“I didn’t hear you complaining an hour ago,” he challenges.
His words make me laugh, even though I have to keep a straight face. Aiden needs me, and I plan to help him in any way possible.
“I’m not complaining, but you need to realize that it’s not normal to want sex as much as you do. We need to do other activities that couples do together instead of locking ourselves inside all the time.”
“What are you talking about? Don’t pretend like I don’t take you places, Scarlett. Last week, I took you to the movies to see that rom-com you forced me to see.”
“Yes, you did, but even that ended with sex.”
“We fucked in the bathroom. That was the best part of the movie.” He closes his eyes for a moment and makes a hissing sound as if he’s visualizing the act. “Your pussy was so fucking wet for me.” A beat passes between us before he opens his eyes again. “I need to see you. I know you are wet right now. Spread your legs for me.”
“Aiden, stop it.” I get up from the couch and stand over him. “You promised me a session where you wouldn’t try to have sex with me. I thought talking about your issues would help heal you, but maybe you cannot be helped. Maybe I am wasting my time. Maybe I made the right decision five years ago.”
He opens his mouth in shock, speechless. For the first time, he has nothing to say, which surprises me. Loving Aiden is one of the hardest things I have ever done. Nothing with him is simple, and everything is a game.
As I begin to walk away, Aiden hops to his feet and blocks my path. He places his hands on my shoulders, holding me in place, and pins me down with one look. “Don’t walk away from me. Scarlett, I wasn’t joking when I told you that you are mine. I am never letting you go. So, why don’t you sit back down and ask me whatever you want? Okay?”
I expected him to be mean and cold, and instead, I get the more sensitive, soft-spoken side to Aiden Shaw. This is the man I love. Too bad I have to make a scene to get this side to come out.
“Will you answer my questions and not do your usual dance around the answer? I want the truth, not some politician’s speech you think I want to hear.”
He moves his hand down to my lower back.
I melt into his warmth and lean my head against his chest. “Don’t even think about touching my ass, Aiden. Don’t ruin the moment.”
“If you don’t want to ruin the moment, then stop calling me Aiden in this office.”
“When you’re holding me in your arms and acting like the man I love and not my patient, I will call you Aiden.”
“You love me?” He stills, whispering the words against my neck, before kissing my skin.
“More than anything. Why do you think I am doing all of this? I agreed to be your submissive and live with you because I love you.”
He sighs. “I wish I could be the man you need, Scarlett, but I will never be the man you want.”
“You already are the man I want.”
“You don’t want to be whipped and bruised.” He cups my face in his hand. “You want a man who will love and care for you.”
“You already do that for me. I want you, Aiden, and only you. What we have is special.”
“I need you, Scarlett. I don’t want to lose you.”
“I’m right here.” I run my hands along his forearms, to keep him from wandering too far, and take a few steps backward. “For the next hour, I am the doctor, and you are my patient. Can we go back to how things were in the beginning?”
Aiden laughs and a smirk tugs at the corner of his mouth. “I am still in charge, Scarlett, and don’t you ever forget it.”
“Stop being a bastard,” I spit back, smiling so wide my face hurts.
“Stop being a pain in my ass.” He moves toward me, with his hands shoved in his pockets. At least I know he will keep them to himself.
“I'm not a pain, Aiden. You know better than anyone that therapy can change lives. Even though you have some patients that reject treatment and don’t listen to your suggestions, you know that your advice could work if only they followed your advice. How would you treat someone with your condition?”
“Treatment for hypersexual disorder requires cognitive therapy. I would ask the patient questions about their sexual history, their childhood, daily habits, drug or alcohol use, and when the compulsion started.”
“And I was the reason,” I mutter. “Do you truly believe that I started all of this by turning you down?”
“Yes.” Aiden takes a deep breath and blows it out, frustrated. “I hate the word no.”
He despises talking about the past. It’s not my favorite topic to discuss, but rehashing bad memories is the only way for us to determine the source of his problem.
“You were meeting women on campus while we were in college. I don’t see how I could have anything to do with your compulsion.”
“I never thought you would accept my lifestyle. I knew you were not the submissive type. When you turned me down, you proved me right. I knew I couldn’t have you, but I wanted you so fucking bad.”
“You honestly think that if I had said yes five years ago that we would still be together now?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. I tend to push women away.”
“That you do,” I confess. “You try to push me away all the time, but I won’t let you.”
“Because you’re not a true submissive.”
“Isn’t that what you like about me? That I fight you? That I fight for you?”
“Yes,” he breathes. “But when you finally submit to me, it’s fucking perfection. You are perfection, Scarlett. It’s beautiful watching you, naked and willing, completely at my mercy.”
I slide my fingers up his forearm, and tiny bumps prick along his skin. “But why do you like having me at your mercy, begging you to stop? Does it excite you that much to see me in pain?”
“Yes, but you enjoy yourself, right?”
“I do. I never thought I could do this with you.”
He takes his hands out of his pockets and holds mine in his. “You can heal me, Scarlett.”
“I can’t be your escape,” I whisper with tears in my eyes.
“I want to get lost inside you and only you. No one and nothing matters more to me.”
“How about we start by weaning you off?”
“But—“ He pushes out his hand to object, and I cut him off.
“No buts, Aiden. We are not having sex six times a day. That has to stop. My pussy hurts all the time. I haven’t been able to wear heels to work in weeks, and my ass cheeks still burn from last night.”
“But I need you,” he hisses.
“You have me in other ways.”
“I refuse to be celibate. You wouldn’t cut a drug addict off completely. As you said, you have to wean me off, but sex is part of our relationship.”
“We can still have sex without you becoming obsessed with me and the idea of being inside me. You fantasize about sex with me for most of your day. That is not normal.”
“Men are hardwired to think of sex more than women,” he challenges.
“Thinking about a woman’s ass on the subway when she walks by is one thing. All men do that. But dreaming of her in other ways to the point that you have to cut yourself off from the world to masturbate is not normal. You’re not a hormone-crazed teenage boy. Grown men can control themselves with women. I also want you to stop jerking off at work. And no more porn.”
“What?” His voice reaches a higher octave. “No porn? Now, I know you’re just trying to bust my balls. We watch porn together. That has nothing to do with my addiction.”
“Will you please just give this some time to work?”
He smiles and dips his head down to kiss me on the lips. “For you, I would do anything.”
I break away from his lips, tempted to indulge in his fantasies until I pull myself together. “Then, let’s get to work. I want to start with the real reason, the cause of your dominant behavior. Don’t even try to use me an excuse so that y
ou can take advantage of the situation and talk me into having sex with you again. It won’t work this time.”
Aiden peels himself away from me, and we take our seats, with him on the couch across from my oversized leather chair.
“Let’s start with your father.” I lift the notepad and pen from the table next to me and set it on my lap, pressing the pen between my fingers.
He sighs. “Do we have to talk about him?”
“Yes, Aiden. You know as well as I do that your parents are the cause of all this.”
Aiden sinks into the couch and folds his arms over his chest with a dejected look on his handsome face. “Fine. What do you want to know?”
“What kind of relationship do you have with your father?”
“We don’t have one,” he admits. “I hate him as much as he hates me.”
“What caused the tension between you?”
“My mother’s death.”
I cross my leg over the other and pull down my skirt further so that Aiden doesn’t have any distractions. “Can you elaborate, please?”
He sighs. “My dad is an alcoholic. My mother was a spoiled debutant who wanted his attention. They were nothing alike and fought all the time.”
“I already know these things. Let’s dig deeper. The money comes from your mother’s side of the family. Did her family approve of her marrying your father?”
“No, not at all. My grandfather hates him. He blames my dad for my mom’s death.”
“Do you?” The question I have been waiting for Aiden to answer, the one he has avoided for over a month.
He hesitates, unsure of how to respond. “Yes, more than anything. He was abusive to my mom and me. The more he drank, the worse he got. My mother started taking anxiety medicine to help her sleep. I think it was so she could forget about all the shit he put her through.”
“Did she seek help? Maybe call the police or see a doctor?”
He nods. “A doctor treated her for depression several times a week. I think my mom used it as a way to get out of the house. She didn’t have to work with how much money she had, and my dad made decent money as a psychiatrist. We had housekeepers, butlers, personal chefs, and I had a nanny. If she didn’t want to get out of bed, she didn’t have to bother. But she always did for me. It was also the reason she caught so much shit from my father.”
“Why was that the reason?”
“Because my dad would go after me for a bad grade on a test or for doing something stupid, and my mom would get in between us. He was always drunk once he got home from work. Sometimes, he came home from work already hammered out of his mind.”
“So, she suffered the brunt of the punishment from your father?”
He scratches his jaw, looking as though he wants to melt into the couch. “Yes. My mom would never allow him to hit me. I tried to get in the way, especially when I was older, but it had only made things worse for her.”
I want to tell Aiden how sorry I am that he had to endure so much pain as a child, but he wouldn’t want my empathy. In fact, drawing attention to his pain would only cause him to pull back from me because he considers sharing so much of himself a weakness. Aiden is outside of his comfort zone, which makes him hostile and withdrawn. But he’s doing it for me. He just needs time and more therapy.
“Can you tell me about your mother’s death?”
“Scar, please. Do we have to do this?”
“Yes, Aiden, we do. How else will you heal?”
“I am healed. I have you.”
“You cannot use me to feel better. Beating me to the point that I cannot stand is not doing anything for either of us.”
He narrows his eyes at me. “Are you saying you don’t like having sex with me?”
“Of course, not, Aiden, but I wouldn’t mind if you took it easy on me sometimes.”
“I have been on my best behavior with you.”
I shake my head, laughing. Then, I pull up my shirt and push down my skirt just enough to show him the bruises on my hips. “Do you call this taking it easy on me?”
“We’ve gone over this, Scar.”
“Right, I bruise easily, and maybe I do, but have you taken into consideration that it is not normal for someone to walk around like this? That maybe I shouldn’t look like I barely made it out of street fight?”
“Your face is fine. The marks are out of sight.”
“Does that make it better?” I want to cry from this conversation, doing my best to keep my shit together. “Have you taken a good look at my body?”
“I can’t get enough of your delicious body.” He licks his lips and leans forward. “I wouldn’t mind seeing it now.”
“It’s full of black and blue marks, Aiden. When I look in the mirror, right before I get in the shower, I can’t stand the sight of myself. I look like I survived a bad car accident or that I’m a victim of abuse.”
“I’m not abusing you, Scarlett.” His tone reaches a higher octave that scares me. “I am not my father.”
“Really?” My voice shakes from the nerves rushing through my body. I have to continue to force the answers out of Aiden or I may never get them. “Then, why do you like doing the same thing to women that he did to your mother?”
“It’s not the same, Dr. O’Brien.”
“Oh, now you’re finally speaking to me like a professional, like your colleague and not your submissive. Is this what it takes to pull the truth from you?”
“I’m done with this shit.” Aiden gets up from the couch with his hands balled into fists at his sides, and his jaw clenched in anger. “I think it’s time for a break. I’m going back to my office.”
I jump up and in front of Aiden, desperate to keep him here. “Don’t avoid me just because I struck a nerve. The fact that it hurts to talk about it means we are getting somewhere.”
“I am through with talking for the day, Scarlett. If you want me to bend you over your desk and fuck you, then we can do that. Otherwise, I am leaving.”
“Please sit down, Aiden.” I run my hands down his arms, and he stills from my touch. “I don’t want you to leave when you’re angry with me. This kind of tension is not good for us.”
He sucks in a deep breath but doesn’t speak, only stares down at me, his eyes burning with passion and desire.
“In your own way, I know you care about me, even if your feelings are not the same as mine,” I continue. We will get through this together.”
“Ten more minutes and then I have to leave. My next patient will be at my office in an hour, and I’d like to be on time for once. Erica has done a lot of covering up for me lately.”
“You should give your patients the same respect you would want from your doctor.”
“I’m working on being less of an asshole.” He says the words with a defiant smirk on his lips.
“Baby steps,” I tell him, releasing him from my grip. “Now, can we get back to our conversation?”
His gaze travels from my face to the desk behind me. I know what Aiden is thinking without him even speaking the words. I await his next move, terrified of the pain he wants to inflict and the emotion that tugs at my heart. But I am dominant in this office. I have to take control and help my patient.
Right now, Aiden is just another patient who needs treatment. If only I could separate the two sides of our relationship and give him the help he needs.
Aiden
Scarlett loves to drive me crazy. I’m beginning to think torturing me is her favorite thing to do. We have gone over my addiction and talked about all my obsessions. She has to keep digging into my past, never satisfied with my answers. I hate talking about my parents and the cause of my dominant behavior.
While Scarlett has her moments where she likes to enforce the rules of my treatment, there are also times when she’s weak and needs me. She’s not impervious to my charms, and it’s rare that she puts up too much of a fight. Until today. More feisty than ever and pissed off, Scarlett has decided to make our session even more unbearab
le.
I have been holding back with Scarlett in the bedroom, out of fear I would lose her, which is why I gave in somewhat and allowed her to pry into every facet of my life. But I need a break. A man can only take so much.
Scarlett glares at me from her chair, shooting daggers in my direction. “If you don’t want to talk about the problem, then let’s discuss your porn addiction. Why are you watching it without me?”
“Scarlett, I didn’t mean anything by it. Porn is not a big deal. Can we move on already?”
“No, Aiden, we cannot move on. You have been watching porn behind my back. That was not part of the deal. I am supposed to satisfy your every desire.”
“Well, I apologize for watching it without you, but I got an email about new videos, and the preview was too tempting. It was hot. I was hard. You weren’t around.”
She clenches her teeth in anger and sinks back into the chair. “You are the most frustrating man I have ever met. I thought we were making progress. For a while, you had me fooled, but I am no longer your fool.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” I let out a puff of air, irritated.
“It means that I am trying to help you, and you go out of your way to sabotage yourself and this relationship. Now that we live together, I see you in a different light. My eyes are now open to the fact that your problem is here to stay.”
“We only have sex once a day now,” I growl. “I am doing what you want, and even that is not good enough. I’m trying to do the right thing, but you need to understand that men watch porn and that masturbation is part of life. Having a sex addiction is not the same as having a drug addiction. I need sex, and we need to have sex to have a normal relationship. What we are doing now is normal.”
She sighs, blowing a strand of blonde hair on her face. “Nothing you do is normal. You live a very controlled life with me under your thumb and doing everything you want.”
“If you did everything I want, you would stop with these awful therapy sessions. I have enough of this during the day with my patients. I don’t need to reenact my day with you at night. I’m tired, hungry, and would like to take a shower. Now, can we cut this short and go home and do those things together?”
His to Break Page 12