I’d never stripped a day in my life, but Brendon needed a distraction and I knew there would be no better distraction than that. I didn’t have any music. I didn’t have a pole. I didn’t have a freaking clue, but I was going to try. If I made a fool of myself, so be it. At least it would give him something else to think about other than the man in a hospital room at the other side of the world.
I started by swaying my hips as I worked off my shirt, letting it inch up my torso to expose one bit of skin at a time. It felt strange to move so slow, but at least I didn’t think I looked awkward. After I tossed the shirt to the ground, I turned around and fixed him with a sultry stare over my shoulder as I started pulling off my jeans.
Brendon groaned, biting his lip as I bent down to pull the pants over my ankles. It was a remarkably intimate moment. I hadn’t expected it would be so, but I would say it was our most intimate moment so far. Though I wished the circumstances were different, I was enjoying this new level of closeness with Brendon. I enjoyed the way his eyes ate me up as I slowly pulled down the straps of my bra, reaching behind to unclip it. I enjoyed how his cock rose high in the air for me, how long and hard he was just from looking at my half naked body. By the time the bra was on the ground and I was working on my panties, he was breathing hard and looked like he might leap off the bed to grab me at any second. I gave a little coy smile as I pulled down my panties and tossed them behind me.
“Come here,” he whispered.
I strutted toward the bed, crawling up over his calves. He was mistaken, however, if he thought he was in control. Well, Brendon would always be in control ultimately. He was gigantic and I was little, it was just science. But today, tonight, I was going to set the pace for our lovemaking and he was going to deal with it. Once he saw my intentions, I doubted he would complain.
Brendon was confused that I didn’t continue up his chest, but the understanding dawned on his face when I settled between his thighs on my belly and looked up at him from below. He shivered.
Slowly, so slowly that he groaned with frustration, I bent my head to the head of his cock and licked off the tiny drop of precum at the tip. Brendon’s hands fisted the covers. I licked again, soon swallowing the head and sucking. He moaned and quivered, and I pressed my head down as far on his member as I could without choking.
I didn’t want Brendon to forget, I wanted him to remember. I wanted him to remember who was there to take care of him, who would lavish him with kisses and orgasms until his fears and worries drifted into oblivion—if only for a little while. Most of all, I wanted him to remember me.
I swirled my tongue down to the base of his cock then back up, holding him in one tight fist as my mouth worked him to the best of my ability. He was large and I felt clumsy with so much filling my mouth, but the way he groaned and shook told me I was doing a good job. At least a passable one. I began to bob my head up and down, sucking and licking and coating him in my hot saliva. I used my free hand to massage his balls, picking a gentle rhythm to complement my mouth’s work. He tasted like sex and my body thrummed with heat. I remembered all the times that he’d given me pleasure like this and my heart raced with excitement.
Time seemed to drift by at a leisurely pace. I was unhurried in my movements, sliding up and down his shaft in a slow but steady rhythm that soon drove his hands into my hair. He bunched my hair into his fists and held me tight, letting me choose how deep I wanted to go but urging me faster, deeper. I could tell he was close. The tugging on my scalp sent sparks of pleasure down my spine, and I gave in to his desires. I upped my pace until he moaned with delight, squeezing and stroking his balls in time with my bobs.
“Fuck,” he muttered. “Fuck Aurora, I’m gonna cum.”
I sucked harder, going down to the root until he filled my throat. It was the only answer he needed.
Brendon groaned and his fists tightened. His legs shook. I felt his cock spasm and then release into my mouth, shooting hot cum down my throat. I swallowed it all and licked him clean, spending extra time devoting attention to his sensitive shaft as his racing breathing slowed.
After a while, I began to kiss slowly up his chest, his shoulders, his neck, until I reached his ear and nibbled on the lobe.
“We can go to sleep now if you want,” I murmured. “It’s been a long day.”
His chuckle was dark and unexpected. “Go to bed? Are you kidding me?”
He rolled over, trapping me beneath his substantial weight. His eyes were bright, not clouded by the lusty haze of the moment before.
His voice was a low, sexy growl. “After a blow job like that, I’m not going to let you leave this bed until I’m certain that I’ve fucked you so good you’ll always come back.”
My heart raced. And Brendon, as he always did, made good on that promise.
The point of the exercise had been to make Brendon forget, but somewhere in his twisted sheets I lost the memory of what I was supposed to be worrying about too.
Chapter 15
Brendon
I sipped coffee, a small smile on my lip as I watched Aurora and Julian play on the carpet. He brought his cars with him when we picked him up. In fact, his backpack contained mostly cars. He had taken out many of the clothes his mom had packed before we got there, and so I had to pick up some stuff for him to wear before we left for the trip. I didn’t mind. I thought it was cute that he was more focused on what toys he got to bring than what he was going to wear. It was the kind of thing Avery would have done.
I sighed and looked down at my phone, wondering if it was too late to call. Aurora and I had been touring stores all morning, and because it took a little longer with Julian there we soon spilled over into the afternoon. We hadn’t even gotten lunch until nearly two, and now it was nearing four pm and I wished I had taken twenty minutes to call Morgana earlier in the day. Not that she didn’t have enough to worry about.
My brother was stable. More stable, anyway. It looked like he’d backed down from death’s door, which came as a huge relief to everyone. It felt like a weight had been lifted from us, and even Julian was noticeably happier now that we weren’t waiting by the phone for horrible news. It didn’t hurt that the kid loved to travel, and was having the time of his life in Los Angeles. He was going to like tomorrow even better, and though I wanted to wait until dinner to tell him the news, I decided that now was as good time as any. Our dinner would undoubtedly be late too, and I had the feeling that a nap was on the horizon.
“Hey, kid,” I said, tossing a stuffed platypus at him.
Julian laughed. He and I both knew that his mother would’ve killed me for that one. I was teaching him bad manners, but it hardly seemed to matter in this situation.
Aurora glanced up too, eyes shining with happiness. I loved watching her with Julian. She was so gentle and kind, and I knew she would make a wonderful mother someday, if that was what she wanted. I wasn’t just picturing her as any mother, either. In my head, she was the mother of our children, though I was determined to keep that strange little fantasy to myself. I’d never fantasized about a particular woman mothering my babies before and I wasn’t sure how to feel about it.
“Aurora and I have a surprise for you,” I said. “You’ve been so good for this trip, so we wanted to do something special for you.”
Jude’s eyes lit up. Aurora smiled when she realized that I was telling him now, and sat back on her heels to watch.
“What is it?” he asked excitedly. “Is it about dad?”
I winced internally. Though we were in better spirits today, our happiness only went so deep. If it weren’t for Aurora and Julian, I would have already hopped a flight to France and would be at my brother’s bedside in a heartbeat. They were the only things keeping me sane this far away from Avery, and I could tell that Julian felt similarly about Aurora’s and my presence. I would’ve been fine with Jude on my own, but he wouldn’t have been nearly as carefree without Aurora. I made mental note to thank her greatly later on.
�
��Do you know what else they have in California other than all the movie stars?” I asked.
He cocked his head to the side. “A horrible drought?”
Aurora snorted. I merely sighed. Sometimes Julian was like his dad, but sometimes his mom popped through too. Her influence was always unmistakable.
“I was thinking more along the lines of fun things,” I said. “Lighten up, kid.”
He frowned, an out of place expression on his little round face. “What?”
“Well,” I said. “We’ve got just one store to look at in the morning, but we should be finished before it opens…”
The anticipation bloomed on his face. He furrowed his brow as he tried to think. Since I could tell he wasn’t going to get it, I decided to make it easy for him.
“Some say it’s the most magical place in the world.”
Jude somehow managed to cock an eyebrow at me, and he’d never looked more like his dad. “Hogwarts?”
I sighed. I ran a hand over my face. I smiled.
“Disneyland, kid. We’re taking you to Disneyland tomorrow.”
Julian exploded into movement, thrusting his arms in the air and then throwing himself at me. He hugged me, squeezing as tight as he could, while blubbering excitedly against my shirt.
“Oh my gosh! I’m so excited! Thank you, Uncle Brendon!”
I was glad that, although I expected he would have his nasty days in the future, for now Julian was a relatively unspoiled child. It didn’t matter that his parents were exceedingly wealthy. He just acted like a normal kid, and like any normal kid the thought of going to Disneyland made him breathless with delight.
He pulled back from the hug and looked up at me with sparkling blue eyes. “Can we go get ice cream to celebrate?”
I chucked. Cheeky bastard. So much for that nap.
Julian wasn’t the only one anxious to finish work and get over to the Magic Kingdom the next morning. Normally when I took him into Lock Knocks he acted like I had taken him to Disneyland, but today he was more sedate and clearly saving his energy for the theme park. I was tired and groggy thanks to the early start, though we wouldn’t have had as much time at Disneyland if I didn’t arrange this final tour so early in the morning.
Aurora took the lead easily, letting me hang back while she chatted to the store manager and brainstormed with him about what kinds of designs would work best in a store of his size with his customer base.
I was glad to let her charge ahead. It would have been worth it just to watch her at work, to see how she injected each word with passion and enthusiasm. She was amazing. A force of nature. And I realized, little by little, that the feelings I’d been trying not to notice were welling up at the surface. Everything I’d tried to suppress, or even just hadn’t had time to acknowledge, became clear as day.
Her radiant smile, the swing of her hips as she walked down the aisles, the way her hair curled and shined under the fluorescent lights as beautifully as if she were in a sunbeam…
I think I love her.
The thought came fast and out of nowhere, blindsiding me so that I accidentally squeezed Jude’s hand. He made a noise of protest and I released him, giving him an apologetic look.
“Sorry buddy.”
He shrugged and went back to looking at the row of wands on the closest display.
I was surprised to see that the world had not changed in the wake of my revelation. I half expected to walk outside and have the sky be green or the sidewalks purple, but everything was so familiar it almost ached.
Oh, impossible of impossibles.
“Ready to go?” Aurora asked, pulling me from my reverie. We’d said goodbye to the Lock Knocks employees and were now standing in the hot, noxious LA air.
I nodded. “Ready.”
Julian nodded excitedly. “Ready!”
Aurora took my free hand, and the three of us walked toward the waiting car.
Me, my little nephew, and the woman I loved.
Chapter 16
Aurora
I shrieked and ducked out of the way as a massive bug zipped past the end of my nose, nearly smacking me hard in the cheek. I had no idea what it was, had no idea if it stung or bit, and had no interest in finding out.
“Good eye there!” hollered the massive man at the back of the vessel in a southern twang. He winked and steered us to the right, sending the airboat leaning up to one side. I clutched my stomach and groaned. Morning sickness and the everglades did not a happy Aurora make.
“You okay?” asked Brendon from beside me.
Julian had asked to sit on the other side of me so he could be closest to the water. He was determined to spot every alligator in the everglades, and it was only with our stalwart guides assurance that we wouldn’t get close enough for one to snap at the little boy’s hand that Brendon allowed him to sit so close.
“I’m fine,” I said, smiling. “Just don’t have my sea legs I guess.”
He smiled knowingly and patted my back. “I swear I didn’t know he was going to be so crazy,” he muttered in my ear.
I laughed. “This is Florida, isn’t it?”
“I found me a body out here one time,” Miles, our host, croaked out. He pointed to a little secluded alcove. “Right there in them reeds. Coolest damn thing I ever saw.”
“Are you sure that’s appropriate?” I gestured to our small companion.
Miles gave a deep belly laugh. “You’re right. Sorry, miss. Coolest darn thing I ever saw.”
I felt too nauseous to argue with the man and Julian clearly wasn’t paying attention. He was as close as he could get to hanging over the side, eyes wide with wonder. I just hoped the next wonder he witnessed wasn’t me tossing my cookies into the swampy water.
Part of the reason I felt so nauseous was undoubtedly mental. I hadn’t told Brendon about being pregnant and it was killing me. I knew I should tell him, and each day that passed made the secret harder and harder to keep. Even if he didn’t notice me retching up my breakfast most mornings, he would soon play witness to the amazing transformation of my belly into a giant globe.
Then there was the almost ever-present nausea of early pregnancy. My early pregnancy, anyway. Some women didn’t get morning sickness at all. Lucky bitches.
We took another corner and I squeezed my eyes shut. Brendon must’ve mistaken the gesture for fear as he grabbed my hand and held it tight in his lap, leaning over to murmur soothing things in my ear.
As he did, a tendril of fire worked its way down my spine. I always reacted like this when he was close to me. It was like I could feel the electrical impulses jumping off his skin, and even if I couldn’t see him I could always tell when he was there. I often wondered if he felt the same.
“Look!” Julian yelled, pointing excitedly. “That one’s huge!”
I cracked open an eye and followed his chubby finger, scowling when I saw the giant alligator swimming in a nearby cluster of reeds. Huge indeed.
“Alligators aren’t counted among your interests I take it,” Brendon whispered.
I laughed. “Not really.”
“Sorry about this, then. I can’t imagine it’s very fun.”
I squeezed his hand and turned my head until I dove into the depths of those honey-brown eyes. My heart skipped.
I gave him the honest truth. “I’m glad to be here. Alligators and all.”
The past few days with Brendon and Julian were like a little slice of life I always wanted but never thought I’d get. Even with Nolan I think part of my brain always knew we would never have the vital ingredient that changed an ordinary relationship into something vibrant and unyielding, something that burned so hot it made the rest of the world feel cold. I had Brendon, and I had the delightful little monkey with the alligator obsession. And I had the baby in my belly.
The realization hit me hard and fast, crushing the air from my lungs. I coughed, and Brendon patted my back as I awkwardly tried to resume breathing at a normal pace.
This fantasy was
perfect. The child, the pregnancy, the Brendon, but it was only perfect for one reason, because Brendon was a part of it. Any other combination wouldn’t work for me. It couldn’t just be any charming, handsome, doting man at my side. It had to be him.
Because I loved him.
“You okay?” Brendon’s hand rubbed comforting circles on my back and I nodded.
“Just swallowed the wrong way.” I offered up a baleful smile.
He grinned. “What am I going to do with you?”
God, I wish I knew.
I told Brendon I needed some me time when we got back to New York, but the truth was I wanted to be alone about as much as I wanted to do a naked cha-cha across the Brooklyn Bridge. The only thing I wanted to be less than alone was with Brendon, since the reason my head was spinning beyond control was due to my burgeoning belly and the revelation I had yesterday afternoon in that god forsaken boat.
I needed space. More importantly, I needed someone to talk to. I called up Amy as soon as I got back into my apartment, but I got her voicemail instead.
“You’ve reached Tatiana Ivanov. Lucky devil. I’m currently on a yacht in the middle of the Med and I can’t get to the phone right now. Leave a message and when I drift back into the real world I’ll do my best to return your call.”
I groaned and left her a quick message, asking her to call me when she had service next. I hung up the phone feeling deflated, since I had nobody else in New York that I could talk to. Hell, I had nobody anywhere I could talk to. What was I supposed to do? Ring up my mom and tell her how I’d fallen in love with the man who accidentally impregnated me, who also happened to be my boss? She’d have a conniption.
The sounds of the city outside my window were the only comfort I found in my dreaded, empty apartment. I’d never felt so lonely as I did then. I desperately wanted to talk to Brendon, but I couldn’t. Not now. Not when I just realized he was the only person in the world uniquely equipped to shatter me into a million pieces. All it would take is a look. If I told him I loved him, or that I was pregnant, or any combination of the two, and saw anger or frustration or sadness or whatever it was he would feel on his face, I’d be through. I needed to gather some strength before I faced him like that.
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