by Jan Drexler
Walking on to the horse’s stall, he stopped at the stack of hay on the barn floor and pulled out a forkful. The mare poked her head into her stall, her feet planted firmly in the dried mud in the doorway between her pasture and the dim barn, watching Samuel. Her ears pricked forward as Samuel thumped the fork on the side of her manger to dump the hay off, but she didn’t move. The horse was right to be suspicious. Samuel had never been overly kind to the beast. He had never been cruel, but had only followed Daed’s example.
Daed hadn’t taken much time with the horses, using them until they were worn out and then buying new ones, and Samuel had always expected to do the same. He had never thought much about it until he saw the sleek horses in the pasture at meeting yesterday. His horse had looked sickly compared to them, and men judged a farmer’s abilities by the condition of his stock. Anyone looking at his poor mare would know what the rest of his farm was like without even having to see it. They would know how he had been neglecting his legacy.
Samuel pulled the carrot he had brought from the root cellar out of his waistband. Daed had bought the mare cheap at a farm sale the year before he died. She had been strong enough, but with Daed’s lack of care, she had never become the sleek, healthy animal the other men at church kept.
He turned the carrot over in his hand. Daed’s horse, Daed’s problem. Except that Daed wasn’t here anymore. Like everything else around the farm, the horse was his responsibility now whether he liked it or not.
“Hey there.” Samuel kept his voice soft, and the mare’s ears swiveled toward him. “Look what I have for you.”
He broke the carrot in half and her head went up at the crisp snap. She stretched her neck toward him and took one step into the barn. He opened the gate and let himself into her stall.
“Come on, girl.” He should give her a name, something Daed would never do. Searching his memory of other horse names, he decided on one. “Come on, Brownie.”
Not much of a name. He stretched the carrot out toward her, wiggling it between his fingers. She took another step forward.
“You’ll like this carrot.” He tried another name. “Come on, Mabel.”
She snorted.
“All right then. Tilly.”
She swiveled her ears back and then forward again.
“Have a carrot, Tilly.” The name fit. He took a step toward her. “Come on, Tilly-girl. You’ll like it.”
He held the carrot half on his outstretched hand and she picked it up, lipping it into her mouth. She stood, crunching the carrot as he grasped her halter. He gave her the other half.
She pulled wisps of hay from her manger as he brushed her lightly. She needed more than just grass to live on if he wanted her to become the kind of horse the other farmers kept. Sadie kept oats on hand and gave Chester a measured amount every day, rather than the hit-or-miss rations he gave Tilly. Sadie’s horse thrived on her care.
So he would need to buy oats for the mare. Samuel held up the old brush, inspecting the matted and bent bristles. And he needed to buy a new brush. And a currycomb.
Taking care of this horse was going to cost money.
When Tilly finished her hay, he turned her out into the pasture again and grabbed the manure fork. He hauled forkfuls of soiled straw out to the pasture and started a pile. Somewhere in the past he remembered a manure pile in this spot. Mamm had used the soiled bedding on her garden after it had mellowed over the winter.
By the time he finished emptying the stall and spreading it with the last of the clean straw he had on hand, it was time for breakfast. The aroma of bacon frying pulled him to the house.
The girls didn’t look up when he walked into the kitchen after washing up on the back porch.
“Good morning.” Samuel broke the silence, and Esther stared at him in surprise. He didn’t blame her. When had he ever greeted her in the morning?
Judith placed a bowl of scrambled eggs on the table with a smile. “Good morning, Samuel.”
He started to reach for the platter of bacon, then remembered. He waited for Judith and Esther to take their seats, and then bowed his head for the silent prayer.
He had never prayed during this time, but had always let his mind wander while he waited for Daed’s signal to eat. But this morning, as the aroma of the bacon teased his hunger, he felt a nudge of guilt. Did his sisters pray during this moment of silence?
After the right amount of time had passed, Samuel cleared his throat just as Daed had always done, and reached for the bacon.
“Some coffee, Samuel?” Esther stood at his elbow with the coffee pot.
Samuel nodded, his mouth full. She poured his coffee and then her own and Judith’s. Her wrists, sticking out too far from the sleeves of her faded dress, were thin. The hollow places under her cheekbones were shadowed and gray.
Esther had been keeping house for him since Annie got married and before that had taken on her share of the work, just as Judith did now. Her brow was creased, as if she wore a perpetual frown at the young age of twenty-one. He had never noticed that before.
Not before he had met Mary. Tall and slim, Mary looked healthy and strong. Compared to her, Judith and Esther reminded him of last year’s dry weeds along the fence.
Samuel shifted in his chair, the eggs tasting like dust in his mouth. The sight of the bacon on his plate turned his stomach. A sudden vision filled his memory. Sitting at this same table, watching Daed fill his plate with food, leaving just enough for the rest of the family to share between them. Daed eating the last piece of bacon every morning. And Mamm at the other end of the table, her face as thin and gray as Esther’s, nibbling at a piece of toast.
Neither Judith nor Esther had taken any of the scrambled eggs but were eating toast with a bit of jam. Normally, Samuel would take two or three helpings of eggs and empty the platter of bacon. He pushed the bowl of eggs in their direction.
“I can’t eat all of this. You take some.”
Esther startled and looked at him, her eyes wide. “Did I fix too many eggs?”
He shook his head. “I’m just not as hungry this morning. You and Judith can eat them. Don’t let them go to waste.”
The girls glanced at each other, then Esther divided the last of the eggs between them. Judith dug in to hers eagerly.
“The bacon, too.” Samuel pushed the platter in their direction. He had already eaten half of what Esther had prepared.
He drank his coffee, the bitter liquid hitting his stomach with a burn. The girls did without decent food and clothes...but whenever he had extra cash, he bought whatever he thought he needed. He stared at Esther’s thin wrists. Just like Daed had done, he made his sisters make do with whatever was left over after he had taken what he wanted.
Samuel loosened his fingers carefully from his tight grip on the coffee cup. He had been so blind. No different from Daed.
“This afternoon I’ll take you girls to town.”
They exchanged looks.
“You don’t need to do that,” Esther said. “We don’t need anything.”
“I know you need groceries.”
“We have no money.”
“I’ll take one of the hogs to sell at the butcher.” Samuel drained his cup and rose from the table. “So make a list. I’m going over to Sadie’s this morning, and then we’ll head to town right after dinner.”
Samuel took the path that led from the back of the barn through the fence row to Sadie’s place. A well-worn path that he had traveled ever since he had been old enough to chore. Daed hadn’t cared whether Sadie’s chores were done or not, but Grossdawdi had drilled the habit of shouldering the responsibility into Bram and Samuel.
Grossdawdi Abe. Not the grossdawdi far away, Mamm’s parents, but Daed’s father. The old man had lived in the room off the kitchen for as long as Samuel could remember, until he beca
me sick with fever fifteen years ago. Grossdawdi Abe had called Samuel and Bram into his room one afternoon when Daed was away.
“I want you boys to promise...” He had broken off, coughing, but then continued, “Promise me you’ll look after Sadie Beiler. You boys are big enough to remember. Make sure her chores are done.”
Then he had grasped Samuel’s wrist and pulled him close.
“Promise me.”
Samuel had nodded his promise. And he had kept his promise, even though Bram had forgotten. Every week, no matter what else happened, he was at Sadie’s farm to do the chores he couldn’t bring himself to do around Daed’s farm.
Choring on Daed’s farm brought too many memories to the surface, but when he worked on Sadie’s farm, he could feel Grossdawdi Abe’s approval. He did the chores for Grossdawdi, and for Sadie, and no one else.
Now that Sadie was elderly he made daily trips to her farm. Not to do the small chores that the old woman insisted on doing herself, but to make sure she was all right. Sadie was more frail and forgetful than she wanted to admit, so Samuel had taken it on himself to check the chickens after breakfast.
If the morning came when the eggs hadn’t been gathered, he’d be there to make sure the elderly woman was all right. So far that morning hadn’t come, but he still took the walk across the fields after breakfast each day. As far as he knew, Sadie had no clue that he made the daily visits.
On Mondays, though, she expected him to be there to clean the chicken coop and do some other heavy chores. She would meet him at the barn to visit for a few minutes before she went back to her work in the house and he went in to the barn. Those Monday morning talks were more than just idle chats with his neighbor. Sadie reminded him of better times, when Mamm was still alive. Before Daed became a slave to drink. Talking with her made him think that there were still peaceful and happy places in the world.
Today, as he rounded the corner of the woodlot, Sadie was nowhere to be seen. Mary was in the garden, attacking the weeds with a hoe.
“You don’t need to do that, you know.”
She jumped as he spoke, but relaxed when she recognized him.
“Good morning to you, too.” She straightened and gave him a smile. “And why don’t I need to weed the garden?”
“I do the heavy chores for Sadie. I always have.”
“But Ida Mae and I are here now, so we can take care of things.”
Samuel stared at her. He had to admit that there had been times when he had wished for someone else to take on the responsibility of watching out for Sadie, but now that Mary was offering, he didn’t want to let it go. He clenched his hand, as if he could keep a wisp of smoke from slipping through it.
“At least I can clean out the chickens’ pen.”
She shook her head as she continued hoeing. “I’ve already finished that. Chester’s stall, too.”
Samuel looked around the orderly farmyard. “You’ve cut the grass?”
“Ida Mae did.”
“Then I’ll fix the hole in Chester’s stall. Sadie told me about it yesterday and I said I’d get to it today.”
Mary got to the end of the row and looked at him.
“You fixed the stall, too?”
“Ja, for sure.” Her brown eyes twinkled in the morning sunlight. “My sister and I were taught to do all of the chores around the farm. Daed’s thinking was that everyone in the family needed to know how to do chores, from cooking breakfast to mucking stalls. So, we learned.”
“And you’ve left me with nothing to do.” Samuel felt the growl in his voice.
“There is something we do want you to do.” Mary’s face lit up. “We hoped you could bring Judith and Esther over for a sewing frolic. Just the five of us. Aunt Sadie knows so much that she can teach us, and we all need new dresses for summer.” She twisted the hoe handle. “I’m sure the girls could make a new shirt or two for you, too.”
Samuel scratched at his chin. The skin was itchy and irritated after being shaved this morning.
“I’ll make you a deal.”
Her eyes narrowed. “What kind of deal?”
“I’ll bring my sisters over tomorrow morning, like you said, if you let me do some of the work around here. There are some fence rails that need replacing, along with a few other things, so I’ll have plenty to do.”
She pressed her lips together, as if relinquishing the fence mending was the last thing she wanted to do.
“All right,” she said. “You can mend the fence. But bring your sisters, and any fabric they might have. Even an old dress we can make over into something new.”
Esther’s faded and ragged sleeve edge flashed through his mind. He would make sure his sisters each chose a dress length of fabric while they were in town this afternoon. Maybe he would sell two hogs. Then he thought of the shadowed look on Esther’s face. She would appreciate the time she spent with Sadie just as much as he did.
He nodded. “We have an agreement.”
Samuel stuck out his hand to seal the deal the way he would with another farmer and Mary hesitated, then slipped her slender one into his, her grip firm.
“Agreed.”
* * *
Tuesday morning Mary came back to the house after the morning barn chores to find Sadie and Ida Mae already sitting at the breakfast table waiting for her.
“I didn’t think I was that late,” Mary said, slipping into her chair at the small table.
“You aren’t.” Sadie folded her hands in preparation for their silent prayer. “We have company coming this morning, so we got breakfast started early.”
Mary bent her head over her own folded hands, struggling to force her thoughts away from Sadie’s comment. After a brief, silent prayer of thanks, she raised her head. Sadie sat with her fork poised, waiting for her to finish.
“I had nearly forgotten that the Lapps would be here today.” Mary cut a slice of sausage with the side of her fork.
“I’m glad Samuel is bringing the girls,” Sadie said. “I always enjoy their company.”
Ida Mae served herself some scrambled eggs from the bowl in the center of the round table. “Samuel looks different when he smiles. He was so gruff when we first met him, but then when he smiled, I nearly didn’t recognize him.”
Sadie sipped her coffee again. “He looks much like his grandfather did, years ago. Quite good-looking.”
“You knew his grandfather?” Ida Mae picked up the ketchup bottle. “That must have been a long time ago.”
“I was only sixteen when he asked to walk me home from Saturday night singing.”
Ida Mae stared at Sadie. “Did he court you?”
Sadie pointed at Ida Mae’s eggs. “You’re putting on too much ketchup.”
Ida Mae put the bottle down. Her eggs were covered with the sauce.
Mary passed her plate to her sister. “Here, spoon some onto my eggs, then it won’t go to waste.”
Sadie took another sip of her coffee, staring out the window as if she were watching her memories through it.
“He was my only suitor. We courted for two years.”
“What was he like?” Mary asked.
“Tall, with dark hair, just like Samuel. But careless. My daed didn’t like him very much.”
Mary took a bite of her eggs, trying to imagine Aunt Sadie’s father. He had been Mary and Ida Mae’s great-grandfather, and their mother had always described him as kind and loving.
Ida Mae finished her breakfast and leaned forward, folding her arms on the table. “What happened?”
Sadie sighed. “Abe—that was his name—liked to play practical jokes. One day he came to pick me up in his spring wagon, and he had whitewashed his horse.” Sadie smiled, shaking her head. “That scamp. We had a good laugh over his white horse, until Daed saw it.”
Mary picked up her coffee cup. “Then what happened?”
“Daed said the waste of the paint and mistreating the poor horse was the last straw.” Sadie’s eyes sparkled as tears welled up and she lifted the hem of her apron to wipe her cheek. “He told Abe not to bother coming around again. I would see him at Sabbath meeting, of course, but he never spoke to me again. He found a girl from the Clinton district a year later and married her.”
“So he just forgot about you?”
Sadie smiled at Ida Mae. “Ach, ne. You see, when Daed left the farm to my younger brother, your uncle Sol, I didn’t want to live there anymore. It was one thing to be an unwed daughter in my parents’ home, but with Sol and his wife having one baby after another, I was more in the way than I was a help. Elsie didn’t want an old maiden aunt telling her how to raise her children.”
“You couldn’t have been that old,” Ida Mae said.
“That was thirty-five years ago. I was fifty and had nowhere to go.”
“So what did you do?”
“Somehow Abe knew of my predicament. He gave me these ten acres and the church built this house and barn.” Sadie sighed. “Even after all those years, with his family grown and grandchildren coming along, Abe thought of me.”
They sat in silence, and Mary thought about Sadie’s story. How much was Samuel like his grandfather?
Sadie stood and started gathering the plates from the table. “The Lapps will be here soon. I have some scraps of material we can use to make a quilt top. We may as well start the sewing lessons sooner than later.”
Before the mantel clock in the front room struck eight, Samuel’s buggy drove into the yard.
“Go out and tell him to put his horse in the pasture with Chester,” Sadie said, pushing Mary toward the door. “And tell him we’ll have dinner ready at noon, and he and the girls should stay.”