by Shey Stahl
I grabbed some coffee off the counter, hating the satisfied expression he wore. “Fuck off! I have to get to work.” I grunted, scorching my throat from the hot coffee, but continuing to swallow it before I made my way to the door.
“Evie.” He pulled my arm before I made it out the door. “I’m only going to lie to Grayson for so long. You need to tell everyone the truth, including yourself.” His head gave a slight tip to the bruises that were fading from last week.
Ethan blinked, his eyes finding mine, sympathetically for a moment then walking over to Frankie with some coffee. She was on the couch in the living room moaning. Apparently, my little friend had a little too much to drink last night. Maybe someone should have gotten more sleep last night.
When I made it back to my house, I grabbed my cell phone off my nightstand and called Shane. While I waited for him to answer, I saw Grayson walking over to our house.
And the good times just keep on coming, don’t they?
“Where have you been?” Shane’s furious voice was suddenly hissing out a stream of profanities. I sat down on the bed half-paying attention to what he was screaming about, still swearing.
“Shane, just stop. I have to get to work!” I yelled back, tired of his endless fucking ranting.
He sighed. “I’m coming to get you Evie. I don’t want you anywhere near him today or your brother and his friends.” And, being the dick that he was, he hung up.
It was just like him to pull this shit on me.
Great, I’m in for an exciting day. I changed out of that ridiculous dress into my favorite jean shorts and a tank top, threw on some flip-flops and pulled my hair into a messy bun. They never cared what I wore to work so that was nice. At least I didn’t have to dress to impress.
Just as I had decided that I would be perfectly content to spend the rest of eternity in my bedroom avoiding everyone, Grayson knocked on my door. I knew avoiding everything wasn’t the answer but was it so bad of me to want a little less drama in my life?
I didn’t think so.
“Who is it?” I asked, stalling.
What kind of lame ass question is that? Who else would it be? Johnny Depp?
I expected a sarcastic comment, but didn’t get that. “Let me in, Evie.”
“No,” I replied, burying my face back in my pillows. “Can you just go away?”
Why are you hiding? He can’t see you.
“No,” Grayson said. “Let me in. We need to talk.”
“No. I’m late for work. Go away.” And then I added, “You’re good at that.”
I heard him let out a frustrated sigh. “Stop being a drama queen and let me in before I knock this damn door down.”
I ripped my pillow from my head, glaring at my closed door. “I swear to God Grayson, if you break the door, I’m going to make you pay for it.” Before I even finished my threat, my door came down.
Grayson stood there, half pissed, and maybe a little in disbelief that he actually got the door down.
“Was that really necessary? You’re paying for that.”
“Apparently it was because you weren’t going to open the damn door,” he said with a sly southern grin.
Goddamn him.
He did that grin on purpose. Part of me hoped he’d lost that grin over time. The other prayed he hadn’t.
“You’re gonna fix that.”
He nodded. “I promise. I will.”
Neither of us said anything until my ringing cell phone brought me back to reality. With a heavy breath I walked downstairs, my phone in hand only to have Grayson follow me.
When we got to the front door my hands fell on his shoulders angling him out the door.
“You better leave, Grayson. Shane is on his way over and if he sees you that will only set him off more.” I pushed him out the front door, the one he didn’t break down.
“Evie—” he pleaded, disappointed, hurt, turning to face me.
“Grayson, I umm—” I couldn’t finish as I looked into his eyes, the sadness now so evident.
Grayson reached for my hand, his fingers gracing my knuckles. That touch was why I couldn’t be mad at him. Why I didn’t want to be mad.
I should be mad at Grayson. I should be fucking pissed at him for leaving me. Friends don’t do that. Not the way he did. They should never do that. But it was harder to be mad at him. The energy it took to do so I just didn’t have anymore.
“I can’t do this right now, I’m sorry. I’m late for work.” I pulled my hand away and closed the door. I stood with my back to the door and then I couldn’t take it any longer. This was a lot harder than I imagined it would be.
So I turned around and I watched him walk away back to his house.
Shane showed up a few minutes later. I looked over at Grayson’s house as we left and saw him sitting on the front porch with his head in his hands. I hated hurting him like this. I wanted to go and comfort him but I couldn’t. I can’t keep hurting both of us like this.
The coffee shop I was working at was just up the road about a mile right off the side of the highway as you headed into Dothan. It was popular with most of the locals and anyone who was just passing through town. I had my fair share of local farm-stalkers as I called them. Usually the dirty old men would come in at least three times during my six-hour shifts. It was a good job though and the tips were good. It wasn’t a career, I knew that. I tried college but when my mom lost her job with Toyota where she was an office manager, sacrifices had to be made.
Mom had been through so much to have us…not helping her wasn’t an option. Between the three of us we were able to live comfortably.
It took her six months to find something else so that’s where Ethan and I came in. I dropped out of college, Ethan never attempted to go.
Mom had been through so much to have us we had to help her. Between the three of us we were able to keep the house and eat.
Wyatt and Julia wanted to help so Julia got Mom into landscaping. She found an entry level position for her with Lawson Landscaping in Dothan and she absolutely loved it. I’d never seen her so happy and confident in herself.
When I thought about how I got messed up with Shane, my situation wasn’t good. Any way I looked at it someone got hurt. I didn’t belong with someone like Shane. I never did but how I ended up with his loser ass goes back to me attracting assholes. Staying because of my mom was another sacrifice that had to be made.
Shane sat parked outside the coffee stand the entire six hours of my shift.
Just about the time I was locking up for the night, my gaze caught his car. Courtney was leaned inside the window talking to him. I watched her, my eyes drawn to her golden legs. Frustrated didn’t even do my emotions justice.
When did I become this girl?
My eyes burned, emotions getting the better of me.
When I saw Courtney walking away, she smiled at me giving me that little parade wave she gave everyone in town.
I ignored her, as I usually did, and walked over to get into Shane’s Mustang. He didn’t say anything but I did. “Making plans later?”
His eyes shot to mine. “I should ask you the same thing. Plans with Grayson later?”
“There’s nothing going on between Grayson and me. He’s a friend.”
He shook his head, his eyes darker than usual, his bitter laughter burning. “Yeah, whatever you say.” His left hand casually draped over the steering wheel, his right finding my bare thigh. His grip wasn’t pleasant, it never was.
I tried to push him away, but he wasn’t having it. “I don’t fucking think so. Not now.” He swerved, pulling down an old dirt road off the main highway. I knew immediately what was happening. He was going to take what I wasn’t giving him.
When he shut the car off, shadowed amongst overgrown shrubs and thick trees, he started undoing his jeans, his buckle first and then the zipper, each click louder than the next.
Reaching over, his right hand tightened in my hair, trying to coax me toward him.
&
nbsp; I shook my head, pleadingly, knowing my denial meant absolutely nothing. “Don’t…”
My tears flowed as he moved his hand from his jeans he’d pushed down past his hips and then to my mouth, his fingers probing along my jaw and then inside my mouth.
It was revolting. Both him forcing his fingers in my mouth and the fact that I was saying no and it meant nothing to him.
Shaking my head, my anger showing as I pushed back from him. “No. I’m saying no, Shane.”
His grip around my neck tightened, his right hand pinching the side of my face so hard I felt the burn and knew damn well I’d have another bruise to cover up tomorrow.
“Why are you doing this?” I sobbed.
“I do this because you don’t fucking listen.”
“This isn’t how you treat a woman.” I wasn’t able to finish, his hand drew back and came flat against my cheek.
I wanted to cry, and scream, fight him off but I didn’t. Instead I sobbed as he forced my head into his lap.
“This is what your mouth should be used for. Not talking.”
If I hadn’t been so scared of him hurting me, I would have fought back.
What I have right now, this is what’s left of me. A girl. A broken girl being forced, no, letting someone control her in ways no one should ever be controlled.
I didn’t want to go down without a fight.
I always thought a girl could fight back and never be forced to do something like this. But right now, what would fighting back get me?
More bruises I couldn’t explain. More pain I couldn’t take.
I was certain I wasn’t doing it right…I’d never given anyone a blow job before.
I tried everything I could do to make myself numb to the situation and what was happening to me right then, what he was taking from me, but I couldn’t.
I thought of Grayson, tried to imagine him even, but that only made me cry harder because Grayson would never force me to do something like this.
My head continued to be slammed down, my gags and pleas to stop earning me nothing but more force, his dick shoved down my throat.
“You fucking bite me, Evie, and I will hurt you so much worse than ever before.” His hands forced me down harder. “You understand?”
I said nothing in response. I couldn’t actually. I don’t know many people who could coherently talk with a dick in their mouth anyways. I wanted to vomit and I was gagging and choking so much I almost did.
The most demeaning part about it? The part that hurt worse than him forcing me to do this?
Him coming on my face and smearing it over my cheeks.
“I fucking hate you!” I gagged, my sobbing reaching a high of hysteria.
I couldn’t control my shaking any longer, pushing myself back away from him.
“You son of a bitch!” I cried, kicking at him and his car. I had spit and...my face was soaked and I could barely get out a breath let alone say anything else.
“Go ahead Evie,” he paused pulling up his pants. “Go see Grayson now. Show him who you fucking belong to, who owns you.” His hand brushed over my cheek and I knocked it away.
“Don’t fucking touch me!” I growled.
He laughed, bitter and as cold as his heart was. “Yeah, okay.”
There’s a lot of reasons why I stay. I’m ashamed, afraid, embarrassed…you name it and I’m feeling it. He wanted to destroy my self-esteem and he’d done a pretty good job of it now.
Shane looked at me, his eyes so dark I couldn’t see any good in them anymore. “You made me do that. You did.”
How could I make her see that she doesn’t love him?
She’s fooling herself if she thinks that. I couldn’t help but think if I never left she wouldn’t feel the need to find comfort in this asshole.
Frankie kept telling me that everything was going to work out and it would be alright but everything wasn’t okay. Everything was wrong, very wrong. Grief was swelling up inside me at each breath and I could feel my body being ripped apart, more than it already was. There was hardly any pieces left of me. My body was torn and the only way to fix it is if I was with her, so I thought. She was my world. The reason I fought. It was always about her. Everything I did was to protect her and keep her safe, no matter the price I would have to pay.
And now what? She was pushing me away.
I heard the front door open behind me. I had no idea how long I’d been sitting out here lost in my own personal hell. Could have been hours for all I know.
“Grayson—” Frankie sighed looking over at me, shaking her head. “You can’t blame yourself for her stupidity on this one, buddy.”
I shot her a glare. I hated anyone who would criticize her, even if it was the truth.
“Don’t look at me like that. You know it’s the truth. I’m sorry that she is with him, really I am. If I could convince her otherwise I would have done so already but she won’t listen to me. She’s hiding something about him. I have a feeling it’s pretty bad from what Ethan says but she won’t say and Ethan is protecting his sister.”
I knew there was more to it as well. I just hoped it wasn’t as bad as my mind played it out to be.
“I just—” I ran my fingers through my hair. “I don’t understand why she would turn to someone like him. How did she even meet him, where were you on that one?” I pressed, seeming to want to blame everyone but myself.
Usually she was protective of Evie just as Ethan and I were. She always needed a little extra help most of the time.
“You know, you really piss me off sometimes. You left her, just disappeared and here I was, Kelly, Josh, Ethan, we all had to pick up the broken pieces of her heart.” I hated what she was saying because it was the truth. “How dare you criticize us for her not falling to your feet the moment you’re back in town.”
It just pissed me off to hear that.
“Well fuck…I’m sorry…it’s just that, I can’t understand why you would let her be with him of all people.”
“As though I had a say, Grayson,” Frankie snapped. “By the time I knew they were dating she was wrapped up in the romance of the whole thing. I could tell she wasn’t serious about him but it was fun and new in the beginning. After a few months, his true sides began to show. He tried to tell her who she could be friends with and all that. I think now she is just trying to get away from him but I can’t be sure. She won’t talk to me about it,” Frankie said leaning back in the chair she was sitting in, bringing her knees up to her chest. She handed me a bottle of water that she brought out.
“Why did you get out early Grayson?” she questioned, watching me.
“No reason.” I grumbled toying with the bottle.
She shrugged blowing off my dismissal. She knew I didn’t want to talk about it. “Wait…what the hell is that from?” she asked pulling my hand toward her.
She examined my hand for a minute before looking at me with obvious shock at what she was seeing.
“It’s nothing. Let go.” I jerked my hand away to hide the scars. That’s definitely not a conversation I wanted to get into right now.
“Grayson,” Frankie sighed in disapproval. “Judging by the many scars on your body I would say whatever happened over there was intense but if you’re not ready, you’re not ready.” Gently she rubbed my back. “I really think you should come with us tonight.”
“No,” I growled. I wanted to see everyone but I didn’t want to see Shane and Evie together again. Ever. Who knows what would happen if I saw him again.
“Come on. I know you’ve missed her, but let me remind you, that you left us too. We all missed you.”
I groaned pulling at my hair again with one hand. Frankie knew that I missed them too but I wasn’t about to put myself in her way again. I can’t keep hurting her.
I went back inside and immediately headed up to my room to avoid Josh and Ethan who were having an all-out PlayStation war that I was sure would end in bloodshed.
When my head found my pillow, I could
still smell her scent on my pillow and sheets. I laid down and curled up to the pillow, wishing she were here with me. A day hasn’t gone by when I haven’t thought about the moment when I should have told her how I felt, told her that I loved her, promised her forever together like it should have been with us. I had so many chances and I just let them all slip away.
“Grayson, wake up, asshole!”
That’s not the voice I wanted to wake up to.
I grumbled to myself while I peeked an eye open—only to see a pillow flying at me.
Shit, I fell asleep.
With a dramatic sigh, I rolled over to look at the clock, already six o’clock.
“Dude! Come on, we have to leave,” Josh bounced on the bed beside me. “You’ve been sleeping all damn day. Get up.”
“No!” I covered my head with the pillow like a child. “I’m not going.”
Shaking the bed, he laughed. “Don’t make me send Frankie in here. Your sister will never leave you alone if you don’t get dressed and meet us downstairs. She said to give you ten minutes and then she is coming up,” he smiled, big and bright.
Josh knew damn well she would torture me if I didn’t.
I took a quick shower and got dressed. Frankie insisted on picking out my clothes again. I didn’t have many clothes with me, so that gave her a reason to go shopping earlier today. Apparently, by the brand new bags scattered around, it confirmed she did go shopping while I was sleeping.
I looked over to the bed to see what she picked, dark jeans and a black shirt.
After I dressed, I ran downstairs, my previous mood diminishing slightly when I saw my mom was waiting at the bottom of the stairs. I smiled and grabbed her into a big hug. It’s been three long years since I last saw her.
“I missed you, baby,” she was already crying by the time I wrapped my arms around her. My dad stood to her right, smiling. He was the only one who knew what happened and didn’t have the heart to tell my mom. I appreciated it so much. I’d endured the torture, I didn’t need my mom to know what I’d been through.