Ive made a lot of notes - might do a little paper sometime - tragedy & the mass consciousness - not snappy enough? - OK - how about pigs & needles & two yards of rope! Sorry. You can see Im doing it too - turning tragedy into a topic.
Havent forgotten my thesis though. Combined a visit to Claras sickbed with a surreptitious interview. Godly Gordons alleged miracle cure is an even more popular topic than Hens suicide - Tom can hardly refrain from chortling with glee at his own cleverness in persuading Gord to join his team of alternatives - naturally I didnt tell him the only reason his precious healer had come to Sandytown was cos hes got the hots for me!!!! Cant help feeling flattered even tho theres no way I could fancy the guy - tho I must admit I quite like him now. Anyway - he seems to have got the message - theres been no sign of him for the past few days - I think Toms a bit worried he may not show for the festival opening - but I assured him Gord wouldnt let him down - not that kind of fellow.
Anyway - Clara is doing well - when it came down to it seems that its mainly broken bones & concussion - probably was from the start but Gords still getting all the credit locally! Could be moved now to an NHS specialist unit - but Ted Denham insists that she should stay at the Avalon - & the specialists should all come to her - his treat! Ted - as youd expect - has bounced right back from being pilloried in the News as no 1 suspect - rides into town on the Sexy Beast like Alexander the Great looking to be worshipped - which he is - everybody loves a rich young squire - who promises to be a lot more liberal with his money than dear old Daph! Hes promised Tom hell take her place in the development consortium - & fulfil all her undertakings - & more! The Festival of Health is of course Toms particular baby - but Teds first spectacular will come next week when Daphs funeral takes place. I dread to think what hes got planned for the wake! Havent seen much of Esther - but when I did the thaw begun at the hog roast continued - maybe it wasnt me in particular she disliked - just life in Daphs large shadow. No word yet of the return of the Swiss toy-boy. Maybe she thinks it wouldnt be decent to parade him till her aunts safe in the ground.
Back to Clara - not much useful there for the thesis - hoped she might have had a white tunnel experience - with Gord at the far end shouting - go back! - but all she remembers is some dream about a sweets shop - & not being able to get in! Something there for the Jungians maybe - must have a look when I get back to my books.
The cops have packed up & left the hall. Bumped into Novello before they went - or maybe she contrived to bump into me. She said - sorry - its the job. I said - yeah - mines the same - getting people to trust me - difference is - if I let them down - Ive failed - Unforgiving or what!
Saw Andy Dalziel in the pub. He asked me how I felt about things. I said I was glad it was all over - wasnt he? He said being glad wasnt part of the job description. Not sure what he meant. Need to think about it. Hes on his way too - after the weekend. Says whatever else all the excitement did - its got him back on his feet & hes looking forward to being back on the job again in a few weeks. I said - Mr Pascoe will be pleased to hear that - & he said - you reckon? -
Funny thing about Mr Deal - whatever he says - no matter it sounds dead ordinary - it leaves you listening to the echoes.
Minnie has just come in to tell me its time for the off! Shes sitting on my bed staring at me accusingly. I think she takes me going home after the opening as a personal affront. Also I think shes got a whiff of whats going on between Uncle Sid & the bart. Not surprising - like Ive said before - if I was head of MI5 - Id get Min on the books straightaway! Happily she met George when he drove me back to Kyoto - & it was love at first sight! Shes decided if I wont be her sis-in-law by marrying Sid - shell do it the other way - by marrying George! Only compensation for me leaving her after the opening is that George is coming to pick me up!
Sids back in London - dont know if hell show today or not - be interesting to see what the future holds for the Odd Couple now that Teds stinking rich. Funny thing love. Poetry says it stays fixed even when everything around it changes. Not my observation. Its a creature of circumstance. All it needs is a handy pine tree & an even handier ex-best-mate - & there it goes! Still debating louse Liams penitent letter. Hope you & the mahogany hunk prove exceptions to the rule - & stay fixed - & eventually settle down in a nice little honeysuckle covered cottage in Willingden!
Got to go or Mins going to explode.
Next one from home!
Love
Charley xxx
2
Right, Mildred. This is the last time you and me are going to speak. Al- ways sad to say good-bye, but let's face up to it, this thing between us has run its course. Funny how things work out; first time I set eyes on thee, I thought, no way you'll ever catch me whispering sweet nothings into that thing's ear! Now I'm feeling like I'm going to miss you.
That's why it's time to end it, of course. I've got to admit I learned to enjoy it, but it's too bloody dangerous to keep on with, as the vicar said to the verger's wife as she pulled on his bell rope afore morning service. There's stuff on here I don't want any other bugger to hear - stuff I don't much want to hear again myself!
So last time, last thoughts, last things.
All packed up and gone now, Pete and Wieldy and the rest of the whole travelling circus. Wasn't till they'd all gone that I realized how much I were going to miss them. All this convalescing stuff's fine, but I reckon if old Daph hadn't got herself topped, with everything that fol- lowed, and I hadn't got myself involved like I did, then likely I'd have taken another three weeks at least to get to where I am now.
Cap took a bit of persuading when she came down to see me on Thursday. Started reading the riot act when I said I'd handed in me notice and I was heading back home at the weekend. In the end I had to push her on the bed and show her how much better I was. I'm trying to think of Pet as a training session, getting me ready for the serious stuff again. Funny, ain't it? Me looking for ways of justifying what I know were a rotten thing to do by any standards. At least Pet can claim she did it out of love - though mebbe there was also a bit of payback for Fester letting himself be tempted by the thrill of the Bannerjee Jump!
Pet had to know about that. Nowt happens in these places that a good matron doesn't know about!
Any road, at least it gave me the confidence to get back to close contact with Cap. Must have been back to my old form too, 'cos when we'd done she asked, What's keeping you till Sunday? I told her I wanted to go to this Festival of Health opening ceremony and she wondered what the hell for? When I said I'd got to know a lot of the people involved and thought it 'ud be a nice time to say good-bye to them she gave me an old-fashioned look, so I had to take her mind off things again.
That at least convinced her my progress weren't just a flash in the pan and, like me and her animal rights activities, she knows when not to keep coming with the questions.
Truth is, if she'd injected me with a truth drug, I'm not sure what answers she'd have got. It's all finished here. Isn't it? Pete's come through with his halo just slightly bent. He's played it exactly the way I forecast and now all he has to do is relax and take the applause. But nearly getting it wrong has really sharpened his already very sharp nose and he rang me to ask what I thought. Not that he said that's why he were ringing. Just to keep me in the picture, and hope I got back to work soon. But we both knew he were asking if I thought he'd got it sorted now.
What the fuck could I say? Mebbe if I'd been Irish I could have said I wouldn't have started off from here in the first place! Mebbe I should have said it's like when you're having a crap and you think you're done, but summat deep inside tells you to stay put 'cos there's more to come.
But what would have been the point? Loose ends? Never been on a case yet when there weren't loose ends. We're detectives, for Christ's sake! Servants of the State, not instruments of God. One thing I've learned in all these years is, dealing with human beings, you never know everything, not even when you know everything there is to know. So I said, you've d
one well, lad. No trial, no comeback! Relax and enjoy it!
Can't stop yourself thinking, but, as the minister said when he bap- tized twenty Girl Guides in the municipal swimming pool.
Thought I'd got meself under control till I went down to breakfast this morning and there was Franny Roote sitting chatting with some of the other inmates. He gave me a grin and a cheerful wave and I thought of picking up his wheelchair and hoying it off the terrace. Instead I waited till he came rolling up to me, as I knew he would, and I asked him what he'd got to look so happy about.
He said, "I don't know, Andy. But somehow this feels like one of those days when anythings possible. I'm sure you've had them, one of those days when you know the putts are going to drop, the conversion kicks are going to soar over the bar, the beer's going to be at just the right temperature, and round the next corner you'll bump into the girl of your dreams."
He were right. I have had them. Those days when if you had any sense you'd raise every penny you could beg borrow or steal, and put it all on a horse you'd chosen by sticking a pin in a race card!
But this didn't feel like one of them, not for me any road.
I said, "Hope you're right, lad."
And off he went, doling out yon Third Thought crap like a farmer with a muck spreader.
Leaving me thinking, There's a loose end I'd love to tie up afore I leave here! Mebbe I'll get him to himself later on at the Festival of Health opening ceremony and have a real heart-to-heart. One or two others I'd like a last word with, even if it's only to say good-bye. They'll all be there at Brereton Manor. Some I'll kiss, some I'll kick, likely there'll be a bit of booze going, I feel up to supping my share this time so I must be getting better! Then first thing tomorrow morning Cap's coming to collect me, and it's good-bye, Sandytown!
One last thing is to clear all my recording from Mildred.
Let's take a look . . .
Fuck! Bet it's dead easy, but one thing cunning old Fester never told me was how to erase stuff. Got to be sure it's all gone afore I give it him back. Mebbe I'll just hang on to it, then take it down to the rugby club one Saturday night and get the lads down there to record fifty choruses of "The Indian Maid" over what I've said, then post it back to Fester!
Meanwhile Pet's coming to pick me up any moment. Don't want to risk losing this during the drunken orgies, so I'll pop it back in the bog cistern for safety. Young Charley's a whiz with electronics, I'll have a word with her, she'll likely know how to clear it.
Good-bye, Mildred. I've enjoyed it but we can't keep on meeting like this.
Good-bye!
3
FROM: [email protected]
TO: [email protected]
SUBJECT: definitely the end! or maybe the beginning!!
Cass, I lied! Next time Id be writing from home - I said. Should have remem- bered - you dont get away from Oz till it lets you go! So still here - George downstairs drinking tea with the Parkers - Min wrapped round his legs! - while Im up here packing - he thinks! Too much to get off my chest to you to think of that. So here goes.
Everyone assembled for the opening ceremony of the Festival of Health - & I mean everyone. Real buzz in the air - funny that - death hasnt depressed Sandytown - its brought it alive! The council freeloaders were all there again - ready to start on the booze where theyd been cut short at the hog roast. The Denhams of course - Ess looking v gorgeous & sexy in a - I think - Versace two piece - could scratch her eyes out! - Ted in a linen suit straight Out of Africa - every inch the benevolent Lord of the Manor. Then there were the Parkers - Tom - energy bursting out of him like a space rocket before liftoff - Mary - creamy Laura Ashley frock almost as pale as her face- looking like an Avalon convie - the kids running riot - Min asking me every two minutes when George was arriving. Diana was here too - of course! Too busy to stop & talk - acting as if she was a principal mover & actor - assuring me in passing that shed been on her feet the whole morning - despite the high price she knew she would pay for such exertions.
The nature of the occasion required a strong presence from the Avalon - principal among them Dr Feldenhammer in a white suit - looking ready to operate at the drop of a hat or a hernia - in his train Nurse Sheldon - suffering in the heat - but clinging close to her boss & interposing her ample frame between him & any pretty young thing that took his fancy with an admirable determination that made me wonder if maybe he hadnt just exchanged one strict keeper for another.
A thought has occurred - remember I was puzzled why Feldenhammers been so willing to throw his weight behind Toms support of alternative therapies? Simple answer - Sidney Parker! Min told him about seeing the doc & his Indian patient on the beach - & I bet Sid dropped a couple of large hints to get the doctor jumping aboard brother Toms hobbyhorse! Almost feel sorry for Feldenhammer - being blackmailed 3 ways for 1 offense!
Naturally all of Toms motley bunch of quacks were there too. I had a word with Miss Lee - looking more oriental than ever - even though its become clear in the past few days that her origins as Miss Doris Godley - late of Leeds & Tescos - far from being a well kept secret - was generally known - & disregarded as being of no importance! I asked her where her brother was - she said he was around somewhere - but I couldnt see him anywhere.
I thought - maybe hes avoiding me. I mean the pain of being in the pres- ence of someone who inspires a deep but unrequitable passion must be intense. Made me feel a bit guilty - & a bit complacent too. I resolved if I saw him to try & put him at his ease. Being an object of desire has its re- sponsibilities too - but youll know all about that!
Someone tapped me on my shoulder with a force that almost knocked me over. It was Andy Dalziel. I said - remind me not to get arrested by you!
He grinned & said - best keep thy nose clean then lass! - Ill be back on the job soon -
I said - winding him up - & will you be reopening the case? -
That got a reaction.
- why? - what do you mean? - very perturbed.
I said - I mean the case of Dr Feldenhammer & his dalliance with a patient - for all we know hes a serial interferer! -
He shook his great head & said - nay lass - bit of humanity eh? - us men are weak vessels - determined woman gets her hands on us - we are putty - & from what I hear - yon Indian lass were real determined –
- so - as usual - its the womans fault? -
- nay - he said - its a design fault - so blame the engineer - not the engine -
Interesting - seemed to come from the heart - but before I could dig further - Franny Roote came rolling up in his chair.
Andy said - Ive been looking for you Roote - whats kept you so long? - & Franny replied - my ministering doesnt run to a timetable Andy - as youll find if you care to join your fellow patients next time I call at the Avalon -
- Ill not be there next time - said Andy - Im off home tomorrow - & theres a few things I need to get sorted afore I go - starting with thee! -
I thought this sounded promising - but before anything more could be said the Sandytown Brass Band - which had been playing a selection from the Shows - suddenly struck up the kind of fanfare you get when the Queen turns up somewhere - & as it died away over the loudspeakers a voice I recognized as Diana Parkers said - ladies & gentlemen - the opening cere- mony will now commence - please give your attention to the man of the moment - Mr Tom Parker! -
There was a dais in front of the hotel - high enough for those on it to be visible to all of us crowded on the lawn. Tom advanced to the microphone - getting a rapturous round of applause. He held up his hands till the noise died away - then he said - this is a splendid & significant occasion - long anticipated - & marred only by the absence of one of its prime movers - who was a dear friend to me - as she was to everyone in Sandytown. Let us therefore observe a minutes silence in memory of one so tragically taken from us - Dear Daphne Denham -
You could have heard a feather drop - let alone a pin. Then Tom marked the end of the silence by clapping his hands - & everyone jo
ined in - producing an even bigger round of applause than the one that had greeted him - & all for Lady D. I felt the tears in my eyes - even Andy looked moved & poor Franny bowed his head to hide his expression.
Then Tom made his speech. Id feared he might get carried away - he can rattle on forever about the wonders of Sandytown as Ive tried to show you - but this was a masterpiece of concision - wise - witty - & to the point. Health was the basis of happiness - he said - Happiness was the outcome of health. Sandytown was devoted to offering both conditions to all who visited her.
A quick run though the attractions on offer - including of course the Avalon & all his team of alternatives - who would all be available for consul- tation in some ducky little tents scattered around the grounds - then - with a cry of - Be Healthy - Be Happy! - he declared the Festival open.
While all this was happening - Franny had contrived to put some dis- tance between himself & Andy Dalziel - who said - he can run - but he cant hide.
I said - whats so urgent that it cant wait - on a lovely day like this? -
He said - how about the truth? -
I said - the truth about what? -
He said - dont disappoint me lass -
& I felt sick inside - because I wanted it all to be over - & Id been telling myself that any doubts I had were daft - I was a newly qualified psychologist not a copper - & if the pros were happy then who the hell was I to carry on worrying! Hows that for humility! But now big fat Andy Dalziel was kicking me when I was down.
A Cure for All Diseases Page 45