by Shey Stahl
Did she really just say that?
“That’s an insult.”
“Let me finish. Then he changed and became really possessive and abusive. I just didn’t know how to get away from him. I thought I was protecting my family by staying with him or saving myself the headache.”
The thought of why she was with him had my heart pounding.
“I should have never left you here alone.”
“Grayson?” she placed her tiny hand under my chin forcing me to look at her. “You can’t blame yourself for everything. It’s not your fault.” She looked down again, removing her hand. “I’m the one who…was so obtuse to see to see what was right in front of me, giving me love I didn’t see until it was slipping away, and then it was gone.” She hesitated for a moment and took a deep breath. “All I can say is that I’m glad your back. I’ve wished that I would have told you before you left…but now I’m not wasting any time just in case I don’t get to…” she paused again looking at me intently. “It’s always been you.” She confessed her eyes rimmed with tears. “I understand if you don’t feel the same way anymore, I just had to tell you.”
I immediately pulled her into my arms, clutching her to my chest tightly. “How could I not feel the same way?”
There was so much more I wanted to say in that moment but couldn’t. I wanted to tell her how much I loved her as well but it just seemed I couldn’t form the words to tell her.
Evie leaned into me and kissed up my neck, across my jaw until her lips found mine. She kissed me passionately and with urgency, I returned her passion but with hesitation. I knew we needed to take things slow and last night we hadn’t done that. We acted, or maybe it was me, on impulse and hormones. I started to pull away slightly and she whimpered pulling herself closer to me, shaking her head no and straddling my hips to wrap her arms around my neck.
“We shouldn’t…umm…”
Jesus Christ, I don’t want to stop.
“Grayson…please…just please, make me forget.” she breathed into my mouth. I gently rolled her over so I was lying on top of her wanting to comply, hell wanting to forget too.
After a while, our kisses slowed and we softly memorized each other’s lips.
“Please don’t leave.” She whispered against my lips. “I wouldn’t be able to take it.”
“Where else would I go?”
It wasn’t a question. It was more of a statement, and she knew it.
We laid there in my bed as the sun continued to rise, lighting my room with a warm glow. I wanted to tell her why I came home, why that bottle I swore meant nothing, was now empty and why I left and how I’ve always loved her, but I couldn’t get the words out.
I made my way downstairs to get some breakfast before I headed off to work Thursday morning with Ethan. I’d just gotten a job doing construction work. Evie quit her job with the coffee stand yesterday because of how easily it would be for Shane to get to her, so for now, she stayed at our house during the day with my mom. I couldn’t imagine that was great for her, but she did it.
Eventually things would get sorted out with Shane, and though we’d filed a restraining order, that kind of shit meant nothing to a guy like Shane Lawson. I wanted to just take care of the problem. Fuck the civil justice system. I wanted to put an end to it so we didn’t have to worry. It wasn’t the answer. At least not the one Evie would go for.
“Grayson, you’re finally up!” Frankie squealed from the kitchen as she sat in her scrubs, getting ready to leave for work.
“Good morning to you—”
“Guess where we are going this weekend?”
“Hey, Frankie…where are you going this weekend?” I tried my best to sound enthusiastic, but I wasn’t. There was never a moments rest around my sisters. I’d forgotten that while I was away. Or at least, enjoyed it.
“Not just me, all of us!” she corrected. “We’re spending the weekend at Josh’s parent’s house on the lake before he goes back to Arizona.”
“Why?”
“Evie needs to get away. We leave this afternoon.”
“You know Ethan and I have to work today.”
Frankie nodded. “I know. I work until four. Kelly will be with Evie today. We’ll leave when you guys get off work.”
I zoned her out as I continued to make a bagel for Evie and took it upstairs for her leaving Frankie still chatting away in the kitchen. Believe me, she wouldn’t even realize I left, she was that dense at times.
“Rude!” I heard her yell as I climbed the stairs.
Evie came out of the bathroom and sat down on my bed drying her hair with a towel. She draped her legs over my lap when I sat down beside her.
Fuck. She’s naked under that towel. Naked. And probably still wet.
Goddamn it.
“So you might want to start packing,” I suggested hoping she would be okay with going to the lake this weekend.
“Why?” she asked curiously.
I smiled and drew circles on the inside of her exposed thigh. “Frankie planned a weekend at the lake for everyone.” Her eyebrows furrowed as she gave me an apprehensive glance. “We leave when I get off work. I suggest you get started now before she tries to pack your clothes for you.” I gave her a small smile. “And you’re staying with Kelly today.”
“I know. Does my mom know?” she asked and I could already see the emotion in her eyes that something else entirely was bothering her.
“Frankie mentioned something about that. Ethan cleared everything with her.”
“Oh,” she looked sad or confused, I couldn’t tell.
I placed my hand gently under her chin forcing her look at me. “What’s wrong? Do you not want to go?”
“No…that’s not it at all. I just…worry about my mom by herself. I still don’t know if Shane is going to really leave me alone. I’m just worried that he might do something to her if we are away.”
“She won’t be alone,” I smiled. “She’s going too.”
She nodded feeling relieved. She was always so concerned about her mom having given up so much to have Evie and Ethan I think they always felt they had to protect her now.
“Are you sure you want to go? We can always stay here.” I pulled her into my arms and my thoughts were immediately on her naked body again. “Although, we will have our own room. And be completely alone. With a lock. I wouldn’t mind that,” I let me voice trail off as I placed kisses down her neck slowly pulling her towel a little to peek at her breasts.
She turned into me wrapping her arms around my neck with a little too much enthusiasm that knocked us backwards on my bed. I didn’t mind, I continued to kiss her passionately.
“I was…thinking, since we will be alone,” she said running her hands threw my hair and pulling me into another kiss.
“Oh…uh…” I ran my fingers through my hair nervously.
What is wrong with me? You know you want to. I was so concerned that we should wait until she was ready but now that she was, I didn’t know how to react to it.
She misread my nerves for rejection. “Well I…never mind…we don’t have to,” her face was flushed as she tried to get up. She thought that I didn’t want her.
Fix this asshole.
I sat up with. “You know that I want you to, right?”
“I thought that…you didn’t say anything.” She mumbled, avoiding looking at me, her eyes on the empty pill bottle on my dresser. I hadn’t bothered to fill it again since Evie was with me. I didn’t need it, so I thought.
I pulled her chin up for her to look me in the eyes, placing a small kiss on her forehead. “I just want you to be sure that you’re ready,” I whispered against her lips. “You have to be one hundred percent positive that’s what you want.”
“I’m sure, I’ve never been more sure of anything,” she began kissing me again, more passionately like she was showing me just how sure she was. I let myself enjoy it and gently laid her down on the bed, rolling on top of her a little ways, deepening the kisses
.
Ethan kicked my closed door. “Hey asshole, it’s time for work.”
At least he didn’t open the door and see me on his sister. It was probably a good thing I had to work. With the way I wanted her, I needed to calm down and hammer into something else besides her.
In two days, it will have been a week since I left Shane. And though I thought of him everyday, it wasn’t thoughts associated with fond memories…quite the opposite. My thoughts were centered around my fears, but the fears were getting easier to overcome with Grayson here. I felt safe in his arms.
I ended up spending the day with Kelly as it was their last weekend before they went back to Arizona. I came to realize that day, and every other day surrounded by my family, that distractions were good.
We made plans to spend the weekend at the lake. Ethan and Grayson got home around five. Just as we were all set to leave, Grayson grabbed my wrist to pull me back down.
I looked at him with surprise. He just winked.
“You guys coming?” Ethan asked, noticing we were still sitting at the table. “We’re going to pick up some food before going to the lake.”
Josh’s parents lake house was where we spent most of our time growing up. It felt good to be planning to go back there. As if things were finally returning to normal.
“We will but we’ll be there later.” Grayson responded.
Part of me wondered if he wanted to talk more but then my mind began to drift back to our first time again. That damn night was never far from my mind and now more than ever.
The situation was a lot like right now. Alone in his house, him saying we’d come back later, only to never show.
I didn’t make eye contact with him, but when they were finally gone, I turned my head to look at him. It didn’t take me long to realize why we were still here, he picked me up to straddle his lap in the kitchen chair.
“I know we talked the other night, but there’s some things we didn’t say,” he paused, and then leveled me a more serious look. “I know you want to know why I left, especially after we had sex and then I just up and disappeared. I was an asshole. I won’t lie to you. I enlisted in the Army well before our night together. I knew when we did, I was leaving after graduation,” he said, staring at me. His eyes always held some type of emotion. But when the emotion had something to do with me, I really didn’t know what he was thinking. I had no idea what type of emotion they held when they were about me, and it scared me. “You think it meant nothing to me, I know you do. But you’re wrong. It meant something to me.”
I felt his hand run across my cheek and grasp hold of my chin, forcing me to look at him. I still had my eyes closed before I could see what he was about to do. His other hand snaked around my upper back as he pulled me closer, pressing me tightly against him. I opened my eyes as I felt the sudden pull, before I could reject he kissed me with a pent up passion that took me by surprise…surprise because I was feeling the same emotions.
I couldn’t think clearly enough to respond to his actions.
He was about to release me, but kissed him again.
“I love you, Evie.”
I didn’t reply and that seemed to make him a bit anxious and he forced me to look at him eye to eye.
You can close your eyes to everything you don’t want to see. You can cover your ears and not hear the things you don’t want to. You can be blind and to everything, if you want to be.
But you can’t control who you love.
Your heart is the most defenseless part of your body. You can’t make it feel something it doesn’t, and you certainly can’t stop it from feeling.
“I love you, too.” I said softly, wanting him to believe me as I kissed him.
His lips synced with my own perfectly and it wasn’t long after that I felt his tongue rake across my bottom lip. The taste of him ran across my taste buds and I nearly moaned, it took everything in my arsenal of willpower to stop myself from doing so. My reaction to being this close, finally after three long years, was almost more than I could handle both emotionally and physically. Just straddling him had me ready to come and I was still fully clothed. I wouldn’t last two minutes once our clothes were off.
Our kiss started to grow urgent and filled with desire as they always did. I felt his tongue lightly trace my lower lip again and I opened my mouth more for him as he slid his tongue in my mouth once again. He groaned, again, moving his hands to grab my hips, pushing me down on his lap, never breaking the contact between our heated lips.
His hands, still at my hips, started circling the band of my shorts. He strained me closer to him, his breathing coming heavy, judging by the bulge I was sitting on he was obviously feeling the same level of passion that was slowly building in me. I pushed down further grinding my hips into him, searching for friction again, making us both groan remembering the other night. It was heading the same direction it had our first time, all this so very familiar. I thought we’d wait for the lake house but I was okay with this too.
His fingers ran over the button of my shorts.
My breath caught when he got the button undone. Suddenly he froze.
“Evie, maybe we shouldn’t do this,” he said, hesitantly.
“Why not?” I was shocked. I thought we both wanted this. I did…parts of him obviously did, we’re all alone. What’s the problem?
“I just…I think we should…” he sighed moving me off his lap beside him in my own chair. “I don’t want us to rush into this. So much has happened to you. More than you’re telling me about.”
He was right. He was always right.
“Damn you. Stop kissing me then,” I pushed back against his chest.
He laughed and ruffled my hair a little. I sat back in my chair with my arms crossed.
“I’m curious…have you…” he let his voice trail off. I knew exactly what he was asking. “Was there anyone besides Shane?”
“I slept with Chris four months after you left. And then Shane.”
He nodded, but said nothing else.
I started to panic. What would he think of me now?
“Have you?”
He shook his head. “Being where I was, there’s no time for that. I’ve only ever been with you.”
“Even before me?”
“Only you.”
And now I feel like a complete slut.
We sat there for a moment when my cell phone started ringing. After my little temper tantrum the other day I had to hold the receiver in one hand and the headphone in another. I looked at the caller ID, which amazingly still worked.
Grayson laughed at me trying to hold the pieces I now called my cell phone together mumbling something about getting me a new one soon.
“What do you want?”
“Where in the world are you guys?” Frankie riled.
“We are leaving now, be there in thirty minutes.” I hung up before she could say anymore or ask what we were doing.
I turned to Grayson, kissing him on the forehead, running my fingers down his stomach pulling slightly at the band of his shorts. “We will continue this later, but for now we are in trouble if we don’t leave.”
“Lead the way.”
We got there faster than we should with Grayson’s driving. He never did the speed limit anywhere. He drove like he was qualifying for a damn NASCAR race.
When Grayson first got his license, he got a ticket from Reece for going one hundred and twenty miles an hour in a sixty zone. Grayson knew no boundaries and was known for crossing lines just because he thought he could, lines that typically involved the speed limit.
I laughed as his engine roared around the last bend. “Did you get some driving lessons from Jameson the other night?”
Grayson laughed. “Maybe. He’s pretty good.”
“Yeah, it was good to see Aiden too.”
Grayson raised an eyebrow at me. “Is that right?”
“Shut up.”
My first kiss was with Aiden when I was fourteen and he was sixteen
. My second was Grayson at the baseball fields. Grayson would never let me live it down that Aiden kissed me first.
When we got there, the driveway was filled with cars so we ended up parking on the road.
Grayson helped me out of the truck only to glance down at my bare legs as he helped me out.
“Why Grayson Wyatt Gomez…are you trying to peek at my goodies?”
He bent down to my ear and chuckled lightly before pausing to say, “You show me yours and I’ll show you mine,” he said suggestively.
I felt my cheeks turn red as I shook my head at him, then the fucker winked.
Cocky asshole, always knows exactly what to say.
“Don’t do that unless you’re ready to play with fire,” I said, feeling like I had a slight advantage over him, for once.
He smiled, just fucking smiled.
It was hot as hell out even for nearly seven at night. My boobs were sweating like crazy. Had to be at least a hundred degrees and judging by the condensation forming over my entire body, it was probably a hundred percent humidity as well. Alabama was always so hot and humid, almost unbearable by the time summer rolled around. If it wasn’t so beautiful, I’m sure most people would stay away.
“You ready for this?” I asked backing him up against his truck, really just wanting to kiss him again.
“Sure,” Grayson said, kissing my neck. He placed his hand under my chin forcing me to look at him. I leaned into him wrapping my arms around his neck as he pressed his lips to mine once again.
He pulled away sooner than I wanted with a sigh. “We better make our appearance before Frankie kills us,” he pulled me with him, placing his arm around my shoulder.
I smiled at his public display of affection. Personally I wanted to shout it from roof tops everywhere that we were finally together. Though we hadn’t said it, it was easy to think that’s what this was. A good part of me thought maybe I wasn’t ready for this after Shane. But a more determined part wanted this. Or more so, needed it.
Frankie noticed us walking down the driveway and danced to our side. Noticing that Grayson’s arm was firmly around my shoulders, he removed it and grabbed my hand in his as we continued to walk toward the house. At this moment in time, the only thing echoing in my brain was that “I was finally at peace…finally home.”