Playlist
Dedication
Prologue
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Chapter Thirty-Three
Chapter Thirty-Four
Chapter Thirty-Five
Chapter Thirty-Six
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Chapter Forty
Chapter Forty-One
Chapter Forty-Two
Chapter Forty-Three
Epilogue
A Note From the Author
Acknowledgments
About the Author
In My Head
S.L. Schiefer
Published by S.L. Schiefer
Copyright ©2016 S.L. Schiefer
First Edition, e-book—published 2016
Cover Design by Chelsea Barnes @ CJPB Designs
Photography by MHPhotography
Interior Formatting by Cassy Roop of Pink Ink Designs
ISBN: 978–1519422408
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All Rights Reserved Worldwide. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without the written permission of the author, except where permitted by law.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, and incidents are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or locales, is entirely coincidental.
The use of locations and products throughout this book are done so for storytelling purposes and should in no way been seen as advertisement. Trademark names are used in an editorial fashion, with no intention of infringement of the respective owner’s trademark.
S.L Schiefer
Email: [email protected]
Twitter: @SLSchiefer
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/Slschiefer
Website: https://authorslschiefer.com
Taylor Swift—Bad Blood
Pitbull—Fun
Wiz Khalifa—See You Again
The Weeknd—The Hills
The Weeknd—Can’t Feel My Face
DNCE—Cake By The Ocean
Story Of The Year—Until The Day I die
Story Of The Year—Anthem Of Our Dying Day
Flyleaf—I’m So Sick
Flyleaf—Fully Alive
Seether—Fake It
Theory Of A Deadman—Bad Girlfriend
Tantric—Down And Out
Dedication
To my husband for always putting up with me wanting to write instead of other things ;)
Also, to my parents. Who no matter what always are there for me.
IT’S AMAZING, LOOKING back, what all I missed. Things that were obviously right in front of me. I couldn’t see how things looked from the outside, because I was in my own world of denial. I had no idea how I got to where I did.
If I had known, I would have gone about things differently.
I would have stayed out of my head.
Around 7 years ago
“LYLA! WHAT ARE YOU doing here?” Ben asks over the thump of the bass in the bar we’re in. We just finished our second year of college so we decided to come out and celebrate. We being my roommate, Michelle and myself.
Ben is a sophomore too, studying business management. We don’t have any classes together, but every time I’m at the library he’s always there. So we’ve become study partners. Even though we can’t help each other at all. The only reason I agreed is because he’s nice to look at. Okay, nice might be putting it mildly. Ben is the epitome of my wet dream. He has black hair, green eyes, a strong chiseled jaw, and a constant stubble. It’s like he uses clippers to keep his beard trimmed down without getting rid of it completely.
“Celebrating! What are you doing? Here with a hot date?” Ben goes out a lot, but never with the same girl twice. He’s not a bad boy, but he does have the reputation of one.
“I’m kind of hoping I can get this one girl to go home with me,” he says, then puts his bottle of beer up to his lips to take a drink. I watch his throat as he takes a long pull of the amber liquid.
“Oh, yeah?” I start glancing around the bar, trying to see if I can pick out the girl he’s trying to hook up with. “What’s she look like?”
“She’s a little short, has the stubbornness of an eighty-year-old man, and has the deepest brown eyes I’ve ever seen.”
I turn and give him a puzzled look. “That does not help me pick her out in this crowd of people.”
“I think you’ll have a hard time picking her out. She isn’t like anyone else I’ve ever met before. I’ve actually been trying to catch her attention for a while now, but it seems she doesn’t have the slightest idea that I’m interested.” He stares at me intently, while I just stare back. I’m not really sure what to say to that. It’s no secret, well to me and Michelle, that I want this guy for myself, but I’ve never let him in on that secret. I couldn’t take the heart break of rejection that would likely occur. I’m not on the same level as this guy. To even delude myself into thinking that is absurd.
“Well, whoever it is had better realize just how lucky she is to have a great guy like you wanting her.” I turn away and take a drink of my amaretto stone sour. This stuff is like candy, and almost just as good to fix a heart ache.
I feel Ben come in close behind me, and I feel the brush of his lips on my ear right before he says, “Lyla, I’m positive she would feel that way if she would open her eyes and see what’s standing right in front of her. Or, right behind her in this case.”
Butterflies burst into flight in my stomach. What the hell is he going on about? If he’s
toying with me, he won’t be able to perform in bed for a very long time. “What, Ben?” I ask breathlessly.
“Lyla, for as brilliant as you are, you’re so blind.” He chuckles and I feel his breath on the back of my neck. My skin breaks out in goosebumps from the intimate feel of the situation.
He grasps my shoulders and turns me around to look at him. All the while I stand there frozen. “Lyla, I’ve been trying like hell to get you to see how I feel about you.”
“Is this some kind of joke? It isn’t April. This is seriously fucked up, even for you, if you’re toying with me,” I growl at him.
“Sunshine, why would I play around with you about this? I’ve seen the way you check me out when you think I’m not paying attention. What you fail to see, though, is how I look at you. Even when you’re looking.”
This is like a dream come true. Finding out that the guy you’ve been lusting after is actually into you after all. Is it possible to go from good friends to boyfriend and girlfriend? Without it being weird?
“Now, let me take you to the bar and buy you a drink. I have no expectations of tonight. I just want to get to you know better, but know that I don’t want to see you with another guy after tonight. You’ve been mine for a while now, you just didn’t know it.” When he smiles at me it’s like I lose all coherent thoughts, that smile does dirty things to me. Every. Single. Time.
We’ve been sitting at the bar ever since he told me the truth. I’m unaware of how much time has gone by. The next thing I know “last call” is being shouted throughout the bar.
“You want to come back to my house?” His green eyes are so hopeful. It’s not like I haven’t been back to his house before. Since we ran into each other, and became more comfortable with each other, we’ve been to each other’s houses a lot. But this is different. So different.
I look away from his intense green eyes, and mumble, “Sure.”
WALKING IN HIS FRONT door, he leads the way to the kitchen where I hop on yet another bar stool. I put my arms up on the counter top and prop my head on my hands. Watching Ben work his way around the kitchen making me a drink gives me a minute to check him out.
He’s wearing dark wash jeans, and a tight black button up with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, black Chucks, and a light blue beanie. The beanie is the only amount of color he has showing. I know for a fact he has the start of a sleeve on one of his arms that has a lot of color in it, but they’re covered up.
“What makes you decide you want a specific tattoo?” I break our silence as he turns to place a drink in front of me.
“Meh, whatever strikes my fancy is usually what triggers me wanting a tattoo,” he tells me.
“I don’t have any tattoos. I’ve always wanted one, but never could decide on one when it came down to it.”
“Well, I can draw. If you can think of something you want, let me know and I’ll draw it up for you.” I smile at him, but don’t say anything.
We just sit there and stare at each other. My eyes scan over his face, finally locking in on his eyes. Trying like hell to read into his mind through those green depths. I want to be cautious of him, but I want to dive head first into it. What does that say about me?
I sigh. “What do you want from me, Ben?” I need to know before we go any further.
“Lyla, I may not always be right about things when it comes to my life. But I know I’m right about this. You’ve given my life a giant amount of sunshine in the short time I’ve known you. You’ve brought a smile to my face, even when I’m not with you. The only thing left, that would make me even happier, is giving yourself to me. One-hundred percent giving yourself over to me, to this, to explore what we could have. Because, Sunshine, what we have started could be some great fucking romance. One that I don’t want to let myself miss out on.”
Well. What do you say to all that? I stand up, walk over to him on the other side of the counter, and press myself against his front. Running my hands up his chest, up the sides of his neck, and into his hair. I push my fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck, the hair that’s too long to fit under his beanie. I pull his head down to mine, and right before I press my lips against his, I whisper, “I can’t miss out on something great, either.” Then I kiss him, and he furiously kisses me back. And if our kiss is telling of our future, it will be nothing short of passionate.
About ten months later
I’M WALKING DOWN the hallway after leaving my first class of the day when my phone beeps. Pausing, I shift my books from one arm to the other so I can reach into my messenger bag. Touching the button to light up my phone I see I have a text from Ben. I roll my eyes; he’s been trying to get me to skip one of my class days with him.
We haven’t been able to mesh our schedules much during the week to spend a whole lot of time together. On Friday nights, I pack a bag and I go over to Ben’s apartment, and I don’t return until Sunday night sometimes even Monday morning. Michelle enjoys her alone time, now she doesn’t need to text me and tell me to get out if she’s trying to bring a guy home.
Swiping at the screen, I open up the text to see that this is yet another attempt to get me away from classes and into his clutches.
Ben: Why don’t you come over to my apartment?
Me: I have two more classes today. I can’t really skip them, Ben.
Even though I always tell him no, he never gives up.
Ben: You have an A in all of your classes, you can miss one day. It won’t hurt anything.
Before I can respond another text comes through.
Ben: You can do your makeup work and everything will be fine.
I chew on my bottom lip and really consider it, I don’t think we’re doing much of anything except working on reports and what not. And I’m already ahead on everything we’re working on. I stop walking and turn around, heading back towards the lot where my car is parked.
Me: All right, be ready, Cowboy. I’m on my way.
Shoving my phone back into my bag, I root around for my keys. Having them in hand for when I get to the car. Tracing my steps back to my car seems to take longer than before. I’m anxious to get to his apartment. Even without knowing what he has planned, I’m kind of excited. The thrill of skipping class is adding to the excitement. Not that I could get in trouble for it like I would have in high school.
Picking up my pace when I see my car. I practically run the rest of the way to my older Chevy Cobalt, a gift from my parents for graduation. I walk over to the passenger side to open that door first, throwing my bag and books in I slam the door and walk over to the driver side.
I open the door to the driver’s side and I’m just about to slide in and shut the door when I hear my name being yelled from across the parking lot. I step away from the car and glance around the parking lot, trying to find the source of the voice.
I’m kind of shocked when I see it’s a girl from my next class, she must be running late.
“Hey, Lori. What’s up?” This girl doesn’t usually talk to me in class, so I’m a little confused as to why she’s sprinting across the parking lot to me.
“Hey!” She’s a little out of breath from her run, and her bright red hair is sticking out in all directions. Wild and crazy from the humidity. “Do you have your notes from class last week? I lost mine, and our douche of a professor wouldn’t help me out by giving me the section where the notes came from.”
“Oh, sure. Let me just grab them real fast.” I walk around to the other side of the car, again, and open the door. Rifling through my bag, I pull out my folder containing the notes I need. Sifting through all of the loose paper I finally come to the one I need. Turning around I hand it over to her.
“Sweet, you’re a lifesaver. I’ll get this copied and then get it back to you.” She must finally realize that I’m not going to class. “You skipping out today? I don’t blame you, that class is boring as shit.”
I nod at her seriously. That class bores me to tears. “Yes, it is so boring! I’m headin
g over to my boyfriend’s house to hang out with him for today.”
She starts to back away from me. “All right, well, have fun. If we have to take any notes, I’ll make a copy for you so you have them. Thanks again!” She turns after I wave to her and tell her I’ll see her next week.
Going back to my side of the car, I finally hop in and start the car up. Putting the car in drive I back out of my spot and drive towards Ben’s. His apartment is off of campus, and he’s lucky he doesn’t have to share with anyone. We both lived in a dorm our freshman year, but then his parents paid for him to live off of campus in a swanky apartment no college stupid should have.
My parents found Michelle and me a small apartment off campus. Which isn’t awful, but lack of space kind of sucks. Michelle’s stuff and mine seem to overlap a lot.
I drive into the parking lot of Ben’s apartment building, pulling my car into the empty spot next to his car. Turning the car off, I grab my bag and pull it out the door with me. Slamming the door behind me, I hit the lock button twice to lock the car and arm the alarm. An alarm that I don’t even know if it works or not.
Walking up the stairs I go to his door, and don’t even get a chance to knock before the door is swung open and Ben’s hand snatches my arm and pulls me into the apartment. He shuts the door behind me, and slams me against the wood of the door. Just about knocking the breath out of me.
He takes my bag over my head and tosses it to the side.
“God, Sunshine. I’ve missed you so much, I’m so happy you skipped class to come hang out with me.” He presses a kiss to my lips. Once, twice, and then on the third lingers longer. He doesn’t try to make out with me, but he leaves his lips on mine. His eyes are closed, his arms skim up mine, and wrap around my shoulders. Pulling me into him.
“Are you hungry? I can make some food, if you are.” He always tries to care for me first, before anything else.
Shaking my head, I slip my hand into his and pull him towards the living room. Getting him to stand in front of the couch takes a little finagling but I finally get him where I want him. Then I push him onto the couch.
In My Head Page 1