by S. E. Lund
“It’s amazing,” he said and pulled me into his arms. “It’s the best gift I’ve ever received. Ever.”
I smiled and hugged him tightly. He pulled away and seemed mesmerized by the photo, shaking his head slowly.
“I’m surprised she gave it to you, considering how she feels about me.”
“She’s thankful that you saved Liam’s life.”
“She said that?” he said and turned to me, his eyes wide.
“Yes, of course,” I said. I didn’t add the rest of what she said that day. Drake didn’t need to hear it.
Drake put the picture on the coffee table, standing it up using the easel attached to the frame. “I’d like one for my office. Can we make a copy?”
I nodded.
He pulled me back into his arms and we sat like that for a few moments, enjoying the silence and the warmth from the morning sun, which fell across the floor and onto the sofa.
“Honestly, Kate, this has been the best Christmas ever. Seriously.” He pulled back and looked into my eyes. “I feel as if I have a life now. A real life. Before I met you, I was just existing.”
I nodded. “Me, too.”
My eyes were wet and he smiled and leaned in to kiss me. It was then I pulled out the final gift for Drake. A long white box wrapped in a shiny red ribbon.
“Here,” I said, my voice choked. “One more gift.”
Drake frowned. “Hey, you,” he said and took the present. “We agreed only two presents each. Why did you get me another one?”
“It’s for both of us,” I said as he pulled the ribbon off the box.
“Both of us?” he said, his expression one of curiosity now. “A set of gold pens?”
He removed the wrapping and took the lid off. Beneath the lid was a layer of batting, and then he removed that, eager to see what it was.
He picked it up. My pregnancy test.
Positive.
He turned to me and the look in his eyes was all I needed to send me over into full-fledged tears.
“Oh, Kate,” he whispered, his own eyes wet. He pulled me into his arms, his face buried in my neck, and said nothing, squeezing me tighter and tighter.
Nothing needed to be said. Words seemed trivial compared to the emotions I knew we both were feeling and so we sat there in the apartment on 8th Avenue, wrapped in each other’s arms, the noise from the street filtering in under the open window, the church bells ringing in the distance.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Drake
I learned on Christmas Day that I was going to be a father and the news made me the happiest man on Earth. Kate had become pregnant in late November when I thought there was no way she would because she had so recently stopped her birth control. She was five weeks pregnant and due on August 26th.
If you went back in time to just over a year and a half earlier and watched me go through my very hectic day, you’d have seen a man who was rushing through his life, kept busy so he didn’t have to think too much about the lack of love in his life.
Sure, I had friends. Ken and Dave and the band. I had Lara, my confessor. I had the O’Rileys who acted as a substitute family. I had my submissives, who quenched my thirst for bondage and dominance during sex.
But I had no one who knew me completely, who loved me completely, and who wanted to grow old with me.
That’s what I hid from. That’s what kept me so busy, running from one part of my life to the next, with barely any time to breathe. I told myself that kind of life was not for me but instead, the truth was that I was afraid of having that life, of trying for it, in case I failed. Romance was the one part of my life I failed at -- miserably. I didn’t like to fail. Solution? Don’t even try.
It’s a coward’s solution of course, but at that time, I was afraid of being hurt again. Maureen leaving me for another man – one who gave her what she obviously needed and what I failed to give her – hurt me more deeply than I cared to admit.
Here I was, just over a year and a half later, committed to being a total family man. Wife, child, three-bedroom apartment with a room I was eyeing for a nursery, a smile on my face.
There was only one dark cloud on our horizon and that was Lisa Monroe, who had been too busy with exams and cases to bother me over Christmas, and especially after our little chat at the hospital, but she did ghost me whenever we had a joint conference or during grand rounds. We scrubbed in together on cases, and of course, we had coffee with the group on a regular basis.
She hadn’t pushed things or mentioned Richardson since that day in the hallway, and I hoped that she finally realized that nothing was going to happen between us. Still, I had never forgotten that look in her eyes, and she still insisted on us being ‘friendly’ with each other, although I had to force it.
If she never existed, I would be only too happy.
So it was that I had almost forgotten about Lisa and her threats to expose me if I wasn’t her ‘friend.’ Sadly, that time of peace came to an abrupt end that afternoon as I was leaving the hospital to go home.
“Drake!” she called out to me as I was leaving through a rear staff door.
I stopped, and had to force myself not to roll my eyes.
“Lisa,” I said, not smiling.
“Can you drop me off at home?”
“I’m in a rush,” I said and shook my head.
“It’s on the way,” she said.
“How do you know that?”
“I know where you live,” she said. “On 8th. My residence isn’t too far off your track.”
“I have to stop and get something at the foundation,” I said. I had planned on dropping by to pick up a package of material for a board meeting on the weekend.
“I can wait,” she said, pulling on her jacket. “I can check my email while you go in. That’s the foundation you started in honor of your dad? Surgical equipment for hospitals in Africa? I do my research…”
I frowned, not happy with the prospect of taking her to her residence. “I have to meet with someone there, so I really can’t drop you off…”
“I’d love to go inside and see it for myself,” she said, undeterred.
“No,” I said firmly. “I just can’t, Lisa. I’m sorry.”
She frowned at me. “You have to be nice to me. I thought you understood that.”
I sighed. “I am nice to you.”
I walked out of the building and she followed me to my parking spot. My mind was busy, trying to figure out what I should do. I was damned if I did and damned if I didn’t. I decided I’d drop her off first and then go home. I didn’t want her coming into the foundation.
“I’ll drop you off first,” I said and got in my car. She got into the passenger side and fastened her seatbelt.
“No,” she said and settled back, a satisfied expression on her face. “I think I’d like to come up and see your foundation. You’re such a charitable man, Drake. You can give me a bit of your time.”
I drove off, determined to ignore her demand. When I turned down the street that led to her residence instead of the foundation, she must have noticed and turned to me, frowning.
“I said I wanted to come in with you.”
I gritted my teeth. “I said I was dropping you off first.”
“Turn around and go to your foundation.”
I kept driving. She finally gave in, sighing heavily and dramatically. “So afraid of having a woman friend?”
“You’re a resident,” I said quietly. “I’m one of your supervisors. Technically, we shouldn’t be socializing outside of work.”
“I won’t tell if you won’t,” she said and wagged her eyebrows. When I didn’t respond, she laughed. “Oh, Drake, for heaven’s sake, lighten up! No one’s going to know what we do except you and me. Seriously, we can do anything we want. Manhattan is a big city and it’s not like anyone’s following us.”
“Here you go,” I said and pulled up to her residence. I didn’t look at her. I waited, the car engine running.
“Very well,” she said, her voice sour. “But I expect you to be friendly with me. I’m not going to bite,” she said. “Unless you want me to.”
With that she left the car and I caught her smile as she closed the door.
Then, I drove off as quickly as I could.
Friendship wasn’t enough for her. Besides, we could never be friends, even if that was all she wanted. Not after threatening me.
I knew what I had to do.
I had to quit.
I had to give up my fellowship and leave my practice at NYP, whatever was left of it for if she did follow through on her threat to out me, I’d have to leave. My reputation would be smirched and the hospital would probably want to cut ties. I should have done it when she first mentioned Richardson and Sunita, but I hadn’t wanted to consider it. I’d go and speak with Fred Parker and let him know I was withdrawing from the fellowship and would go somewhere else later.
Lisa’s residency was seven years long. I’d have to leave Manhattan if I wanted to enter a formal fellowship program in pediatric neurosurgery, since New York University had the only pediatric neurosurgery program in Manhattan. Lisa couldn’t do any damage to me if I was no longer practicing medicine in New York.
At that moment, I couldn’t imagine that there was anything else I could do. I couldn’t give in to her because she’d keep pushing and pushing, expecting something more than friends.
I still hadn’t spoken to Kate about it, because I didn’t want to upset her over nothing. Kate had enough on her plate, with her Master’s program, our new life as a married couple, renovations to the 8th Avenue apartment, and now her pregnancy, which had resulted in morning sickness that lasted all day into evening.
Both of us were extremely busy and there was only an hour or two for us to be together when she felt well enough to get out of bed or off the sofa, so I wanted our time to be quality time. The last thing I wanted was for her to be worrying about another woman I had absolutely no interest in.
I had to quit.
Kate was lying on the couch, blankets wrapped around her, and the channel changer in her hand when I walked into the living room. I went right over and kissed her on the mouth, so happy to see her smile.
“Hello, Mrs. Morgan,” I said softly, stroking her face. “You don’t know how happy I am to see you.”
“Me as well,” she said and smiled up at me. “Rough day?”
“Yep,” I said and sat on the sofa beside her, leaning over her, taking her in with a long glance. Her hair was mussed and her eyes sleepy but she was beautiful. I loved her so much at that moment, I felt a choke in my throat.
“Tell me about it, Dr. Morgan,” she said and reached up to touch my face. “Let it all out. That’s what I’m here for.”
I shook my head. “No, you’re here for more than just being a sounding board. You,” I said and tucked the blanket around her, “are my heart and soul. I don’t want to burden you with the day to day crap I deal with.”
“Is it crap?” she said, her eyes widening. “I thought you were enjoying your fellowship…” Then she frowned and searched my face, but I tried to avoid her eyes. “Tell me, Drake.” She cupped my cheek with a hand. “You have to tell me everything. No secrets.”
I sighed heavily, deciding that I couldn’t keep my problems with Lisa from Kate any longer. All semester, after our wedding and during Christmas, I’d kept any talk about Lisa and her constant attention from Kate, not wanting to upset her during what should be the happiest time of her life. Still, after this afternoon, I knew I had to.
“There’s this resident who’s been pestering me. She wants to be ‘friends’, whatever that means,” I said finally.
“Friends is okay,” Kate said, pursing her lips in thought. “Colleagues. Nothing more, though,” she said with a mock angry face. “Or tell her I’ll come down there and whoop her ass.”
Then she laughed and I couldn’t help but smile.
“She wants us to sit together at meetings, have coffee together, walk down the halls in serious conversation.”
“That’s okay,” Kate said, and I could see the disappointment on her face that we were only just married and I was already bringing this kind of BS into our relationship. “I can’t expect you to give up relating to the entire female species just because we’re married. Just don’t fall in love with anyone else, Drake.”
“How could I possibly do that?” I said, shaking my head in wonder. Then I frowned. “I don’t think I can stay in the fellowship program.”
“What? Why?”
I didn’t say anything for a moment, debating with myself. Kate was being so good about this, but maybe too good. She didn’t understand but I didn’t want to worry her.
“I really don’t think it’s a good idea. I think I might put my practice on hold for a year or two. I can put the fellowship off until next year. Besides, I can stay home with you and the baby.”
“You’re going to stop doing surgery? Why?” she asked, and she seemed really upset. “Drake, you have to tell me right now what’s going on. Is it because of this pesky resident who has a crush on you?”
I sighed heavily, wondering how to word things.
“Drake, you can’t let a love-struck young girl ruin things for you. Just humor her.”
“I don’t think she can be humored.” Then I decided to tell her all. “I topped her in the past. She knows Richardson and Sunita. She as much threatened to reveal my involvement in BDSM if I wasn’t nice to her.”
“What?” she said and sat straight up, her face blanching. “You topped her? How many times?”
“Twice, back when I first was involved in the lifestyle. I barely remember…”
“She knows Sunita? She threatened you?”
I nodded. “She was one of Richardson’s submissives. She worked with Sunita during her internship at NYP. It’s a small world, and people know each other. She threatened to tell the administration about me if I wasn’t what she called ‘nice’ to her.”
“Oh, God,” Kate said and looked away. “She’s crazy.”
“She won’t take no for an answer,” I said. “She threatened me and she still thinks we’ll be all friendly.”
“Should you speak to someone about her? Is she dangerous?”
I sighed and considered. Was Lisa dangerous? Or was she just foolish? She said she just wanted me to be nice to her. I had been as nice to her as could be expected. Still, I couldn’t shake the feeling that she was that close to being a stalker.
I knew what I had to do. I had to speak with Lara.
“It’s Dawn all over again,” I said with a heavy sigh. “Lara told me that I’d have to keep my private and public lives completely separate. I thought that since Richardson’s was pretty anonymous, other than the vetting, that I’d be pretty safe. Being with Sunita was a huge mistake that I think I’ll regret for a long time.”
I said nothing for a moment, considering. As I watched, I could see Kate’s face fall, and I knew I was right to wait to tell her. This news would have ruined our wedding and honeymoon. Now, it was ruining her happiness and I hated myself for it.
“I’ll call Lara tomorrow and talk to her about it. She’ll know the best way to proceed. But I really think I’ll have to withdraw from the fellowship. If Lisa doesn’t get what she wants from me, whatever that is, I’m worried that she’s the kind of person who will retaliate. I don’t think she threw that threat out for no reason.”
Kate nodded, her eyes wide. “People who threaten aren’t the kind to go quietly.”
“Sadly, no,” I said and then pulled her into my arms so that she sat on my lap, the blanket a tangle around her. “But enough of this depressing stuff.” I kissed her warmly. “How are you feeling? Have you eaten?”
“Chicken rice soup and some crackers. I held it down, too,” she said with a smile as if she was glad to move onto a different subject. “But I threw up everything I ate this morning and at lunch.”
“Things should let up prett
y quickly. Usually by about the twelfth week, your hormones should stabilize and morning sickness should go away.”
“Twelve weeks?” she said doubtfully. “You mean I have another couple of weeks of this?”
“Sorry,” I said and made a face of commiseration. “Keep telling yourself it’s our baby doing what’s necessary for a healthy pregnancy.”
“I wish it was just morning sickness,” she said and threaded her arms around my neck. “It’s morning, noon, and afternoon and then evening sickness. The only time I can eat anything and keep it down is after eight.”
“If it gets too bad or doesn’t go away and you can’t keep anything down, you might have to go on medication.”
She shook her head. “I don’t want to take anything if I can avoid it. Babies are born with two hundred chemicals in their bodies. I don’t want to risk anything by putting in even more.”
“Hey,” I said with a grin and lifted her chin so she had to look in my eyes. “I’m the doctor in this household. If I say something’s safe, it is, okay?”
“Okay, Doctor Morgan,” she said and kissed me. “But do I have to remind you that you’re a neurosurgeon and not an obstetrician?”
She winked at me playfully but I shook my head. “I did a rotation in obstetrics, I’ll have you know. I pulled a baby out of a woman feet first. I think I’m qualified to give you advice.”
“You are,” she said with a smile. “Now, have you eaten?”
“Not yet,” I said and got up from the sofa. “You stay there. I’ll go and get myself something. I know the smell of food isn’t appealing to you.”
She sighed audibly. “I feel like a bad housewife, not fixing you something.”
“Shush,” I said and touched her lips before kissing her. “You’re not a housewife. You’re a pregnant grad student with morning sickness that happens to extend to most of the day. I’m a big boy and can do it myself.”
I left her on the sofa wrapped in blankets, and went to fix myself some leftovers – a family recipe made with beef stew and broad noodles from Kate’s grandmother. Kate’s family had Polish and Hungarian roots on her mother’s side and I was introduced to a few new dishes.