“Oh God Leticia, how could you tell?” Amber let out; hoping and praying Leticia’s next words weren’t about them, about her. What the hell were they thinking anyhow?
“He doesn’t want to touch me anymore,” Leticia whispered. “Lately, he’s been too busy, too wound up, too tired to make love.”
Amber held her hand. “We’ve been working hard on this defamation case, we’re going back to court again, and we’re trying to make a deadline.”
“Have you noticed anything unusual about him Amber? I mean...has he been giving any special attention to any of the Assistants?” Leticia asked, searching in Amber’s eyes for some sort of proof.
Amber brought to mind the night they made love on his desk, all those important documents flying in the air as soon as their bodies reached the surface. “No—no, I haven’t noticed anything different.”
“How come I don’t believe you?”
Amber almost expired at that moment—the conviction stabbing at her heart, it was so strong; she felt she needed to confess. Just then, she spotted Eduardo coming back towards them with the iced coffee in his hand. Amber froze. Eduardo took note of it. His head tilted for an odd second wondering what the heck was going on.
Leticia noted Amber’s eyes and then stiffened up, disguising herself wiping away her tears.
“What were you two girls talking about?” He asked curious, sitting down.
Amber coughed away her humiliation and stood back up, strolling away from the table. “I’ve got to head back to the office, I forgot I have discovery to type. Thanks for lunch Leticia,” she stated, abandoning them.
Amber rushed back into the suite with heated fury. What the hell was she doing? Why did she feel so incredibly dreadful about hurting Leticia? Lying and deceiving her just now. It pierced her heart in the most horrible unimaginable throb. Amber reached her desk and surveyed her files piled high on her desk, she doesn’t want to work at the moment, couldn’t, can’t. She wanted to throw up, felt the need to and stood back up. Eyed in the distance Eduardo entering through the suite’s doors. He immediately spotted her, but was captured momentarily by another associate. Eduardo looked impatient while talking to the other attorney and Amber made her move and escaped but was suddenly cornered by Jackie.
“Are you still working on that Howard file Amber? I can’t seem to find it in our cabinet,” Jackie expressed, smiling as she viewed Eduardo quickly approaching them, “Hey Eduardo, nice lunch?”
Amber turned to face him; he was fuming with that same rage mixed with jealousy. But he contained his anger for Jackie though, disguised it so well, she didn’t know the difference.
“Yah—thanks Jackie...you need me for something?”
Jackie took a few steps backward. On second thought, maybe she did. “No…I...was just asking Amber if she had a file of ours. The Howard files.”
“I have them,” Eduardo expressed to the quick. “They’re under a pile of magazines I was gazing through, on the right side of my credenza, you’ll find them there.”
Eduardo waits till Jackie disappears before he noticed that Amber has left the conversation as well. Damn her!
He practically ran down the hallway, peeking through doorways searching for Amber, his heart was racing, no, it was about to jump out of his chest!
Amber was hiding in the copier room and began to take out reams and reams of paper and opened up the copier to put them in.
Eduardo reached her at last and slammed the door behind them. “What the fuck was that all about?”
“You need to keep up appearances,” Amber related, crossing her arms out in front of her. She wasn’t about to let him bully her; she knew exactly how to handle him. A kiss on his lips should do it.
“And who decided that!” He continued to yell.
“Me.”
“You?”
“Yes, me.”
“And what makes you think I want to be near her? I see her every fuckin’ night! Isn’t that enough? She wouldn’t talk to me after you left. What else is going on?”
“She thinks you’re having an affair,” Amber let out finally.
“Did you tell her?” Eduardo asked, heart pounding.
“No.”
“Are you gonna tell her?”
“No.”
Eduardo noticed the tears in Amber’s eyes and in a flash, his anger halts. He wiped away a few from her face, “Then what’s wrong then?”
Amber walked away from him, his body, and his gaze. She knew him all too well to know what came next, they’d be at it on the copier if she didn’t toddle away. “Do you still have sex with her?”
Eduardo’s jaw practically dropped. Does he tell her the truth? Does he lie? “Why?” He asked instead.
“Images Eduardo, that’s what I’m talking about. What do you feel when you touch her?” She asked, with her arms still crossed.
Eduardo grabbed her hand and tried to unravel her tight grip away from her waistline. “Amber, I don’t want to hurt you.”
Their eyes lock and hold.
“You do, don’t you?”
Eduardo closed his eyes and Amber let go of his hand and stepped away from him. “I still have sex with your brother,” she confessed, watching his body grow weak. “We both have to continue being married to keep the impression we still care about them.”
Eduardo doesn’t want to hear anymore and cursed a few profanities before leaving Amber alone.
Amber wanted to run after him, but didn’t. Instead she fell to the ground and started to weep. She hated having to face the ugly truth today, but really, how far could this go? Ask for a divorce? Would it be accepted, his brother’s wife? Having to see Victor after the divorce, her kids calling Eduardo dad? HUH? This was so stupid, incredibly insane to comprehend. How do you rationalize any of this? Secretly meeting each other, lying to their spouses; feeling totally awkward every time they bump into one another publicly, when privately, they’re unable to be pulled apart.
And then one night, one lonely evening at the in-law’s, Amber knew it would never be the same. She wandered around the house aimlessly, wondering what the hell Eduardo was doing with Leticia. They were married, she kept reminding herself. Leticia was so in love with Eduardo, she doted on him in the same way Victor pampered her. It was weird, she realized. I may have married the wrong brother. Leticia could have married Victor and she would have been perfectly happy. Both cherishing each other, living in a world full of saccharine.
Passion was what Amber realized was missing in her marriage to Victor. She was intensely in “like” with Victor now. They had a brother/sister kind of friendship and could talk for hours. He was her Father Figure, and all she wanted from him now was his continued support in raising their children. But the children were playing second fiddle at the moment, oftentimes forgetting to pick them up, unable to show them her love and affection, she was being managed by Eduardo’s mesmeric force. It was like her life with Victor was a dream world, floating around, not being able to exhale, experience emotion or pain and was numb with him, isolated within her own household. And on the contrast, Eduardo at work was her real life, alive and breathing with him, exploding at his touch, wanting him constantly, day or night and she was too far-gone, a human being unable to breathe in life.
Twenty-Six
Listen To Experience
“Mom?”
“Hi, Amber.”
“Can I come over? Are you busy?”
“Amber, everything OK? What’s wrong, sounds like you’ve been crying...”
Amber had been crying, for the past several days she’d been crying a lot. Tucked away from the force of the shower, behind the sound proof glass of her Volvo, in the garage muffled away by the rumbling of clothes being tossed from the dryer, wailing so loud, Amber had no control over it. She was in agony, on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Amber was so madly in love with Eduardo, she couldn’t see straight. She was far passed the point of no return and wanted to be with him constantly and walked around a
imlessly thinking of nothing else but how to be.
Tears fell down her cheeks the moment Amber arrived at her mother’s front door step.
Sheila opened up the door. “You look like shit, what happened?” Sheila joked, trying to put a smile on her daughter’s face, but unable to.
“Oh Mom,” Amber gushed, bending down to wrap her arms around her neck. “I don’t know what to do, where to turn...”
Sheila escorted Amber into the house and onto the couch in the living room. “My goodness, what could be so bad? Are the kids OK? They’re not sick are they?”
Amber nodded her head. “No Mom, it’s nothing like that.”
Sheila grabbed her daughter’s hand. “Then what is it Amber?” Sheila asked in her stern motherly voice, “Just spit it out it’ll make you feel better.”
“I’m in love...” Amber confessed.
“I know...” Sheila agreed, thinking she was starting to say something about Victor, and then noticed Amber’s bizarre expression on her face. Then she knew. Amber’s frown on her forehead confirmed that it wasn’t with her husband. “Who with?”
Amber swallowed hard. “I can’t tell you, but I’ve been in love with him for a very long time.”
Sheila shook her head in disbelief. “Oh baby, what happened?” Sheila knew from her own past, and through friends of hers, that having an affair meant something was lacking in the marriage. People who usually had affairs meant that they weren’t receiving emotional support and went elsewhere to obtain it. Sam left her for that very reason alone. He wasn’t happy…wasn’t happy with her, so he sought out another who could make him happy. “What’s been going on with you and Victor? Did you two have a fight?” It was always the couple that you thought never fought, or had the greatest of marriages that had the most problems.
“No Mom, we don’t fight,” Amber expressed honestly.
“Everyone has a little spat now and then...Is that why you felt you needed to stray?” Sheila inquired.
“Stray?” Amber stopped crying all of a sudden. “Didn’t you just hear me a few minutes ago? I’ve been in love with this man for the past twelve years!”
“Twelve years? But you’ve been with Victor for nearly that long. My God Amber, what’re you doing?” Sheila was in shock, but shock wasn’t the word of it. It was a slap in the face.
“...And I want to be with him forever, Mom. Night and day, he’s all I ever think about.”
“And what, are you thinking about leaving Victor, about leaving your kids?”
“I don’t know Mom, that’s what’s driving me insane; I don’t know what to do.”
“Twelve years...oh baby, you’re gonna hurt that Sanchez family, please reconsider.”
The Family? Amber looked across at her mother now. An incredulous look washed over her face. Could it be? That Sheila Thomas was living through her own marriage? That her mother could prevail this time knowing that her own flesh and blood could hold onto a marriage longer than the two year mark, like it was her own accomplishment? “The family Mom? What about me, your daughter? Aren’t you concerned about me?”
Sheila positioned herself across from Amber and surveyed her daughter more closely. Oh how could she have missed it? Amber’s physical change…Her gradual transformation from dowdy tomboy to full-fledged sophisticated woman; Amber’s cheeks flushed softly with a pink hue, her eyes decorated with soft black mascara, her hair cut and curled to perfection and her attire so elegant, so updated, so not her.
“I’m in love with Eduardo Mom, Eduardo Sanchez...” There, she said it, the truth finally let out. It felt so good to express her aspiration for him out loud and not within her own conscious.
Sheila was taken back. Her eyes round with trauma, “Your brother-in-law Eduardo?”
Amber looked down guilty. “...Yes.”
Sheila stood up from the couch and ran her hands down her pants, through her hair and then covered her mouth in uncertainty. “You’re not pregnant are you?”
Amber looked away intense. “I can’t believe you asked me that, you know how hard it is for me to get pregnant! I’m in love Mom, in love...”
“My God Amber, how did this happen? This is so wrong. Did he force you? How did this happen? No, I don’t wanna know what happened...oh Amber, this is so wrong. How could you have allowed this to happen? How could you ever make this right? You’ll never be able to, you know that don’t you? Oh God Amber, you’re definitely going to rip that family to shreds!”
“Good Lord Mom, forget about them for a change and start thinking about me!” Amber bawled, suffering a throbbing so unhealthy, she doubled over in pain.
Sheila went for her daughter and pulled her face up from within her knees. “Oh baby—I’m sorry, I can’t imagine the pain you must be going through. I just can’t help but think of all the sorrow Victor and the kids are going to experience if this affair ever gets out.”
Amber continued to sob, “Oh Mom...I don’t know what else to do, I can’t leave Eduardo. I don’t know how...”
“I can’t believe you did this.”
“Of all people Mom…I thought you’d understand,” Amber threw back at her. “You’ve been through more relationships than I care to remember. Falling in and out of love faster than you change your pants! I’ve at least been devoted to the man for the past twelve years!”
Sheila took a step away from her daughter. That was contempt in Amber’s voice. A buried scar meant to sting. “I guess I deserve that,” Sheila agreed, stopping in her tracks. Oh God, this sounded all too familiar. She recalled the day Sam asked for a divorce. He was in love with another woman. Sam should have been the one she got old and gray with. She was devoted to Sam, but no one could ever know that. Sheila was still in love with him after all. He was her Father Figure. So tall, such handsome features. The outlaw rogue she so craved in a man. Sam left Sheila for a married woman. She would have forgiven him in a heartbeat, but Sam confessed he was in love…In love with that married woman.
“I’m obsessed with him Mom. I can’t think of anything else but him. I’m gonna ask him to divorce Leticia,” Amber stated, blowing her nose on some tissue she had stashed away inside her purse.
Sheila shook her head at her, “He’s no good for you.” She tried to find reasons for Amber not to react just yet. “He’s conceited and arrogant; you’ve never been into those types before. He’s just using your body you know that. Those types always seem to think they can have any woman they want and a wedding ring or being one’s sister-in-law isn’t gonna stop them.”
“Mom...Eduardo is not like that.”
“He’s quite the charmer, isn’t he? He knows exactly what to say to a woman to flatter her, coerce her into doing something she’s somewhat not sure of?”
“He’s educated, that’s all. Underneath it all, he’s just another man.”
“Are you so sure…has he told you that he cares? Has he said he loves you yet?”
“Yes, he’s said it,” Amber quietly mouthed uncertain.
Sheila noted her daughter’s somber reaction. “But you don’t believe him do you? I bet he hadn’t even suggested leaving his wife for you, has he? He can’t possibly be devoted to you as you are to him, otherwise the man would move heaven and earth to be with you.”
Oh...Good Lord she’s right. Amber closed her eyes and threw herself on the side of the couch in agony.
“This is so wrong Amber...” Sheila said, trying to explain away the own hurt in her voice.
“I don’t care; I just wanna be with him...” Amber cried, caressing the fabric on the couch, “...I don’t wanna hurt the family, or my kids, or Victor, but I can’t see any other way around it...Someone is gonna get hurt... I hate causing pain. I hate confrontations.”
Sheila sat down next to her daughter now. Yes, she did know that, Amber hated arguments. Whenever Sam and she would fight over the phone, or in person, Amber would come between them and try and stop it. And after six divorces, Amber saw her share of heated arguments with all t
he men in her life, six different relationships, with six completely different men, all of which walked out that door when they couldn’t stand the intensity.
“Amber...I think you know what to do. I think you’ve thought about it more than once. There’s really no other solution.”
“Then what do I do?”
“You’re a smart girl Amber, I think you know already.”
“No, I don’t know Mom, please help me.”
“Just don’t see him anymore,” Sheila simply expressed.
Not see Eduardo? Could she do it? Is she that strong? To walk away, quit her job, die every time she saw him at her in-laws…with Leticia. Is she that secure? No. Never. Not being with him would kill her.
Amber let out a terrible cry and her emotional outbreak overwhelmed Sheila to tears.
Sheila sat down next to Amber and held her body over hers. Amber intuitively laid her head down on her mother’s chest and continued to shell out emotion.
“Sometimes,” Sheila said softly, stroking her daughter’s hair. “…We have to do things,” she expressed, fully crying with Amber now, “…things that make us unhappy in the moment…but content in the long run.”
Like marrying a man you do not love.
Twenty-Seven
Misery Eats At Your Soul
The arrangement was far too convenient; a secret affair would simply be a rendezvous she would have to conceal. They could meet up occasionally and she could differentiate between her secretive days and the days with her family. But her affair with Eduardo was borderline approval, that was the reason why it was so hard for Amber, it was so appropriate when she could see him regularly. With them at work, meeting up with him at family gatherings—he was just so damn accessible! And the more time she spent with Eduardo, the more time she didn’t want to spend with Victor. Running away, out of the house, making excuses to go to the mall, get her nails done, and continually using her endometriosis as an excuse for him not to touch her.
Unsuitable Obsession - Part One Page 21