“Uh, yeah, ya think? Whoever took the pictures probably said, ‘Lean in.’ Jesus, Kel, it’s not like she’s got her tongue down his throat. Do you really think he’d send you pictures of him with someone if they were having an affair?”
“No. I guess you’re right.”
Patty’s voice softened. “Kel, I’m going to say it again. I think you need to talk to someone. You know you’ve got PTSD.”
Patty was right, but Kelly couldn’t do it. She was on David’s insurance for another six months. He’d see if she went to a shrink. She’d researched it and, yes, she did have a lot of the symptoms. But she wasn’t nearly as bad as she once was.
And now she had Mart. If she didn’t run him off by acting crazy.
“I can’t.”
“Go find someone who will take cash on a sliding scale.”
“If it gets back to David that I saw a shrink, he’ll try to use it against me.”
“You know damn well your lawyer said he can’t use that against you. Send Mart an email. Tell him you need some reassurance. Hell, he’ll probably call you.”
More guilt. Kelly didn’t want Mart running up a huge phone bill over her neurosis. “Thanks, Patty. I’ll let you get back to work.”
“Seriously, think about calling someone. And tell Mart.”
Kelly hung up and looked at her email. She didn’t want to pile guilt onto Mart. The last thing she wanted was to worry him. She wanted to be tough, rational, strong.
Dependable.
They could have a conversation about it when he returned.
Staring at the ring on her finger, she thought about Spokane, their first date together. And even before then, in hindsight, she could see how he looked at her, touched her. Mart was the polar opposite of David in every way.
Mart loved her. Her heart knew it. But her stubborn brain didn’t want to accept the memo.
She opened a new email.
Thanks for the pictures. I miss you. Hurry home, and stay safe. I love you.—K.
Before she could chicken out or add anything, she hit send and shut down the computer.
Chapter Thirty-One
David asked to trade weekends. Since Mart was gone, Kelly agreed. Why not? At least he was spending time with the boys.
Finally.
True to form, David had a snide remark about the ring Friday night when the boys were out of earshot.
“What kind of costume jewelry is that?”
She smiled and flipped him a left-handed bird, showcasing the ring. “Better than I ever got from you.”
He turned red and shut up. The boys were ready to go, and she hugged them. “See you Sunday.”
Despite David’s relationships, she suspected he preferred her alone and single. One of the things he accused her of was being a royal bitch no one would want.
Kelly secretly relished rubbing his face in her relationship with Mart, even if it wasn’t the healthiest thing to do.
* * * *
Mart had been gone over two weeks when he emailed happy news.
I fly home at nine Monday night. Can you pick me up? Love you—M.
That was in forty-eight hours. Kelly seriously considered saying no. It would mean meeting Susan, and she didn’t know if she was ready for it.
What the hell? Mart was her fiancé. And she trusted him. Right?
Deep breath.
Of course I’ll pick you up—
She hesitated, then decided to send the finished poem to him.
You quiet the fire within me.
The embers burned low and cool, dying in the ash.
Your gentle breath stirred the air
brought me new life
and once again the flame lived.
Afraid to tell you how I felt,
I concealed behind the stones how hot I burned.
And when I thought it would consume me,
you quieted the fire within me
with your cooling touch.
How can a soul burn so hot?
How can one survive
with a fire so deep inside?
How can your touch cool me,
release me,
from this raging inferno?
From the ashes anew,
reborn, newly freed,
you quiet the fire within me.
Kelly called her mom and explained the situation. Sharon volunteered to watch the boys. “Am I staying at your place or are you bringing them here?”
“Could you stay here? They have school. It’d be easier for them.”
“And where will you be?”
“Does it matter?”
“You’re a big girl. Leave your phone on in case I need to call.”
Kelly sighed. “I’ll be with Mart. His flight gets in late, and it’s easier for me to stay there.”
“I like him, Kelly. He’s a nice guy.”
“Mom.”
“All right. I’ll take care of the boys.”
Kelly spent her child-free weekend trying to write. Before Mart left Japan, he replied to her email with his flight details and a message.
Kelly, I can’t wait to see you again. The poem was beautiful.
And he included his own.
There was a darkness upon my soul,
bleak, and cold, and draining.
Stones across the landscape raining,
And then I felt your warmth within
and searched for light to make me whole.
I feared to lose this fragile ember
pulled from the ashes, cold and dark.
But upon my soul you make a mark
and forever am I changed, and warmed
and cold I can no longer remember.
She wanted to cry. He couldn’t be cheating on her and write her something that beautiful.
Could he?
Monday night, Kelly nervously waited in the main terminal. Nearly thirty minutes after his flight arrived, she saw Mart debark from an airside terminal shuttle, balancing his computer bag on his lap as he pushed.
Susan walked with him, towing his rolling carry-on suitcase along with hers.
Mart’s smile lit the terminal, but Kelly’s eyes were on Susan. Susan seemed to be looking for someone and paid no attention to Kelly or Mart.
Mart put his arms around Kelly and kissed her. For a moment, Kelly forgot about the other woman.
“God, I missed you,” he said.
“I missed you, too.”
He took Kelly’s hand. “Susan, this is Kelly. Kelly, Susan Jones, one of the programmers.”
Susan smiled and stuck out her hand. “Marty’s told me all about you and the boys. Congratulations.”
Kelly shook hands, listening for any hint of sarcasm or wishful thinking in the woman’s voice. She found none.
“Oh, this is his.” She handed the rolling bag to Kelly. “I don’t see Kate anywhere. Let me call her.” She turned and pulled out her cell.
“I asked Susan if she wanted to grab a bite to eat with us,” Mart said. “We’re starving. The flight from L.A. didn’t have a meal, and we didn’t have time to eat between flights. You don’t mind, do you?”
Kelly swallowed her disappointment. She was hoping for time alone with him. Then again, she ate just three hours earlier. “Of course not.”
Susan hung up. “She’s on her way, she’ll meet us in the restaurant. She brought us to the airport so she could use my car while we were gone,” she explained to Kelly.
Mart didn’t want to let go of Kelly’s hand, but she helped him with his smaller rolling bag so he could push his chair. They found their luggage in baggage claim, then went to a restaurant in the main terminal and found a large table with plenty of room.
He kissed Kelly. “I’ll be right back.” He rolled toward the bathrooms and left Kelly awkwardly staring at Susan.
She looked young, probably right out of college. “How long have you worked with Mart?”
“I’ve been with the company for a year now, but I usually don’t work wit
h him. We happened to be on the same project team this time.”
“Oh.” Kelly tried to find ways of making polite conversation without the question, “Are you fucking my fiancé?” popping out at an inopportune time. She was going to ask Susan a little more when another woman walked in. Susan brightened, raised her hand and waved, and the woman walked over.
“There you are!” Susan stood, hugged her. And kissed her.
On the lips.
Kelly checked—her jaw wasn’t on the table. Susan turned, holding the woman’s hand.
“Kelly, this is my girlfriend, Kate. Kate, this is Mart’s fiancée, Kelly.”
Kelly held out her hand. “Pleased to meet you.” You have no idea how much.
Susan and Kate sat across the table. Susan looked at Kelly. “Are you okay? I’m sorry, that didn’t freak you out, did it?”
Kelly shook her head, smiling, then laughing, and finally crying. She dropped her head to the table. She’d done it.
Again.
“What’s wrong?” Susan asked, concerned. Kelly held up a hand, fumbling for a napkin to wipe her eyes.
“I’m sorry.” She looked at Susan and Kate. “I’m not a moron, honestly. No, it doesn’t bother me. It’s just that my ex-husband was a cheating, lying asshole who used business trips as an excuse—”
“And Marty didn’t tell you about me?”
“Oh, he told me you were going. But he neglected to mention one little fact that would have made the last three weeks a lot more bearable.”
Susan shook her head. “This is one of the reasons I don’t date guys.”
Kate smiled. “You poor thing, I’m so sorry. And here I was, enjoying three weeks of not sharing a bathroom.”
“Hey,” Susan exclaimed. Kate patted her arm.
Kelly laughed, liking both women. But when Mart returned from the bathroom, all three turned and glared at him.
Realizing he’d done something, and that Kelly had been crying, he hesitated. “What’s wrong?”
Susan spoke first. “You’re an asshole, that’s what’s wrong.”
“What’d I do?”
Kelly let Susan take him on. “It’s what you didn’t do. You go overseas for three weeks with another woman, and you didn’t tell your fiancée I was gay?”
Mart looked from Susan to Kelly, and he closed his eyes and swore. “You’re right, I’m an idiot.” He took Kelly’s hands. “Sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
He put his arms around her. “Kelly, why do you put up with me? I’m so stupid.”
“Stop that. Yes, I was a wreck. That’s my problem, not yours. You didn’t give me any reason to doubt you.” The relief washing over her threatened to bring another round of tears. She fought it off, able to relax and hold up her end of the conversation while they waited for their food.
After dinner, Susan left with Kate. Kelly brought her Element around to arrivals and steadied Mart’s chair while he pulled himself into the passenger seat. She was surprised by how much lighter his chair was than Denny’s. It weighed maybe fifteen pounds with the wheels on. Denny’s chair was at least thirty.
“Why is it so light?”
“Titanium frame, and composite rims.”
“Oh. Expensive?”
“Yeah. Worth every penny.” He leaned over and kissed her. “Let’s go before they bust us for making out in the loading zone.”
She smiled. “Home, Jeeves?”
“Wherever you’re going.”
They pulled into his driveway a little after one in the morning. She steadied his chair for him. Once he was unloaded, she brought his bags in from the Element. Inside the house, he motioned her to come hither.
He pulled into his lap and put his arms around her. “Kel, I’m sorry. I don’t know her that well, and I—”
She kissed him, cutting him off. “I don’t care. You’re home. That’s all that matters. I loved the poem—it was beautiful.”
He studied her. “I love you, Kel. I mean it. I don’t want anyone but you.”
“We should get to bed. I bet you’re tired.”
“Not too tired.” He smiled, leading her to the bedroom.
They both quickly undressed. Minutes later, she was in his arms. He nuzzled her neck, running his lips from her shoulder to her ear lobe, where he playfully, gently nipped her.
She gasped, pressing harder against him. He whispered, “You like that?”
She mumbled something she hoped passed for yes and writhed against him. His fingers slowly trailed between her legs. She moaned. He didn’t stop. In a few minutes, she was gasping, arching toward him.
He kissed her, and when he reached over her to the bedside table, she wiggled beneath him, trapping him. Before he could stop her, he was inside her.
It was his turn to gasp. He didn’t thrust and tried to pull out, but she wrapped her legs around him.
“Kelly,” he whispered, “we can’t.”
“Yes, we can. I went to the doctor.”
“Are you sure?”
“Have you been with anyone to put me at risk?”
He shook his head. “It’s been over a year. The vet gave me all my shots and tags and dewormed me.”
“Me too.” She kissed him. “So if you don’t have a problem with this,” she did a seductive bump and grind against him, making him moan, “and you aren’t sleeping with anyone else—which you’d better not be—we’re okay. As long as you’re okay with it.”
In response, he kissed her hard and thrust, making her gasp. “Does that answer your question?” He smiled and thrust again.
She wrapped her legs around his hips and arched to meet him, kissing him, enjoying the feel of him inside her. He took his time, played with her, taunted her until she rolled him over and got her revenge, making him gasp and thrust against her. Suddenly, he flipped her on her back, surprising her with his strength. He playfully pinned her arms over her head while he kissed her and seductively shifted his hips.
Something gave way inside her. She enjoying letting him have her like this, even in play. She closed her eyes, losing herself in the sensation. Then she realized what it was.
Trust.
She tried to kiss him, but he kept his lips just out of reach. She wanted him—all of him. “Do it,” she whispered, “make me yours.”
His eyes widened. He kissed her, moving his hands and using them as leverage to thrust. When he came, he moaned, calling her name, tensing against her. She wrapped her arms and legs around him.
“I love you,” she whispered in his ear.
He kissed her, nuzzled her nose with his. “I love you, too.”
They stayed in bed until noon. Kelly made him coffee and breakfast. He blearily wheeled into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around her waist.
“I’m going to tell them not to do that anymore.”
“What? Who?”
“The office. No more long trips like that. Not for a while. Not unless they want to fly me home on weekends. I didn’t care when I was alone.”
Her heart danced, and she hugged him tightly to her. “It’s your job. It’s okay, I understand.”
He pulled her into his lap. “No, it’s not okay.” He caressed her cheek. “I was miserable. I kept thinking, ‘It’s six o’clock at home, Kelly and the boys are having dinner. Or it’s seven o’clock, she’s getting them ready for school.’”
He looked into her eyes. “It’s never mattered before, because I didn’t have someone waiting for me. I know I’m not with you twenty-four/seven, but there’s a huge difference between a forty-minute drive and thirteen time zones. I couldn’t hop in the car and come over for dinner, or pick up the phone and call without doing calculus in my head to figure the time.”
“Thirteen hours. Half a day plus one hour.”
He smiled. “See?” He pressed his face against her neck. “The worst part was not being able to share the trip with you. We’d go places and I’d think, ‘God, I wish Kelly was here to see this.’”
She cried, remembering how much she’d missed Mart during her trek across the country. “I missed you so much. I knew you weren’t doing anything, but…” When she could talk again, she said, “It’s that stupid little niggling voice of doubt, you know? It’s not you. It’s something I have to work through.”
He kissed her again. “As long as it takes, no matter what it takes. I want you to be able to trust me.”
She would have to get through this. It wasn’t fair to saddle Mart with her issues. Especially when he’d done nothing to deserve her mistrust.
“Oh, wait here.” He opened his carry-on and produced a few small packages. “These are for the boys.” He laid two bags on the counter. “And this is for their beautiful mother.” He handed her a small jewelry box.
She opened it, her heart thumping. It was a small, delicate gold pendant, inscribed with characters she didn’t recognize.
“What does it say?”
He took the box from her, helped her put the necklace on. He kissed the back of her neck. “Kanji characters. ‘Saiai no hito,’ if I didn’t butcher it. It means ‘beloved.’ My Japanese sucks, by the way, so don’t be too impressed. I can order food and find a bathroom and that’s about it. I told them what I wanted. Fortunately, their English was better than my Japanese.”
She put her arms around him and kissed him. “It’s beautiful, thank you.”
“You are my beloved. I want to spend my life with you.”
How could she have ever doubted him? And how could she have wasted so many years on David? This was what passion and love were supposed to feel like.
“I want to spend my life with you, too.” She took the plunge. “I know we’ve got a lot going on with Denny’s meet next month, and then your races. I was thinking maybe we could get married after we get back from the Boston trip.”
He studied her face. “Are you sure?”
“Don’t give me time to think twice, Rawlings.”
“I don’t want you rushing into something because I want it.”
“I do want it. I want you.” She rested her head on his shoulder. “I want you with me every night when you’re home. I don’t want to be alone anymore. Nothing fancy; I just want you and me, the kids, family, a few friends. Patty’s sister is a notary, she’ll marry us.”
“You don’t want a church wedding?”
Cross Country Chaos Page 21