Once I was comfortably sitting on one of the dining chairs, he turned to me and said, “I found out about your mother yesterday. Bray told me.”
“Tell me something.” I turned my head to the left to look at Kyran. “Do you believe him? I mean, this is out there. I’m very, very confused right now. I feel like...” I glanced away, averting my gaze to the hand bearing the proof of what had just happened in the other room. “I’m stupefied.”
“In all honesty, I knew this was going to be difficult for you. But I failed to realize just how much exactly.”
There was sympathy in his voice and frankly, that was the last thing I wanted or needed. I had every right to be angry, to mope if I so decided, but his presence seemed to calm me down, and I had a relatively good idea of why that was.
In order to force myself to analyze everything I’d discovered about my family, the Rousseaus, and myself, I needed to put some definite distance between us. The bonding—it made things even more confusing for me. I wasn’t even given the benefit of being angry, and I didn’t like the fact that something as...human...was taken away from me.
“None of this is your fault, Kyran.” Unable to meet his gaze, I stared at my hand, hating that I needed to do this, but at the same time understanding that if I didn’t I’d never know the true answer to the many questions in my head. “But I really think some distance would do us both good.”
I didn’t have to look up at him to know my words had affected him deeply. He was close enough for me to hear the quick intake of breath.
“My life has changed. I realize nothing will ever be the same—even if the alpha wasn’t a threat. I have a family who would never understand that I am different. There are many tough choices I have to make and I need to be clear-headed to do them.” Just the thought of parting ways was already playing havoc on my body. On my senses. The rapid beating of my heart, the itchy palms, the inexplicable shaking of my legs...it was as if my body was suffering from withdrawal.
“What’s really on your mind? There’s something bothering you, isn’t there?”
I hated how he could read right through me. I couldn’t hide anything from him. Feeling as if I’ve been put on the spot, I slip my hands inside my sweatshirt’s pockets to keep him from noticing them shaking.
“I’m in doubt, not only about my future and how to fully protect my family, but us too.”
“Us?” Kyran took to his feet suddenly, effectively putting some distance between us as he sauntered across the room to the windows that overlooked the garage.
My gaze roamed all over his broad back, already picking up on the tension in his shoulders.
“When I first met you...I thought our coming together might be fate. After I found out you were a werewolf, well, I might have had doubts about us, but evidently, no amount of doubts could keep me away. But now...I feel like—”
“What brought us together wasn’t fate? That what you feel for me isn’t real but just the effects of bonding? ”
“Yes.” I hadn’t realized I’d been fisting my hands in my sweatshirt until the miniscule injury in the middle of my palm began to throb. “I’m perfectly aware of what bonding means for you guys, but if I’m going to possibly spend the rest of my life with someone, I need to be absolutely sure love is the most important factor in the relationship.”
Had I been exclusively human, I wouldn’t have questioned my feelings as much, but now that I was aware of an uncommon bloodline behind my birth, one which could hold keys to doors I wasn’t sure I wanted to open, I needed to question everything, including our strange relationship.
“Your family will only be put more at risk if you decide to go back home.”
The only indication that he was even mildly upset over the course of our conversation was in the form of his stiff posture. Nothing else gave his discomfort away. I couldn’t see his face since he’d presented me with his back, and his voice was calm so I wasn’t sure what to think.
“I know.”
“Then what will you do?” he asked.
The answer wasn’t clear so all I could say was, “I’m not sure yet.”
I had no clue as to where to go or how to protect my family from harm while keeping myself safe, but one thing was very clear to me: I couldn’t continue to rely on the Rousseaus anymore. They’d done enough and although I was grateful, I couldn’t continue to impose. My reality was one that wouldn’t change. No matter how much I wanted to go back to my old life, I needed to learn how to handle my own problems.
Even as all this began to sink in, it was still painful to realize I wouldn’t be seeing Kyran or the rest of the family for a while. Perhaps never again.
“Do you understand where I’m coming from?” I hoped that he would at least turn to look at me, but he was too busy staring off into the distance.
“I understand,” he replied, his voice almost robotic. Unfeeling.
“Do you? Your silence isn’t exactly calming my nerves.”
Kyran ran one hand over his chestnut hair. “This isn’t easy for me either. The selfish wolf in me doesn’t want to let you leave, but the more human side understands your need for space. I promised you I wouldn’t leave unless I had to, and I intend to keep that promise. I just didn’t expect for that time to come so soon.”
“There are many things I need to figure out. I feel like imposing on your family won’t help me. That’s what I want you to understand. I can’t help but feel as if I’m a nuisance. Even though it has never been my intention, I’ve managed to become the Rousseaus’ burden. Your family shouldn’t be taking on a responsibility that is not theirs. They have their own lives to lead.”
Kyran leaned his left shoulder against the glass window, shifting slightly so that I could see the side of his face. “If you had known from the beginning what brought us here, would you still have made the same decision?”
I thought it over a bit and realized the depth of my insecurities. A lot of them centered on my so-called bonding with Kyran. Falling in love was one thing, but developing an emotional connection with someone just because of an invisible force far beyond our control was completely different.
“Yes. I don’t want to hurt you, Kyran, but I need to know what really brought us together. I wouldn’t be able to live in peace not knowing. Always wondering if I do love you or if the bonding was the only thing responsible for tying us together. I don’t want to live the rest of my life wondering if you really love me. That’s no way to live.”
He was silent for so long I didn’t know what to make of his quietness. After a moment he broke the silence in the room by saying, “If you do decide to come back, I’ll be right here.”
I expected more of a protest from Kyran, but the lack of opposition didn’t exactly put me off. It showed that he, too, was willing to do whatever was needed to help me on my quest. It also gave me hope that his interest in me wasn’t solely based on what I could do for him.
“I’ll head on upstairs. I’m feeling a little tired.” I got up and walked out of the room without another word, trying my best to muster the bravado needed not to react to the feeling of having my heart broken into a million pieces.
It wasn’t easy. By walking out of that room, I felt as if I were walking out of Kyran’s life too. But at the same time, if I didn’t turn away, my mind and heart would always be clouded with doubts. And maybe the wrong judgments.
As I reentered the foyer, leaving the bright hallway behind me as I transitioned from one room to the next, I came face-to-face with Bray. Seeing him standing there, as if he had been waiting for me all along, brought on even more uncertainty.
Bayard, the Rousseaus, and the other werewolves who I couldn’t identify by name yet were nowhere to be seen and this only heightened my suspicion that Bray had been hoping to get me alone.
“May I have a word with you?” In his hands was the book, which he clutched to his chest as he stood, waiting for a response. “In private, please.”
I glanced behind me to the hall only to find
it empty. Kyran had not followed me out.
“I guess so,” I murmured, turning my attention to Bray.
Bray led me outside to a pearl white Escalade parked just a few feet from the Rousseaus’ black Audi, before coming to a stop. The large SUV looked so out of place. Every expensive car looked out of a place in a town with less than a thousand residents. Most people living in or around Wolf Creek Hollow were farmers, my family included. Their vehicles of choice were usually pickup trucks, minivans, and small, four-door cars that could fit up to six people.
People who resembled Bray, with his large hazel eyes, ruggedly handsome features, and expensive suits was not something you’d see every day around here. He stuck out like a sore thumb. So did the Rousseaus, which is one of the reasons I noticed them right away.
“What do you want to talk to me about?” I asked as I limped next to him.
Bray offered me the book again, but this time he appeared a little unsure, either of himself, or whether or not I would accept what he offered, it wasn’t clear to me.
“You should probably begin to get acquainted with the family history. Your mother was an active part of our family’s fight to maintain our legacies, and it was thanks to her that our old enemies were defeated.”
I gaped at the book as if it held the power to singe my hands right off.
“I don’t mean to be a complete ungrateful brat here, but...I’m not sure I even believe all this. Werewolves are real. I know this because I’ve seen them—the Rousseaus.” I pointed to the lock. “This doesn’t prove anything to me. How do I know it wasn’t rigged?”
The corners of Bray’s mouth curved up into an understanding smile. “It’s that cautious behavior that will aid your transition. Right now, everything is new. You don’t know who to trust, but there is always a way to prove or disprove something.”
While I could sense a connection between us, I didn’t know him. I couldn’t bring myself to trust that easily anymore. Not when my very life depended on it.
“Unless you can prove to me my mother is your cousin, I really don’t—”
An image invaded my mind—that of a blonde haired young woman, smiling as she stared at...Bray. There was a mischievous glint in her eyes as she observed each one of the man’s facial expressions. She found the look of concentration on his face very amusing for some reason I couldn’t understand.
“Oh, cousin.” She shook her head, shifting slightly to her right to accommodate the multiple layers of contrasting fabrics that made up her long and very intricate dress, a peek of the petticoats underneath showing as she crossed her legs in a very unladylike fashion. “You are such a martyr. What bad can come of a little ball? The past hundred years have been extremely boring. We have done nothing but engage in battles over territory and scare away the enemy. When are we going to take some time to enjoy something other than a victorious battle?”
Bray, who had been sitting to her right, busy eying the contents of a scroll flattened against a wooden table, showed no signs of having heard her at all. His concentration centered on the scroll in front of him, the four corners of which were being held down by four identical seals used as paperweights to keep it from rolling back up into a cylinder.
Each seal was engraved with a capital V in the center. V for ValKhazar. The family name. Though I could sense Bray wasn’t proud of carrying on the family name, he had no choice but to do so with an air of dignity and respect. The name commanded reverence. Everyone knew who the ValKhazar’s were.
“Elsa, our current situation does not allow for celebrations of any sort. Besides...” He straightened, leaning back against the chair as he added, “There is no agreeable company for us to invite, unless you take the McGreevy into consideration.” He glanced in her direction, his brow furrowing slightly as he smirked. “And, for the life of me, I cannot say who I dislike the most. Them or you,” he said.
There was a hint of amusement in his tone, a sparkle of laughter in his eyes. It was easy for me to see that he teased Elsa often. Their relationship was a close one. That much was easy to read.
Mom—or Elsa, tipped her head back, tossing a lock of wavy, sandy hair over her left shoulder and said, “Be that way. In five hundred years you will be nothing but an old grouch if you continue to live such a boring, inconsequential existence.”
“Then I guess you will be there to remind me, five hundred years from now, how much of a grouch I was, and still am.”
The scene dissipated just as quickly as it appeared, leaving me feeling bereft. I hadn’t seen my mother in years, but I could still recall what she looked like. The women in Bray’s mind was my mom. There was no doubt about it.
Chapter Eight
“Mom...” The words came out as a whisper. I could barely talk after having seen a more relaxed version of the woman who had given birth to me. Her hair had been longer then. She wore Victorian era fashion, and she was slightly younger, but there was no doubt in my mind that it was my mother.
“I have not spoken to Elsa in over five hundred years. We were separated shortly thereafter. My mate and only child were killed during the Carlisle Castle takeover, and I spent many years afterward trying to find my cousin. You see, when my uncle Cole was alive I made him a promise. No matter what happened I would protect his daughter, his legacy, and I am a wolf of honor.”
“Cole?” Our gazes met and I tried really, really hard not to cry. Seeing my mother, after so many years without so much as a glimpse of her face, had me practically drowning in the need to let out all the anger, frustration, and pain bottled up in my chest.
“You have seen him. The baby from your dreams. The woman who raised Dorian’s son had named him Cole. Elsa must have named you after her as well.”
That’s right. The woman who took in Dorian’s infant son was also named Marjorie.
“How do you know what I’ve seen?” It wasn’t until then that I realized what Bray had said. “I haven’t mentioned anything I’ve seen.”
He must have read the suspicion on my face because he was quick to say, “These dreams of yours, they began about a week ago, did they not?”
“Yes. So?”
“I have been infusing these memories into your head. That is why you have been able to see the past as clearly as you have. As soon as I set foot on Wolf Creek Hollow, I could sense you. I knew you were out there. The closer we are in distance the better the connection between family members is, and I could clearly identify you. Albeit, you knew nothing about me nor did you know of my existence, but blood parentage cannot be denied and we are indeed related.”
“I’ve been seeing your memories.” I was taken aback. Even if I was reborn, I didn’t think I’d ever end up fully understanding such complicated creatures as the werewolves were. “But how is that you know everything that happened with Dorian and Lykos with such vivid details? Wasn’t Lykos your grandfather? You weren’t born yet when it happened.”
As if expecting my barrage of questions, Bray reached inside the Escalade where he settled the book on the passenger seat by means of the open window and then turned his attention back to me.
“Blood members can easily pass down not only genetic traits but memories as well. It is a relatively easy process, requiring very little effort at all. Memories cannot be altered; they are passed down exactly as remembered. You and I are able to have a glimpse into the past because of what my father, uncle, and cousin have passed down.”
It made sense, I realized. He could only share what was locked in his memory box. The rest I’d have to find out on my own.
“If Cole was...Elsa’s father, who fathered you?”
“My father was given the name, Gavin ValKhazar, upon his birth. Like Dorian and Lykos, Gavin was also born a twin.”
“So, Gavin and Cole were cousins.”
“That is correct. Gavin, my father, shared his memories with me and so on.”
I had one question I was dying to ask, but was terrified to. What if the answer was not one I was ready for?
“If blood members can share memories, and communicate telepathically, have you maintained any form of communication with my...Elsa? Do you know where she is?”
Bray was a patient man. He answered all my questions without a hint of irritation anywhere, but the last couple of questions unsettled him. And in turn, his reaction forced my heart into a race.
“I have not received any telepathic message from your mother in over two centuries.”
It literally felt as if the weight of the world had just been placed on my shoulders.
“So you don’t even know if she’s alive?”
“I am afraid there is no response on my part that can ease away your worries,” he said, killing my hopes of finding my mother after years of wondering where she was and if she was even alive.
“Years ago I was able to locate your mother somewhere in Rome—at least, telepathically I did.”
“Didn’t you just say you haven’t heard from her in two centuries?”
“I haven’t received any messages from her telepathically,” he corrected. “But I was able to see into her mind years back. I was in Italy at the time so I finished my business there and took off right away. When I arrived, however, she was long gone. I have been unable to locate her since. She has not tried to communicate with me either so I am at a loss.”
“I don’t...”
“Great distances hinder our telepathic abilities. If she is alive, but across the country, I am unable to communicate with her. This is why it has taken us so long to pinpoint her location. Elsa never stays in one place for too long. She picks up and moves after a short period. She was here, yes, but it appears she left a while back and has not returned.”
“She left when I was eight,” I explained. “She picked up and left one day without so much as a goodbye note. I’ve no idea where she could be. She never spoke of her family. Never bothered to dig into the past.” I couldn’t remember a time when she spoke of anything related to her at all.
Dad mentioned once that he met her at a gas station in the next county. He’d never gone into full detail as to how their relationship began, but what I did know was that soon after their initial meeting they moved in together and lived a peaceful, happy life up until she disappeared. When I asked why they’d never gotten married, Dad said Mom wasn’t willing at the time, and she left before he could ask her again.
Dark Side of the Moon Page 10