"Oh, uhm, yup. Nope. I found out it wasn't a very nice thing to say and I won’t be doing it again." Swallowing nervously, he glanced at Rita, pleading with his eyes for mercy. "Ever," he added vehemently.
"Can I have fur on my chest?" Jeremy asked Will.
Will blinked, then blinked again, frowning slightly, floundering. "Uhm..."
"Can I see?" Josiah piped up.
"You looked like a bear!" Jeremy cried out excitedly.
"I want to be a bear... Does it keep you warm?" Josiah asked thoughtfully, glancing down at his super hero t-shirt covered chest.
Will's eyes ping-ponged back and forth between the pair as they peppered him with questions.
"Okay, boys! That's enough," Rita came to the rescue, clapping her hands, motioning for them to come along, "let's go see if Auntie Bit has anymore cookies or pie left over, huh?"
"Pie?" Elliot, who'd been quiet up until this point, chimed in hopefully, his tall frame barely able to fit in his chosen seat, crammed into my old rocker by the small side table between couches, gently rocking away in the ancient but sturdy thing.
My finger shot out to point at him and I shook my head. "No pie for you," I warned Elliot.
"Unless you plan on wearing it," Will added, smirking when Elliot grimaced.
"Why are you guys here?" I asked, cutting the crap, "and why did you use my key to get in? Not that you couldn't, Tobes, but..."
"You weren't answering your phone and I was worried," he said honestly.
"And... Elliot?" I asked, curious, nodding at the man in question perched on my favorite rocker.
"Ah... I, uh,” Elliot began, speaking for himself, “well, Will wasn't answering his door and I was over there knocking already when Toby pulled up. I came over here with him when he asked me if I'd heard anything from you since the, uh... the ice cream... incident."
"We hadn't considered that you two might be, erm- Uh... that you two might be, ya know," Toby mumbled uncomfortably.
Will grinned and wrapped his arm around me, unable to contain the smug smile on his face. "Tupping?" he asked helpfully, thoroughly enjoying their discomfort.
"Subject change!" I cried out desperately, giving Will a silent warning.
"Why were you over at my place?" Will asked Elliot.
"I wanted to apologize," Elliot admitted. Pushing his glasses up his nose, he looked properly contrite.
"I don't know why my phone didn't ring," I thought out loud, frowning thoughtfully, still stuck on that. "Was everything alright?" I asked, looking to Toby.
Will was admiring the molding, looking anywhere, but at me.
Hmmm... Why did I have a funny feeling my phone would mysteriously start working again after they leave.
"Everything is fine. I was just calling to say sorry and see if you wanted to bring Will over for dinner sometime," big brother said grudgingly, glancing at the door to the kitchen to make sure Rita hadn't seen his grumbling apology.
Aaaah, I thought, now we're making some sense here.
"Tobias Monroe!" Rita called from the kitchen.
"Damn fool woman knows everything," Toby muttered, trying to muffle the words under his breath.
"I heard that!" she hollered back. Toby grumbled and grunted.
Enjoying every minute of them, I grinned. Gotta love Rita. She wouldn't let the man get away with anything.
Toby let out a big breath and looked at Will. "I'm sorry," he told him sincerely.
"Does that mean I can dump you in raw sewage and we can call it even?" Will asked sarcastically, a friendly, casual smile on his face.
"Will!" I burst out, exasperated.
"What?” Crossing his arms over his chest belligerently, Will harrumphed. “They didn't have to walk home in their underwear, with a borrowed shirt that looked like a tent on them."
Toby and Elliot’s mouths dropped open, their heads swiveling towards me, and they looked at me with new eyes. "You made him walk home like that?" they blurted simultaneously, shaking their heads in unison in disbelief.
Eyes wide with feigned innocence, I played with the seam of the throw pillow on my couch, coughing to clear my throat.
Eventually, I shrugged and looked to Will mischievously through the corner of my eye. "He needed to... air out,” I said on a chuckle, grinning when Will snorted at me.
****
"I never thought they'd leave!" Will sighed, flopping down next to me on the porch swing.
"They aren't that bad."
He snorted and pulled me close. "Your nephews think I'm awesome," he said, sounding just like little Jeremy.
I smiled and nudged him. "Oh, please, you ate that right up. I saw the look on your face when they followed you around."
"They're... cute," he said finally, hiding a smile.
"This is a little off the subject, but it's been bugging me...”
"What?" he asked, pulling away enough to look at my face.
"What happened with the blonde bimbo that had her running out of your pad like her bum was on fire?"
"Oh, that," he murmured, chuckling, and sat back.
"Yes, that." Snuggling back against him, I waited patiently.
"When I saw you and Smelliot canoodling I was a little, ah, upset," he admitted, his voice getting a bit of growl as he talked, letting me know it was more upset than a little.
So sexy, I thought, loving this side of him.
It was hot in a my woman-grr kind of way. Territorial but not obsessively possessive. I liked it, maybe too much.
"I went to my place, contemplating on whether or not I should knock his two front teeth loose or bury him in my backyard and plant a garden over the body."
"No, really though," I laughed, nudging him, rolling my eyes heavenward.
"Alright, alright,” he grumbled. “I was hurt and angry. I didn't want to do something stupid, so I went home to cool off. The blonde bimbo, as you have dubbed her, barged in and demanded to know what the hell was going on."
"What happened next?" I interrupted, my curiosity winning out.
"I told her to get the hell out of my house, I wasn't into ten cent hookers, and that my girlfriend just got out of prison and doesn't take kindly to people trying to steal her man." He smiled suddenly, in satisfaction, chuckling.
"I was never in prison!" I squeaked out indignantly, but then paused as something occurred to me. Lips pursing, I thought about it some more, let it wash over me, so to speak, and settled down.
"Bit?" he asked when I was quiet for too long, probably picturing the little wheels turning in my brain. That, or a cute little gerbil running around on a wheel... but ya get the picture.
"It made her leave,” he said in his defense.
“Hmmm.” I made a humming sound in the back of my throat. “That it did. Maybe we should tell people that anyway. If it works as skank repellant, then who am I to argue," I said thoughtfully.
Will laughed, as if charmed by the way I think, and went on to finish his tale. "I asked if she wanted to meet you and told her if she waited a few minutes you'd be back with Bubba from a run any minute now," he finished with a flourish, fighting a laugh.
"A run?” I choked out on a laugh. “Why, Willy, I think I'm starting to rub off on you," I tittered, batting my lashes as I stared up at him, pride lacing my tone.
So proud, I thought, doing a mental fist pump into the air. That's my man!
"You can rub yourself on me all you want, my little kumquat," he purred lecherously, waggling his eyebrows suggestively, leaning closer and giving me his best leer.
Goof!
"As long as you're not contagious, right?" I joked.
"Smart ass," he huffed, pecking a kiss to forehead.
"Hey, where's your car?" I asked slowly, just now noticing it was gone, his driveway empty.
"I sold it," he said simply.
"You did?" Eyes widening, I pulled away from him, studying him to make sure he wasn't pulling my leg.
He looked completely serious.
"
But... But why? You loved your car."
"I needed the money. I've decided I’m going to open up a small accounting business. You wouldn't happen to know anyone who'd be in need of that kind of service, would you?"
"Really?" I asked hopefully. I could barely contain the excitement in my voice, no matter how hard I tried to act casual.
"Really," he said happily, laughing when I threw myself at him and rained kisses down all over his face.
"I love you! I love you! I love you!" I exclaimed between kisses, mushing his handsome cheeks between my hands, gripping his face to hold him in place.
"Does this mean we can have sex again soon?" Will asked hopefully, his hands groping my backside eagerly.
"Don't you dare ruin the moment, Will! Just shut up and kiss me back!"
Bobbsey Twins
"I hate you," I grumbled as Will guided us through the fair the town had put together to help raise money for little Janie Thomas' leg surgery.
I would have donated the money for her surgery myself, but the Thomas' refused, saying it wouldn't be right.
So, we came up with the idea of the fair. Kinda hard to say no to a little help when the whole community is involved. Heh.
Everyone had done something to help put the event together, even Will. He just, ah, didn't know it yet.
"Hmmm... well, I love you anyway," Will said, smiling at my fit of pique, "I happen to think you look rather fetching, my little kumquat."
"I look ridiculous," I huffed, eyeing the strapless sundress I was wearing. I do love the shoes though, I thought as I admired the cute little plaid, peep toed, sling back wedges I was wearing.
"Nope. You look good enough to eat," he insisted, copping a quick feel on my rump as we wove our way to the tables to eat.
"I'm never taking a bet with you again," I persisted, my eyes shifting back and forth between his fancy red polo shirt and dark slacks, to my matchy-matchy, super couple-y sundress and super cute heels.
Someone was trying to make a statement with this outfit—I'm guessing he wanted our ensembles to scream, “We're a couple!”
"Are you wearing underwear, Bit?" Will murmured huskily, his hand reaching up to play with one of the newly dyed red streaks in my hair.
My hair matched my dress perfectly, I’d happily admit, admiring the color.
"Maybe... maybe not," I said saucily, winking at him playfully.
"Mmmm,” he murmured thoughtfully, and continued to keep trying to detour us towards the backs of the tents for a little afternoon delight.
"Give it up, Romeo, cuz it aint happenin'," I said firmly, smirking at the hangdog look he'd suddenly adopted.
"How long do we have to stay here," he groaned out under his breath, while alternately glancing down and trying to surreptitiously sneak a peek at my cleavage.
"Perv." I snorted, gut checking him with my elbow, my plate of food held tightly in my hands.
"Yes, but I'm your perv," he chuckled out, winking at me.
That he was, most definitely.
We found an empty picnic table and sat down, ready to chow down on some of Mrs. Schloop’s famous baby back ribs and macaroni salad.
"Hey, Bit!" Dean greeted as he hobbled up to us, a huge grin on his face.
Making himself right at home, he sat down across from us, setting his crutches next to himself at the table to turn to us, and finally noticed Will staring at him, narrowing his eyes at Dean.
Stiffening, Will quickly wiped his hands on his napkin, setting it down next to his plate, to wrap an arm around me possessively. "Miller," he said haughtily.
"Geralds," Dean greeted mockingly.
"Dean, wait up! Vince will never let me live it down if I fall flat on my face in these stupid heels! So, wait the heck up!" Jinny said as she made a bee line for our table, hands filled with plates of food, drinks tucked under each arm.
Uh-oh.
Reaching under the table, I put my hand on Will's thigh and rubbed it, leaning in to him to show him my support and offer him a little comfort.
Lips barely moving in a hint of a smile, he looked at me with a thankful smile for the moral support and, leaning in, uncaring who saw, kissed me lightly on the lips.
"Oh..." Jinny chirped, surprised when she reached our table. Settling in, she set most of the food she held down in front of Dean.
Dean gave her a grateful smile and blew her mushy air kisses. Jinny just snorted and rolled her eyes at him.
"Have a seat," I offered, offering her a friendly smile, but asked, surprised to see them here, "I thought you guys left?"
"Oh, we did, but the man at the grocery store told us about the fair you were going to have and why, and we promised to come back. I think it's awesome what you guys are doing for that little girl and her family." Jinny smiled and glanced around, looking at all the surrounding booths.
I looked over to find Will watching me speculatively. Smiling up at him sweetly, I gave him a big, smacking kiss on the lips, winking at him as I pulled away.
"Enough of that, I'm trying to eat here," Dean bellyached as he plowed through half of his first plate of ribs.
"I doubt anything could ruin your appetite," I teased, then laughed, motioning at him steadily mowing through his plate of food, not once breaking stride as he ate and held a conversation between bites, without talking with his mouth full.
"Geralds," Stuffy greeted Will coldly, coming up on us, his scary green eyes boring into the back of Will’s head as he walked up. "What are you doing here?"
"He's my sex slave," I announced boldly, startling everyone at the table but Will.
Used to my crazy antics by now, Will simply laughed and picked up a rib off his plate to nibble on it, while Jinny blinked at me, more than surprised, and blushed prettily.
Dean choked on the food he was chewing and Stuffy, studying me, fought the tiny smile suddenly fighting to pop up at one corner of his mouth as my statement. "Is that so?" he inquired politely, in his own straight laced, up tight sort of way.
"Yes, Mr. Stuffy," I replied haughtily, imitating Will when he brings on the snob.
"It's actually Vincent, not 'Stuffy'," Vincent corrected gently, unable to hide his smile any longer. I wasn’t going to lie, he was quite breathtaking when he let that dazzling smile free. Jinny probably didn’t stand a chance.
"Holy cow," Dean breathed, in awe. "Get my mom, Jin-Jin, somebody other than you has managed to get Stuffy to crack a smile. Somebody take a picture!"
Vincent's smile vanished instantly and he scowled at his brother. "Eat your ribs, Captain Weenie,” he taunted hotly, smirking at his sibling.
Dean set down his rib and eyed his brother. "You really wanna go there, Stuffy? Or should I say... Pirate Lord Lovelace?" Dean quipped.
Jinny shook her head as she sat down directly between the two, the apparent designated referee of the bunch, rolling her eyes at them.
Amused, more than I probably should be, I leaned towards Will and whispered, "Are they always like this?"
He leaned closer, his face inches away from mine and whispered back, "Sadly, yes."
I couldn’t help it, I grinned. "That's awesome!"
"Of course you'd think that," Will responded, amused by my excitement.
"Hey! No whispering, you two," Dean complained, waving a clean picked rib at us. "Care to share with the whole class?" Clucking his tongue, he raised his eyebrows at us challengingly, waving the rib in our direction.
"Will was just telling me about his huge- " I got out before Will clamped his hand over my mouth.
Eyes crinkling as I smiled, I grinned against his hand and nipped it a little.
"No, no, no, peacock! I wanna hear what she has to say!" Dean protested.
Will turned beet red but wouldn’t release me, squirming visibly while I giggled against his hand, snorting when his hand muffled it.
"Hey, Bit?" Toby called, drawing everyone's attention. "You guys gonna be ready for your booth after you eat?"
Waiting for Will to move his
hand along with my face, I nodded, unable to answer him.
"Yo! Ass-hat! Get your hand off my sister's mouth or I'm gonna remove it for you!" Toby called out congenially, walking right up behind us and smacking Will upside the head, accidentally on purpose, as he strode by.
Waving at big brother, I smirked as Will rubbed the back of his head and glared at Toby.
And then it registered, what Tobes had said. "What does he mean our booth, short shit?" Will asked, eyeing me suspiciously.
Smiling slightly, I gave him an innocent enough expression.
"Bit," Will warned.
Dang it. Was the jig really up? "Well... you know how you said you were looking for clients...?"
"Uh-huh," he agreed, not seeing where this was going yet.
"Uhm. Well... I got everyone to agree to go to you, you see, and in exchange we'd have a booth at the fair."
"Oh, is that all?" Fancy Pants deflated slightly, his shoulders relaxing as the tension riding him ebbed.
"Yup," I said quickly, crossing my fingers behind my back.
"I don't see anything wrong with that, then,” he said after a moment, thoughtful.
Picking my drink cup up and lifting it to my lips, I took a sip of my lemonade, hiding an evil grin behind it.
****
"Bit!" Will bellowed as he sat on top of the little platform, high above us all, and glared down at me.
"Come on, folks! Ten dollars gets you three tries! Come one, come all! This is for a good cause! Do it for Janie! Dunk a snobbish gorilla! Ten dollars for three tries!"
"Bit!" Will warned, shaking the water out of his ear. "I am not a damned gorilla!"
"Okay, okay! Hmmm... Oh, I know! Dunk the smarmy-"
"Bit!!!"
Gripping my sides, my arms hugging my middle, I cackled hysterically.
Will shook his hair out, letting it splatter everywhere, droplets of water splattering my clothes.
"Hey! Watch the duds, Willy! You’re gonna wreck ‘em."
When She Least Expected It Page 13