“Jeremy,” I heard Orrean say from behind me.
I clenched my jaw. “What?”
“Wes needs our help,” he said.
I stopped walking and turned, seeing my brother rub his temples again. Cal walked over to Mandy, so I let go of her hand and ran over to Wes and put my hands on his head. Orrean walked behind Wes and at my nod placed his hands on top of mine. As soon as he did, I pushed my energy into my brother and felt Orrean pushing his own warm energy through me and into Wes. It was such a normal feeling now that I could almost ignore the warm sensation coming from Orrean. Almost.
I refused to look at him.
When Wesley started breathing more easily again, I whispered, “Are you good, Wes?”
“Yeah.” His voice sounded sad and depleted.
Orrean and I both pulled our energies back and let go of Wes’s head. Still without looking at Orrean, I pulled my brother into a hug and told him, “It’s going to be okay. We’re getting closer, okay? We’re going to make it.”
Instead of pulling away like he usually did, he wrapped his arms around me. “I know.” After a minute he pulled out of my arms and walked away.
Without him there, I accidentally looked at Orrean, who was, of course, staring at me. I narrowed my eyes at him. “Don’t talk to me.” Then I turned on my heel and walked away, but not before I saw the look of hurt that crossed his face.
I heard Tabitha ask Nolan, “What do they keep doing to Wes?”
Nolan started to answer her, but I blocked him out as I took the lead in our walk since I knew we just had to keep walking on this road for a bit.
Cal came over to me, so I held my hand up to him. “Don’t even start with me right now.”
“Wasn’t going to, J. Just wanted to walk with you,” he said with a grin before knocking my shoulder with his. “Wanna be my run partner today?” We had started going into houses in pairs and leaving one person with Mandy outside in a predetermined meeting place. It went faster if we had two groups checking houses rather than all of us doing them one at a time.
I answered him, “Sure, but I’m surprised you’re not trying to get Tabitha to go with you or something. She’s very pretty.” Not that I really noticed, but I’d have to be pretty blind not to see that she was a good-looking woman.
He shrugged. “I think Nolan likes her, so I’m not gonna mess with that.”
“Oh.” I guess I had missed Nolan liking her, but I was also more concerned with her hurting someone than anything else thus far.
He shoulder-checked me again. “Yeah, oh. You didn’t even notice, did you?”
I shook my head with a smile.
“God, you are so fucking clueless with that kinda shit,” he said fondly.
I shrugged. “If you say so.”
He laughed. “You really are, J. Half the time when someone is crushin’ on you, you think they don’t like you. It’s actually pretty fucking hilarious to watch.”
I elbowed him in the ribs. “Dickhead.”
He shrugged again. “Asshole.”
“Douche bucket.”
“Dickweed.”
I was smiling, but still said, “Ass licker.”
He scrunched his nose in a way that reminded me of Colt, but this time it made me smile instead of making me sad. Sometimes Cal looked so much like his brother, it amazed me. He called me, “Cock sucker.”
So I laughed and said, “Hmm, that really isn’t an insult. I like sucking cock.”
“Ugh.” He pushed me in the shoulder, making me laugh even harder. “I seriously don’t want to know about your sex life, dude.”
“Are you sure, because I also like to lick a—”
He slapped his hand over my mouth, cutting me off. So naturally, I licked his hand, making him snatch it back and yell, “Ew! Fucking gross, Jeremy!” He started wiping his hand on his jeans.
I was cracking up at him, but still said, “You always overshare way too many details about your sex life, so it’s only fair.”
“Seriously, I don’t want to hear it… like at all.”
“Your sex life is just as gross to me,” I told him, completely amused at the look on his face.
He scrunched his nose again before admitting, “Okay, sorry. I’ll try not to overshare in the future, okay?”
I laughed again. “Okay.” I nodded at a side street off to the right. “Wanna start there?”
He looked at the street I indicated and said, “Yeah,” then louder so everyone could hear, “Let’s go raid these houses for food.” He pointed down the street when everyone turned to look at him.
After everyone gave him nods and other affirmation, we headed down the street. We decided that Wes and Orrean would stay with Mandy between the two houses we were checking out. Nolan was letting Tabitha go with him. I wasn’t sure I liked that idea, but I also didn’t like the idea of leaving her near Mandy and my little brother.
Before Nolan and Tabitha walked away, I told her, “If you hurt him, I will kill you.”
All she said was, “I know, and I won’t.” Then she walked onto the porch of the other house with Nolan next to her.
Cal and I walked into our house, which happened to be unlocked. I didn’t think that was a very good indication of food being in there, but it was still worth it to at least look. We quickly cleared the house, seeing no one inside, then went into the kitchen to collect everything we could. I was surprised by the amount of canned goods we were able to find.
Before we made it to the next house, Cal said, “Look, I know I said I wasn’t gonna give you any shit, but,” he held up his hand when I went to protest, “let me say my piece. Orrean didn’t do anything wrong and you know it.”
“Oh, you mean besides murdering my boyfriend? Killing your brother?” I asked in annoyance.
Cal put a hand on my shoulder. “You know just as well as me that it wasn’t Colt anymore. The… thing Orrean killed wasn’t my brother any more than he was your boyfriend. Colt died when the Qiren took him from us, and Orrean was only doing what Colt asked him to do. Orr didn’t want to, J, but Colt made him promise.”
I felt that pang in my chest grow to a full-blown ache as I whispered, “He killed my boyfriend, Calloway.”
Cal grabbed my other shoulder with his free hand, turning me so I was facing him. “Colt made him do it, J. Orrean didn’t want to.” Cal looked away for a moment before adding, “I went back over there with Orrean. I saw my brother when he wasn’t my brother anymore. He was a Feral who immediately went after me… and that’s something that Colt never would’ve wanted. Orrean took him out, but I’m telling you that he didn’t want to. I’ll… I’ll never forget the look on his face.” He half-shrugged, then rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. “Afterwards he asked to be alone and went for a walk. He was just as devastated as the rest of us.”
My heart hurt. My heart physically hurt in my chest. Thinking about Colt made me feel like I was sinking in quicksand. There was absolutely nothing for me to say to Cal, so I simply stared at him, blinking. I’d had no idea that he went with Orrean that night. I had been wrapped up in my sleeping bag, ignoring everyone and everything.
When I didn’t respond to him, Cal threw his arm over my shoulders and started pulling me along. “Come on.” I saw him wipe his cheeks off before saying, “Let’s check on the others before finding more supplies.”
We moved on to the next house, with Mandy, Wes, and Orrean waiting in a new meeting spot. The door to the newest house was also unlocked, so I figured maybe this had once been a nice neighborhood where no one locked their doors. We cleared out several houses and collected some much-needed food for the group.
We started walking again and Orrean walked beside me, though not too close. After a few minutes, I turned to him and stated, “You need to leave me alone, Orrean.”
He looked completely annoyed and frustrated, and really tired. “I’m literally just walking here. You can move somewhere else if you want.”
I blinked at him, s
urprised that he was actually standing up to me.
Orrean’s voice was quiet, but sturdy. “I didn’t do anything wrong, Jeremy. I can’t keep apologizing for the same thing over and over. I’m tired… and I’m sick of walking on eggshells around you.”
“I never asked you to.” I huffed out a breath and crossed my arms. We stood there staring angrily at one another for a minute before I couldn’t take it anymore. “Seriously, Orr, how could you do that? How could you even think about taking his stuff when you had to…” I couldn’t even say it, but I didn’t have to because he knew exactly what I meant.
Orrean looked away, took a deep breath, then looked me in the eyes. “You know what, Jeremy? I didn’t. I didn’t take his shit from him. He gave it to me before he turned. He didn’t want to risk using it on anyone.” I opened my mouth to respond, but he shook his head. “Do you really think this has been easy on me? Do you really think it was something I wanted to do? Something that I don’t regret, even if it was necessary? Do you think I wanted to kill someone I cared about? Kill my,” his breath caught, “friend? But I did what I had to do… what I promised him I’d do. You know he didn’t want to live like that, and he didn’t want to hurt any of you, so I did it… and it’s something I’ll have to live with for the rest of my life.”
He glared at me, but I didn’t know what to say to all of that, so I didn’t say anything at all.
After a minute, he sighed. “Really? You can’t even acknowledge anything I just said? You’re not the only one dealing with loss…” When I still didn’t respond, he ground out, “Fuck you, Jeremy.” Then he walked away.
I was stunned by his outburst, so I still didn’t say anything.
Cal patted my shoulder before jogging to catch up to Orrean. My best friend put his hand on Orr’s shoulder and squeezed as he spoke to him.
Wes came up beside me and said, “You know he’s right, J. Give him a break.” Then he, too, walked away from me.
Nolan shrugged at me as he and Tabitha walked by, then Mandy grabbed my hand and started pulling me until I walked along the path.
We all sat down to eat and Orrean and I ended up having to uanria—energy transfer—Wes again. It had only been about two hours since the last time we had to do it. Before, we had been able to go a lot longer in between. I was hoping that this wasn’t an indicator for what was to come. If we had to keep giving him our energy so soon, I was going to be even more worn out than before.
When Wes needed it done again, two hours later, I figured that was exactly what was happening. By the time we set the tent up for the night, I was drained and ready for bed before we even ate dinner.
Nolan passed out some food to everyone and Orrean came to sit next to me. I glared at him—just because I felt like it—but he told me, “Look, I know you’re angry with me right now. I’m pretty pissed-off too. But I think the three of us,” he indicated himself, Wes, and me, “need to stay close when we’re sleeping. I think I can figure out a way to keep our energies going through Wes while we’re asleep. I don’t want the Qiren activating when we’re all sleeping. But that means we’re going to have to stick close together. I’m sorry.”
Wes reached out his hand and patted Orrean’s shoulder. “Don’t be sorry, Orr, you’re doing an awesome thing, and I can’t thank you enough.”
Orrean smiled sadly at my brother. “You don’t need to thank me, Wesley.”
“Of course I do,” my brother argued.
“Come on, then, let’s set up our sleeping bags. How’re we doing this?” I asked without looking at Orrean. As usual, I knew I was being an asshole to someone who didn’t deserve it, but I couldn’t help it, nor did I even want to. My anger was helping me deal with all this shit at the moment.
“You’re not going to like it,” Orrean informed me.
“Of course I won’t,” I said sarcastically, taking a can of something gross-smelling from Cal when he handed it to me. I took a bite. It was so disgusting that I didn’t even want to read the label, so I just held my breath and tried not to throw it up.
“Wes needs to lie between us, but you and I need to be touching him all night,” Orrean said.
“Okay, so how do we make sure we don’t move in our sleep? I usually shift around a lot,” I said, holding my breath for another bite.
“That’s the part you’re not going to like,” Orrean said with a sigh. “We’re going to need to tie our hands together.”
I almost spit my food out, but I quickly swallowed it. “We what?”
“We’re going to have to tie our hands together so we can rest them over your brother,” he said quietly.
I closed my eyes and shook my head. “Of course we do.” I sighed, then opened my eyes and finally looked at Orrean. “I’ll do it if it’ll help Wes, but I’m not going to like it.”
He gave me a half-smile that seemed sad. “Didn’t say you had to.”
“Fine, whatever,” I said, then held the can of food out to Cal. “I can’t fucking eat this. You can have it.”
“Here,” Orrean said, “I’ll trade.”
Before I could protest, Orrean grabbed the can out of my hand and replaced it with one that had chicken noodle soup in it. I didn’t even thank him, I just sat down and started to eat. See? I’m a complete asshole.
After we ate, Orrean got Cal to tie my left hand with Orrean’s right. We had to rip a tee shirt up in strips so we had something to tie our hands together with. After Cal finished, Wes lay down in his sleeping bag, then Orrean and I lay down in ours. It was super awkward and difficult to get in, but once we were done, we rested our hands on Wes’s chest.
“I am entirely too close to you,” I said to Wes.
He laughed. “Love ya too, J.” Then he stretched his arms behind his head and almost elbowed me in the face. “Uh, yeah, this is gonna be extremely comfortable all night,” his voice dripped with sarcasm.
I huffed out a breath. “I think my arm is already falling asleep.”
Orrean popped up on the other side of Wes. “Do you need to rearrange your hand? We should fix it before everyone else falls asleep.”
I rolled my eyes at him. “I wasn’t serious, Orrean. I was joking.”
“Oh. So you’re not uncomfortable?” He was looking at me with concern.
“Aside from being way too close to my brother and holding hands with someone I’m mad at, no, I’m not uncomfortable,” I told him.
“Okay.” He sounded hurt as he lay back down, but I decided that I didn’t care, even though my chest hurt a little at the thought.
“Stop being an asshole,” Wes whispered to me.
I glared at him. “I’m not.” I totally was, but I wasn’t going to admit it.
“Yes, you are and you know it, and you know that everyone else knows it, you butt. He didn’t do anything wrong, Jeremy.”
“Yes, he did,” I said through gritted teeth.
“No, he didn’t. You’re being dramatic and ignorant, so just shut up and go to sleep,” Wes said.
I narrowed my eyes at him and opened my mouth to speak, but Cal’s voice broke through from my other side, “Wes is right, J. Everyone agrees with him, too.”
“I—”
“Don’t argue, just go to sleep. Everyone’s tired,” Cal cut me off.
I huffed out an exasperated sigh, but closed my eyes to go to sleep. Almost immediately, I felt Orrean’s energy going through my hand and almost tugging mine out of me. I had no idea how he was doing that.
“Do I need to do anything?” I asked Orrean. Even though I didn’t want to talk to him, I knew it was necessary.
“No, I figured it out. You can just go to sleep,” he replied in a flat tone.
I closed my eyes again, and even though I was angry with him, Orrean’s warm energy was soothing and helped me fall asleep only seconds later.
Chapter Three
I sat at the tree for what felt like a very long time by myself. I thought that for once, Orrean wasn’t going to show up. I kept thinking
that maybe it was because I was mean to him all day, but then I thought about how stupid that was, since it was my dream anyway.
When he finally showed up, he said, “I’m surprised you still came.”
I snorted. “It’s not like I had a choice. Every time I fall asleep, I end up here or in that weird field. But I didn’t think you were coming since I’ve been an asshole to you all day.”
He sat down next to me so our shoulders were touching. I didn’t move away.
He sighed. “You have been an asshole.”
I chuckled. “It’s hilarious when you curse.”
I saw him smile out of the corner of my eye. We sat in silence for a while, but he sighed again. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry.”
“I know,” I admitted.
“You are very stubborn,” he told me.
“So I’ve been told.”
“Will you still be angry with me tomorrow?”
“Probably… well, yes, I’ve decided to be mad at you.” I shrugged.
He sighed again. “Is there anything I can do to change your mind?”
“Probably not.” Then I amended, “Unless you can bring Colt here.”
“Jeremy,” he whispered, “I wish I could.”
“No, you don’t.”
“Yes, I do,” he insisted.
Instead of arguing, I decided to believe him, so I leaned into him until my cheek was on his shoulder. I thought we stayed that way for hours, or at least it felt like it.
Then suddenly, I felt completely drained of energy, even though I hadn’t moved and I was actually sleeping in real life, so I asked, “How is it possible to feel so drained in a dream? It feels so real.”
Orrean suddenly moved in front of me and put his hands on my cheeks. “You feel drained?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Isn’t that weird?”
“Shit!”
I laughed. “You cursed again.”
“Jeremy, I need you to wake up.”
“Huh?”
“Wake up, emm Balu, wake up.”
I gasped as I opened my eyes. My body felt like it had been run over by a truck.
“Jeremy.” I heard Orrean’s voice, so I tried to turn toward him. I couldn’t lift my head up, so I just looked in that direction. Orrean’s face appeared right over top of Wes’s head as he said, “Something is wrong. I need you to stop pushing your energy out.”
Independents: Taoree Trilogy #2 Page 4