! With her mam being the way she is, I thought I’d come here first and see what you think.’
‘Her mam’s been in ’ospital for nearly two months.’ Eileen chewed on her bottom lip. ‘Are yer going to Mary’s now?’
Bob nodded. ‘I’m dreading it. You know how it was with her and our Bob. They’d been sweethearts since they left school.’
‘I’ll tell her.’ The words left Eileen’s mouth before she could stop them.
‘I couldn’t let you do that! Mary would go mad if she thought I’d been here and didn’t have the guts to tell her myself.’
Little do you know what this is going to mean to Mary, Eileen thought. She’s not only lost her sweetheart, she’s lost the father of the baby she’s carrying. ‘You’ve got enough on yer plate with Mrs West. I’ll tell Mary, and yer can come and see her in a few weeks when Mrs West is feeling better.’ His face buried in his hands, Bob West cried. ‘The times me and Lily have talked about when they’d be
married and the grandchildren we’d have. Now we’ll never see our son again, and we’ll never have grandchildren.’
Maggie looked at Eileen to see if she was going to tell him there would be a grandchild, but Eileen shook her head. ‘You’re in no fit state to tell Mary, Mr West! Honest, it would be better for both of yer if I did it.’
Maggie stretched out and touched Bob’s arm. Friends and neighbours they’d been for over thirty years and her heart went out to him. ‘I’ve got me two daughters and me grandchildren, and I love them dearly. But I lost me partner in life, Bob, and I miss him terrible. You and Lily have got each other, and that’s a lot to be thankful for. When you get home, you tell Lily I said that.’
Maggie was waiting when Eileen came back after seeing Bob West out, her face wearing a worried expression. ‘You must be mad!’
‘Tell me what else I could have done with Mary expectin’ a baby?! Can yer imagine what the two of them would have been like?’
‘Her life’s in a right mess,’ Maggie agreed. ‘And she’s such a nice girl.’