All I Have Left

by Shey Stahl

  And fuck if I wasn’t totally captivated by her every move. The way her eyes would close when she would sing. The way her body swayed to the music. The way her hair blew softly in the night air, all of it held me there.

  With her eyes rimmed with tears I could sense her pain as she sang about needing someone so much you weren’t sure you could go on without them.

  Was the sadness because of me? You fucking know it’s because of you dipshit. How could it not be?

  How much have I hurt her? What if she didn’t want anything to do with me, maybe she’s moved on.

  My god, listen to me. My mind was all over the place.

  Her sadness felt like something more though, something else entirely. From where we stood, I could see tears began to stream down her cheek, only for her to quickly wipe them away.

  When she finished “I Shall Believe” she smiled once and walked off stage.

  Instantly I was pulled with Frankie back stage.

  “Wait here,” she ordered and ran off to tackle Evie before she got down the steps. I stayed back, nervous I guess. It’s been so long I didn’t even know what to say to her or if I could even speak.

  Would words even come out if I tried?

  Instead I stood there silently watching.

  “Jesus, Frankie, ease up!” Evie gasped as Frankie squeezed her tightly. She tried to push her off but Frankie just clung to her even tighter.

  “I’m soooo proud of you Evieeeeee. You were amazing out there! I can’t believe how good you sounded! Did you see him….Gr—” Ethan cut her off by elbowing her in the side.

  At least someone was trying to keep the little shit in check.

  “See who?” Evie asked, annoyed and tugging on her dress. “This is ridiculous. I can’t believe you made me wear this. My ass is freezing out there.”

  She didn’t know it was me standing out there?

  I guess the lights on stage are fairly bright. It’s also been a long time since she has seen me. I did look fairly different these days. My hair was shorter, I’m tanner, and probably more muscular than the last time she saw me, despite the hell my body had been through.

  “Gra—owww!” Ethan cut her off again.

  “Josh and Kelly, they’re back.” Ethan said, abruptly glaring at Frankie as he spoke.

  “Ethan, can I speak with you in private?” Frankie grumbled as she pulled him staggering back. “Now!”

  Frankie pulled him by the arm about three feet closer to me. “You fucking elbow me again asshole and I’m going to fuck you up. She is going to find out sooner or later, Ethan. We shouldn’t—” he didn’t let her finish.

  Ethan sighed. “Let him find her on his own. He’s a grown man, Frankie. Let them be alone.”

  I couldn’t take it any longer so I walked toward them as they continued to argue. Frankie squealed when she noticed and ran toward me.

  “Come on!” she pulled me with her. “There she is.”

  I was just a few feet from her now.

  She’s different. She looks different. It’s not the weakness in the smile, or even the fragile façade she’s holding onto that caught me off guard. It’s the eyes, the ones reflecting the pain in mine.

  Her hair, the color of wheat fields was longer now, curled at the ends as it has since she was a little girl with skinned knees and my baseball glove in her hand. That’s when I took one more step from the shadows.

  My heart was pounding because there was the girl I’ve dreamed about all my life standing in front of me in the most amazing dress I have ever seen and she was looking at me.

  The man, definitely not a boy, came into view and my heart stopped and my breathing hitched to broken shudders. If I thought singing was bad this was nothing compared to that.

  “Evie?” a velvet voice with a slow southern drawl asked.

  Holy. Fucking. Shit.

  I know those eyes. I know that voice and I know that body.

  That’s when I choked on my breath, my heart pounding in my chest. The ruggedly handsome man standing before me was vaguely familiar. Strong and rigid, he looked different.

  But I knew immediately who it was.

  “Grayson?” I asked nervously, hesitantly taking a step forward, a tall dark figure stepping from the shadows.

  He came closer into the light of the stage behind us. The silhouette of his wild hair, and tall, lean frame appeared. There he was, looking like he just stepped off of a GQ magazine cover. Wearing faded stone washed jeans, a few holes in them and a black button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up, unruly dark hair sticking up everywhere with a rugged five o’clock shadow covering his jaw.

  His skin glistened, slightly sweaty from the humid air. The glow from the stage lights cast a yellow shimmer over him.

  Oh my God, look at him! Good lord he is HOT! Would it be inappropriate to lick his sweaty body right now?

  All I saw was that hair when I looked at him, a little shorter than the last time I saw him but still had that slight curl to it that it always had.

  We stood there staring at each other for what seemed like hours but really, only seconds before Frankie intervened.

  “Well, give an old friend a hug!” Frankie squealed pushing us together. “Don’t be shy.”

  I reached up hesitantly wrapping my arms around his neck. He gently wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me closer to him.

  He smelled like cologne and soap but also the distinct Grayson smell that I missed all these years, similar to honey and sandalwood.

  Sweet Jesus, he smells good. Did I just sniff him? Evie behave, Shane will kill you if he sees this! Shane who? To hell with Shane!

  “It’s good to see you, Grayson!” I started to pull away, placing a chaste kiss on his cheek. My lips brushed against the rough stubble of his jaw and licking him was still very tempting.

  “I missed you,” I whispered in his ear, only for him to hear.

  More than you can ever imagine.

  But he surprised me when I went to let go. He pulled me closer, wrapping his arms tightly around me, refusing to release me.

  I inhaled a deep, embarrassing jagged breath.

  I had no complaints with holding on to him longer. If I could crawl inside this man right now, I would and make myself a little home.

  I peeked over his shoulder to see Frankie staring, pleased with herself, as I mouthed the words, “What. The. Fuck?” to her.

  That only made her giggle, shrugging her shoulders as she continued bouncing up and down.

  “You have no idea…how much I missed you.” He breathed, his lips grazing my ear lightly as he spoke, sending chills down my back. Grayson pulled back and looked me over, slowly shaking his head. “You look amazing.” He gave me his famous panty dropping, crooked smile.

  God, I’ve missed that smile.

  “Evie,” Paul shouted interrupting us. “Get your ass out here!”

  I looked over to him and then back to Grayson who was still staring at me.

  “Oh…uh…I’m sorry. I promised them I would help them out tonight. I shouldn’t be too long.”

  Stupid commitments.

  “That’s all right,” he looked down at his feet for a moment, shifting his weight from one foot to the other—slowly his eyes met mine again. Delicately as though I was a glass bubble, Grayson placed his hand on my cheek—his thumb dragged across my cheek once. “I’m in no rush,” he murmured as his eyes raked over my body once, unabashedly. He removed the hand that was on my cheek, bringing it to his jaw where he rubbed it once then smiled again and winked.

  Fuck me. Well that would be nice, wouldn’t it?

  Evie Brooks, stop it. If Shane saw this he would kill. But then again fuck Shane.

  With a good amount of hesitation, I walked away giving him a timid smile, hoping not to trip, and desperately trying to ignore my internal bantering. I could feel his eyes still on me as I walked away and it didn’t make any of this easier.

  Once I made it up the stairs, Paul motioned for me. He smiled and
grabbed my arm when I got within a foot of him, motioning toward the side of the stage where Grayson stood. “I see your boy’s back in town,” he mused taking a drink from the flask he had stashed on the side of the stage. “Play the guitar on this one, Evie, Ethan is going to sing.”

  The guitar?

  Fan fucking-tastic!

  I hated playing the guitar, especially on “Sweet Home Alabama.”

  Honestly, I’m not that good and now that Grayson was here, I didn’t want him to see this if I messed it up. And what in the hell did Paul mean by “I see your boy’s back in town”?

  Did everyone in town think he was mine?

  Well, yeah, they did actually.

  After Grayson left, everywhere I went I got these sad sympathetic glances from everyone. Which made it even more depressing, I felt like the one left behind, which I was, but I didn’t need to be constantly reminded of it for Christ sakes.

  As the opening notes came through, the crowd went into hysteria when the band started the familiar song.

  Right after I nailed my guitar solo, Ethan started singing.

  As the song continued, I just happened to glance toward the side of the stage and saw Grayson coming up the stairs, guitar in hand.

  What in the world is he doing?

  He came up behind me, and kissed my cheek softly. I quickly looked over at Shane on the side to see if he saw.

  Yep, my night is officially fucked.

  Grayson leaned down so that his lips were right against my ear again. “Keep it up, Evie, you’re doing great,” he assured me, his warm breath blew across my neck as he whispered, nearly seductively and walked over to the piano. He hadn’t lost his touch with me that’s for sure.

  I flinched nervously and felt my face burning with embarrassment. I swear that even his breath acted as an aphrodisiac.

  Jeff Hudson, a music perfectionist who never allows anyone but him to play this song stepped away once Grayson reached the piano, after bowing to Grayson as though he was some sort of musical god.

  Did they plan this?

  Ethan interrupted the song, “Grayson Gomez, ladies and gentleman!”

  I had forgotten how good Grayson was on the piano. Who am I kidding? This man could put Ray Charles to fucking shame on the piano. Grayson and Ethan started a band when they were probably thirteen but when Grayson left it changed the dynamic of the band considerably—now everyone was different except Ethan. I’m sure he would be excited if Grayson was back for good now. I know I would be.

  Just the thought of having him back around was comforting to me and I began to relax.

  As the song progressed, I was actually enjoying myself now and getting into it, even dancing a little.

  How could I not really? It reminded me of when we were younger and messing around in the garage, except now there was a field full of people watching us.

  When I happened to glance over at Grayson, he was staring at me, not looking at the piano during a very important chorus. He winked and looked down at the keys, shaking his head slowly as if something was amusing to him.

  I should be mad that he left me but anger was the last thing on my mind tonight. I’m not one to hold grudges anyway but with Grayson, he could do anything he wanted and I would still feel the way I feel for him. It’s wrong that one person can control you so much but, alas, it’s true.

  I glanced over at Shane again. That was a mistake. He was smoking now with a beer in the other hand, and glaring at Grayson.

  I wished we could play forever so I didn’t have to go out there and deal with him. Frustrating tears began to form. I wanted out of whatever this was with Shane but had no idea how to do that without jeopardizing my mom’s career, or my life. He wasn’t going to let go easily, I knew that.

  How am I ever going to explain this situation to Grayson?

  He’d kill Shane if he knew how he was treating me, as would my brother.

  Ethan stepped to the microphone again once the song was finished, eyeing the crowd that had now grown to at least three hundred people.

  Was the entire town here tonight? Usually when they played, there was a huge crowd but I hadn’t seen it like this in years.

  From where I was standing, I could hear a group of women trying to get Grayson’s attention. He just smiled politely at them and winked.

  Always such a flirt.

  “So how is everyone out there?!” Ethan asked. “How’d ya’all like Grayson?” The crowd screamed in response. Ethan nodded, smiling back at me and then at Grayson who was behind me—still at the piano. “He’s amazing, right?” of course they screamed again. “How would you guys like to hear Evie again?”

  Sometimes, I hate my brother. Like now. Yes, now was definitely a moment when hate was pouring out of my soul towards my brother.

  I heard Grayson chuckle behind me when Ethan gave me a nod.

  I’m glad you think this is entertaining, you jerks.

  “She’s a fan of Sheryl Crow, so I was thinking of “Picture,” help me out, Evie.” He winked at me and I slowly walked over to him when I heard a whistle from behind.

  Knowing damn well who it came from I turned to give Grayson a glare. Unfortunately, as I continued toward Ethan, I tripped on some cords only to be caught by two strong arms that snaked around my waist. Grayson turned and said something in Ethan’s ear, all the while keeping a tight grip on my waist as I steadied my footing. Once I got my bearings, I turned around to untangle myself from his arms, afraid this would make Shane even more upset.

  Grayson laughed as I snuck away back to the microphone.

  Ethan stood beside me, adjusting his mic. When I looked over at him he chuckled under his breath, he can be so strange sometimes.

  “What?” I mouthed, glaring when I saw a sly smile appear on his face.

  He just shrugged his shoulders and continued to laugh like an idiot.

  What are they planning now?

  Just as Ethan was going to start the song, he grinned and turned around. The rest of the band started laughing as Grayson came walking up with a cocky swagger.

  That motherfucker, I should have known…

  He looked over at me with a smirk as he stepped over the same cords I tripped on.

  Could my night get any worse?

  It could get worse. Just when I looked over at Shane he had Frankie by the arm, pointing at me and yelling. I assumed asking her who was up here with me. He knew about Grayson but didn’t know what he looked like or if this was the same Grayson, although he’d have to be blind and deaf not to make the connection.

  Ethan glared and jumped off the front of the stage to where they were standing. No way was he going to allow Shane to touch Frankie.

  I looked back over at Grayson as he adjusted the mic, as he was a taller than Ethan, his eyes were cast down. There was no way I could do this with him up here. Singing is one thing. Singing with Grayson Gomez is another. No way.

  I didn’t think I would be able to remember the words to the song if he was that close to me, let alone remember my own name.

  Just as I was contemplating running off stage, Grayson began singing and I was frozen in place. There couldn’t have been a better song for us to sing that one, matched our situation, and two, our voices.

  That voice. It sent shivers where there hadn’t been in years. Same twang, same drawn out velvet range that made me melt.

  Guess I have no choice now or I could just walk off stage right now, how fucking dumb would that look though, not to mention I would have to see Shane sooner than I wanted to.

  So…staying up here…better option.

  Thankfully, once again I was pulled out of my internal debating by Grayson’s soul searing voice that started to break as he looked into my eyes, his expression distant.

  What in the world could he be thinking right now?

  With both Grayson and Shane staring at me and this fucking dress that's sliding up my ass, I couldn’t concentrate on lyrics.

  I did good at first but then Grayso
n stopped singing and I realized it was my turn.

  Crap, this is my part. Focus, Evie.

  As I sang, tears streamed uncontrollably down my cheeks. Grayson quickly swept his hand across my cheek wiping the tears away.

  Why does he have to be so damn dreamy?

  “I’ve been waiting on you for a long time…” Such a truthful assessment of my situation captured in a song.

  Enthralled in chocolate brown gazing back at me I lost track of what we were singing and just stared back at him.

  Grayson and I have always had these moments when I thought for sure he could see my soul and all the love I was feeling for him. This seemed to be one of those moments. Our gaze didn’t break away until the song ended and Paul, chanting “Evie, Evie!” repeatedly brought me back to reality.

  I tried to punch Paul in the arm when I walked past but it was a failed attempt that had Grayson laughing. It felt good to hear Grayson’s contagious laughter again.

  The band usually played from eight until midnight so we filled the night with more songs. Grayson took turns playing the guitar, the piano, and singing. He was very talented at everything he did and he knew it. He was one of the most confident men I’d ever met, but for good reason. Looking at him now, that hadn’t changed.

  For the sake of my sanity, every chance I got I snuck back stage and did shots of tequila.

  Could you honestly blame me at that point?

  I tried to be discreet but soon Grayson and Ethan realized what I was doing while sneaking back stage, they joined me after every song.

  After the shots Grayson and Ethan did a version of “I Hear You Knocking” that was absolutely amazing. You could barely hear them over the screams when Grayson did a solo on the piano. Grayson on the piano was probably the sexiest thing I have ever seen, who knew a man playing the piano could be that appealing. I would have never thought of it as holding sexual appeal until Grayson played.

  After a while, I tried to stay clear of him on stage in fear that I might just start humping his leg.

  Probably to make my life worse, after witnessing the public display of hatred Shane had been exhibiting all night I decided to do a song called “Cheater Cheater” just for the fun of it and my eyes never left Shane during the entire song. I hoped my message was loud and clear. I’m sure it was going to fuck me later but I couldn’t help it, leave it to me to throw salt in the wound. I was always pretty good at that.