by M. L. Young
About midway through the set, I looked up onto the stage and saw him, a man I’d seen a thousand times on magazine covers, videos online, billboards, and everything else: Kai Jackson. He was cute, that was for damn sure, and he had an allure that I knew I shouldn’t like but did anyway. He was tall, a little on the thinner side though not gaunt, and with slicked black hair that looked like it could cause a grease fire. It was that sort of bad-boy break-your-heart type of energy that no woman can consciously resist, no matter how strong she thinks she is.
Just as I stared at him while he sang, he looked down, canvassing the crowd, before stopping and locking eyes with me. I wasn’t sure how long it lasted, maybe half a second, maybe five seconds, but it was as if time slowed down to a snail’s pace.
“Oh my god!” Regan said, nudging me and breaking my concentration. I looked at her and kind of jumped. She was smiling, likely knowing what just happened. I looked back up and Kai wasn’t even standing there anymore. So much for that sliver of a moment, I guess.
I started to get antsy, the idea of standing around in a giant swaying crowd like this becoming just a bit too much. Finally, after about thirty minutes, I nudged Regan and told her I wanted to go back upstairs. Weirdly, she obliged, saying she had to use the bathroom anyway, and we went over to the guard and let him know we wanted to go up. Another guy came over and escorted us back up the elevator and down the corridor that we’d taken previously. We passed other people on the way, likely going to take our spots, which was fine with me. I almost took it as an insurance policy that I wouldn’t have to go back down.
•••
The show was coming to a close a few hours after we went back upstairs, and I had to say I was both excited and a little bummed—excited because my feet were starting to hurt from these heels, and bummed because I did have a good time, even if it was a little overwhelming. Regan was right that I liked coming, and let’s face it, Kai was some pretty nice eye candy—especially with the zoomed-in views on the televisions upstairs.
The band said goodnight and walked offstage as the crowd chanted for more. Yawning, I turned around and was instantly greeted by a man standing in my way. “Mr. Jackson would like to request your attendance backstage, if you’re interested.”
“What?” I asked, confused, as I looked over at Regan.
“Mr. Jackson saw you tonight and would like to welcome you backstage to hang out with him and the rest of the band if you have the time,” the man said. He was another large man, a lot like the first, maybe six-three, bald, and with a serious demeanor like he was on a mission he didn’t plan on failing. I started to wonder what would happen if I turned down the invite. Maybe I’d wake up in a field somewhere? Who knew.
“We’d love to go,” Regan said, smiling.
“Regan,” I whispered, elbowing her in the side.
“This is a once-in-a-lifetime moment, Bianca. The lead singer of a rock band wants to hang out with us. This will blow people’s minds,” she said.
“Fine,” I said with a tinge of annoyance.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to meet Kai, he was hot, but I wasn’t one of those girls. You know the type—groupies, with their tits hanging out, willing to hop on any guy who’s in a band, especially a big one like this. I enjoyed the music, but I was more of a listener and not someone who felt like they needed to meet the musicians. Still, Regan really wanted to go, and she was right that this would make a great story. We’d be the coolest people in our group of friends for a long time.
“Please follow me,” the man said, taking us to another door upstairs.
People were scrambling like moths to a light as greasy, chubby men pushed black gear boxes and women with headsets and clipboards ran around like chickens with their heads cut off. I’d heard of bands packing up their stuff quickly to move on to the next show, but damn, these people were super speedy.
We approached a door with a gold plaque that had their name written on it, The Heartbreakers. I was nervous. “This is it,” the man said, opening the door. Regan grabbed my hand, her eyes lighting up, but when the door opened she didn’t feel so special anymore.
Groupies.
There must’ve been about five or six women inside, all of them a little slutty-looking, though I tried not to judge. “What’s this?” she whispered, still smiling.
“Turns out we’re not the only hot chicks in this arena,” I said sarcastically.
“Hello, hello, and who do we have here?” a man asked, approaching us.
“Hi, I’m Regan, and this is my friend Bianca,” Regan said politely.
The man, who was definitely not in the band, wore a suit that was a little too big and had slicked-back longer hair, though he was bald on top. He was the epitome of a grease ball, and he wasn’t the kind of guy you wanted to talk to, let alone hook up with.
“My name is Percy York, and I’m the manager of this fantastic band. Please, ladies, take a seat over here with me,” Percy said, extending his hand to a black leather couch nearby.
“Oh, thank you,” Regan said, trying not to get kicked out but also trying to avoid being around Percy, who had really taken a shining to her.
“I was hoping you’d come say hello,” I heard from behind me. I turned around, a little shocked, as a sweaty Kai Jackson stood in front of me, his abs glistening while he drank a bottle of water.
“Your guard was, well, convincing,” I said.
“I saw you earlier up front. What’s your name, doll?” he asked.
“I’m Bianca,” I said.
He grabbed my hand and kissed it. “Nice to meet you, Bianca.”
“Don’t fall for his antics,” one of his band mates said, laughing.
“Ay, fuck you, Paul,” Kai said, giving him the middle finger with a smile. It must’ve been one of those brotherly loves.
I looked over at Regan, who was sitting uncomfortably next to Percy while he laughed and told her asinine stories that nobody but him cared about. I giggled a bit, seeing the hopelessness in her eyes. I knew she was screaming for help on the inside. Sorry, you wanted to come so badly! I thought.
“He’s a good manager, but an absolute scumbag,” Kai whispered as he caught me staring at her.
“I thought so,” I said, smiling.
“The hair and suit give it away?” he asked, laughing a little.
“I locked onto those targets right away,” I said.
“Would you like something to drink?” he asked, pointing to a green room setup in the corner.
“No, I’m fine for now, thank you, though. I liked the show tonight. I don’t usually come to concerts,” I said.
“How come, not a big music fan?”
“Not that, I just don’t really care for huge crowds like this. Rock concerts tend to be a little rowdy, too,” I said.
“I hear you on that one. Before I got sober I used to mess around with the crowds and get in fights, and let me tell you, some of those guys can throw a punch. We’ve tried to have more positive encounters these days. It’s even hard for me to be up there after everything I’ve been through,” he said.
“Do you ever find it hard being sober and being in a band like this?” I asked.
“Yes and no, I guess it depends on the day. Tonight was easy, but Denver a few weeks ago wasn’t. I didn’t relapse or anything, at least not this time, but the crowd there made it hard not to want to. One step at a time, though,” he said, pulling out a sobriety coin.
There was something strange about Kai, something that intrigued me and made me want to learn more. I suppose I could be seen as kind of ignorant for coming into this concert and even going backstage with a certain thought process about him and the way he was, but I was dead wrong. I thought he’d be puking and trashing the place, but he seemed normal. Sure, it seemed like he had his problems, but we all did, and he’d taken care of his, supposedly. He seemed like a nice guy.
•••
Forty minutes passed before Regan gave me the red alert and let me know that we needed t
o leave. She made an excuse that she needed to take care of her pets, and since I rode with her, we needed to leave together. Percy tried to say he could come with and maybe they could get drinks. It was quite riveting to watch her wiggle and squirm her way out of that date.
“Maybe I could just get your number and—” Percy said desperately.
“I just don’t know that it would work, you know. Man, Bianca, we better go. I don’t want to have to clean up dog shit again,” she said, giving me the eyes.
“So, will I see you again? I’d love to take you out sometime,” Kai asked.
Shocked, I struggled with the idea of going out with him. On one hand, he was a cute, sweet, somewhat nice guy, but he also wasn’t at the same time. He was a rock star, a god amongst his fans, and was I sure that kind of life was for me? I was a normal girl, I liked normal things, and having my face obscured on magazine stands and slanderous online articles wasn’t something I’d really like.
“One date, that’s all I ask,” he said, noticing my trepidation.
“Fine, one date, but you better impress me,” I said.
“Great, just put your number in my phone and I’ll call you,” he said, handing over his phone.
I entered it in, likely making a mistake, but somewhat intrigued as to what it would be like to go out with him. One date couldn’t hurt, and besides, I needed to get back out there and take off the dating training wheels before trying to go back out in full force. What better way than with a decent guy who seemed genuinely interested in me? If it didn’t go well, it wasn’t like it’d even matter. He could find another girl the second he walked outside.
“Have a good night,” I said, after handing Kai back his phone.
“You already made it better,” he said, with a wink.
Regan pulled me out and we were escorted back to the limo. As the sight of the arena and Percy faded briskly away, I could sense the absolute happiness and relief in her voice.
“That guy was awful,” she said.
“Oh, he didn’t seem that bad. Wasn’t he just your type? You seem to love the slimy guys,” I said.
“Bitch,” she replied, laughing. “What about you and Kai? I saw you smiling and laughing.”
“He’s nice. I guess he’s taking me out sometime,” I said.
“That’s so exciting! You’re going to be dating a rock star. Think of all the perks,” she said.
“First, it’s one date, not a marriage, and second, I don’t care about that stuff and you know it. I’d rather date somebody because of who they are, and not what they can offer me for my love,” I said.
“Hey, I’m just saying that you might as well take advantage of the situation because you got lucky in the first place. You’re never going to find another guy with this much money again no matter how hard you try. Let luck be on your side and treat yourself, girl, you deserve it more than anyone,” she said.
I shook my head. Soon we got back home, where we petted our imaginary dog and I marched straight to my room before closing the door and hopping onto my bed. I watched the stray headlights from outside shining on my ceiling as they quickly passed by before fading away, replaced by new ones almost instantly.
I looked at my phone and saw no notifications, then put it on the charger and changed for bed. I knew I was right in not trying to get anything out of this. That wasn’t what I was about in relationships. I had morals, and I knew I had to stay true to them and to myself, even if temptation was sometimes hard to push away. You never get anywhere in life if you have to step on people and use them to get there. I drifted off slowly. It was just one date.
Chapter Four
Kai
Waking up piss-drunk and with a horrible hangover was the absolute worst. I could barely get up out of bed those days, though I never wanted to with the caliber of woman I’d have lying next to me.
Those days were long gone.
I came inside my room in my gated neighborhood, grabbing a green juice that my personal grocery shopper had stocked up for me now that I was home and not on the road anymore. I’d taken a positive approach to life, one that involved actually giving a shit about myself and not treating my body like some disposable plate that could be restored by picking a new one from the bag. This body was all that I had, and I wanted to make sure it had a fighting chance of lasting.
Bianca had been on my mind since I met her, that was for sure. She was intriguing, and quite honestly the first woman I’d gone on, or would be going on, a proper date with since I’d become sober. There were always women around me, around the band, but I never felt ready to go out with them—or at least that was the excuse I tried to use. Whether or not it was successful in tricking me was another story.
I picked up my phone, looking at the time. Ten in the morning. I decided to text her instead of calling. I didn’t know her schedule, or really what she did at all, so I didn’t want to bother her or cause a problem by calling.
“Hey it’s Kai, I just wanted to ask how you feel about French food. I have a place in mind,” I wrote, chugging my juice.
If there was one thing I’d found that all women I’d ever dated liked, it was caviar, fine champagne—though I wouldn’t drink it—and everything else that went along with that kind of elegance. It was pretty much a guaranteed great date and time that they loved.
My phone beeped. “That sounds great—whatever you think is fine works for me,” she said.
“Great, how about I pick you up tonight if you’re free?”
“How about tomorrow? I have tutoring tonight,” she wrote.
I agreed, realizing I’d just learned my first bit of information about her. She tutored. A little different from the strippers I was used to, but a good kind of different. She gave me her address and we set a time for eight.
The good thing about being me was that restaurants pretty much moved around their entire reservations list to make sure I could come in. They loved the business, because I’d spend a lot, and also the publicity they got from me going there. If I came out and had pictures taken with their banner in the background, it increased business with the hipsters, so it was a win-win situation.
I looked at the time, realizing I needed a shower before going out to meet with the record label, and quickly ran upstairs to scrub myself down for my busy day. Maybe it was a good thing we couldn’t meet until tomorrow.
Chapter Five
Bianca
“You have to promise not to tell anybody,” I said, looking her dead in the eyes.
“I won’t, I swear,” Regan said, her tone annoyed.
“I mean it, Regan. I’ll kill you if you do. We’ll be on one of those murder shows,” I said.
“You’re insufferable,” she said, walking away into the kitchen.
Was I being a little harsh? Maybe. Did I have a right to be? I thought so. Regan was the only person on this planet who knew that we’d met Kai and that he asked me out tonight. I didn’t want that information getting out. It would spread around and people would start hitting me up, asking me questions, and they wouldn’t leave me alone about Kai. People were like that about celebrities. My old friend Megan met Kelly Clarkson because she had backstage tickets to a concert like six years ago and people still pestered her about it. I didn’t want to be stuck in some Kai Jackson trap for the rest of my life.
“There is one thing, though,” she said.
“Regan,” I said sternly.
“You need to fix that makeup if you want any hope of scoring a second date,” she said.
“This is the exact same makeup I wore when I met him.”
“And you must’ve had God on your side that night because I wouldn’t have asked your sorry ass out, that’s for sure. Let me just spruce it up a bit,” she said.
“Fine, but make it quick. He’s going to be here soon, I think,” I said.
She paraded me into the bathroom and pushed me down on the toilet before pulling out crimpers and brushes and palates that made my head spin. It felt like a
lot more than just a little sprucing up. It felt like clown makeup, as if Barnum and Bailey were outside waiting for me to make my grand appearance.
“Done,” she said, stepping outside.
“I look like a ho!” I yelled, standing up and looking at myself in our spotted mirror.
“Oh, you do not, this is the same makeup I usually wear going out,” she said.
“Mmhm,” I mumbled, getting closer to the mirror.
“I hate you,” she said with a smile.
“Whatever, it’ll have to stay. I don’t have time to fix it. He’s probably almost—”
The doorbell rang, interrupting me. “Shit,” I said under my breath before running to my room to get my shoes and bag. I heard the door creak open, the one defense we would ever have against burglars in this dump, before Regan said hi and told Kai to come on in and that I was just finishing getting ready.
“Nice place,” he said just as I walked out of my room.
“Hi, Kai,” I said.
“Wow, you look beautiful,” he said, smiling and rubbing his hands together.
“Doesn’t her makeup look great?” Regan asked, while I gave her death glares.
“It looks stunning,” Kai said with a smile.
“Well, we should get going. I don’t want to miss the reservation,” I said, mainly as an excuse to not be embarrassed further by Regan.
“You guys have fun,” Regan said.
“Your roommate is nice, but I didn’t see a dog anywhere,” Kai said as we walked down the hallway.
“Yeah, about that,” I said, laughing.
“No worries, I won’t tell Percy. I promise,” he laughed.
We walked to the lot, where a candy red Ferrari was parked. It definitely wasn’t there earlier today, or ever. Those cars didn’t usually show up in this neighborhood.
“Wow,” I said as we approached.
“Yeah, she’s my baby. You like fast cars?” he asked.
“Yeah, they can be fun, I guess,” I said, more as a way to ease into conversation than anything.