I stepped into the bathroom, took a deep breath, and did what I had to do. I perched myself on the edge of the tub and stared intently at the small strip of plastic in my hands, the one that would determine what my future was going to look like.
I had never even thought about having a baby before this. I was pretty sure I wanted kids, but I didn’t know if I wanted them now, and I knew for certain I didn’t want to be raising them without knowing their father was at least going to be a part of their life, even if he wasn’t with me.
With Oliver so invested in the business and all the women he had in his orbit, why would he bother doing more than the bare minimum when it came to this child? But maybe…
As I waited for the pregnancy test to declare my fate, one way or the other, I allowed my mind to wander a little bit. What if it was different? What if we were actually… together? Would he want this baby?
He was so much older than me. Surely, if he’d wanted to settle down, he would have done it by now. Nothing I could do was going to change that, but maybe he’d just been waiting for the right time and the right person. Maybe he would want the baby. It was possible, wasn’t it?
I flipped the pregnancy test back and forth in my hand. The sound it made as it slapped against my hand distracted me a little. I tilted my head back and stared at the ceiling, the bright light burning my eyes and blurring my vision. I didn’t want to see the results. Did I want it to be negative or would I be disappointed that I wasn’t having Oliver’s baby.
We’d been so careful. We’d never once not used a condom, and I couldn’t remember ever feeling it break. If I had, I would have picked up the morning after pill. He’d always been insistent on using protection. If this had happened, it was just a fluke.
It would be different if I didn’t cared for him so much. I could have dealt with it myself. But I did care for him, desperately and deeply. There was no getting away from that. I had fallen for him. It was impossible not to.
I reminded myself that he didn’t feel the same way. If he did, he wouldn’t be going out with those women, all those appointments laid out his schedule. It was a miracle he had time for it all.
How long before he grew tired of me? Weeks, months? And what then? Would I be fired? Would he keep me on and force me to go back to being his assistant?
The thought of that was brutal after what we’d shared. I’d have to just put aside all the memories of the time we’d spent together, and pretend none of it had mattered to me.
I looked down at the pregnancy test in my hand and inhaled deeply through my nose as I waited for my eyes to focus. And when they did, my heart skipped and dropped at the same time.
I was pregnant.
Chapter 24
Oliver
“Dinner?” she said looking up at me with exhaustion in her face.
“Yeah, dinner,” I replied with a grin. “Why not?”
“I’m pretty tired,” she sighed, turning away. “I think I could do with a night to myself.”
“Please, I’ve barely seen you the last couple of weeks,” I protested. “It’ll be fun, I promise.”
She looked up at me, brow furrowed.
“Why?” she demanded.
I cocked an eyebrow at her.
“Do I have to have a reason?”
“I thought we were keeping this quiet,” she reminded me, waving her hand between the two of us. “Just between us.”
“Well, there hasn’t been a whole lot between us the last month,” I pointed out, trying my best not to sound like an asshole but fearing I’d failed. “I want a chance to remedy that.”
“Sure you’re not busy?” she shot back, and there was an edge to her voice that told me there was something to the question that I was missing out on.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I nodded. “I’ll book us a table somewhere quiet. I’ll have you back to your place by ten. I promise.”
She paused for a moment, eyeing me slowly. Then she shrugged.
“Yeah, sure, why not,” she finally responded. “Shall we go straight from work?”
“Um, maybe not.” I shook my head “Not sure if I want the whole office seeing us together.”
“Of course,” she muttered under her breath. “Whatever. Just send me the address.”
“Perfect,” I said happily, and she finally managed a smile back in my direction. “I can’t wait.”
I went to place a hand on her waist and steal a quick kiss before we went back to work, but she turned and headed through the door before I had a chance.
I frowned. I had no idea what was going on with her, but it was beginning to get under my skin. It had started a couple of weeks before like someone had flicked a switch that turned off the passion we had been feeling up to that point.
I wanted to catch her, to tell her she didn’t have to be like this, and that we could actually be open and public about what was happening between the two of us, but I didn’t want to dump all that on her before she was ready. Besides, it was a big deal, and I was a man for spectacle. This dinner would be the perfect time to let her know my intentions and tell her I was ready to announce our relationship to the entire world.
The thought made my heart flip with excitement. Even though she’d been distant, I knew my feelings for her were more potent than ever, and I couldn’t wait to see what would happen when we came out publicly.
Neil knew, of course, and while it had taken him a little while beyond that initial meeting to come to terms with things, he supported Mona and me. I had asked him not to drop hints to her about it, so I could break the news myself, and he had kept his mouth shut. That didn’t absolve me from the odd, teasing comment from him every once in a while, but I didn’t mind. I liked being reminded of Mona, of what we shared, even if things had cooled a little recently.
Maybe she was just getting frustrated with our arrangement to keep things under wraps. If she felt the same way I did, she was anxious to get on with a real and lasting relationship. I found myself thinking about taking that road trip she had always wanted to take for her honeymoon, meeting my family and her’s, going to dinner with Jennifer and Neil, and laughing together over a bottle of wine, my hand on her leg beneath the table.
I busied myself with work during the day and booked a table at a cool Italian bistro across town for later that evening. I’d been there plenty of times before. It was the kind of place I would bring my family when they were in town, a place you brought people you weren’t trying to impress because you didn’t have to.
It was a perfect place to reveal what I had done over the last couple of weeks. I wanted to blurt it out to her, just to get it out there, but I knew that wasn’t going to work. I wanted to show her how much she meant to me, that I wanted everyone to know we were together, once and for all.
She offered me a tight smile as she left her office to go home, and I smiled broadly back. Her new position had been stressful for her, and I knew a night out, just the two of us, would put the pieces back together for us.
I sent a car to pick her up from her apartment. I wanted to make everything about this night perfect.
I sat in the restaurant, waiting for her to arrive, and drummed my fingers on the table, glancing around. The waitresses were shooting me looks that suggested they thought I had been stood up. They were wrong. She would be coming. She wouldn’t stand me up. Would she?
Suddenly, the door opened, and I got to my feet. The place was small. There were only a handful of other diners there, and a few of them looked up to see what the commotion was about. Mona looked gorgeous. She wore a floaty, turquoise dress I had never seen before, and it skimmed over her perfect body in ways that made me want to run my hands all over her.
She smiled nervously when she saw me and tucked a stray wave of hair behind her ear as she made her way over to our table. I pulled out her chair for her, and she sat down, glancing up at me in thanks.
“This place is nice,” she said, glancing around. “Not your usual kind of place, though.�
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“Why not?” I asked as a waitress arrived to hand us our menus.
She waved her hand around, searching for the right words.
“I don’t know. Not grand enough for you.”
“I’m not all about big spectacles, you know.”
I cocked my head to the side and smiled.
“There’s something I do need to tell you.”
She held her hand up as she examined her menu.
“Let me get some food in me first.”
She glanced up at me, and I saw that smile that I realized I’d been missing in the last few weeks.
“You’ll need a full stomach,” I teased.
“Sure what you want to tell me won’t turn it?” she shot back. “Everything looks so good. What do you usually have?”
“As much as I can fit,” I replied. “Shall we get a selection of dishes so you can try a bunch?”
“That sounds perfect,” she agreed.
“And a bottle of wine?” I asked, gesturing for the waitress to come over.
Mona shifted uncomfortable in her seat.
“No, no wine for me, thanks,” she said, shaking her head. “I’m not drinking at the moment.
“Whatever you want,” I said. “You mind if I have a glass?”
“Of course not, go ahead.”
I ordered, and a short while later, the food was sitting out in front of us, a spread fit for a king.
She looked down at it, closed her eyes, and inhaled deeply.
“Wow, it smells so good,” she sighed as she began to dig in. “I’m starving.”
I watched her for a moment, the woman I loved, and I was so pleased that I had good news to share with her. It felt as though everything up until this point had been leading to this very moment.
I took a deep breath and she looked up at me, curiously.
“So,” she began, sensing that this was the moment. “What is it you brought me here to tell me?”
“I wanted to make sure everything was perfect.” I grinned at her. “I wanted everything to be in place when I told you.”
“Told me what?”
She cocked her head at me and I took a deep breath, smiling at the news I was about to deliver.
“I don’t know where to start,” I said and shook my head. “I broke everything off with all the women I was seeing, every single one. Not that I was really with any of them in the first place, at least not when we got together, but I closed off those doors, once and for all.”
“Is that what…” she began, a look of understanding dawning on her face. “Is that what those appointments were in your schedule? You were just meeting with them to break things off?”
“Of course,” I replied, furrowing my brow. “What did you think they were?”
“I thought…I thought you were still seeing them. I thought you were dating them at the same time you were dating me.”
“Oh no! Of course I wasn’t.” I reached across the table to take her hand. “As soon as we got together, I knew you were the only one for me. I was certain.”
“Whew,” she breathed, shaking her head and looking down at the table.
I squeezed her hand, looking for a reaction, and she squeezed back after a moment’s pause. I smiled and went on.
“And I told Neil.”
Her eyes bugged out of her head, and her mouth opened in surprise.
“You told him?” she gasped, as though she couldn’t quite believe it herself.
“Of course I did,” I nodded. “After what happened with Jeannie…”
“She called me, you know,” Mona interrupted, and my stomach flipped. “She called me before we got together, and she told me that no matter what, I shouldn’t fall for you.”
“Seriously?” I widened my eyes. “She should never have been able to get a hold of you. There’s a restraining order.”
“And I knew I should have listened to her, but I couldn’t resist.” she said, half-chuckling to herself.
“It was different with her,” I assured her. “It was never like it was with you. That’s why Neil was so against us being together, because he thought I’d just be repeating what happened last time.”
“And are you?”
She looked at me, eyes nervous.
“No, never,” I replied at once. “Jeannie and I never got this far. I never felt for her the way I do for you, not even close. I regret everything that happened between her and me, and that’s why I held off on going after you for so long.”
“You didn’t want to do it again,” she finished for me. “And what did Neil have to say about it?”
“Neil…” I trailed off, not sure how to finish the sentence. “Neil wasn’t happy about it at first, but he’s turned around. No one else at the company knows, but he does, and he’s fine with it, and that’s all that matters.”
“I guess if both the owners approve…”
She shot me one of her irresistible, mischievous smiles.
“Yeah, basically,” I laughed.
“How did you convince Neil?” she asked, running her finger around the rim of her glass. “He doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy who’d be easily swayed.”
“I told him that I loved you,” I replied, bluntly, and her finger came to a complete halt.
She looked up at me, her jaw slowly dropping, as though a thousand words were hanging at the opening of her luscious lips. It seemed as though everything around us had come to a sudden and complete halt, the waitresses slowing, the other diners quieting, even the flicker of the candles suddenly growing distant and muted.
The entire world held its breath as I waited for her to answer, and then, at last, she did.
“I love you too,” she murmured, as though it was a revelation. She looked up at me and repeated herself. “I love you too.”
I leaned across the table, unable to restrain myself any longer, and planted a firm kiss on the corner of her mouth. She squeezed my hand again, as though she never wanted to let go, and when I pulled back, I saw her eyes sparkling with tears.
“Is everything all right?” I asked, frowning as she quickly swiped her hand along her face to dash the tears away.
“Yeah, it’s fine, it’s perfect,” she assured me, looking down at her food as though eating it was the last thing on her mind at that moment.
She inhaled a long, shaky breath, as though she was about to deliver some disturbing news.
“There’s something I have to tell you.”
She forced herself to look up into my eyes, and I felt my stomach flip.
What was it? Was there someone else? Did she have a secret life she had neglected to tell me about? Was everything about to change, just as I’d arrived at the place I wanted to be?
“What is it?” I asked, my grip tightening on her hand as though I was afraid she might slip away if I let go.
“I’m pregnant.”
Chapter 25
Mona
All I could feel as the words escaped from my mouth were two things, complete panic and the grip of his hand on mine.
He stared at me for a moment, his face blank. Then shock passed over his face, followed by fear, followed by a series of emotions I wasn’t skilled enough to decipher.
He looked away from me, the food in front of us forgotten, and I realized I was holding my breath as I waited for him to respond.
Oh, please don’t let this be the end of us. Not after everything. Not after all you’ve done.
“Pregnant,” he repeated the word, as though testing out how it sounded on his lips. “You’re pregnant?”
“Yes,” I whispered, hoping no one around us was privy to our conversation. This was too personal, too much for anyone else to hear.
“But we…”
He shook his head.
“We always used condoms. I was always safe.”
“I know, that’s what I thought,” I sighed. “But they’re not one hundred percent effective. Nothing is. It can happen.”
“I know that
, I just…”
He shook his head again like he was trying to reboot his brain so he could better make sense of what was going on.
Are you sure it’s mine?”
“It couldn’t have been anyone else’s,” I replied. “You’re the only guy I’ve been with since I started work for you.”
“How far are you along?” he asked, as he tried to give shape to the rest of the questions he knew he had to ask.
“A few weeks, at most,” I replied. “I only found out a couple of weeks ago.”
“Why didn’t you tell me before?” he asked, his voice dropping slightly. “Why didn’t you tell me as soon as you found out?”
“I didn’t know how,” I replied, truthfully, and then paused, wondering if I should tell him the next bit.
“And I thought you were still dating all those women,” I admitted. “I thought I was just… I thought you were just keeping me around for fun. And I didn’t want you to think I was pushing you to commit to me by making this up.”
“My mind would never have gone there,” he replied, stoically, but I could see the panic in his eyes. “So what do we do?”
“What do you want to do?” I asked nervously.
“Have you thought about it?” he asked, cocking his head. “Have you decided what you want to do with the baby?”
“Yes,” I nodded, breathless. “But I want your answer. Before I give you mine. Just tell me.”
He stared at me for a long while, and I shifted in my seat, laying my hand on my stomach as I did so. I knew it was way too early to feel the baby move, but in my head, I pretended I could, pretended it was reaching out its hand to comfort me in this time of need.
“I want it,” he replied, slowly lifting his gaze to meet mine.
I let out a long breath I didn’t realize I’d been holding, and it felt as though my entire body was relaxing after spending two weeks wound up like a top.
I thought back to sitting alone on that bathroom floor, staring at the pregnancy test, knowing my life had changed forever.
I remembered wanting to unwrap time to make it not so, and I remembered slowly, but surely, coming to terms with the fact I wanted this baby, no matter how he felt about it.
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