I needed to impress or everything I’d worked so hard for would end up a distant dream. A fantasy I’d never fulfill. The trouble was it was so damn hard to concentrate with the memory of Ryan on top of me, my leg pinned back.
The sun had barely risen and I’d already scooted out of my room, because staying in there meant smelling the heady scent of his cologne. And that would equal even less focus on my part.
“Come on, you can do this,” I whispered. I put together the presentation myself, I picked out all the colors and fabrics, I planned every room to a tee. I owed it to myself to succeed, especially with my mother breathing down my neck.
Okay, relax. Start from the top. Don’t think about Ryan and the swirly feelings in your gut. “Yeah, that helps.” I rolled my eyes at myself, then grabbed the lukewarm cup of coffee from the corner of my desk. I slurped some of it back.
I spotted Jameson passing my office door, choked and sprayed coffee over my carpet. “J-Jameson,” I coughed.
The Petty Officer did a double take and returned. “Miss Scott? Did you call me?” A small smile of acknowledgement. I couldn’t help admiring this woman. She had the muscle tone of a panther, and dark skin to match. She was a total stunner, but she kept her professionalism up no matter the situation.
Part of me wanted to believe I could’ve been like her, a member of the Navy, gosh, not the SEALs, and made my father proud. But that wasn’t the choice I made and my dad was probably happy about it, watching over me.
He wouldn’t have liked the thought of me in danger.
“Everything okay?”
I coughed into my fist. “Yeah, sorry. Coffee went down the wrong pipe,” I said.
“Sorry,” Jameson replied, then fumbled in her pocket for a pack of Kleenex. “Here, you’ve got some on your blouse.”
I took it from her and removed a tissue, dabbing at the spot and silently cursing my idiocy. “Thanks. I just wondered if you’d heard anything about the Commander coming to the base. I heard he was supposed to turn up some time this week.”
“Nothing yet, ma’am,” she replied. “Is there anything else?”
I hesitated. “No, I just – what do you make of it?”
“What, ma’am?”
“What happened with Petty Officer Whitmore and Timothy, you know? The civilian.” I didn’t believe Ryan had done it, but I still couldn’t figure out why Jack had.
It was Jameson’s turn to hesitate. She looked back into the hall, then entered my office and shut the door behind her. “That’s a complicated question,” she said. “If I talk to you about this I’d like it to remain between us.”
“Sure, no problem,” I replied. What was I going to do? Run to Ryan and blab everything Jameson had told me? I had some integrity left, thank you very much. “What do you want to say?”
“It’s, well, Whitmore has always had an attitude problem. I was a couple years behind him, but we’re equal rank. What does that tell you?”
“So he didn’t climb ranks fast enough? Is that what you’re saying?”
“Whitmore’s always been friends with the Lieutenant Commander, but once he outstripped Jack in rank things grew complicated. Whitmore hated that his old buddy was above him.”
“Why?” I’d have been happy for Paula if it so happened that she had a successful interior design store that outcompeted mine. That was the mature approach. Healthy competition, friendship. Gosh, if I could figure that out at 19, surely Whitmore could grasp it at 30.
“When they were in training, Whitmore was the popular one. He was the one who broke records and, when they got a break, he was the one who got all the girls. I don’t think the Lieutenant Commander was ever focused on that kind of thing, but Jack was and he thought he was better. He thought he was the best, to be precise.”
“But he wasn’t.”
“No,” Jameson said, bluntly. “He was a showboat and too lazy for his own good. He slacked off and this was the result. The Navy promotes those who serve tirelessly and show their dedication to our country. Whitmore didn’t do either of those things.”
“So you think he’s bitter.”
“Yes, and I think he’d do anything to get back at his old friend for outranking him,” Jameson said, then ran her fingers through her short hair. “Look, the only reason I’m telling you this is because I know you’re involved to some extent.”
I cleared my throat and focused on the current slide up on my laptop screen.
“There are rumors that the Lieutenant Commander might be interested in you, and that’s none of my business, but I figured they were true when I saw the way you reacted to the storm and his late arrival back at base.”
“We’re friends,” I said, and left out the ‘with benefits’ part. “That’s all.”
“Whatever suits you, ma’am. I think it would be remiss of me not to warn you about Jack. He’s going to try something.”
“What? How do you know?”
Jameson shook her head and looked away in a brief moment of uncertainty. “It’s just a feeling. Be safe, Miss Scott.”
“Thank you,” I replied.
Petty Officer Jameson bowed out of the office and shut the door behind her. It gave me the quiet I needed to run over things in my mind. Whether I wanted to or not, I’d developed -
My cell trilled and I jumped on the spot and knocked the empty mug off the edge of my desk. It dropped to the carpet with a thump, but thankfully, didn’t shatter. I picked up my phone, nerves hopping in the center of my chest. But it was just Paula, thank God.
I swiped my finger across the screen. “Hello?” I answered.
“Hey,” Paula said, and she didn’t sound as enthusiastic as usual. “How are you?”
“Let’s just say I’ve been better. How are you?”
“Fine. Bored. Ready to get home and have a glass of wine, then fall asleep watching Desperate Housewives or a rerun of Friends.”
“Sounds like Heaven to me,” I replied. I didn’t want to just dump all my problems on her the minute she called me. It wasn’t fair. “So, how are things at work?”
“Save it,” Paula said, and chuckled to soften the blow. “Listen, we both know why I’m calling you and it’s not to talk about work or my lack of love life.”
“It’s that dry, huh?”
“Like the fucking Sahara Desert, girl. Now, I want to know what’s going on up there,” Paula said, “because apparently everyone in Meek Springs is expected to sign some petition thingie to make the base in the mountain disappear.”
“Yeah, I heard about that. Mom called me.”
“God help you,” Paula said.
“Did you sign it?”
“Hell no, I didn’t sign it. I’m not putting my name to that piece of trash idea. God, the people here are so dumb. Like, they can’t understand that maybe one of the officers was a total dick, not all the officers.”
“It was Whitmore,” I said. “It wasn’t Ryan.”
“What, who practically murdered Timothy? Yeah, I heard. Anyway, I don’t care what these assholes say or do. Do you know, Jerry threatened to egg my apartment if I didn’t sign?” Paula clicked her tongue as if it was the most absurd thing she’d ever heard. “My counteroffer was a kick in the nuts. He shut up real quick.”
“Good.”
“What’s it like up there?” Paula asked.
“Tense. Everyone’s on edge, and this Commander guy is due to show up any day and check on everything. And then I’ll have to give my presentation with Jack right down the hall.”
“God, I sure can pick ‘em, can’t I? Trust me to have wrapped myself around a violent asshole,” Paula said, and sighed so that the phone’s speaker crackled in my ear. “I really dodged a bullet on that one.”
“Yeah.” I sat down behind my desk and stared at the presentation slide, an image of what I planned for the base. “Totally.”
“How are things with you and Lieutenant Commander Dream Boat?”
“I don’t know,” I said, “okay, I g
uess.”
“Spill.”
I leaned my forehead on the cold wood of the desk and stared at the patch of carpet between my feet. “It’s complicated.”
“How?”
“I think I’m in love with him. Like properly in love with him. Like, he drives me crazy. He makes me –”
“No physical stuff, please, woman. I don’t need to know those details.”
“I wasn’t going to tell you, relax. I was saying that he makes my insides squirm. I’ve never felt like this about anyone before and I know that it’s hopeless,” I said. “I know that if I tell him how I feel he’s going to be freaked. Or worse, it will just be pointless.”
“It’s not pointless.”
“We tried the just physical thing because I didn’t want this to happen, but it happened anyway, and now, I’m pretty sure that I’m going to lose him.”
“What are you talking about?” Paula asked, her frown carrying through to her tone. “Why would you lose him?”
“Because either my mom is going to find a way to pull me away from the base and back to Meek Springs, or something’s going to happen here and it will be over.”
“It sounds like you’re being overdramatic,” Paula said. “There’s no real reason you shouldn’t tell him how you feel.”
“How about the fact that he probably doesn’t feel the same way? Or the fact that it would freak him out? Or the fact that he can’t give me what I need.”
“What do you need?”
“Love? Stability?” Ryan couldn’t offer me those things when he had so much of his own shit to manage. He had an entire base under his command and I cared about my feelings rather than his responsibilities. How selfish.
“He probably can provide those things for you. You just don’t want to believe it. Or you’re using at an excuse to avoid the conversation you should be having with him.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said, “my problems don’t matter in comparison to his.”
“Stop being such a martyr.” Paula huffed out the sentence, but the words still stung. “You’ve got a terrible habit of doing that, Channy. Just chill, okay?”
“I’ll try,” I said. “I’ll try, but I can’t make any promises.”
“Just take the leap for once. Go speak to him, now. You don’t have to say that you’re in love with him, but tell him that you’d like more than just the physical. That you feel you guys might have the potential for something more.”
The very thought of that brought sweat to my skin. I licked my lips. “You know what? Okay, yeah. I’ll give it a shot. What do I have to lose right?” Except for my pride and possibly my sense of self-esteem. “Yeah.”
“Good, you do that. I’ll be here if you need me. Call and tell me how it goes, okay?”
“I will,” I said, “bye, girl.”
“Bye, girl, bye.”
I hung up and stowed the phone in my desk. This was it, alright. If I actually went through with this, everything would change, either for good or bad. I’d waited long enough. I had to grow a pair of ovaries and do it before I chickened out.
I undid the top button of my blouse, checked my bra, then headed out.
Chapter 24
Ryan
Every ounce of my control went into refraining from taking Whitmore’s head and ramming it into the steel table. If were another man, one who didn’t value his career and his future, I’d have knocked his teeth out by now.
Jack sat opposite me, wearing his trademark ‘I don’t give a fuck’ grin. He didn’t sit, actually, he slouched, his one arm resting on the table, too close for comfort.
I clicked my ballpoint pen and pictured ramming it into his hand. Fuck, this guy brought out the worst side of me, the violence I’d buried in my soul after what happened in the grit and sand.
“You going to talk, Baker? Or just sit there and click your pen until it spontaneously combusts?”
“Quiet,” I said, and slapped the table. Shit, that was one step too far already, and Jack’s subsequent smile told me as much.
“Quiet,” he replied, “but how am I supposed to tell you what you so desperately want to know if I’m forced to remain silent? Didn’t think of that did you, Lieutenant Commander?” He spat the last words out. The title. That was his problem, wasn’t it?
I had the title and he didn’t. But this wasn’t just a rank, it was a responsibility and it was something he’d never grasp, especially now that he risked a dishonorable discharge.
Two soldiers stood either side of the door behind Jack. They wouldn’t interrupt, but they would talk if anyone asked them what happened in this room.
Control. That’s all you need. Remain in control.
“Walk me through what happened on that night, Petty Officer Whitmore,” I said. This was the only way I’d get the evidence I needed from him before the Commander made his appearance and put pressure on the entire base.
“Which night?”
“The night you brutally assaulted Timothy Meller,” I replied, evenly.
“Oh, but you know all about that already, Baker.” Jack thumbed his nose. “We were both at the bar in Meek Springs, remember? We saw the kid standing there with his friends.”
“Yes, you saw him and you followed him outside.”
“I followed him?” Whitmore shook his head and I envisioned punching him for the third time in as many minutes. “No, I followed you. I followed you out into the alley and witnessed you beating Timothy to a pulp. How could you forget? Or were you too drunk to remember.”
“That’s not what happened,” I replied. “You left when I went to the bathroom. When I walked out to find you, you were standing over Timothy’s body. What was it you said to me?”
“I didn’t say anything.” Jack shrugged. “You must be under a lot of pressure, Baker. Aren’t you worried they’ll put you in prison when they find out what you’ve done?”
“You’re lying,” I said.
“Let’s call it a difference of opinion. Or rather, it’s my word against yours. Who do you think they’ll believe, Ryan? The man who’s toiled endlessly in the Navy, or the one who got all the men under his command killed.”
“Fucker!” I stood up, chest heaving. The controlled façade had already cracked. Christ, of course he’d know to bring that up. He’d been right beside me since I came back, listened to my sob stories about it.
“Sir,” one of the soldiers spoke.
“Yes?”
“There’s someone at the door, Sir.”
“Open it,” I replied, because the distraction would keep me from murdering this lying prick.
“Wonder who it is?” Jack twiddled his eyebrows up and down. “Maybe it’s that gorgeous Chanel. You know, the girl you’re boning on military time.”
I ignored that one.
The door opened and Petty Officer Jameson stepped inside. “Apologies for the interruption, Lieutenant Commander,” she said, and saluted. “I’ve got a call coming through for you from Commander Shepherd. Where would you like to take it?”
“Here,” I replied, and gestured for the soldiers to take Whitmore back to his quarters.
Jack chuckled. “Ooh, important call for the man who’s about to lose his station. You know I’m right, Ryan. You fucked up and everyone’s here to witness it.” The soldiers escorted him out, but he giggled all the way, as if someone had just told him the funniest joke in the world.
Every man and woman who enlisted was psychologically evaluated, but it wasn’t unheard of for a soldier to crack under pressure. I still couldn’t shake the feeling that this was a manipulation, though.
“Sir?” Jameson again.
“Oh, yeah, patch him through,” I replied, and sat down behind the desk. The stench of Whitmore clung to the insides of my nostrils. He wore that typical fuck boy cologne that scored him woman after woman whenever he had leave.
Jameson saluted and left, closing the door behind her, and I launched myself out of the chair and opened my windows before the call
came through. Anything to get rid of the damn smell. My gray blinds rattled in the icy wind, but brought the fresh air I craved.
The phone rang and I lifted the receiver right away. “Lieutenant Commander Baker,” I said.
“Good morning, Baker,” Shepherd said, “I’m glad I caught you.”
A strange thing to say. Where else would I have been? “Is there something I can help you with, Sir?”
“How’s your investigation proceeding? Have you found any evidence indicating that Petty Office Whitmore is to blame for the crime?”
“Only that I saw it myself, Sir,” I replied.
“Not good enough and you know it, Baker. Don’t insult my intelligence by bringing that up again,” Shepherd snapped. “Now, tell me what you’ve done so far.”
“Sir, I’ve sent a small contingent of men to talk with the townsfolk. I figured it would be best to liaise with them as much as possible and improve relations,” I replied.
“And? How did it go?”
“Not well, Sir. They’re formulating a petition to close down the base and they won’t speak with anyone in uniform or out of it, for that matter.”
“Civilians,” Shepherd said, then muttered something indiscernible. “Any other progress?”
“No physical evidence, Sir, other than the cuts on Whitmore’s knuckles. I haven’t had any officers on the base, since you insisted we handle this within the military.”
“Good,” he replied.
“I have spoken with Petty Officer Whitmore but he insists on pinning the crime on me,” I replied.
“On you? Christ, this is a catastrophe in a teacup. Fuck’s sake. Fine, that’s it. It’s settled.”
“What is, Sir?”
“I’m on my way to the base. I’ll be there in the early afternoon,” Commander Shepherd replied. “Ensure that everything is ready when I arrive. I want a debriefing on the state of the base, as well as this presentation from your interior decorator. After that, we’ll handle Whitmore and what to do about him. And you.”
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