“Thank you,” she said, accepting the beverage. “I’m dying of thirst.”
I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help but smile at her over dramatic tone.
“Tell me about your trip,” I instructed, sinking down onto the couch.
It was the opposite side to where Nolan had sat last week. I knew it was stupid, but it felt like the other side of the couch was tainted now. Amy sat down on it without issue, obviously unaware of its past. I just hoped her presence would be enough to wipe away the thought of Nolan there.
Amy’s eyes lit up, and she launched into exhilarating stories of her escapades. She’d sailed from port to port with one of her wealthier clients, trying all sorts of exotic foods, activities, and adventures. She’d supped at the finest restaurants in the Mediterranean and drank the finest wines. She’d hiked into gorgeous, scenic mountains and hills, and had discovered all manner of hidden delights—waterfalls, secret coves, beaches with nobody else around for miles.
Amy had always been a great storyteller, and I was so enthralled that I could almost taste the grapes on my tongue. I drooled despite myself when she described a lamb ragout she’d eaten in Italy, and by the time her story wrapped up I realized that she’d drank all of her beer and I hadn’t even touched my juice.
“That sounds amazing,” I said. “I would have never wanted to come back.”
“Oh, it was wonderful.” She nodded her head, smiling at some distant memory. “Still, I could never stay away from New York for too long. I start to fade if I don’t come back to the beating heart of it, you know?”
I didn’t know but I smiled and nodded nonetheless.
“But what about you?” Amy prodded, setting her beer bottle down on the coffee table. “You’ve been having a much more exciting time. Pregnant, a handsome CEO boyfriend, and an exciting new career. I’m positively aching to hear all about it. I know how long you’ve been wanting to have kids.”
My spirit, which had been slowly buoyed by her effervescence and charm, began to sink again. I’d forgotten my problems momentarily, her stories sending me adrift in a distant sea. Reality crunched under my shoes again and I didn’t like it one bit.
Amy caught my sour face. She leaned in and placed a hand on my arm, giving me the full force of her compassionate gaze. Hell, I could see why men would pay her for her company. Even though she loved talking about herself, Amy was an exceptional listener.
“I haven’t told Brendon yet.”
I figured ripping the bandaid off would be easier than drawing it out. Amy’s eyes widened with shock and then she frowned, looking at my belly. I covered it with a hand subconsciously. I was probably the only one who could tell that there was a slight bump there, but I still felt like everyone and their dog could see it.
“I can’t believe you haven’t told him! He’s going to find out for himself soon enough.”
“I know, I know.” I sighed, a deep, world-weary sigh that I felt whistle through my bones. “I was going to, and then Nolan totally ambushed me here and tried to get me to come home. When he did, I realized that Brendon might not be the father.”
Now Amy looked horrified. “What? How?”
“I slept with Brendon and Nolan within a pretty small time period,” I explained. “I don’t know when I really got pregnant. I have this huge fear that I’m going to tell Brendon about the baby and then when it comes out it’s going to have Nolan’s disgusting watery blue eyes, you know?”
“That’s scary,” she agreed.
“You understand my problem.” I sank back into the cushions, somewhat hoping they would swallow me completely and I could live out the rest of my days amongst the ancient hard candies and bits of change that were standard issue in old couches.
“I haven’t been letting him anywhere near me since Nolan showed up. I’m worried that he’s going to figure it out. I know I’m hardly showing, but he’s seen me naked a lot.” I cracked open one eye. “Can you tell?”
“That he’s seen you naked a lot?”
I groaned. “No, that I’m showing.”
Amy nodded right away. “All I can see is just that you’re not as flat as you normally are,” she said. “I doubt he would even notice. I wouldn’t if I didn’t know what to look for.”
I pressed harder into the cushions. I still didn’t fall through into an alternate couch dimension. Damn.
“What do I do?” I asked with beseeching look. “I feel utterly and completely lost. If you hadn’t come home, I probably would have spent the next few months hovering between self-despair and anxiety in my apartment, hoping that people would forget I ever existed in the first place.”
Amy rolled her eyes and scooted closer. Her flowery scent wafted over me, and I found it oddly comforting. I let her shift me until I was leaning on her shoulder with her arm tossed around me, her chin resting on the crown of my head.
“Everything’s going to be fine,” she soothed. “Let’s look at it this way—at the end of the day, Brendon or no Brendon, you’re going to have a beautiful baby who you can love and cherish and nobody can take that away from you.”
This was something I’d been avoiding thinking about and, until now, that avoidance had come easily. How could I think about the baby—who wouldn’t be arriving for several months yet—when the prospect of who its father was was far more pressing and urgent?
Now, the sickness curled in my belly. I screwed my eyes closed.
“I’m not ready for a baby, Amy! Look at my apartment! Look at me! I’m a mess. I can’t bring a child into this.”
Amy pulled back and tipped my chin up to look at her. Her stare was intense, and I tried to pull away but she held my chin firm.
“Aurora Frayser,” she intoned. “You are going to be a wonderful mother and you know it. We will figure it out, even if that means that we get a place and raise your baby together. I know how much this means to you and I’m not going to let you go into motherhood alone, okay? In an ideal world, the father would step up, but in this case we don’t know what’s going to happen and so I’m making a promise, right now, that I will help support you and your child for as long as you need. Understand?”
I nodded slowly, though I wanted to fight her on it. Only thing was I knew I wouldn’t win. Amy had the will of a particularly cantankerous donkey and I knew better than to try to sway her opinion once she’d set her mind on something. Plus, it was nice to know that she’d be there for me if I needed her. It took a little bit of stress off my chest, even though I didn’t love having to rely on someone else when it was my child in question.
“Now,” she said, releasing my chin and smiling. “Let’s fix your next problem. Have you thought about doing a paternity test?”
“Don’t I have to wait until the baby’s born to do that?”
“Not necessarily. I’ve got a couple connections at the hospital if you wanted to go down there and do one on the sly. Nobody has to know.”
She reminded me more and more of Calypso by the second, but I still couldn’t find any fault in that. In fact, it made me miss the fabulous older woman.
“Let’s do it,” I agreed. “That way it will be over.”
“Exactly. It should only take a couple days for you to get results, too, and if you’ve already been avoiding Brendon like the plague, what’s another couple of days?”
The more she spoke, the more the fog of doubt and anxiety lifted from my mind. Everything was going to be okay. We’d get the test done, and then in a few days I would know for sure who the father was. From there who knew. I’d have to see the results of the test first. I didn’t want to get too far ahead of myself.
“There’s only one problem,” Amy said, wincing. “We’re going to need DNA from one of the potential fathers to test. There are only two, right?”
I smacked her on the arm indignantly. “Yes there are only two!”
Amy barked with laughed. “Okay, shit, sorry.” She wiped a tear from under her eye. “In my experience it never hurts to ask.”
I couldn’t help but laugh too, as I remembered that when I’d gotten pregnant (hopefully) I’d been living in a brothel. My life was certainly nowhere near as uncomplicated as it had been back in Bridgefield, but at least there was laughter.
“I guess I could find a way to steal Brendon’s toothbrush or something.” I wrinkled my nose. “But I don’t know how I’d get access to it unless I saw him, and I still don’t think it’s a good idea for him to see me right now.”
“There is another option,” Amy suggested in a leading tone.
I scowled and shot up off the couch. “No way in hell! Nolan is the last person I want to see right now.”
Amy thrust her hands onto her hips and gave me her best unimpressed look. “It’s either that or find a way to sneak some DNA from Brendon. And I’m sorry, but if Nolan does turn out to be the father, you’re going to have to see him at some point anyway.”
She had a point. Still, the thought of admitting to Nolan that he might be the dad made me sick to my stomach.
“Just call him,” Amy continued. “It’s a quick swab. I’m sure he’ll have no problem acquiescing if he knows it will help determine for sure if the baby is his.”
I couldn’t fight her logic any more. I was too tired to fight any battle at all. I just wanted this all to be over and, like she said, Nolan was the most direct route to the answers.
He picked up his phone within the first two rings in a gruff, tired tone. “Didn’t expect to hear from you.”
I scowled, holding Amy’s hand for strength. “I didn’t expect to call. I need your help.”
“Of course you do.” He laughed bitterly. “Already hitting me up for money. Typical.”
“I don’t want your money,” I said angrily. “All I want is your DNA. I’m going to do a paternity test so we can figure out whose baby this is and end this nonsense for once and for all.”
Nolan was silent for a moment, deliberating. When he answered, he did so in the slimy self-assured tone of voice he always used when he felt like he’d won.
“Luckily for you I’m still in the city,” he replied. “I’m staying nearby. I’ll come over and give you a sample, but only on one condition.”
The muscle in my jaw ticked. I was already wondering if I’d made the right decision in calling him. Amy squeezed my hand and I took a deep breath.
“What is it?” I asked.
“If I am the father,” Nolan said dryly, “you have to come home with me.”
Chapter 23
Brendon
My mom was an excellent cook, so when my appetite failed even her delicious food, I knew I was truly fucked. Getting so worked up over Aurora was pointless, since it wouldn’t fix the problem nor would it make me feel better, but I couldn’t shake it. The longer I went without talking to her, the worse I felt. People were starting to notice.
“You’ve barely eaten,” Mom noted as she rose to clear the plates.
Like I always did, I sprung up ahead of her and started piling up the dishes before she even reached the first one. Keilan followed suit, and we carried the plates into the kitchen together. I thought that would be the end of it, but Mom followed me.
“You know, we think Aurora’s just wonderful,” she said. “Are you going to have her over again soon?”
I turned on the tap and started rinsing. Keilan snuck out, presumably uninterested in the mother-son chat we were about to have.
“Brendon…” Mother said in a warning tone. “I know you better than you know yourself, so I know when you’re avoiding a question.”
“I’m not avoiding the question,” I muttered, aiming the tap at a particularly sticky piece of rice. “I’m avoiding the answer.”
She let out an exasperated sigh and reached over my arm to turn the faucet off. When I glanced down at her, she had her arms folded over her chest and was decidedly unimpressed with my answer.
“I don’t know if I’m going to have her over again, Mom,” I replied. “I don’t know what’s going on with that girl.”
“Have you tried asking?”
She was only trying to help, but suggesting the most obvious answer was more annoying than anything else.
“Yes, I’ve tried talking to her. We haven’t had a good time outside of work to talk though, and it wouldn’t be right for me to corner her while she’s on my dime. I’ve been trying to give her the space she needs. She’s obviously going through something.”
Mom crooked a brow. “Is she? And she doesn’t think this thing she’s obviously going through is worth discussing with you?”
“I guess not.” I turned and rested my back against the edge of the counter, trying not to grind my teeth. “It’s probably about me. I must’ve done something without realizing.”
“Maybe, maybe not.” Mom reached a hand to my shirt and absently smoothed the sleeve. “It could be something you didn’t do. You clearly care a great deal for her, but have you told her that?”
I thought back to the night I told her I loved her, and how she didn’t say it back. I hated that memory. It had felt so good to let it out, to tell her how I felt, but the sting of her rejection had stuck with me. I knew that it wasn’t a full rejection, that even if she didn’t love me yet there was no saying she wouldn’t with time, but now I was beginning to think I wasn’t going to get that time.
“I’m worried she might be cheating on me.”
I said it so quietly that Mom wouldn’t have even heard it if the tap was still running. It was still too loud. I wanted to pull back those words and the accusation that went with them but it was too late. Peter had planted the seed, and the more time went on and her behavior continued I couldn’t help but notice things.
Mom wrapped her arms around me and squeezed. She was much smaller than I, but even one of her little hugs was more powerful than any other person’s. I wrapped my arms around her and hugged back, sucking in that positive energy while I could.
“I’m guessing that since you could barely admit your suspicion to me, you haven’t told Aurora yet either,” Mom posed.
“Yeah.” I worked my jaw back and forth. “I hate myself for even thinking such a thing but Peter mentioned something and now I can’t stop wondering. She wouldn’t do that. I know she wouldn’t do that. But then why is she acting like this?”
“And it’s driving you crazy?”
I sighed. “Yeah.”
“Then go over there and figure it out, Brendon.” She backed away from the hug, her face now stern. “Wondering what she’s thinking won’t help you. The solution is very simple. Just go over there, tell her how you feel and what you want, then leave the rest in her court. If she feels the same, great. If something has her worried, then at least you can finally get it all out in the open.”
I nodded. She was right.
Mom put her hand on my arm and smiled gently. “You’re strong. You’ve always been the strongest one. Where Keilan has your father and Avery has his family, you’ve always relied on yourself. Don’t think that nobody else in this family has never noticed that.”
I thanked my mom, shelving those words to think on later. For now I had one objective and one objective alone. I was going to figure out what was up with Aurora.
It always surprised me how lax apartment security could be in the lower price brackets. As convenient as it was to be able to get up to her front door without having to go through the process of being properly buzzed in, I shuddered to think of all the awful things that could happen to Aurora in a place like this. I decided right then that I was going to get her out of this crappy apartment building. Maybe I could even insist that she move in with me, the thought sending a shiver down my spine. I could have Aurora anytime and anyway I wanted her. Day and night. In the kitchen, on the couch, in the shower. The possibilities were as delectable as they were plentiful.
My pants were tight by the time I knocked on Aurora’s front door. How could she have this affect on me even when I was coming over to confront her? I could only hope that w
hatever was about to happen would lead into some sort of makeup sex. I was an addict who’d been languishing without my fix, and only she would satisfy me.
This thought process made an abrupt, screeching halt when a man I didn’t recognize opened the door. He had short, pale brown hair and steely blue eyes that narrowed on me with barely disguised malice.
“Who are you?” the man asked.
I stood up straighter. Try all he might, this stranger wouldn’t intimidate me. I was bigger, stronger, and altogether more motivated where Aurora was concerned.
“I could ask the same question of you,” I snapped back. “What are you doing in my girlfriend’s apartment?”
The man’s expression fell flat, then his lips curved and he let out a mad, barking laugh. I suppressed the urge to clock him in the jaw and instead waited, rather patiently, for him to answer my question. It would have been easier and more desirable for me to barge past him to find the person I really wanted to speak to, but I respected Aurora’s right for privacy. If she wanted this guy in her place right now and not me, that was her business. She would need to explain that to me directly though, and soon. My blood pressure was on the rise.
“You must be Brendon,” the man sneered. He turned his head over his shoulder and called out, “This is the guy? Really, Aurora?” like there was something inherently shameful about me.
A million thoughts raced through my head. I wanted to hit this guy. I wanted to roar with anger and charge into Aurora’s apartment. I wanted to crawl into the corner and pretend my world hadn’t just fallen around me.
I took secret option D, which involved me turning on my heel and making an abrupt departure out of the building. I was just at the elevator when Aurora’s voice called down after me.
“Wait! Brendon, wait!”
I jammed my finger on the button, watching the chrome doors slide closed just before she made it to the elevator. I saw her distressed expression deepen through the final inch of clearance and the elevator began to descend.
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