‘That kiss was … I mean, wow,’ Lydia said. ‘I didn’t think a person could get that turned on wearing fleece.’ She watched Will’s profile carefully for any sign of that elusive smile. ‘It’s just that everyone in the pub said you never make the first move …’
‘I never do,’ Will confirmed. ‘Never felt like it before. It’s doing my head in.’
Lydia took a moment to let the information sink in. ‘The thing is, Will, I would like to kiss you again. A lot. But I’ve literally just broken up with Stephen, and we’re all going to be sitting around the table eating beans on toast in a minute and … well, there has been some other stuff going on that’s made me realise that the way you think you feel, isn’t always the way you feel, and that sometimes you can get caught up in something so much, only the be disappointed later. I guess what I’m trying to say is that I can’t kiss you again, not until I’ve sorted out the mess I’m in. But as soon as I’ve done that, then I’d be very open to a good deal more kissing at your convenience. Although the three hundred miles or so between our addresses might make it tricky.’
Will nodded, looking at her. ‘Good.’
‘Good?’ Lydia was confused.
‘Good, I’m glad you aren’t the sort of person to jump from one man to the next, and I’m glad you care about Stephen’s feelings and how hard it must be for him to lose you. And whatever mess you’re in, I’m pleased you want to sort it out first, before you kiss me again.’ He reached out, touching the tips of her fingers with his as he looked into her eyes. ‘As long as you do kiss me again.’
‘Oh,’ Lydia breathed. ‘Stop that, you’re making it awfully hard not to kiss you now.’
‘Can’t have that, can we?’ Will smiled. ‘Let’s go inside and fire up the stove.’
Surely, Lydia said to herself, as she took extra care over her appearance for her dinner of camping fare, surely it wasn’t the done thing to fall for a man you barely knew when you’d only just split up with your almost-fiancé and had quite recently snogged your best friend’s boyfriend? And yet there seemed to be a connection between her and Will stronger than any she had felt with Stephen, or even Jackson.
That briefest of kisses in the snow had made one thing abundantly clear to Lydia: if another man could make her feel the way Will had in a matter of seconds, then any residual feelings she had for Jackson, which had been stirred up by seeing him so unexpectedly, simply weren’t real. Jackson had been her movie moment, a perfect romance that was only ever meant to last a few frames and then melt away into a cherished memory after the final credits rolled. Perhaps what he’d said last night, about missing her and wishing he’d got in touch sooner, even if it was all true, maybe they were things she was never supposed to know. Just because some twist of fate had brought them together again, it didn’t inevitably mean they were meant to be. And now Lydia knew that, she wanted to make sure Jackson did too; and more importantly, that Joanna never found out what had happened last night on the sofa.
Standing back, Lydia studied her reflection in the mirror. Perhaps a scarlet velvet dress was a little over the top for beans on toast, but she had no idea how long Will would stay around, and now seemed as good a time as any to pull out a showstopper. Carefully, Lydia adjusted the straps so they sat just off the shoulder, flowing into the sweetheart neckline, than made the best of her generous cleavage. She smoothed her hands over her waist and hips, glad for the first time that she hadn’t dieted her curves away, like she’d been promising to do for months now. For a moment, she saw herself how she hoped Will might see her – dark hair and eyes, smooth creamy skin – and Lydia felt beautiful. Slipping her feet into her favourite black Kurt Geiger heels, Lydia took a breath and prepared herself to be teased by her friends for over-dressing to impress a man. After all, she was guilty as charged.
As she reached the top of the stairs, everyone else was at the foot, standing around the tree, sipping mulled wine and rather self-consciously singing carols, led by Tilly and Jake, whose shining faces gazed up at the tree as if Father Christmas might appear from behind it at any moment. Lydia watched as Katy rested her head on Jim’s shoulders, and David put his arms around Alex and their baby bump, holding them both so closely. And then she saw Joanna whispering into Jackson’s ear, and giggling, and Stephen with one hand on top of Vincent’s head as the dog leaned against his legs in commiseration. And finally, there was Will, who looked up at her as she walked down the stairs, the slow smile that Lydia had discovered she spent every moment away from him longing to see, spreading across his face.
Beautiful, that was how she felt.
* * *
For all its lack of Christmas pomp, dinner went well. Stephen came into his own, chopping onions and fresh tomato into the baked beans, joking quietly about his former career as a boy scout, while Will and Jim cooked sausages and toast over the fire, before carrying them into the dining room.
‘Do you know,’ Katy said as her husband put her plate of glorified beans on toast in front of her, ‘I think this might be the nicest meal I’ve ever eaten.’
Lydia let the evening slip away quite happily, feeling herself relax for the first time, not only since she arrived, but in months. Stephen was quietly stoical, and more than slightly drunk, and it seemed odd to Lydia to think that the man she’d arrived with only a few days ago was now already becoming a stranger to her. Sitting across the room from her, laughing with Jim and David, making jokes with Jake, and yet it felt right, as if that was the way it was supposed to be. She and Stephen were meant to be fond acquaintances, never lovers.
Joanna was obviously a little put out by Lydia’s decision to go with her best outfit tonight, and at the risk of being upstaged had managed to slip upstairs some time between carols and beans, and change into a stunning white and silver shift dress.
‘I bet that dress cost more than my entire wedding,’ Alex said as Joanna reappeared, framing herself in the doorway for a moment, for maximum effect.
‘Start as you mean to go on, I always say,’ Joanna said, winking at Jackson, whose smile in return was a little reserved, a fact Lydia noticed didn’t escape Joanna. ‘Do you like?’ she asked him coquettishly.
‘You look lovely,’ he told her. ‘Like a Christmas angel.’
‘Like the fairy on top of the tree, more like,’ Alex grumbled, holding her side. ‘What? You all look like models and I’m wearing a tent. A tent with sequins on, admittedly. I’m in hell, over here.’
Quite soon after the children had gone willingly to bed, a little later than usual in the hopes that sheer exhaustion would get them off to sleep, the wine ran out.
‘There appears to be a distinct lack of alcohol down here,’ Jim said, peering into his empty glass as if he’d merely mislaid its contents. And I’m certainly not drunk enough. It’s fast becoming a family tradition that I should have a truly terrible hangover on Christmas Day so that the kids can make it a hundred times worse when they jump on top of me at dawn. I must have more booze, now!’
‘Well, our heating might be dodgy and our cookery implements are rather lacking, but wine is one thing we have in abundance,’ Katy said. ‘I’ll go down to the cellar and get some.’
‘Let me,’ Jackson said, waving down Katy’s protest. ‘Listen, I’ve spent my whole visit here letting you guys run around after me. I can fetch a bottle of wine.’
‘Or five,’ Jim instructed him.
Lydia caught his eye as he slipped out of the room, sensing that he wanted her to find a reason to follow him. Perhaps it was the wine she’d drunk already, or the heady exhilaration of knowing Will was just across the table from her, but she thought she saw the perfect moment to set things straight with Jackson for good, and to finally extricate herself from this whole complicated mess.
‘Just off to powder my nose,’ she said, a couple of minutes after Jackson had left. ‘Back in a mo.’
‘Are you sure?’ Alex caught her hand as she edged behind her chair.
‘What are you, the wee p
olice?’ Lydia rolled her eyes, and set off to find Jackson, unaware that Joanna’s eyes were glued to her back.
Jackson was waiting at the foot of the cellar stairs, leaning against the wall, his hands in his pockets.
‘What took you so long?’ He smiled as she made her way down the uneven steps, holding out a hand to help her down the last couple. ‘God, it seems like an age since last night. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you all day, and you weren’t here.’ Jackson kissed her hand. ‘Joanna made me walk up a bloody hill with her, and I was mad with jealousy, missing you while you were with that Will guy. Look, I know it’s complicated, but I’ve been thinking we should just tell her …’
‘Jackson,’ Lydia said, interrupting him. ‘Jackson, listen, I think we should talk, that’s all. Seeing you here took me off guard. It confused me. I didn’t know how to feel when I saw you. The time we had together, it meant so much to me. And when you left so suddenly, I was badly hurt. I was so sure that you were out of my life, that I didn’t have any choice. I had to get over losing you. And then suddenly here you are and it’s like a dream, a lovely, confusing, scary dream.’
‘I know, right. Just like a dream.’ Jackson took a step closer to her, tugging Lydia a little closer. ‘A dream come true.’
‘But it’s not real, you and me,’ Lydia went on. ‘We had this most amazing romance, and it was lovely. But it’s over. It’s been over for a really long time. I know now that I want it to stay that way.’
‘You don’t mean that,’ Jackson breathed into her ear, insistent, persistent. ‘You didn’t come to dinner dressed like without wanting me to want you as much as I do, right now.’
‘No, I mean yes, I did. This dress isn’t for you; it’s for me. I don’t want you to want me. I want you to be with Joanna, and make her happy, and for us all to be friends.’ She smiled at him, taking a step towards the stairs, but Jackson moved to block her way.
‘Lydia, stop pretending.’ He grinned confidently. ‘You know you want to kiss me.’
‘No, I …’ Jackson’s mouth collided against Lydia’s at exactly the same moment as Joanna walked down the stairs.
‘What the hell?’ Joanna shouted. Furiously, Lydia pushed Jackson away at the same moment Joanna dragged him off her.
‘Joanna, I can explain …’ Lydia began.
‘Why?’ Joanna asked, her eyes full of tears. ‘Why would you do this to me?’ Jackson gently touched Joanna’s shoulder, but she whirled round, slapping him across the face with all of her might, snapping his head back sharply. ‘I knew it,’ she sobbed. ‘I knew it.’
‘Knew what?’ Lydia was confused. ‘Joanna, there is nothing to know!’ Suddenly sober, Lydia’s heart sank as Joanna stumbled back up the stairs. ‘Please, wait!’ she called out, scrambling after her friend, turning her ankle over on her heel at the top of the stairs and sprawling on the floor as Joanna disappeared towards the dining room. ‘Joanna!’
But it was too late. Seconds later, when Lydia reached the others, Joanna was in Alex’s arms with Katy at her side, sobbing about Jackson and Lydia. She stared around the uncomfortably silent room.
Unable to look at Lydia, Stephen barged his way past her, pausing only briefly. ‘So everything you said, it was just guff, just hot air to cover up what was really going on?’
‘No, Stephen no – I didn’t want this …’
To her horror, Lydia watched as Will slowly got up, walking past her too, without a word or a look. Stopping in the doorway behind her, she heard him address Katy.
‘Look, thanks for everything, but I think maybe I’ll get my stuff and go home. Give me a call in the New Year and I’ll give you that quote you wanted.’
‘Will, please …’ But he was already walking away.
Lydia closed her eyes for a moment. Will had thought there was something special about her, something magical, and for a while she even believed it herself. Now he, and everybody else, had seen her at her very worst. It didn’t matter that she had been trying to end any leftover connection between her and Jackson. What mattered was that she’d thought about being with him; despite Stephen, despite Joanna, she’d thought about it, and now she was probably going to get what she deserved.
‘We’ll be next door,’ Jim said, making his escape with David. ‘Let you girls fight it out between you.’
Lydia breathed deeply as she took in the sight of her three closest friends, in each other’s arms, standing united against her.
‘Joanna,’ Lydia said. ‘I’m so sorry.’
‘You, of all people?’ Joanna sobbed, raising her red, tear-streaked face to look at Lydia. ‘I thought, I thought I could trust you. I thought you would see how much I cared about him, how much he meant to me, and that you’d let me have him.’
‘Let you have him? This is crazy, as if I could take anyone away from you!’ Lydia said, as Joanna buried her face in Alex’s neck.
‘I just can’t believe this,’ Katy said. ‘I can’t believe you, Lydia. You barely know the man. I mean, I know things have been rocky between you and Stephen, but making a play for Joanna’s boyfriend, in my house, it doesn’t make any sense. It’s just not you, what’s happened to you?’
‘Tell them,’ Alex said, flatly. ‘I told you to tell them, and said she’d find out. Tell them now.’
‘What?’ Katy looked appalled. ‘What now?’
‘She already knew Jack.’ Joanna sniffed, breaking free of Katy’s embrace. Lydia stared at her. ‘He was the mystery man she had that fling with, the summer before last.’
‘You knew?’ Alex was aghast.
‘I’ve known for ages,’ Joanna said, cool as an icicle.
‘When did you find out?’ Lydia gasped. ‘How long have you known?
‘Since I went through his phone, quite soon after we met. I found a photo,’ Joanna said. ‘Of you. After all that time, he still had this photo of you.’
‘And you didn’t think to say anything?’ Lydia said. ‘To warn me that I was about to spend Christmas with him?’
‘I really like him, I think I love him,’ Joanna said miserably, sinking down further into her chair. ‘You never really talked to me about what went on between you and him. It’s always Alex you go to. But I knew that when it ended you were heartbroken. And here he was still carrying around your photo. I didn’t want to lose him. I thought if I told everyone how much he meant to me, how he was the first person I really could see myself having a future with, then it would stop you from going after him again, or letting him make a pass at you. Because you’re supposed to be my friend.’
‘Jo-Jo, I would have been shocked, sure, and probably upset, and if you’d told me how you felt about him, I might even have tried to warn you off, given the way he left me. But I would never, ever have tried to take him from you,’ Lydia told Joanna, who shook her head in disbelief.
‘Sorry, wasn’t that you kissing my boyfriend just now? Exactly how do you define taking a girl’s boyfriend away?’
For once, Lydia could find no defence for her actions. She had let Jackson kiss her, more than once, of that she was certainly guilty, even if she had been confused and reluctant.
‘Besides, I wanted to see how he reacted when he met you,’ Joanna went on. ‘And when he pretended he didn’t know you, I thought everything would be okay. I thought he was trying to protect me, because he loved me. But I was wrong, nothing’s been the same since we got here, and the more I’ve tried to get his attention, the less he wants to look at me. He doesn’t want me, he wants you, and you want him.’
‘No, that’s not true at all. Jackson is the last man I want. You’ve got to listen to me, Jo …’
The heavy sound of trickling fluid spattering on the carpet stopped Lydia in her tracks. Bemused, Alex looked at her feet for a moment and then, clasping her hand to her side, bent over, a low moan of pain rising in her throat.
‘Alex,’ Katy said, staring at her carpet. ‘I think you are in labour.’
‘No shit,’ Alex said, and
then she screamed.
Chapter Fifteen
‘Right, right,’ David said. ‘Well, what we need is, we need …’
‘Stop talking and call me a bloody ambulance,’ Alex told him, clinging on to Katy and Joanna. ‘I need a drink, is there any reason I can’t have a drink now?’
Jim arrived back in the dining room, his phone in his hand. ‘I called an ambulance, there’s no way they can get here by road and the winds are too high to get a chopper up right now, but they are on standby and as soon as the weather clears, they’ll come.’
‘This is your fault!’ Alex glared at Lydia. ‘This is all your fault! This baby isn’t meant to come for five more weeks, but oh no, you’ve got to go and get off with anything that’s got a pulse.’
‘Hang on a minute,’ Jim said, looking a little bewildered. ‘I’ve got this nice lady, Maxine, on the phone. She says to get you into bed and make you comfortable.’ Alex groaned again. ‘Maxine wants to know how fast your contractions are coming.’
‘Too fast,’ Alex cried, reaching out for David. ‘I’m frightened, David, the baby is not ready, it’s too soon. We’re in the middle of nowhere.’
‘It will be fine.’ David took her face in his hands, looking into her eyes. ‘Trust me, okay? Right, Katy, help me get her to bed. Joanna, Lydia, I need fresh sheets, clean towels, boiled water and … some string.’
‘String?’ Alex wailed.
‘Maxine says you don’t need string,’ Jim said, waving the phone indiscriminately. David took it from him and listened for a while, nodding.
‘Okay, Maxine says that at thirty-five weeks the baby should be fine,’ he told Alex. ‘There’s no reason why it won’t be perfectly healthy.’
‘Apart from the fact that our baby is being born in a bloody hovel, with a dog as a midwife!’ Alex sobbed, as Vincent dropped a chew toy at her feet, perhaps hopeful that it might stop her howling.
‘Hovel?’ Katy looked at Lydia. ‘That’s a bit much.’
The Night Before Christmas Page 20