I got out of the shower and started towel-drying my hair. I looked at my sober expression in the mirror, and realized the real problem was trust. I didn’t trust Jake 100%. Probably that was my own fault: I laid down the ultimatum, and then he had started going out with me. That wasn’t exactly the same as Jake begging me to be his one and only.
Still, who could blame me for having trust issues? When we went out after games, girls came up and fawned over him. Or worse, occasionally girls seemed to know him already and acted way too familiar. Even at home I wasn’t safe, I was vacuuming under the sofa cushions and along with the loose change and mummified pizza crusts, I found enough jewellery to start its own QVC show.
That was the past though, and I had pushed it to the back of my mind and tried not to be jealous. But the worst part was Jake’s face: sometimes when he looked at other women, he was checking them out; he was interested. Because that’s the truth, you can’t be jealous unless the other person gives you a reason to feel that way. You could be dating the most beautiful man in the world, but if you knew he was committed to you, you wouldn’t worry.
We were good together. I knew that, and I think Jake thought so too. But what would the future be for us? I had to figure that out, because Jake had never planned anything in his life. It was up to me to decide what would be the best thing… for both of us.
Jake
When I finally got home, I passed out in bed for hours. It was the evening before I woke up and when I stumbled out of bed, Frankie and Domer were having dinner. I lurched into a chair at the table and put my head down on the table.
Frankie ignored me and kept talking to Domer.
“So, you’re going on vacation before you go home?”
“Uh yeah, me and my cousins are going to down to Mexico. I need a break to switch gears from the season.” Domer paused, “You okay, Jakester?”
I lifted my head, “I’ve been better.”
“Did you want dinner?” Frankie asked icily.
“Uh, no. Maybe something to drink?”
“Not booze?” she demanded, frowning.
“No. Like water.”
She got up and got me a glass of water and a glass of juice. I gulped them down, my throat was feeling parched. Frankie and Domer were both staring at me, and I figured I probably looked pretty bad.
“Well guys, I’m going out tonight,” Frankie announced, rising up from the table with her plate.
“Wuh… where?” I asked. I was still having a little trouble speaking.
“An artist’s talk at the MOCA,” she explained. I still didn’t know half the places she was talking about, but they were all art museums. She went off to get ready and a while later, there was a knock on the door. Some guy in a lime green shirt and tie was standing there.
“Hello there! I’m Franco, is Frankie ready?”
Frankie breezed by us in a sundress and left with only a brief goodbye. We could still hear the guy’s voice as they went down to his car.
“So, you’re dating the one that looks like an unmade bed, right? You’re going to have to explain that attraction to me. What about the other one, Chief Crazy Hot? He’s definitely a hunk.”
Domer started laughing his head off.
The next day, I was expecting Frankie to go off on me about staying out all night, but she never said a word. She was a little chilly, but she never got mad. After a couple of days, I felt relieved I wasn’t going to have to get in a big fight with her or anything like that. Maybe Frankie was getting more relaxed these days, which would be awesome.
Friday, I had to spend a lot of time at the dentist getting repairs on the two teeth that were chipped in half during the playoffs. Frankie drove me home, sat me in front of the TV, and then went off to make dinner. She put this disgusting-looking sludge in front of me.
“What is this?” I asked.
“Congee, it’s a Chinese breakfast porridge, with meat. The dentist said you’re only going to be able to eat soft foods for a couple of days.” She sat down beside me.
I tasted it and it was actually delicious. “Not bad,” I told her, and she nodded. She was eating an apple, and I watched her perfect teeth crunching into it and sighed. Not only did I want something crunchy, but I realized how sweet Frankie was being to me, and I felt guilty.
“Look Frankie, I’m sorry about the other night. I just needed to go out and let off some steam.”
“It’s okay,” she said. “But I wish you could tell me your problems and maybe feel better that way. So you wouldn’t have to go all crazy.”
Really? I thought chicks liked guys to be all strong and protective. Besides, I wasn’t really into all that whining after the fact. Shit happens, and you get over it. We had our exit interviews, and Coach Sherman was on me for a lot of the same things he talked about all season, plus about being ready to go in the preseason and maintaining my focus. He kept talking to me about commitment, but I felt like I was already pretty committed. After all, I was playing more minutes than anyone on the team, did that not prove something?
“So, I’m going back to Vancouver on Sunday,” Frankie began.
“Yeah, your classes are starting, right?”
“Yes.” She paused for a long time, and munched on her apple. “What are you going to do now, Jake?”
“Well, I’ll probably go back to Kingston. I mean, I’ve got stuff going on here, and I’ll be back and forth all summer, but right now I kind of feel like I’d like to get out of town.”
“You know Jake, the last two months together have been awesome, really fun and exciting.…”
I tried to smile at her, but my mouth was still sore. So I reached across and grabbed her hand. She smiled at me, but I felt nervous because she seemed to have a whole speech planned out.
“And I think this was all good. To show you that you can go out with someone and have a good time. And to show me, well, that we are good together, and I can relax and have a good time.” She leaned over and kissed me on the cheek and then sat back. “But right now, I don’t think we’ve got what it takes to make it long term.”
What? Now she wanted to break up with me?
“Is this about the other night? I told you I was sorry. Can’t you cut me any slack? I’m trying, and I think it’s going pretty good. Sure I’m gonna mess up once in a while, but you knew that.”
She shook her head at me. “Relax, Jake. I’m not crucifying you for one slip-up. But I don’t think we can make things work right now.”
“Look, it’s the off season now and I’m free. We’ll have more time for each other.”
“I guess, I guess we could keep going out for the summer. But Jake, you have trouble being committed to me when we’re living in the same house. If we’re in different cities, it’ll be impossible.”
It was weird that both my coach and my girlfriend kept harping on the same topic: commitment. I felt upset that she wanted to break up, but I couldn’t deny I felt a little relieved too.
I frowned and looked over at her. “Frankie, y’know I’m really into you, but I’m trying to be honest. I really like being with you, but I’m not sure I’m totally ready for all this shit. I’m certainly not ready to be all serious, like settling down.”
She laughed and ruffled my hair. “I know that, I do know what you’re like.” She leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. “I’ve got a plan.”
Of course she did. “‘Kay, what is it?”
“Well, I’m going back to U.B.C. to finish up my courses. And then in July, we can do that driving holiday we talked about, up the Pacific Coast Highway.”
I nodded, sounded good so far. “Then you’ll come back to Kingston?”
“Well maybe, but I have stuff to do. In the fall, I’m going to Italy.”
“What?”
“It’s an idea I’ve had since last summer, when I heard about all the beautiful art in Italy. I looked into it, and there’s a place in Florence where I can do Masters level courses. And I’m a little bit Italian mys
elf.” She had a faraway look, like she was already there. “It’s expensive, but I’ve got a little saved up and my parents are willing to help me out.” Frankie laughed and looked at me. “It’s partly because they think I’m too involved with you, and they want me to get some perspective. So that’s working out great.”
“I don’t get it, how do I fit into all this?” I asked her. Finally, I was willing to give things a try and now she was changing continents?
“You don’t.” But she smiled sweetly as she said this. “I’ll be gone a year, or possibly two, if all goes well. That gives us both time to go out with other people and grow up. Well, one of us needs to grow up anyway.” She giggled, and I pulled her into my lap.
“Don’t say that about yourself, Frankie. You can’t help being immature.”
“As if. Anyway, we can go our own ways, and if we still want to get together when I get back, we can give it a try. Or not. Maybe we’ll meet people we like better in the meantime. And I don’t expect you to keep in touch, I’ve already seen how you’re not very good at that. I’m trying hard to be as relaxed as you.”
It seemed like a good idea, but I felt a little funny about Frankie dating other guys. What if she found some slick Italian dude and forgot all about me?
She could read my mind. “It’s a two-way street Jake, you want to date other women, so I’m not sitting at home knitting.”
“But, you like knitting,” I pointed out to her.
“Yup. But I like men too.” She still seemed a little too happy about all this, but it wasn’t right for me to get upset when it was all kinda what I wanted.
“Okay, it’s a plan,” I agreed, but I was frowning. Talk about mixed feelings, I was happy and unhappy at the same time. I couldn’t deny there was a ton of temptation out there and dating Frankie was like having a frigging Jiminy Cricket on my shoulder all the time. But I also knew that when I was with her, I felt good in a whole new way that I was starting to get used to.
“You know how I feel about you Jake, but it’s clear that the timing is not right for us. If we want to have a real chance, I think this is the best way.”
She was as bossy as ever, but I was used to it now. And she usually had good ideas. Meantime, we were going to have a holiday together in the summer. I wondered if we could be like camels, and I could fuck her enough on our trip so she would be all filled up and wouldn’t need an Italian guy for a year. Worth a try, anyway.
Frankie laid her head on my chest, and I could smell her flowery shampoo. I swallowed, thinking about how much I would miss her.
“So you mean it? I am into you Frankie, I think you’re for real, but it’s just… too soon for me.”
For once, we were in complete agreement. I loved Jake, but we were way too young to get serious; we needed to have a lot more life experiences. I was looking forward to going to Italy, and he was probably looking forward to a whole bunch of stuff I really didn’t want to think about.
I looked up at Jake and smiled. Now I got to be the one to tell him to relax. “I don’t think we should worry about the future. While I’m in Europe, I’ll do my own thing, and you can do your own thing. When I get back next summer, we can touch base and see where things are at.”
“Yeah, actually we start the season in Europe in October, so maybe you can come to Sweden or Germany and see us.”
“Maybe, but I’ll be busy with classes. Meanwhile, we’ve got this summer to be together.”
He looked at me happily. “Yeah, we have got all summer, and it’s going to be an awesome one.” Then he leaned over and gave me a big, wet kiss.
Epilogue
Two years later
My plane was landing in Montreal, and I was going to spend a few days there. Now I had been to Europe and still not seen most of Canada. Chloë had arranged to meet me there, and we were planning a shop-a-thon and a museum-a-thon. Chloë was still dating Andrew, for three years now, and that seemed to be pretty serious. I wouldn’t be totally surprised if she had news to tell me on that front.
And thinking about Andrew and the summer in Kingston reminded me of Jake. I really hadn’t thought too much about him lately. We kept in touch at first, but he was pretty busy and not much of a writer in any case. He had phoned a few times, but it wasn’t like we had worked on maintaining things. Plus, Italian men were very nice looking, their suits alone were swoon-worthy. And then there was Ron, an American grad student I had met there. He was studying architecture, and he had developed a particular fondness for renaissance buildings and Canadian girls.
I had kept my word and done my own thing. For a while, I did miss Jake, but to be honest, it was so fascinating to live in another place that I really didn’t have time to imagine all those Hollywood girls he was probably fooling around with. I didn’t regret one moment I had spent in Italy, which is probably why I ended up staying an extra year there. I had met so many amazing people and seen such incredible art; but most of all, I had gained a lot of confidence in myself. Now I felt I could take care of myself, in any country or in any situation. I don’t know if that was from being in Italy or just growing up.
I had missed Canada though, and missed my family and friends. It was good to be back. I was meeting Chloë at this hotel downtown where she had gotten a great three-nights-for-the-price-of-two deal. Naturally my bank account was depleted, and I’d have to assess the job prospects back home, but I wasn’t worrying about that until after my little holiday in Montreal. As I passed through the gates with my excess luggage, (even after shipping some stuff home, since I couldn’t trust my new Italian clothes and shoes to the courier services), I looked for the taxi signs. A portly middle-aged man in a driver’s uniform tipped his hat at me; he was holding a sign that read “Frances Taylor.”
“Um, that’s me. But I wasn’t expecting to be picked up.”
“Mais mademoiselle, I was sent to find you.” He picked up all my bags skilfully, and I trailed behind with only my leather tote.
A big black limousine was waiting by the curb, with the motor still running. He put the bags behind the car, and then opened the door for me. I leaned inside and saw Jake. He was wearing shorts and a black t-shirt and looking slightly incongruous inside an expensive limo, as usual he looked like he should be driving a beater… or a Zamboni.
“Jake! What are you doing here?”
“I came to pick you up.”
He patted the seat beside him, but I sat across from him, then leaned back and crossed my legs. He could enjoy the view better that way, and I wanted to see what was up first. Obviously Chloë or Andrew had tipped him off about my arrival.
He gave me a slow once-over and smiled, “How can anyone look so good after a trans-Atlantic flight?”
Good thing I had primped a bit in the washroom, but I’ve always found that looking good when flying has its benefits. I was wearing a red jersey wrap dress, pink raw silk bolero and hot pink Italian sandals in a leather so soft it was like wearing velvet. The customs agents in Firenze had approved, and I had walked through with no hassles other than appreciative smiles despite all my extra baggage. And now Jake looked like he approved as well.
“So Frankie, we’re checking in after our time apart.” He uncorked a small bottle of champagne and handed me a glass.
I smiled and took a sip, feeling very sophisticated and enjoying the tickle of the bubbles. The car started up and off we went.
“I missed you, babe.” Jake sighed, “A lot.”
“Did you get everything out of your system?”
“Hmm, well I tried,” he smirked knowingly, “but it was hard to find anyone who matched you.”
“In the kitchen or in the bedroom?”
“In the everywhere,” Jake replied, leaving all notions of grammar behind.
Meanwhile, I had found lots of guys who looked better, dressed better, and spoke better English, even though it was their second language. However, I hadn’t found anyone who made me laugh as much. And that was worth a lot.
“W
here are we going?” I wondered.
“A nice hotel,” Jake looked pretty happy about this.
“What about Chloë?”
“Oh, she and Andrew are using the room she booked. And don’t worry, you’ll get to do your shopping together.”
“You’ve got everything planned, don’t you? What if I’m not interested anymore?”
“Oh Frankie, how can you not be interested in me? I seem to remember you were all over me last time we were together. I had to fight you off.”
“You wish! You were the one telling me you weren’t ready to settle down and have a real girlfriend.”
“Give me a break, you felt the same way!” Jake made a face at this.
I laughed and drank some more champagne. “If I get tipsy, will you try to take advantage of me?”
“Only you would use the word ‘tipsy,’ and of course, I’ll try to take advantage of you when you’re drunk. Or sober, or asleep, whatever.” He gave an evil laugh, then looked more determined. “I know how hot you are, but now that I see you, you’re even hotter.”
I started to blush, as he looked me over with half-closed eyes. Could somebody actually undress you with his eyes? Because he was trying hard. Jake reached over and pulled my foot into his lap.
“I like these high-heeled shoes.”
“They’re Italian, the leather is so soft and comfortable,” I explained.
“Not as soft as what’s in them.” He ran his hand up my calf. I took a deep breath, his hand on me was stirring familiar feelings. “You know Frankie, I’d like to see you in these shoes – just these shoes.
“Really? Because I have some Italian lingerie you might be interested in as well.”
“What’s that like?” he asked eagerly.
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