by Weil, J. L.
His situation left me realizing again how short and precious life really was. I didn’t want to live with regrets and what ifs. Lately I’d been suppressing feelings I didn’t want to admit were there. They scared the living piss out of me. Now, suddenly as I found myself staring into Chase’s silverstone eyes, I knew what I was going to do.
No regrets.
I must have been out of my mind or glutton for disappointment, because there was no way this was going to turn out like I envisioned.
How could it?
We were so different, besides him being part demon, I mean. Night and day, we were.
Seeing him strut over toward me caused my heart to somersault. He looked homegrown and delicious in torn jeans and a t-shirt that only made his biceps look that much more edible. “Hey,” he greeted. “You look better.”
I shuffled my feet nervously on the porch. “Better than what?”
“Do you always have to argue with everything I say?”
It was on the tip of my tongue to say something snappy, and my anxiety wasn’t helping in any way. “Maybe.”
The wood of the porch supports creaked under his weight as he leaned a hip into it. “I didn’t get a chance to mention it last night, but I think it would be best if you didn’t let it get out…what you can do. Not everyone will like the idea that you can get inside their head.”
“They’ll think I’m a threat,” I stated, reading into his suggestion. Immediately I thought of Sierra. She would love any excuse to wipe me from the planet. “I don’t plan on broadcasting it over the six o’clock news.”
He gave me a come get me grin. “Okay, with that settled, you can stop the nervous shuffle and just spit it out.”
I frowned. “Why would you think I have anything to say to you?” Dumb question, but my brain wasn’t processing properly.
I got an arched brow.
My insides were a giant jittery pile of gnats. I looked down at my joined hands, knowing I just had to spit it out. There was no other way and if I didn’t do it now, I was going lose my nerve altogether. I sighed heavily. “Fine,” I said crossing my arms. “I don’t understand what is going on between us. One minute you are all over me, and the next you can’t get far enough away. What gives?”
“Nothing gives, except your bad taste in company.”
“Did you and Travis have some kind of falling out I don’t know about?”
He shrugged. “We just have different ideas of what’s right. This Emma thing hasn’t got him thinking straight.”
“Let me guess, your way is the right way.”
He gave me a pearly grin. “Of course.”
“That still doesn’t explain why you are acting all weird.” I called bullshit. “I feel it remember? Ever since we got back from seeing Ives you’ve been acting strange. What could he have possibly said to make you bug out?”
He looked out over my shoulder staring into the woods behind my house. “I’m not bugging out. And it’s not so much what he said, but our situation.”
“Situation? You’re talking about being strapped to me for all eternity?”
“It’s not like that and you know it.”
“What is it like Chase? Because I’m not getting it. If you are having second thoughts–”
His eyes returned to mine. “I don’t regret the outcome of what happened that night I saved you. I would do it again in a heartbeat. I just wish that I had been able to save your soul. Knowing that it’s been darkened by hell kills me. Then there are all these feelings that I don’t know what to do about. When I’m not near you, it feels like there is a gapping whole in my heart. The further and longer I’m gone, the bigger it gets. Suddenly, I find myself unable to get a grip on my control. It gets more difficult every day I see you.”
Oh wow. Oh God. Oh wow.
Something happened that only happens once in a blue moon. I went tongue-tied.
“Angel…say something.”
I couldn’t believe it. My head was whirling. I demanded to know what was going through his head, and to my great surprise, he just admitted more than he had since I met him over the summer.
“Your eyes are doing that weird voodoo thing again,” he commented, filling the void.
He totally stole my line. And hey, I’m not the one with voodoo eyes. He was. I’ll admit there might be something different about mine, but they didn’t glow neon. That constituted as way more weird.
He stood there beside me waiting, while I was trying to pick my mouth off the ground looking stupefied. “You’ve always been in control around me.” That was all I could think to say. I guess it was better than, what did you say? That had been my initial response.
Classic.
He rose off the banister, watching me intently. “Then I put on a good front. The truth is, I’ve never felt more out of control than when I am with you.”
Something inside me snapped. I don’t know what came over me, but I knew it was now or never. This was it. I was balanced on the verge of a pivotal moment, teetering on the edge of a gigantic mountain – the point of no return. The fact that I had just come to this conclusion myself and really hadn’t processed it thoroughly probably wasn’t the best possible time to share, but I knew me. If I didn’t do it while I had the kahunas, I never would.
So I slipped my fingers into the front pockets of his jeans, pulling him to me. His body pinned me up against the white porch railings, and the split-second our bodies touch, his dark stormy eyes went intent and hungry. I shivered, because it was exactly the same for me.
The static in the air surrounding us was electrifying. At this rate, we were bound to create our own lightning storm.
He must have seen it in my eyes, what was on the edge of my lips. “Angel, don’t do it,” he growled. “Don’t you say it.”
Ooops. Too late.
The words were already pouring from my mouth. And too bad he didn’t want to hear them. I was going to tell him how I felt whether he wanted it or not. There was no way I could keep these emotions suppressed and bottled up anymore. They were eating me up inside, bursting to break free. So I did. I went for it, heart first.
“I love you,” I blurted out before I even realized what I was saying. Did I really just say those three huge, monstrous, relationship changing words? Oh God. Oh God. Oh. My. God.
Now that it was out there, I was scared shitless, shaking in my black converses.
He squeezed his eyes shut, blocking his reaction from my gaze. Jaw clenched, the vein in his temple ticked, and I could feel his muscles constrict. “You don’t know what you’ve done.” His voice was strained like he had a bad toothache.
This was not the reaction I’d wanted. And when time elapsed and he didn’t say anything else, I panicked.
Big time.
“I take it back. I take it all back. I despise you. I hate you. I loathe you,” I ranted, shoving at his chest. I would have gone on and on, if he hadn’t stopped me, but I think he got the point. Jerky, he wouldn’t let me go, and I so desperately wanted to run.
Firm hands held me from escaping, keeping me close. The heat from his nearness infused my already flushed body. There was some emotion I couldn’t identify that spread across his face. “You can’t take it back. I won’t let you.”
Won’t let me? He has lost his frickin’ mind. Let me?
I ran a frustrated hand through my hair. “I can’t stand you,” I spat. This wasn’t going as planned.
“Liar. You can’t keep your hands off me.”
And then he proved his point by sealing his lips over mine in a crushing kiss that rocked my sensory system into to orbit. Anger. Love. Need. A million emotions tangled inside me. My body went haywire, completely forgetting that I hated him.
Love.
Hate.
Really, there was such a fine line, and that line between Chase and I was more like a thread. I was drawn into him, swept away from reality. It was just him and me. And his lips.
His lips were a godsend.
My chest rose sharply as his fingers dug into my denim, holding me against him. I threaded my fingers into the soft hair at the nape of his neck. Balancing myself on my tiptoes, I gave him most of my weight and sunk into those delicious lips as he kissed me deeply. All I wanted was for this to never stop. Never end.
But of course all good things come to an end. If he hadn’t pulled back when he had, we’d probably have done something wicked on my porch.
Softly he said, “You’ll probably regret loving me. I don’t deserve it, but…” His eyes interlaced with flecks of topaz, and I could feel his demon surface. “I’ll never let anything bad happen to you. Never again.”
I traced my fingers on his cheek and down alongside his jaw line feeling his body tighten as he fought to stay in control. But that was just it. With me, I didn’t want him to constantly battle with the demon inside. I wanted all of him. Every. Part. Including the demon. This was what I’d signed up for when I had told him I loved him.
“Chase,” I whispered his name.
He closed his eyes, laying his forehead against mine. Around us the after winds of the storm blew.
My arms were still wrapped around his neck, and I absently played with the ends of his hair. “You don’t have to rein it in with me. I trust you.”
“That’s just the thing Angel Eyes. You shouldn’t. You really shouldn’t. But with you I can’t help myself, and it scares me. I refuse to hurt you.”
“You won’t,” I assured and nipped his lip.
“I don’t trust myself.”
“Let go,” I murmured against his mouth. And before I had finished the words, he was kissing me like he never had before. I knew that it wasn’t just him I was kissing, but also the demon that lived deep inside. He had finally let me in, and I ardently kissed him back with all the love I had swelling in my heart for them both.
It was a package deal.
Even with my love for him racing through me and the taste his lips on mine, I couldn’t help but think he didn’t return the three words my heart desired.
Chapter 20
The high of being in love didn’t last long. Monday morning came and gave me a rude awakening in the form of none other than Emma.
Monday’s blow.
She was like a sliver under the skin that I couldn’t quite get rid of. Pesky and Persistent. High school was swiftly becoming a place I dreaded, and it was entirely her fault. This was my last year. It was supposed to be filled with wonderful memories, life-long friends, prom, and epic parties, not wondering what underhanded objective a too slighted hunter was devising. Not feeling scared I might not make it to my next class. Not having to always look over my shoulder.
She seemed to be able to find ways to corner me alone like some sixth sense. In the girl’s bathroom. At the main office. On the track field. It was maddening. She was everywhere.
Damned if she also wasn’t inventive. And determined. I’ll give her that. In the following weeks, I came to realize that for reasons I didn’t yet understand, Emma was targeting me. To make matters worse, I was positive that Chase had come to the same conclusion.
Today was one of those December days where I just wasn’t able to dodge Emma and her twisted games. She seemed to get off instilling the fear of God in me. If Emma hadn’t been a hunter, I was certain her and Sierra would have been besties. They were both mean as snot and had it in for me. Lately however, Sierra was actually…I wouldn’t say nice, that was going too far, but she’d been tolerable. I guess Emma had Sierra shaking in her 4-inch Dior boots.
My name whispered over my shoulder in the girl’s gym locker room. Coach Jenssen had sent me to retrieve a cart of soccer balls from the storage room. A simple errand, yet that was never in my case. Again my name breezed through the stuffy room smelling of sweaty socks and hairspray. I spun around.
Nothing.
Then I heard the unmistakable voice of Emma Deen. “Hiya demon lover.” Her breath was at the back of my neck and something pointy was jabbed into my side.
I froze.
Gosh, even in a mesh gym uniform she looked formidable. “Where are your bodyguards when you need them?”
I swallowed, afraid to breath. “If you are going to kill me, just do it already,” I said, managing to sound bored and a lot braver than I felt.
She chuckled. Emma had a sweet voice, but she had way of making it sound like vinegar. Bitter and Foul. “And make it easy for you? Where is the fun in that?”
For someone who was so scrawny, she packed the strength of a giant. “You tell me. I’m not the one with ideas of perverse fun.”
She stabbed the object further into my side, and I winced. Okay. Wrong answer. “Do you think your half-demon will still like you if I cut out your tongue?”
“He’d probably thank you.”
“Maybe you’re right.” There was enjoyment in her voice. She spun me around. Her emerald eyes shimmered with amusement and arrogance as we stood face-to-face. “It’s just a pen silly.” She held up a blue ink pen, twirling it in her fingers. “See you later.” Then she walked off.
I fumed.
My temper skyrocketed. I was going to beat her into a bloody pulp. I took a step forward, toward her retreating back with visions of her blood on my hands. How dare she threaten me with something as stupid as a pen.
“She giving you shit too?” Sierra asked, suddenly beside me, and I further shamed myself by jumping.
I couldn’t decide if I was more annoyed that she had stopped me from going Claude Van Damme on Emma’s ass, or if it was because it was her. “What are you doing here?” I shrieked. My heart couldn’t take all this excitement.
“Coach sent me to see what was taking so long. Don’t worry, I told her you had your monthly and probably had to change your tube.” Her grin was downright conniving.
“Wonderful,” I said sarcastically. Ugh, two in one day. It was more than I could handle. A person can only take so much. I could feel her smirking and I shrugged. “Emma’s threats are nothing new. They are starting to grow on me.”
She snickered. “Travis better do something soon. Chase isn’t going to let this continue much longer.”
I sighed and hugged my arms around myself. “I know.” My voice was tinged with sadness. I got this feeling that felt like rocks in my belly. This wasn’t going to end well, and I think I was more afraid that when it was all said and done, Travis and Chase might not ever be the same. It was an ominous mood that settled between Sierra and I, our thoughts both heading down the same road.
“What do you plan to do about it little Miss sassy pants?” Sierra goaded.
Like I had any control over the outcome or over Chase for that matter. And I wasn’t sure how I felt about her insult. “I don’t know yet?”
“Well I’ll tell you what I’d like to do to Emma.”
I thought maybe I should cover my ears for the next part. It was probably going to be graphic and gruesome.
“I’d like to rearrange twinkle toes face and shove one of those arrows up her–”
“I got the point,” I interrupted, not really needing anymore details.
“Do you?”
Yeah, she was as crazy as Emma. “We should get back to class.”
~*~*~*~
After dumping my bag by the front door, I threw myself on our zebra print couch, staring crossed-eyed at the black and white stripes. I was mentally exhausted and had no plans to move from this spot for the rest of the night.
Of course plans change.
Twirling the charm bracelet twinkling at my wrist, I couldn’t help but smile, regardless that today had been a craptastic day. Every time I looked at this bracelet, I thought back to the day I received it. It was one of those treasured memories that you never forget, one of those perfect days. This little silver piece of jewelry would forever symbolize that moment. It was what made it so special.
It was also the first gift Chase gave me.
Well unless you don’t count the tattoo, which I didn’t. That h
adn’t been quite what I thought of as a gift, more of a hindrance.
We had been sitting on the porch steps when he pulled something out of his pocket. There was an unmistakable gleam shining in his eyes, playful and full of delight. “Here.” He held out his hand with a tiny pink box in the center of his palm. I almost giggled at seeing such a frilly and girly color in Chase’s masculine hand. The deep pink package was tied with a thin ribbon around.
“Did you buy me a gift?” I asked, my blue eyes narrowing in suspicion. What was he up to? I was almost too nervous to get excited in case this was some kind of sick joke. I wasn’t naive enough to think just because I had professed my love for him that he would suddenly become the guy of my dreams. This was the real world, and I accepted Chase for exactly what he was, an arrogant, commanding, hot, bad boy with the temper of a demon.
How could a girl resist?
I plucked the square box from his palm.
He shrugged, stuffing his empty hands into his jean pockets. “It’s no big deal. I saw it in the window and thought of you.”
I tried my damnedest to not be touched, to not let my heart flop at the gesture.
No lie. It was hard.
Impossible really.
Unraveling the white ribbon, I tugged open the box. This little package was better than Christmas morning. Better than a fresh baked orange scone. Better than getting a new video game. Better than…I think I made my point. My insides fluttered like fragile hummingbird wings.
Wow, just wow.
Resting on a bed of that poofy, fabric stuff was the prettiest silver bracelet I’d ever laid eyes. I wasn’t a blingy kind of gal, usually some earring studs and watch a completed my ensemble, but this was simple and beautiful.
With adept fingers he took the shimmering chain and clasped the charm bracelet around my wrist. The moon and stars chimed together as I spun it around, admiringly.
“It’s beautiful,” I whispered, afraid if I said anymore, my voice might give away too much, or there was the chance that I would choke on the intense feelings coursing through me.
He reached for my hand, sparks ignited on contact. You think by now I would be used to the whole cosmic tension that was always between us. “The two stars each have an engraving, see…” He spun the trinkets around so that I could read them, and my eyes ran over the etchings.