by Angela Peach
"We're not sisters" we both said in unison, then laughed.
"No, I'm her mistress! We're having an affair and I made her get it for me to keep me sweet!" she said cheerfully.
"Darcy!" I exclaimed, and she clapped a hand over her mouth, while Phil's dropped to the ground.
"Oops! See, that wouldn't have happened if you'd got me the sports car like I asked for in the first place!" she whined, a mischievous glint in her eyes.
"We do have some spor…"
"Thanks Phil, that'll be fine" I interrupted dismissively, doing the window up quickly before turning to Darcy who was smiling sweetly at me.
"I am so sorry! I couldn't help myself" she giggled.
"I just hope I never have to come back with Gray" I said groaning, but smiling good naturedly. There was a long comfortable silence and I could tell Darcy was chewing something over.
"Alison…the reason you've been crying lately…I know it's none of my business, but…is Gray hurting you in any way?" she finally asked in a quiet voice.
"Gray? No! My god, he's never raised a hand to me, nor to anyone else for that matter. What do you mean by crying lately?" I turned to her, curious. I hadn't told her about my recent bouts of tears, and I was sure she hadn't seen them. She shrugged.
"You'd been crying the day we met in the park, I saw you wipe a tear away when I was singing in the pub…and I'm pretty sure you've been crying today too. Your eyes are red" Darcy said, adding quickly, "I just wanted to make sure it wasn't anything going on at home, that's all. I'm sorry, I didn't think he was, but then some people are just really good at hiding abuse. But I like Gray. He's nice" the last two words were almost to herself as she looked out of the side window thoughtfully.
"Yes, he's a wonderful man" I said, flabbergasted that she'd been so astute as to pick up on my moments of weakness. There was another long silence as we both watched the drizzle lay across the windscreen.
"Alison?"
"Yes?"
"Can I ask you something personal?" Her voice was soft as she continued studying the rain.
"Of course."
"Does he make you happy? I mean, are you happy in your relationship with him?"
For some reason, I felt uncomfortable answering the question.
"Yes. I'm happy with him." I wanted to add, 'But I'm not happy with his illness'. I didn't, of course. Darcy was nodding.
"Good. That's really good." She turned to face me now, but the smile on her face looked sad. "I'm glad he makes you happy."
Our eyes connected, and in that moment we both connected, on some deeper level. It was like a gentle jolt in my soul as a hum spread through me, physically and emotionally. It was similar to when I'd put my hand on her knee, except this time an awareness flooded me too.
I was completely, unarguably and totally attracted to Darcy. I couldn't and wouldn't deny it, and from the look that was passing between us, it wasn't just me feeling this. It was a look of mutual, deep, soulful attraction. She started nodding slightly again, as if affirming something to herself before she looked away.
"I don't think it would be right for me to accept this, Alison. I'm really not sure how much time I'll have left over from my studies to be able to give you guitar lessons."
I understood the meaning behind her carefully chosen words, and I was just as careful with mine.
"Darcy, not everything is as black and white as it seems. No, I won't ever leave Gray and yes, he does make me happy. But things don't always go according to plan. Nobody knows what tomorrow will bring." In an inexplicably bold move for me, I reached out and took her hand in mine, catching her by surprise. "I do know that I really would like to see you again, and that I would also very much like for us to get to know each other better…as friends." I was trying to ignore the little flip-flops my stomach was doing as our hands squeezed together softly. "So, I'm more than happy to take whatever lessons you're able to offer."
"Get to know each other better?"
"Yes."
She swallowed hard.
"Okay."
"Then, if the lessons don't work out after a few months, at least we tried, right?"
I knew I was confusing her, and although I too was incredibly confused, I also felt a strange clarity. Her brown eyes bore into mine, searching for more answers, but getting none.
"So we're okay for the lessons?" I asked hopefully. The intensity in the car was incredible and the fact that we were still holding hands added to it.
"Yes. We're okay for the lessons" she replied and I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Thank you. So if you call me when you can fit me in around your classes, we'll work out some times?"
"Sure."
"Great." I looked at the clock on the dash. "I guess I should make a move. I told Gray I wouldn't be long. He's plucking a pheasant for dinner" I added unnecessarily. Darcy looked slightly puzzled at my random statement, but then withdrew her hand from mine and stroked the steering wheel.
"Thank you, Alison. Thank you doesn't even begin to convey how grateful I truly am, but it's a start. And I promise, I am going to give you the best goddam guitar lessons ever. In fact, next year you'll probably take me on a cruise round the Bahamas in exchange for more!"
"Ah, inflation? Of course!"
"Absolutely! I'm very good, as you know, and you'll be receiving exclusive one on one lessons!"
We both seemed to welcome the return of our light-hearted banter, easily and comfortably back to teasing one another.
"I want to be as good as Jimmy Hendrix by the end of the year or it's a cruise to the Isle of Wight for the next lot of lessons!"
"Ooh, I've never been there!"
We laughed, then said our goodbyes before hugging across the handbrake. Darcy promised to look after Billy and call me when she had her timetable, then I got out and walked to my new jeep.
I felt her eyes watch me all the way, and I felt them leave when I drove off.
6
Free Therapy
I saw Darcy twice the following week for guitar lessons. The first time was more of a guitar buying trip into town where we finally got to order our long overdue steaks, and on the second, she brought over a lot of manuals and sheet music for me to keep before showing me how to hold the guitar properly. I could tell it wasn't going to be as easy as she made it look after just fifteen minutes of trying to bend and relax my stiff, unyielding fingers around the neck.
"It's okay, they'll relax over time" Darcy said as I flexed them, frustrated.
"But I want to know how to play now" I growled, peering at the angry welts embedded in the tips of my fingers.
"Ah, but then I wouldn't have a car out of our deal, would I?"
After another twenty minutes, she removed the guitar from my un-protesting hands and replaced it with one of the mugs of hot tea Gray had brought in for us. I wrapped my fingers around it, letting the warmth soothe them.
"At least his tea's good for something" I muttered, just as Darcy nearly choked on hers. "Oops, forgot to warn you! Sorry! He can't help it, I'm afraid. Something in the way he makes it seems to destroy the taste entirely."
"Alison" she leant forward conspiratorially. "I'm a student. I drink student tea, which is sometimes made using a teabag that has been used several times already. This" she held her cup toward me as if it contained acid, "is infinitesimally worse! In fact, I'm inclined to say…hey! Thanks for the tea!" she said loudly. Gray had walked in and was peering at the bookshelf. He looked at her, smiling.
"Really? Ali says I make vile tea. If you want a top up, I think there's still some left in the teapot?" He turned to walk back out to the kitchen and Darcy's eyes widened in mock alarm. She glanced at me, shaking her head emphatically, before biting her knuckles in a comical 'what have I done' gesture. I laughed out loud before I could stop myself.
"Something funny?" he asked, turning to look at me at the door. I stifled the giggle and shook my head. But then, out of the corner of my eye I could see Darcy smiling innocentl
y at Gray's back, while pouring the tea from her mug into one of my pot plants! That set me off again, and Gray smiled. Puzzled at my humour, he glanced over at Darcy who simply shrugged, looking just as bemused by my giggles as he did. Shaking his head, he left the room.
"Hey, I liked that plant!" I hissed when the door had shut, but she was giggling herself now.
"A sacrifice had to be made, and the plant volunteered to save my life!"
"Nothing would voluntarily drink…oh, hey! Did you forget something?" I asked brightly as we gulped down our hysteria on Gray's return to the room.
"My book. What's going on in here?" he asked, eyeing us with suspicion.
"Nothing darling."
We were saved by the phone ringing and I rushed to answer it.
"Hello?" There was such a long pause, I almost hung up, but then I heard some rustling from the other end. "Hello?"
"Oh, Ali, sorry. I was signing paperwork. Didn't hear you answer. How are you?" It was Jazz and she had her abrupt 'client' voice.
"Really good actually. Are we still okay for next weekend?" I asked, hoping she wasn't about to cancel.
"Yes, yes. We'll be down Friday, leaving Sunday. Are you picking us up from the station or will we have to catch a horse and cart?"
"Just let us know what time your train is due to arrive and we'll come and collect you." I replied, smiling. There was a pause from the other end and I wondered if she was signing the paperwork again.
"Fab. Who's that talking to Doc?" she suddenly asked, and I realised she'd been listening to their hushed conversation in the background.
"Um, that's Darcy, the girl I told you about?" Actually, I'd only told Jazz that I'd met her in the park and she was now giving me guitar lessons. I was saving the news that I'd given her a car for when I felt a bit braver.
"Oh yes! I spoke to Doc the other day, he told me you had a girlfriend!" she sang gleefully, professional manner completely dissolved now.
"Did he really?"
"Mm-hm! Said you picked her up in a playground and she's still at school or something."
I silently cursed Gray and blushed.
"Yes, Darcy is studying Psychology at the University, but she's twenty four" I said trying to sound like I was answering a casual question.
"Like I said, still at school!" she laughed. "Ali! Tut, tut! You've got yourself a toy-girl…OOH! You could call her your toy friend!" Laughter peeled down the phone at me as I inwardly groaned. "D'ya get it? Boyfriend, toyfriend, get it?"
"Yes, I get it." I waited patiently for her amusement to pass. On the other side of the room, Gray was giving Darcy some books from his bookshelf and they seemed to be engaged in a deep conversation. "You're hilarious. Are you done?"
"Yes, thank you! I needed that. I've got a tough case on at the moment sweetie, and it's taking a lot out of me. Chris and I can't wait to come and get away from it for a few days to be honest. I'll tell you about it when I see you."
"Okay babe. Take care and I'll see you both soon."
After we'd hung up, I went back and listened to Gray and Darcy who were discussing mental health issues.
"Sorry about that. That was Jazz, a good friend of mine" I explained.
"Another City Girl?"
"The City Girl."
"Ah. I bet she thinks we all ride horses and drive tractors then?" Darcy said, raising an eyebrow. I smiled in confirmation.
We arranged our next lesson for the following week when she had a free afternoon before she started to gather her things together. As she reached the door to go, she turned back.
"So, um, you remember my friend Nicki, from the pub last week? Well, she's having a small party on Saturday night and she said to invite you along. Would you like to come?" she asked, sounding a bit nervous, but not nearly as much as I was at the suggestion of a college party. She saw my face and held up her hands reassuringly. "It's not what you're thinking. It won't be loads of students getting drunk and talking about politics and philosophy or anything."
"I'll talk to Gray and let you know, just in case he has plans for us already" I said non-committedly. She nodded, obviously seeing straight through my flimsy promise.
"It'd be good if you could? You look like you could do with letting your hair down."
"I'll try and make it if I can. I'll call you." I felt guilty as I gave her a hug goodbye, but parties weren't really my thing.
When she'd left, I went back into the kitchen and found Gray poring over holiday brochures.
"She hated my tea, didn't she?" he asked without even looking up.
"No, I think she genuinely enjoyed it."
"Liar! What was that about a party on Saturday?"
I filled him in as I sat down and pulled one of the brochures in front of me, absentmindedly flicking through it.
"I think you should go."
"To a student party? Gray, I'm…"
"…not too old to go out for a drink with a friend" he finished. "I want you to go. End of discussion. Now sit down and help me plan our holiday. I've earmarked a few pages already."
We spent the next few hours going through the glossy catalogues, and I actually managed to let myself get excited about our planned four week holiday, something I'd tried to avoid up until now. It was basically going to be a tour of the places Gray most wanted to see before he…well, before he was unable to enjoy seeing them.
We ate dinner around them, going over the merits and highlights of each location, and by bedtime, he'd come to a decision. On the destination list for our four week journey was Thailand, Japan, Austria, Bali, Hawaii and New Zealand. It sounded like a wonderful way to spend a month, but for me I wouldn't be admiring the sights in these beautiful countries.
When we got under the covers later that night, Gray spooned into me.
"I don't think I'll go on Saturday" I said.
"Yes. You will."
And he was right. I did.
It was almost as if Darcy and Gray were conspiring together to get me to go to the party. Gray was practically insistent that I go (as was Darcy) and even offered to drive me there and back (as had Darcy.) In the end I relented, but refused point blank to be dropped off and picked up like a teenager, so Darcy came to collect me at seven thirty that night.
I'd spent a good couple of hours panicking about what to wear, not wanting to look like somebody's mother gate-crashing the party. Eventually Darcy chose for me before dragging me out of the door, shouting out to Gray that she'd have me back by two.
"Okay, we just have to make a quick stop at the off licence to get six big bottles of White Lightning and four litre bottles of cheap vodka, then we're good to go."
I froze. This sounded exactly like the sort of party I tended to avoid with a bargepole.
"Oh. Er…sure."
"Alison, I'm fucking with you!" She laughed. "You know, you're far too serious."
"You always say things so seriously. I can never tell when you're joking." I mentally berated myself for falling for such an obvious wind up. She turned her head to look at me and her hair fanned round in a silken arc. It looked like she'd washed it and let the angels straighten and condition it. I idly wondered if it would feel as soft and silky as it looked. How could it not?
"I was trying to lighten the mood. You look so nervous."
"I just feel a little out of my depth going to a student party at my age, that's all" I muttered, wiping my clammy palms against my jeans.
"You met most of the people that will be there at the pub the other night, and you're only as old as you feel. You certainly don't look old. I mean, you've got a fantastic body and you're incredibly attractive." She paused, as if sensing she'd strayed off the subject and into other territory. "You don't come across as being old, is what I mean."
"I never went to any parties when I was a student. I suppose I just don't know what to expect."
"You were a student? What did you study?"
"English Literature. I only went because of Jazz. I couldn't stay at home with my
sister, so I followed my best friend to University! I got a degree that I've never used, but it's also where I met Gray."
"Whoa, hold on. You went to Uni because you didn't want to stay at home? What was so bad about your sister?"
I turned my head to look out of the window. I hated talking about Emma and my therapists had always seemed to want me to open up about her, with the result that I never talked about her full stop. Only Jazz knew the complete unedited story. But to my surprise, I found myself taking a deep breath.
"When I was seven, my dad ran off with my best friend's mum. My sister, Emma, who was eleven at the time, completely blamed me. She said if I hadn't gone round to Cathy's every day, dad wouldn't have had to pick me up every day, and they wouldn't have started the affair behind my mum's back. It carried on into our teens and she just seemed to hate me more and more. Whenever she got angry, she'd destroy my room, and if she was really angry, she'd beat me up and threaten to kill me. I mean, she was just always angry, you know. She started taking drugs when she was fifteen, and was on heroin by the time she was seventeen. Occasionally I'd come home from school and find mum crying because the tv had gone, or some of her jewellery was missing. One night, we got a call from this lady who said her son had been arrested with some stolen goods on him. He'd told her everything after she bailed him, including the origins of some of the goods. In his bedroom was a small bag of jewellery he hadn't got round to pawning yet, and some of it was what he'd got from Emma in return for drugs. Mum was too upset to go round and get it so she sent me." I smiled. "That was how I met Jazz. She was this guy's sister. She answered the door and I recognised instantly the look on her face. The look of shame and anguish that comes from living with a family member on heroin. She asked me if I wanted to go for a walk with her because she needed to get out of the house, so I did. She was the first person I trusted. Well, the only person really, until I met Gray. I guess that makes me quite sad, eh?"
"Were you lonely?"
"Before I met her, desperately. After, never."
"Then no, that doesn't make you sad. In fact, it makes me feel quite privileged that we're friends."