Lunch was the usual organised chaos that Lottie loved. It felt depleted around the table without Great Uncle Bernard and Dayea, and with Angie and Scott still in their room making up. Aunt Nicola and Uncle Daniel were being civil to each other – which was a big development, although it was all still quite awkward – and Jessie was excited, because Rhys was going to take her out for a go with the metal detector after lunch. Joe was quiet, Dave was restless and Lottie hadn’t seen a glimpse of the Duchess since before poogate. She made a mental note to have a proper look for her after they’d been to see Bernard.
Peace descended while everybody ate. ‘So who’s coming to the hospital with me?’ she asked. There were no immediate takers, so she dropped a steady gaze on Uncle Daniel who eventually looked up.
‘I could come if you like?’ He was almost as unfeeling as his sister. Lottie would save a seat in the car for her mother, but she suspected she would have some hugely plausible reason for why – whilst she would love to – she couldn’t possibly come.
She hoped Uncle Bernard was going to be all right, but he wasn’t a healthy man. She knew from Nana’s friends that it was often the way – they were perfectly fine until one thing went wrong with them, and then there was a domino effect. Before you knew it you were at their funeral wondering what happened.
‘I think I’ll come too,’ said Aunt Nicola, and Lottie noticed Uncle Daniel’s shoulders sag. It appeared Aunt Nicola was keeping a close watch on her errant husband.
‘Great. Uncle Bernard will be pleased. The more the merrier,’ said Lottie. Although a trip with her aunt and uncle was not one she’d be looking forward to.
‘I’ll drive,’ said Uncle Daniel.
Nicola looked pointedly at his empty wine glass. ‘I don’t think that’s wise.’
‘I think I’ve already proved that I’m not wise. But one glass doesn’t make me a drink driver.’ He dropped his serviette on the table and stood up. ‘What time do you want to leave, Lottie?’
Lottie felt put on the spot, and she checked the clock. ‘Visiting is from two o’clock. So about ten to?’
Daniel nodded. ‘I’ve got some things to do. I’ll be out the front at ten to two.’
‘Perfect. Thanks,’ said Lottie, and she returned to her ham sandwich.
Not two minutes had passed before Aunt Nicola was on her feet making excuses to follow Daniel. Rhys watched his mother go. Despite his age, Lottie could see the situation with his parents was affecting him. He was a sensitive lad – quiet and a bit distant, like most teenagers, but far more aware than they gave him credit for. Watching his parents hurt each other was a horrible thing for him to witness.
She could feel she was being watched. Joe was studying her with a faint frown. She wondered what he was thinking. She had frequently thought of him over the years. At first he had dominated her thoughts, but over time he had been relegated to the occasional memory. Now he was back, taking up more headspace than she would have liked. He was back – but she was leaving. Everything was changing, and she wasn’t sure she was ready for any of it.
‘Who wants leftover Christmas pudding?’ she asked. She was met with a round of mumbled nos.
Joe helped Lottie clear the table and followed her through to the kitchen. There was a charged silence between them; or maybe that was in his imagination. Lottie wrapped a ham sandwich into a neat foil parcel. Joe stacked the plates by the sink and, once she was finished, Lottie joined him. She started filling the sink with suds.
‘I’ve been thinking about what Bernard said,’ said Joe.
‘Oh, Joe. Please don’t dwell on that. Nobody else thinks you were involved.’ Joe gave a slow, disbelieving blink. ‘Okay. Maybe some in the village do. But most people don’t – so does it really matter? I know you had nothing to do with it.’ She gave him a reassuring smile.
He held up a hand to stop her. She thought she knew, but she didn’t. ‘You deserve to know the truth.’
Lottie’s smile faded. She switched off the taps and gestured for him to sit at the table. ‘What’s up, Joe?’
Joe took a steadying breath. What he was about to say could change his relationship with Lottie forever. She already thought badly of him for leaving. His next revelation wasn’t going to improve things, but he had to tell her the truth. ‘Bernard’s right. I did know what my dad was doing.’
Lottie’s eyes widened briefly. ‘You knew he was planning to …?’ She didn’t need to finish the sentence.
‘Deep down, I knew,’ admitted Joe, and Lottie seemed to relax a fraction. ‘He didn’t explicitly say what he was planning, but he didn’t have to. I knew.’ Lottie reached out and put her hand on his. It was good to feel her touch; to know she still cared. ‘It broke my heart to see my mum fade the way she did. To see her in pain. Each day it got harder to put on a brave face when I saw her. I’d cry on Dad’s shoulder every night.’ He paused as the memories flooded back, catching him off guard by how vivid they were.
‘You gave her the strength to fight for as long as she did,’ said Lottie, giving his hand a squeeze.
‘Dad said he couldn’t let us both suffer indefinitely. I should have realised then what he intended to do. Maybe deep down I did, and that was what I wanted to happen. I certainly wanted her to be at peace.’
‘That’s what we all wanted. Nobody could blame you for wanting that. She was in a great deal of pain. The medication wasn’t working. Lots of people would have done the same as your father if they had had the means.’
‘But he did it for me as much as for her.’
‘Your father was a kind and gentle man. What he did, he did out of love for both of you,’ said Lottie.
‘But I knew, Lottie. And I didn’t stop him. That makes me culpable.’
‘Joe, you didn’t know for sure. Unless he explicitly told you what he was planning,’ she left a pause and Joe shook his head, ‘then you couldn’t have stopped him.’
‘Maybe I could have done something. Said something.’
‘You were only eighteen. I don’t believe there’s anything you could have done, Joe; however hard you’d tried.’
‘But I didn’t try. And the price I paid was to lose them both.’ Tears welled in his eyes and he blinked them back.
‘It may all seem to fit together now, but I don’t think you saw it so clearly at the time. Time does strange things to our memories and emotions. If you’d had the slightest inkling, would you not have talked that over with someone?’ she asked.
Joe lifted his head and smiled. ‘I’d have told you.’
‘That was kind of what I was getting at but I didn’t want to appear big headed. Back then we told each other everything. We talked all the time. And remember,’ she pushed her thumb against his, ‘no secrets.’
Joe chuckled. ‘I’d forgotten our secret sign.’ As kids they’d had a secret club and met in an old shed on the manor land. They’d had a motto and a secret sign, which had stayed with him and Lottie into their teens: a code they lived by as their romance blossomed.
‘I saw your face the day your mum died. That wasn’t the face of someone who knew.’
Joe stared at the floor, composing his breathing, trying to keep his emotions in check. ‘Thanks, Lottie. That means so much.’ He wiped a stray tear away. ‘Bloody hell, I feel better now than I did after any therapy session in the States. And it was a lot cheaper.’
‘You’ve not had my bill yet.’ She squeezed his hand.
‘You’re funny.’ He studied her face. Her dark brown eyes, the delicate blush of her lips. ‘I’ve missed you, Lottie.’
‘I’ve missed you too, Joe.’
Tentatively he leaned forward. He watched her breathing speed up. At last their lips touched ever so gently at first. They shared their first kiss in nine years and it felt like coming home.
Chapter Twenty-Five
‘Anyone coming to the hospital?’ shouted Uncle Daniel into the hall.
Lottie pulled away from Joe. For a second their eyes met, and every
thing was all right with the world. The last time she’d kissed Joe, she kissed the boy, but here was the man. There were many reasons why she shouldn’t have kissed him, but right now she couldn’t think of a single one. The connection between them was still there.
A smile spread across Joe’s face and something lit up in Lottie’s heart. It was like the years of hurt had been dissolved by his kiss. But life wasn’t that simple – she knew there were a million things to sort out. In this moment, though, she felt the tiniest spark of hope that they might actually be fixable.
Uncle Daniel shouted something inaudible and Lottie got quickly to her feet. ‘I need to go.’ She pointed at the door and then touched her lips. She held in the childish giggles of joy that were bubbling to the surface. Pure happiness was coursing through her.
‘Of course, go,’ said Joe. ‘And I need to take Dave for a walk. But let’s get together some time tomorrow after everyone’s gone home?’
‘Yes.’ She couldn’t control the grin on her face, and she could barely wait for tomorrow.
‘Bloody hell. I’m not a sodding Uber!’ hollered Uncle Daniel.
‘Coming!’ yelled back Lottie, and she grabbed up the foil parcel from the table and almost skipped from the room.
Jessie met her in the hallway. ‘Lottie, my robot has stopped working,’ she said, her face glum.
‘Let’s take a look.’ Lottie slid off the battery cover to reveal an empty compartment. ‘I think I know what the problem is. Wait there,’ she said.
Lottie bounded upstairs and rapped on her mother’s bedroom door. She heard a scuffle inside and her partially clad mother appeared at the door. ‘Is it lunchtime?’
‘No, it’s visiting time, and you need to get dressed. But before you do, can you return the robot’s batteries?’ Lottie held up the toy. Angie burst out laughing, and so did Scott in the background.
‘Seriously. Do you want me to tell Zach what you’ve stolen them for?’ Lottie gave her mother a hard stare.
‘You’re such a killjoy.’ Angie shut the door and Lottie waited. She heard something buzzing followed by spluttered giggles. She nearly put her fingers in her ears. Eventually Angie opened the door and stepped out, fully clothed.
‘Here,’ she handed over the batteries. Lottie put them in the robot and headed back downstairs, Angie following after her.
‘Do you think I could have them back when Jessie goes to bed?’
‘No!’ Lottie handed Jessie her robot at the bottom of the stairs and she skipped off happily.
As they got in Uncle Daniel’s car, Lottie passed her mother a foil-wrapped ham sandwich. Angie didn’t query what was in the sandwich; she just ate it. Lottie managed to bagsy the front seat, on the grounds of getting a wee bit carsick if she sat in the back, and surprisingly Angie and Nicola both let it go unchallenged. Being in the front meant it wasn’t as easy for her mother to question her either, which was good because she had a lot to think about. She snuggled into the large leather seat. Uncle Daniel flicked a switch and the seat gently heated up under her bum. It matched the growing warm sensation inside her.
Lottie rolled her lips together. Joe’s kiss had taken her by surprise. Her heart felt lighter for it, like something had been unlocked and set free. She took a deep breath and tried to steady her racing thoughts. This didn’t change the past, but it certainly provided a whole new lens through which to view the future. Joe was back and he’d kissed her. There was the nine-year gap they needed to sort through – and the big messy bit before that too – but that was all history. She wanted to focus on how she was feeling right now. A small thread of happiness was uncurling inside her and it felt like she was coming to life after a lengthy hibernation.
Nicola brought a frostiness to the car. She tutted when Uncle Daniel crunched the gears and he glared at her via the rear-view mirror in return. Thankfully the journey was uneventful and fairly quiet, apart from Angie telling Nicola how amazing Scott was and what a bonus it was that he was a porn star. Nicola said nothing. Zilch. Not a thing. And all the while, Lottie and Uncle Daniel exchanged glances and a variety of raised eyebrow combinations.
When they got to the hospital, visiting hours had already started, and as expected, Dayea was at Bernard’s bedside holding his hand. Bernard was a bulky man, but lying in the hospital bed with tubes and monitors attached to him, he seemed quite frail. His skin was ashen – he looked poorly to Lottie. They said their hellos to Dayea and pulled up chairs.
‘How’s he doing?’ asked Lottie.
‘He is sleeping,’ said Dayea, with a tired smile.
‘Yes, but how bad is he?’ asked Angie. Even Nicola tutted at her lack of tact.
‘Oh. The nurse says he’s doing fine. But they may do an autopsy,’ said Dayea, struggling with the medical terminology.
Lottie had to double-check Bernard was breathing. ‘I don’t think you mean an autopsy,’ she said, trying to ignore the tittering from Daniel and Angie behind her. They had no respect. ‘Possibly a biopsy?’
‘Yes. That is it,’ said Dayea, pointing at Lottie in agreement. ‘The nurses will explain better. They are lovely,’ she added.
‘I’m sure they are. And they do such a brilliant job. Have they talked about when he might be able to come home?’ she asked.
‘No. I asked, but they are not able to say. I think we may need a nurse at home to care for him.’
Angie shot forward and almost fell off her chair. ‘If you’re talking about a private nurse, that sort of care costs a lot of money. Surely he’d be better off staying here.’
‘He can come to live with me,’ said Dayea, jutting out her chin at the end of the sentence. Lottie was pleased to see her standing up to Angie.
Angie turned to Daniel. ‘That might be helpful for agreeing a completion date for the sale of the property.’ Daniel nodded along. They were bloody unbelievable.
‘It’s okay, Dayea,’ said Lottie. ‘You don’t need to think about that right now. We just need to focus on Bernard getting better.’ She shot a look at her mother and uncle, but neither seemed bothered.
Dayea looked tired. Her usually bright complexion was washed out and she had dark circles around the eyes.
‘Have you slept?’ asked Lottie.
Dayea nodded. But Lottie wasn’t convinced, and it probably showed on her face. ‘A couple of hours maybe.’
‘I brought Bernard some things from home. And his new slippers I bought him for Christmas.’ Lottie opened the bag to show Dayea.
Lottie could see Angie was getting fidgety already. She picked up the menu off the side. ‘Roast chicken; cottage pie; herb-crusted salmon,’ she read out. ‘This sounds quite good. At least he’ll get a decent meal in here.’ She tipped her head at Lottie as she laughed at her own joke.
‘Do they have a vegan option?’ asked Lottie. ‘Because you could always join him.’ She gave Angie a murderous look and her mother put the menu back.
They all sat and stared at Bernard. Lottie found she was breathing in time to the rhythm of his monitor. If she wasn’t careful she was at risk of nodding off herself. This was the trouble with hospital visits. They were always too warm and, when the person you’d come to visit was asleep, there wasn’t really much to be said.
However, it appeared that the elderly gent in the next bed was quite chatty. ‘Hello, there. Merry Christmas,’ he said, swinging his legs out of bed.
‘Hi, Merry Christmas,’ said Lottie, being polite. She had a bit of an issue with saying this on Boxing Day, but she’d let it go – the poor chap might not know he’d missed it.
‘Nice to meet you; I’m George.’ He offered a hand to shake, which Lottie and Daniel both took.
‘Family outing, is it?’ asked George, with a chuckle. Lottie responded with a small smile. ‘He’s better than he was when they brought him in.’ He pointed at Bernard. ‘Woke me up, they did, but I don’t sleep too well in here anyways.’ He put his slippers on. ‘Best place for him though.’ He sighed. ‘Dodgy ticker, but he’s ok
ay now,’ he added, with great authority.
‘Yes, that was a relief,’ said Lottie, feeling that someone really should answer the poor man.
A nurse came over and began checking George’s monitor. George leaned forward conspiratorially to Daniel. ‘Yesterday, this nurse checked me down there and said I was circus sized,’ he said, proudly.
‘No,’ said the nurse. ‘I said you were circumcised.’ She shook her head and George looked thoroughly deflated. Daniel belly laughed and George gave him a grumpy glare before forcefully pulling round his curtains. Lottie couldn’t help but snigger. Poor George.
Angie stood up and leaned over Bernard. ‘Uncle Bernard, it’s Angie. Can you hear me?’
‘Angie what are you doing?’ asked Nicola.
‘I’m seeing if he knows we’re here. Because if not, then …’ Angie tapped her watch. Lottie gave her mother her best death stare and Angie huffed and sat down again. She was worse than a toddler.
The nurse moved on to check Bernard and they all watched her intently; especially Dayea. Lottie hadn’t thought of it before, but it must be quite odd to do a job where you were constantly watched by others. A bit like always being on stage, she mused. The nurse jotted something in a folder at the foot of the bed.
‘How’s he doing?’ asked Lottie.
‘He’s stable. He’s only sleeping. You can wake him up if you like.’
Lottie was relieved to hear this. ‘Thank you.’
‘Any questions, just ask,’ said the nurse with a friendly smile, and she moved on.
‘Shall I wake him?’ Lottie asked Dayea, who nodded.
‘Not much point in visiting if we don’t,’ said Angie.
Lottie ignored her mother. ‘Uncle Bernard,’ said Lottie, patting his hand gently. No response. ‘Uncle Bernie. We all came to visit you.’
‘Wake up Bernard, for heaven’s sake.’ Angie gave his shoulder a good shake.
Poor Bernard jolted and let out a loud fart. Daniel got the giggles again. ‘What? What?’ said Bernard, blinking rapidly and looking alarmed. Lottie watched his monitor with trepidation.
One Family Christmas: The perfect, cosy, heart-warming read to curl up with this winter Page 22