“What is this all about?” Jenna asked as soon as she walked in, her face twisted in a frown.
“You were very secretive on the phone, Holly,” Regina added.
Holly positioned her wheelchair so that all the girls were in view. “Well, Cassidy and I...we don’t want to keep the vow anymore. We want to be open and honest about what really happened the night of the crash.”
Jenna let out a shocked gasp. “No! We all promised we would never tell.”
“We were kids then, Jenna,” Cassidy pointed out. “I don’t think we had any idea of what keeping a secret like that would entail.”
“We’ve been doing fine all these years,” Jenna snapped. “Then suddenly Cassidy comes back to town and wants to turn everything upside down. It’s not fair!”
“Fair? Do you really want to talk about fair?” Regina scolded. “Cassidy bore the brunt of everything, Jenna. She was the one who had everything to lose by keeping that vow. It was her reputation that got shredded, not ours.”
“When I agreed to keep the secret I was lying in hospital bed with a shattered spine. I think I would’ve agreed to anything,” Holly asserted. She hung her head. “It makes me sick that I’ve accepted all this sympathy over the years, all the while I’ve been lying about what really happened.”
“Don’t you see, Jenna? We’ve all moved forward to a point in our lives where the secret is doing more harm than good,” Cassidy explained. Jenna was acting as if this was a personal attack on her, when in reality it was unloading a secret that was weighing them all down.
Jenna stayed silent. She stared at them with big, rounded eyes that begged them not to go back on their vow. Cassidy recognized fear when she saw it. She’d lived with it for too long not to know it like the back of her hand. Jenna wasn’t just being ornery. She was scared to death.
Cassidy moved forward so that she was in Jenna’s direct line of sight. Compassion flowed through her as she saw her lips trembling and the lost look in her eyes.
“I was playing chicken with the car the night of the crash. There’s no way I can pretty that up or change it. I have to own it. But we all have some ownership. Even you, Jenna. And like it or not, I can’t let my future be dragged down by the past.” She shook her head vehemently. “Not anymore. Not ever again.”
* * *
Tate was stumped. He’d come back to the ranch much earlier than expected after getting off his shift prematurely, only to discover that Holly was nowhere to be found. His parents were out of town looking at purebred horses, so he knew she wasn’t with them. He was a little bit concerned, since driving was a new accomplishment for Holly and she might not have the skills to drive in the rain. Plus, it wasn’t like her to take off from the ranch without leaving a note or telling the family beforehand.
There was a slight chance she might have driven out somewhere on the property, he thought, as he grabbed his keys and headed for his truck. As he drove past the stables he came across not only Holly’s van, but Cassidy’s baby blue Honda. When he hopped out of his truck he noticed two other cars—a BMW that looked like the one Regina owned and another car he didn’t recognize.
What was Cassidy doing out here? He’d asked her if she wanted to catch a movie tonight, but she’d declined, saying she had plans with her family. With free time on his hands he’d done a shift at the Sheriff’s Office instead. Why would all the girls be out here at the stables at nine o’clock at night? He slipped in through the side door, the sound of raised voices emanating from the front of the building.
He could see them all from where he was standing in the shadows. Cassidy. Holly. Regina. And Jenna. The four roses. They seemed to be arguing, he realized. Jenna was flailing her arms and Regina was teary eyed. Cassidy had her arms folded around her chest. Holly seemed agitated.
I was playing chicken with the car the night of the crash. Cassidy’s words rang out in the stables. Everything else faded away. He felt blood rushing to his head.
An avalanche of emotion rained down on him. His chest tightened and pain rocketed through him with the force of a sledgehammer. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d been this fired up. It felt as if he was on the verge of exploding. He would never have believed it for a second, but he’d heard it with his own ears. Cassidy had outright admitted it. Playing a dangerous game of chicken had caused the accident that had shattered Holly’s world. And my world, as well, he thought angrily. Cassidy had made decisions the night of the crash that had altered the course of his life. Had he meant so little to her that she’d been willing to toss their future aside for a reckless game?
My sister is in a wheelchair because of some stupid, ridiculous stunt?
He stumbled out of the stables without making a sound. His heart felt as if it were breaking in two. It was actual physical pain that gripped him. He hadn’t felt this way since the day he’d found out Cassidy had left town. Betrayal. The sting of it seared his insides.
The rain flowed over him and he did nothing to shield himself. They were cleansing rains that he prayed would soothe his raging soul. There were so many conflicting emotions swirling around inside him. After everything they’d been through, how could she have kept this from him? What kind of person played games with other peoples lives? He walked toward his truck, wanting to get as far away from this place as possible.
How could she have lied to him? What a fool he’d been to think that she had changed one iota from the person she’d been eight years ago. Feeling the need to vent some frustration, he kicked the tire on his truck. It did absolutely nothing to ease his agony. What he really wanted to do was scream at the top of his lungs, to have a very noisy conversation with God about the path he’d been walking on. For the past few weeks he’d been more and more certain that the path was leading toward a future with Cassidy. But now, after what he’d just overheard, he couldn’t imagine holding her in his arms without thinking about all the lies and evasions.
How could he have been such a fool twice in one lifetime?
With a groan he turned around and walked back in the direction of the stables. He paced back and forth in the rain as memories washed over him. Seeing Cassidy at the diner on her first day back in town. Hanging out with her at Horseshoe Bend Ranch during the storm. Dancing with her at the community gathering.
Could he really have been so wrong about Cassidy?
Every time he turned around to get in his truck and leave, he found himself rooted to the spot. Why was it so hard to walk away from her? Why did the thought of it hurt so badly?
Are you trying to tell me something, Lord? ’Cause if you are, I’m struggling to get the message.
There was no way he could build a life with someone who harbored secrets. It was that simple. Trust was the very foundation of a relationship, yet Cassidy had shattered his faith in her not once, but twice. There were only so many times a person could turn the other cheek.
For a moment everything got real still and he began to pray. Lord, I love this woman. Regardless of what happened in the past, she is my future. She’s my other half, Lord. The other piece of my soul.
How in the world could he even think of walking away from that?
She’d changed him. Inspired him. She made him want to be a better man, one who didn’t struggle with forgiveness but granted it. They’d held hands and prayed together. She’d helped Holly achieve a measure of peace. Together they’d brought Picasso into the world. No one could ever make him laugh the way Cassidy did. And even though she’d been given a hard time since she’d come back to West Falls, she’d stayed.
Suddenly, like a balloon deflating, he felt all the anger leave him.
Forgiveness. He’d reached a state of grace where he could honestly say that he’d forgiven Cassidy for all the pain and heartache she’d caused in the past. How could he turn his back on that? How could he lose her a second time? It would b
e like losing a limb. He needed her. And he didn’t want to live without her. He’d done that before and it had nearly killed him.
No matter what she’d done in the past, he couldn’t turn his back on her. It just wasn’t possible.
Soaked to the bone, he walked back inside the stables. This time he wasn’t hiding in the shadows.
* * *
Cassidy winced as the pain seared through her in wave after wave. All she could think about was Tate. When she told him the truth about the accident he wouldn’t want anything more to do with her. By withholding the truth, she’d lied to him. It was so clear to her now. She wondered why she hadn’t always seen it so clearly.
Lord, please give me the grace to be honest with Tate, regardless of the consequences. And whatever he decides, please give me the strength to get through this.
The debate among the girls was still raging on, but part of her had mentally checked out. She’d already reached a decision about telling Tate the truth. Nothing was going to change that, not even the dread coursing through her veins.
“We were all responsible. All four of us,” Holly declared. “But Cassidy took the blame for everything. All the hatred, the responsibility, the law enforcement interrogation.”
“Holly, what are you saying?” Jenna’s voice was shrill. “Are you letting her off the hook?”
“That’s not what she’s saying!” Regina shouted, her voice filled with frustration.
“We all did it! That’s what I’m saying. We all played that stupid game,” Holly said in a firm voice. “We called it chicken, didn’t we? We’d each take turns getting behind the wheel and we’d drive well past the speed limit and act crazy.”
“I never drove. I didn’t even have my license!” Jenna protested.
“You didn’t drive, but you participated. We all did,” Regina said, tears shimmering in her eyes. “Not one of us ever said no. Holly’s right. We were all responsible.”
“Cassidy may have been the one driving the car when the accident happened, but the rest of us all took turns that night. It was just Cassidy’s misfortune that she skidded in the rain.”
Regina nodded. “It could have been any of us. I know I wasn’t a very good driver.” She let out a painful laugh. “At seventeen, who is?”
“I didn’t have my seat belt on because I was hanging out my window. How stupid was that?” Holly banged her fists on her legs. “If I’d been wearing it, I wouldn’t be in this chair.”
“We promised we would never talk about this!” Jenna cried. “I don’t want to remember that night!”
“I have to talk about this! It’s been eating me up inside all this time!” Holly spit out. “For years I’ve been hiding this, afraid of what everyone would think of us if they found out. But it came at a price. And Cassidy’s had to pay that price all by herself.”
“We thought we were invincible,” Cassidy said with a bitter laugh. “I know I did. Bad things never happened to girls like us, right?”
“Right,” Holly said with a shake of her head. “But something bad did happen, didn’t it? And I don’t think we should let this vow hold us back anymore. As long as we’re keeping secrets, we’re still stuck in the past.”
The sound of footsteps echoed in the stillness of the stables. Cassidy whipped her head around, shock coursing through her as she saw Tate emerging from the shadows.
* * *
Tate moved out of the darkness, making his presence known to all the girls. Someone let out a gasp. He heard Cassidy call out his name. All of their attention was now focused on him.
“I need to talk to Cassidy,” he fumed. “You all need to leave us alone.”
He could barely look at them, didn’t want to lash out at them in his current state of fury. He’d heard enough of their conversation to know that Cassidy hadn’t been alone in her actions. All of the girls had been part of the game, although none had been brave enough to come clean at the time.
He was so angry at the way they’d hidden the truth. They’d placed the entire burden on Cassidy’s shoulders, and she’d suffered for it over the years. She’d lost everything. If they’d banded together and supported her, perhaps she would have been strong enough to stay in West Falls. Perhaps their foolish actions could have served as a cautionary tale for all the teenagers who texted while driving or treated their cars as a right rather than a privilege.
At the harsh sound of his voice, Jenna quickly scrambled away from the stables. Regina cast a sorrowful glance at her cousin, then slowly walked toward the door. Holly wheeled over to him, her expression mutinous as she confronted him.
“Don’t let what you overheard change how you feel. Please, Tate. What you and Cassidy have, it’s one in a million.” Her blue eyes were beseeching him to tread lightly with Cassidy’s heart.
“Please,” he barked, his anger rising by the second. “I just want to talk to Cassidy.”
Surprise flared in Holly’s eyes. He had never talked to her this way, but he was so disappointed over what she’d done that he could barely look at her. He didn’t want to be civil. There would be time later for the two of them to talk it out. But now, all he wanted was Cassidy.
Please Lord, give me the courage to tell Cassidy how I truly feel about her.
It wasn’t easy laying himself bare to her. Making himself vulnerable scared him. It brought back all the nightmarish memories from when he’d lost her. The thought of falling on his face terrified him, but, if there was a chance she felt the same way he did, he would risk it all.
Cassidy’s eyes were wide with fear. “How much did you hear?” Her voice sounded raw.
“Everything.” There were no more secrets between them. Not now. Not ever, he hoped.
One look in Cassidy’s eyes told him everything. Hurt, regret, pain, fear.
Cassidy covered her face with her hands. “I’m so sorry.” Her voice was filled with remorse.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” All the agony he felt came out in his voice.
“It wouldn’t have changed anything,” she said, blinking back tears. “And we vowed never to tell, never to speak of it. I didn’t want to drag all the other girls down with me.”
His frustration bubbled over. “It would have changed everything! Everyone blamed you—”
“Because I was driving when the car skidded off the road.”
He reached out and grabbed her by the shoulders, wanting to gently shake some sense into her. Was she still shouldering all the blame? She couldn’t possibly think she owned this all by herself.
“But you weren’t the only one driving that night. You all took turns, except for Jenna. You were all part of it.”
“Ultimately, it was still my fault. I participated in that stupid game. I was at the wheel and I ran my car off the road. Tate, I’ve had to accept responsibility for my actions. It’s the only way I could move forward. It was the only way I could forgive myself.”
He reached for her, cupping her face in his hands so he could look into her wounded eyes. More than anything he wanted to nurture her, to shelter her from having to face anything else in life all alone.
“You lost so much that night. I’m not sure you’ve ever acknowledged what it cost you. Your entire life turned on a dime that night.”
“None of us were unscathed,” Cassidy pointed out. “Jenna...she’s different now. Hardened. And Regina...she’s more of a loner, kind of closed off. And Holly. What hasn’t she been through with her recovery? There’s so much that will forever be out of her reach.”
Tate pulled her to him, his lips moving over hers in the purest of kisses. He wanted to show her all the things he’d been afraid to show her before tonight. He wanted to lay it all on the line for her, in the hopes that she saw a future with him. He wanted to give her everything. And above all, forgiveness. As the kiss ended, Cassidy
clung to him, whispering words poignant enough to melt his heart.
“Please, forgive me, Tate. For not telling you, for keeping secrets. I don’t want to lose you.”
Her heart was all tied up in her words. He could see it now and the beauty of it almost brought him to his knees. It flowed over him like healing waters, giving him the courage to say what was in his heart.
“Cass, I know this has been a long time coming, but I forgive you. I don’t want the past to ever come between us again. A life without you—” He shuddered. “That’s not a life I want to live. Been there, done that. It was a much emptier life without you in it. I love you, Cassidy.”
His voice was filled with conviction and he wanted it to heal her, to lift her up to a place where she only saw their bright future. He placed his hands on either side of her face, his thumbs grazing her cheeks.
“I’ve been prideful. Unyielding. I was so stuck in the past that I couldn’t see the future. I’ve been all over the place with my emotions. I don’t know why you even put up with me,” he said with an agonized groan.
“Shhh.” Cassidy placed her finger over his mouth. “You’re the kindest, most tender man I’ve ever known. I gave you every reason to harden your heart to me. If I haven’t said it before, I’m very grateful to be given a second chance to love you. Because I do love you, Tate Lynch. I have fallen madly, deeply, forever in love with you.”
He rained kisses down on her face...her nose, cheeks, forehead...dozens of feather-light kisses. She felt like each kiss was removing a scar from her heart. He was healing her with his love. He was showing her that the past wasn’t nearly as important as their present.
“I know you have a life in Phoenix, but I’d like you to consider moving back home. I truly believe God led you home to me.” Tate’s eyes were full of hope.
Reunited with the Sheriff Page 17