by S. E. Lund
“It’s not cheating if there’s no sex,” she said, her hands on her hips.
“It would be cheating, Lisa,” I said and adjusted my jacket. “It’s not going to happen.”
I backed away, my hands up to ward her off. She had this desperate pleading expression on her face.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” she said finally, pouting. “For lunch.”
I shook my head. “No can do,” I said and went to the stairs. “Busy.”
“No, you’re not,” she said, her eyes narrowing. “I checked your schedule. You’re not scheduled for any OR time or office hours in the clinic. I even talked to Dave and he said you weren’t coming over to the foundation. So you’re free and you are taking me to lunch.”
The fact she was actively admitting to stalking me alarmed me but I wanted to get out of the building. I shook my head. “I have to go.”
I took the stairs and felt her eyes on me, the hairs prickling on the back of my neck as if I were in danger.
I started to rethink my decision to stay in the fellowship program, but there were only eleven weeks left and I didn’t want to miss out on the entire year due to her.
She wasn’t going to ruin my life.
“How was your happy hour with the residents?” Kate asked as she helped me with my coat, leaning in to kiss me once it was off.
I removed my boots and watched her hang my coat up. “It was fun. Except for Lisa, I enjoyed myself.”
She exhaled and rolled her eyes. “What did she do now?”
“She made me come back to her apartment and help her install her new plasma flat screen television. I tried to say no, but she said she had no one else who could help her lift it.”
“Did she accost you? Offer her wares?”
“Yes, sadly,” I said and watched as a brief flash of darkness crossed Kate’s usually serene face. I took her hand. “She wanted me to do a bondage scene with her. No sex; just rope bondage but I politely declined her offer. As soon as I could, I was out of there like a bat out of hell.”
She tried to smile but I saw her lip quiver. “Did she actually touch you?”
I squeezed her hand and pulled her into my arms. “Briefly. But I pushed her away. It’s crazy, but one moment she’s all hot and bothered and the next she acted as if it didn’t even happen.” I shook my head, amazed at how quickly Lisa was back to her old self, acting as if the awkward rejection hadn’t taken place.
“She’s nuts,” Kate said and slipped her arms around my neck. “I think I may need you to fuck me so I know you’re mine,” she said, her voice breathy.
“I think I need to fuck you to wipe the memory of her out of my consciousness.”
We kissed and then we fucked. I needed Kate's body to wipe away the very uncomfortable memories of Lisa trying to seduce me.
When we were done, we lay together on the bed, our bodies spooned against each other. I loved to lie with her like that, my hand around her waist, caressing her belly. I’d feel the occasional movement from Sophia under my hand and Kate and I would oooh and ahhh.
“She’s going to be an active little critter,” I murmured against the skin on Kate’s shoulder, kissing the spot where I gently bit her while we fucked. I rolled Kate over onto her back and lay beside her, my face over her belly. I kissed the flesh over her navel, and spoke to Sophia.
“You be nice to your momma,” I said with a mock-scolding voice. “No elbows in the liver or kidneys, no standing on her bladder, do you hear?” I kissed her belly again, all over, until I was on my knees over top of Kate, my face over hers, knees spread, hands beside her shoulders.
Kate giggled and I glanced down to see her smiling face, her cheeks pink from sex, the sex flush mottling on her neck and chest starting to fade. In that moment, with her naked beneath me, her belly swelling, her eyes doe-like and warm with love, I thought she was the most beautiful creature I had ever seen.
I couldn’t imagine how lucky I was, and how one fateful misstep at the bathroom in a pub would make me the happiest man in the world.
After cleaning up, Kate took my hand and led me into the kitchen. On the island was a small candelabra with two place settings, a huge bowl of pasta, salad and some fresh bread. My stomach grumbled at the aroma of the pasta primavera.
“Looks fabulous,” I said and pulled her into my arms. I kissed her warmly, and then pulled back. “You were feeling well enough to cook?”
“Yes, I was,” she said with a smile. “My stomach actually growled with hunger when I smelled the sauce. It feels wonderful.”
We kissed again and then sat down at the island to eat our meal.
“I do have something to tell you, though,” I said and twirled my pasta on my fork, wondering how to frame my lunch date with Lisa.
“That doesn’t sound good,” she said and watched me. “Tell me.”
“She told me I was taking her out for lunch tomorrow. When I tried to come up with an excuse on the fly, she had already checked my schedule at the hospital and at the Foundation.” I made a face of exasperation and waited for her response. Would she be angry? Jealous? Long suffering?
“You have to do it,” she said and shrugged one shoulder, but I could tell she was fighting to appear calm. “I don’t like the fact that my husband, whom I only see at nights and on weekends, is having lunch with a crazy stalker, but you have to appease her. You can’t really go to the police and get a restraining order. You’re so close to the end of your fellowship, that I’d hate for you to stop now. Don’t let her ruin things for you.”
She ate in silence for a moment and I leaned over and kissed her cheek. She looked up at me and smiled then returned to her pasta without a word. I knew she didn’t like it, and I felt sick that my past was coming back to haunt us. I should have withdrawn as soon as I knew Lisa was a resident. It was my fault for not recognizing the danger she would be, once I knew who she was and what had happened between us.
I watched Kate while I dipped my bread in my sauce.
“You’re so good to me,” I said and reached out to take her hand, squeezing it to show my appreciation for how well she was taking things. “I don’t think I could stand it if the situation was reversed and Kurt or Sefton was blackmailing you, making you spend time with them. I think I’d probably go and punch them out.”
She laughed at that and smiled at me, her eyes crinkling in the corners. “What weapon would you use? Rapiers at dawn? Or muskets?”
“Rapiers, of course.” I chewed my bread with a smile, thinking of how I’d be mad with jealousy if Kate had to go out with Kurt or Sefton.
“Shall I go to NYU and beat up Dr. Monroe?”
I laughed out loud when I saw her coy smile. “No, please don’t get into a fight with her. She’s taller than you and probably could whip your sweet round ass…” I grinned at her and she laughed and took my hand. “Besides you’re in a delicate situation, what with the baby bump. Don’t want anything to happen to either of you.”
“We’ll get through this,” she said. “It’s only another few weeks, right?”
I nodded. “Eleven.” My fellowship would end a few weeks before Kate was due. However, things had escalated between Lisa and me since she started on as a resident, with her forcing me to go out for lunch, going into her apartment to help her with her plasma television, making a blatant pass at me... How much father would she push?
Would she actually expect me to cheat on Kate to avoid being outed as a member of the BDSM community? Even if we didn’t have actual intercourse, doing a scene with Lisa would be cheating to me. I would never want another Dom to even touch Kate and would never approve of it, so there is no way I would ever want to do a scene with Lisa.
That night, I removed my profile from Fetlife.com, removed my letters to my former submissives from their location on a server used by many members of Fetlife, and I asked the moderators to delete any reference to me they may have made in promotional materials, relaying my concerns about a former sexual partner who was blac
kmailing me.
I went to the message board and removed the few comments I had made in conversations about those interested in the lifestyle. It wasn’t ever going to completely remove my existence as Master D online, although I had been too busy to be very prodigious as a commenter, but I did my share to help educate people interested in B&D. There were no direct links between me and Master D but there would be witnesses who could testify they knew me as Master D from various dungeon parties I’d attended.
I only hoped Lisa hadn’t already taken screenshots of my profile or conversations – or the letters. Sunita might have, but I couldn’t be certain.
I’d have to manage Lisa very carefully so she didn’t get angry with me. There would come a point – if she pushed hard and far enough – where I might have to quietly withdraw from my fellowship. I had already decided to stop taking new patients so if worst came to worst, I could withdraw from my practice after handing over any remaining patients to other neurosurgeons, and focus my attention on the foundation and corporation. Plus, my band.
Kate would be delivering in late August and I wanted to be there for the whole first year.
I couldn’t imagine life without neurosurgery. I would probably be able to work somewhere else, if there was any negative publicity about me due to Lisa’s blackmail, but it would still mean giving it up for a year or more. I had planned on taking paternity leave for at least a year, but it might end up being even longer.
I had to be ready for any eventuality.
Luckily, I had a very full life with many interests beyond surgery if Lisa pushed me too far and I had to quit for a short time.
Lunch at Misha the next day was perfunctory on my part although I was pleased to be trying out the new Russian deli, planning on taking Kate there one day soon now that she felt better. I was pleasant but not intimate, responding to Lisa’s questions, but not initiating any conversation. If she noticed it, Lisa said nothing, content to be the one in control. It wasn’t natural for me and that was why Lisa and I were so badly matched for each other, even if I wasn’t married and in love with my wife. Lisa was so oblivious that she didn’t even notice. I suspected she wasn’t really a switch at all, but a Domme who just happened to be able to sub when it suited her. It was natural for her to be in control, and it was unnatural for me to let go of it.
On her part, Lisa sat and stared at me, smiling like she had won more than just a battle.
“See, this is fun,” she said as she raised her glass of beer. “The two of us having lunch. Two colleagues who share the same passion for neurosurgery.”
I nodded but didn’t say anything in response, thinking of how she had offered herself to me the previous night.
“Does Kate know you’re with me?” she asked, staring at me with narrowed eyes over her glass of beer.
“Yes, she knows everything about my life,” I said, focused on my food.
“Does she know about last night?”
“Everything,” I said.
“You know Drake,” she said, leaning forward. “If Kate loved you, she’d let you do scenes with other subs.”
She sat back and smiled at me as if she scored a point, then took a drink of her beer.
I sat back and looked at her, unable to stop myself from responding.
“Lisa, I don’t want other subs. Period. I don’t need other subs. I’ve always been monogamous.”
“You tied me up and fucked me,” she said a little too loud for my comfort.
“I was between subs at the time,” I replied, frowning. “When I was with a sub, I stayed monogamous.” I turned back to my food. “I’m not going to top you, Lisa, no matter what,” I said. “I’m in love with Kate and don’t want anyone else. You have to understand.”
“I don’t understand,” she replied, her face red. “You’re not much of a Master if you can’t tell your sub that she has to accept that you’ll still top other subs.” She raised her glass and took a long drink. “You don’t have to fuck me, but I really enjoy bondage. That’s why we’d be so good for each other. We were made for each other.”
I bit back my retort and merely chewed my food, neither smiling or frowning. It was as if she wasn’t really listening to what I said or she said. She was irrational. She had no real understanding of power exchange. She thought likes attracted, but they in no way did. Certainly not in BDSM. Nor was I a switch, happy to change from top to bottom and back depending on my partner.
If she hadn’t threatened me, we could have been work friends and colleagues, but she’d blown that chance and was too oblivious to the reality of the situation that she couldn’t realize it.
We finished our meals and I was happy to be leaving, getting back to the hospital so I could escape the tension I felt when I was around her. On her part, Lisa was too busy chattering away about the program and her recent surgery on a pediatric patient to notice my lack of involvement in the conversation.
The next week passed with the same pattern. She’d ghost me whenever we had grand rounds or conferences. She’d sit beside me in the conference room and talk about her cases, we’d go out as a group for drinks and appetizers and a game of pool or darts, and she’d stick beside me like glue. Occasionally, we’d have coffee.
Nothing I wouldn’t do with any other male colleague.
“Has she touched you recently?” Kate asked one night after I’d arrived home following a beer and wings session at Shane’s.
“Nope,” I said, anger at Lisa surfacing that I had to even have this conversation with my wife. I forced a smile and Kate smiled back, hers sympathetic. “Not even an attempt. Maybe she got a clue when I turned her down point blank that night.”
“Poor Drake,” she said and ran her fingers through my hair. “A sick and tired pregnant wife who you probably can’t get enough sex from and a beautiful if somewhat deranged colleague hell-bent on seducing you. It must feel a bit like a nightmare.”
“What?” I said and frowned, pulling her into my arms. She was a bit stiff, and so I rubbed her back, kissing her neck affectionately. “I get as much sex from you as I want and need. I’m not an insensitive lout,” I added. “I pride myself on being attuned to you,” I said softly. “Am I neglecting you? Am I forcing myself on you?”
She shook her head. “No,” she said in a small voice. “I’m just aware that we’re having sex less often and I don’t want you to feel deprived. I can do things to you even if I don’t want you to do things to me,” she said in a hesitant voice.
“You mean service me like a prized stud?” I shook my head. “No thanks. I’m all about mutuality, Kate. I couldn’t enjoy it if you didn’t as well. You should know that by now.”
“I do, but I still worry that you’ll feel deprived and maybe Lisa will look slightly appealing...”
I squeezed her and tipped her chin up so she had to look me in the eye. “I’m not deprived of anything and Lisa will never be appealing. If you can even say that with a straight face, I’ve failed you. You should feel absolutely no threat from Lisa. None.”
I pulled her more deeply into my arms and rocked her slowly. “As soon as my fellowship’s finished, I’m taking a year off so we can do this parenting thing together. I want to be with you every step of the way.
She relaxed in my arms and I was glad that I decided to withdraw completely from my practice at NYP. The fellowship was more than enough to keep me busy. I didn’t need to take on a light caseload at NYP on top of it. I had already let my department head know I wasn’t accepting any new cases after the end of the month. Soon, I’d only have my responsibilities at NYU and would spend less time away from Kate.
Yes, Kate and I had sex less frequently than before she was pregnant, but I didn’t feel deprived. We were both so busy with our respective new focuses. Kate’s was getting through her day of fatigue and intermittent nausea despite her meds, painting and reading, and I was busy trying to get the most out of every moment in the Fellowship.
“If you’re unhappy, I want to know,
” I said firmly, and brushed hair off her cheek, running my thumb over her bottom lip, touching the tiny scar there with affection. “No secrets. Good or bad,” I added.
She nodded and looked into my eyes. “No secrets, good or bad. It’s just that I’m getting a real belly. It’s bigger and is going to get even bigger,” she said and rubbed her baby bump.
I knelt down and ran my hands over her belly, then lifted her nightgown and kissed it. By now, she was almost eight months pregnant and was really showing it.
“I love your baby bump. It’s incredibly sexy and beautiful at the same time.” I looked up into her eyes, and I finally saw acceptance in them.
“Oh,” she said and took my hand, placing it on her belly. “She’s moving. She’s always active at night.”
I felt movement beneath my hands and was amazed once more that inside Kate was our baby – Sophia. I couldn’t wait to hold her.
I kissed Kate’s belly once more and enjoyed the faint hint of her soap. She always had a bath before I arrived home in case we decided to fuck. That, combined with her feminine scent, made my cock thicken, straining against my trousers. I couldn’t help but kiss her mound through her lace panties, my tongue laving up the crease between her lips. I heard her inhale sharply and glanced up to see her eyes closed, her lips parted.
She needed me and she wanted me.
That was all the encouragement I needed. I stood and picked her up, my arm under her legs and the other around her back and under her arm. She gasped, still not really comfortable with me picking her up, but I liked doing it. Carrying her brought out the Dom in me, and I kissed her cheek.
“I’m going to eat you until you come on my tongue,” I said, my voice thick with desire. “Then I’m going to fuck you until you come on my cock. What do you have to say to that?”
She smiled, her eyes narrowing. “Yes, please,” she said, her own voice shaky. I felt her relax in my arms.