by Regan Ure
"Beautiful," he murmured when I rushed to open the door for him. The others had been too wrapped up in arguing a penalty that had given Sin's team the win.
I smiled as he leaned forward and brushed his lips against my cheek.
"It takes hours to look like this," I teased. He shook his head.
"You look beautiful all the time."
He was a charmer, and I liked it. I wanted someone to make me feel better and to give my ego a boost.
The noise coming from the living room went still as I went to get my handbag.
Sin watched Steven with restraint as he greeted everyone. He got no response from Sin. I understood why Sin felt the way he did about Steven but I wasn't going to allow anything to ruin my evening. I was sealing the deal tonight. There would be no more stupid feelings for Slater. After tonight I wouldn't care.
It didn't help that when I thought about sex, the person I was locked in an embrace with wasn't Steven. It was Slater. With his lips trailing kisses lightly across my skin.
Stop it, I told myself to shake the images of me getting hot and heavy with the guy who wasn't my date.
"You ready?" Steven asked me.
"Yes," I said before looking back at Taylor. "I'll be back later."
"Enjoy," she said with a wink before I left with Steven.
I had already had the lecture from Matthew, who'd been playing the role of the older brother. Sin hadn't said much but I already knew his stance.
"Where are we going?" I asked, looking at the streetlights as he drove.
"There's a cozy pizza place I know of. It makes the best pizzas around."
That's exactly what I wanted. He reached over and took my hand in his. The action was unexpected and I looked down at his hand that held mine.
Affection wasn't sex. This wasn't part of the deal. I couldn't exactly pull my hand from his so in my mind I tried to rationalize why he was being affectionate. Maybe this was part of his ploy to get me into bed. He didn't know it was pretty much guaranteed.
The warmth of his hand on mine irritated me, so by the time we got to the restaurant I was relieved to be able to untangle my hand from his.
The pizza place was small and quaint. Inside, there was dim lighting that set the mood for a romantic date—a date I was still determined would end in Steven staying overnight.
We were shown to a table with two chairs in one corner. The waitress took our drinks order before leaving us to mull over the menu.
"So what do you think?" he asked, reaching for my hands across the table.
Really, did he have to be so clingy? I bit my tongue to stop myself from saying something to him about it.
"It's really nice," I said, allowing myself to scan it. It had way too many decorations on the walls for my liking but the smell wafting through the kitchen doors held promise.
The waitress returned with our drinks and we ordered some starters.
I was getting more irritated by the minute. Without him realizing it, I managed to slide my hand back and I hid it under the table. My eyes watched some of the couples nearby holding hands and leaning in to kiss briefly.
"What's on your mind?" Steven asked. I smiled at him, trying to hide my thoughts.
"Not much, it's been a busy week."
The door opened and a couple sat down at the table beside us. I didn't take much notice.
When the starters arrived I was famished. It smelled so good. I took a bite of the bread dripping with cheese.
And I nearly choked on it when my eyes met familiar silver-blue mocking ones at the table beside us. What the hell is he doing here?
"Are you okay?" Steven asked with concern when I spluttered and tried to swallow my mouthful of food.
I managed to get it down and take a big gulp of cold water. It was then I noticed Slater wasn't alone. The sharp pain that sliced through me left me speechless.
Across from him was a girl with long brown hair. She was pretty. I frowned. Slater gave me one last mocking smile from the table beside us before he turned his attention back to the girl and left me speechless.
"Jordan?" Steven asked again, pulling my attention back to him.
"Yes…sorry…I'm fine," I assured him, trying to regain my composure.
The food smelled great but my appetite was gone. I tried to keep my attention focused on Steven but I kept allowing my gaze to slowly find Slater. Each time he smiled at the girl with him, I felt the unwanted stab of jealousy.
By the time the main course arrived I had to escape before I did something I regretted. I needed to fall back to take check of my emotional wounds before facing him again.
"I'll just be a moment," I said before I found solace in the restroom.
I gripped the sink as I stared at my reflection in the mirror. He was here with someone else.
How was it possible he was here with another girl at the same time I was here with Steven? It couldn't be coincidence, could it? Inside my chest was the familiar ache.
I should be happy he'd moved on. It meant I was no longer someone he wanted and I could get on with my life without him. But I didn't feel happy; I felt sad and deflated. It was like being rejected all over again.
Damn it! What was wrong with me?
I couldn't spend the rest of my date hiding out in the restroom so I gave myself a quick pep talk before I left.
The sight of Slater waiting outside stopped me in my tracks.
Chapter Seven
"You're stalking me," I accused him.
"No. More like waiting for you to realize what a mistake you're making."
I crossed my arms as I pinned him with a glare, but his lazy smirk didn't waver.
"Tonight won't be a mistake," I lied without blinking, without allowing him to see the doubt I felt. As much as I wanted to go through with it to move on from the bad boy standing in front of me, I knew I couldn't.
His smile faltered slightly, his lips pressed into a tight line. My words had affected him and I reveled in his reaction for a moment. He stepped toward me and it was like the air around me thinned. I held his deep stare, lifting my head slightly. It was harder to breathe, almost impossible to concentrate, but I refused to allow him to see how he affected me.
"Besides, you seemed to have no problem finding someone to warm your bed." It was hard to restrain my jealousy. I dropped my arms, refusing to allow my body language to betray what I was truly feeling.
He smiled as he leaned closer. I hated that he was enjoying this. The familiar scent of him, mixed spice and mint, settled over me.
"Are you jealous?" His breath feathered against my cheek.
I swallowed hard to clear my throat.
"No," I replied. "You can screw anyone you like. I don't care."
"Liar."
Our faces gravitated closer. I looked at his lips, remembering how they felt against mine. Instinct wanted to push me to join my lips with his but I stubbornly refused to give in.
"Every time he touches you, you will think of me."
I wanted to argue that I wouldn't, but it would be another lie.
"Every time he kisses you, you will wish he was me."
I swallowed hard, struggling to keep my emotions in check.
"But when it's done, and you realize you've made a mistake, don't think about coming to look for me." He paused for a moment. "I don't want his seconds."
It was like a physical slap in the face—painful, with a sting. He gave me a long, last stare before he strode away, leaving me unsettled as I watched him.
It took me a few minutes before I went back to my table. The rest of my date was spent listening to Steven with one ear while my eyes drifted back to Slater and his date. I hated how he looked at her, the way his fingers caressed her arm. I hated the way she looked at him, the way she smiled at him like she knew how their date was going to end.
There was no stopping the images of the two of them wrapped up in each other in the throes of passion, his tattooed arm wrapped around her waist. I squeezed my eyes
shut momentarily, hating the sharp pain in my heart.
"Jordan?"
I looked back at Steven, who was looking at me expectantly. I had been too wrapped up in my thoughts to listen to what he had been saying.
"You okay?" he asked, looking at me with a little concern.
"Yes," I told him, trying to hide my fluster at being caught off guard. "Sorry, it's hard to keep my mind from my schoolwork."
He reached out and covered my hand with his. Before, I'd wanted his touch, but now it just irritated me and I wanted to pull my hand from his. But I didn't want Slater to see. I wanted him to believe I was going to seal the deal with Steven. In my mind I was still trying to convince myself I was going to go through with it.
"I could help you relax."
The way he smiled at me left no doubt at how he wanted to accomplish that. I wanted to feel the same way but I didn't. But there was no way I was going to let Slater see that.
I smiled seductively at him, putting on a show for whoever was watching.
"Are you ready to leave?" he asked, and I nodded. He got the bill and paid.
As I got my jacket and shrugged it on, I sent one last look in the direction of Slater and his date. My eyes met his. This time he wasn't smiling. His date was looking at him like she was ready to eat him.
Remembering the feeling when he had rejected me pushed me forward, one step in front of the other, and I left the restaurant while holding Steven's hand.
But no matter how badly my mind wanted to go through with it, my body rejected the idea. So I talked him into stopping for ice cream. He continued to flirt with me, but it wasn't enough to change my mind.
By the time we made it back to the apartment, I knew I couldn't go through with it. Still seated in the passenger seat of his car, I turned to face him.
"I like you…" I began.
"But…" he prompted.
I tried to remember he was a player who usually moved from one girl to another. It wasn't like this would hurt him in any way.
"But…I can't."
He studied me for a moment.
"I really like you," he said, surprising me. "I know I have a reputation but it wasn't like that with you."
It made me feel worse. But at least I was letting him down now and not later. I couldn't make myself feel something for him.
I wondered whether I would ever be able to break the hold Slater seemed to have over me. When he was around, everyone else faded into the background. I had no control over it and it frightened me but I still wanted to believe I could fight it.
"I'm sorry," I said, not sure what else there was to say.
"Well, if you ever change your mind, you know where to find me."
I smiled at him but I knew that wouldn't happen.
It was late by the time I quietly entered the apartment. I wasn't surprised to find Matthew waiting up for me.
"Your date went well," he said. I dropped my keys on the nearby table.
Somehow everyone now knew about my three-date rule. And I wasn't about to tell anyone I hadn't been able to go through with it. It would entail answering questions I wasn't ready to answer.
"It was good." His eyes lifted to mine before I slumped into the chair beside him.
"What are we watching?" I asked, needing a distraction.
"Golf."
I sent him a surprised look.
"What?" he asked.
"It's like watching paint dry," I retorted.
"What can I say? I find it relaxing."
"Where's Tay and Sin?" I asked, removing my shoes and putting my feet up on the coffee table.
"They went to bed early."
I closed my eyes for a moment, relieved my date with Steven was over. It had been a disaster from the start. I didn't want to think about Slater and his date. My date had ended with me being alone. But I bet Slater's hadn't.
That night I struggled to sleep. Restlessly I punched my pillow, trying to get comfortable, but nothing worked.
Eventually I lay looking up at my ceiling and staring off into the dark, wondering if they were sleeping together in Slater's room. The burning pain in the middle of my chest made it hard to breathe.
I couldn't even blame Slater. He had been open about what he wanted. I was the one who had been determined to have my way. I had been stupid enough to think one guy could help me get over another one. And boy was I wrong.
"I don't want his seconds." His words repeated in my mind.
There was no going back now. He would believe I had slept with Steven and he would have nothing more to do with me. But wasn't that what I'd wanted? Hadn't it been one of the reasons I had pushed things with Steven, to ensue Slater would no longer want me?
I had accomplished what I had set out to do but I couldn't understand why I didn't feel happy or relieved. Instead, I felt hollow.
When Taylor asked about my date the next day, I just shrugged.
"It was good." I didn't go into any details. I stopped myself from telling her I didn't sleep with him. She would probably mention it to Sin. What if it got back to Slater? He would probably show up all smug and cocky.
So I kept it to myself and allowed everyone to think things between Steven and I had gone further than they had. It wasn't like I was lying, I was just omitting some details.
* * *
For the next week I kept my head down and tried to forget about guys.
That weekend a couple of guys from one of my classes invited me to a party. I tried to talk Taylor into going with me but she was still working through her fears and wasn't up for it. I couldn't blame her. Sin had offered to come with but it hadn't been enough to push her to go. She simply wasn't ready.
"I'm sorry," she said to me. Sin wrapped his arm around her protectively.
"Don't worry about it. Besides, you're actually doing me a favor."
"How?" she asked, looking a little perplexed.
"I would have to watch the two of you smooching all night," I teased, hoping to ease her guilt.
She smiled, and Sin pressed a kiss to her cheek.
"See, it's starting already." I started to walk away.
I smiled. It was nice to see her so happy. With his reputation, I had been convinced heartache would be the only outcome for Taylor, but I had been so wrong.
Matthew was away, so Jeff, Sin's security guy, was posted outside the apartment. Even through Eric was safely locked away and there was no real danger, Taylor felt safer with someone around to guard her. It also put Sin's mind at ease.
I had a quick shower before I surveyed my wardrobe to find something to wear. I found a little black dress that hugged my figure, showing off my curves in all the right places.
I put some makeup on, the mascara thickening with each stroke and showing off my long eyelashes. With each step in getting ready for my night out, I felt more confident. I was looking forward to getting out a bit.
You just want to keep yourself busy so you don't think of him. I pushed the voice to the back of my mind. I wouldn't admit it was true. All week Slater had been on my mind. I didn't want to think about him but in every spare moment I would find myself thinking of him anyway.
Feeling frustrated that I couldn't stop thinking of him, I tried to distract myself with getting ready.
Once I was done I said goodbye to Sin and Taylor. Jeff gave me a brief nod outside the apartment.
"I can walk you downstairs?" he offered.
He was more intimidating than Sin and Slater. His head was shaved and covered in tattoos. He was built with large muscles, typical of what I would imagine a bodyguard to look like.
"No, it's all right."
Downstairs I waited for Levi to show up. I had met him in one of my classes and we had hit it off straightaway.
Around me, he was talkative; but around others, he was quieter—almost shy. When I'd been invited out I had been determined to drag him along with me. It was his chance to mingle with people. And there was a chance he might even meet a nice girl.
> He was attractive. His dark brown hair was cut short and neat. He had the palest gray eyes I'd ever seen. With the way he looked, I didn't understand why he seemed so insecure. He was good-looking enough to give Sin and Slater a run for their money.
A familiar car pulled up and I smiled at the driver when I saw him.
"I hope you haven't been waiting for long," he said when I slid into the seat beside him.
"Only a few minutes," I assured him.
"You look nice," he said as he pulled away from my apartment block.
"Thanks." I beamed at him.
"You always look beautiful," he added.
His comment made me look at him again.
"Thanks," I said, accepting his compliment a little awkwardly.
I hated that familiar feeling of being uncomfortable. I looked out my window briefly to disguise it.
"I didn't mean it that way," he clarified, sensing I was uncomfortable with what he'd said.
"What way?" I asked, trying to keep the nervousness out of my voice.
"You're my friend," he stated. "That's all."
"Sure." I looked back out the window, feeling a little relieved. I didn't need another guy in my life, I needed a friend.
Besides, there was no room in my life for anyone else. Slater filled that part to the degree I couldn't shake him no matter how hard I tried. And trying to sleep with another guy to get over him had been a drastic step, but it hadn't worked. So here I was going out with a few friends to a college party nearby to take my mind off Slater.
The nearer we got to the party, the louder the music grew. It was thumping when Levi parked down the street from it because there hadn't been any nearby parking.
"I'm looking forward to this," I said as we walked to the house, dodging a couple of drunken people as we drew closer.
"I'm glad one of us is," he muttered beside me. "I feel like I'm going to the dentist. I can hear the drill already."
"Don't say that," I chided him with a poke of my elbow. "You'll have fun."
He gave me a disbelieving look.
"I promise."
"Okay," he said, shrugging his shoulders.