“Derek!” She shouted after him and into the night. He took steps down the porch without turning around. She fell onto her knees and watched as he went down the block waving his hand for a taxi. Her jaw dropped and she furrowed her eyebrows. She couldn’t even think of what she said wrong.
“Great talk.” She mumbled and stood up to shut the door. There was no way she could believe it would be that bad. She was attentive and responsive. She showed compassion and made sure she wasn’t too sassy or accusatory, but it still wasn’t enough and he still didn’t want to try to sit down and make things work.
She threw her head back against the couch and closed her eyes tightly. So many tears were fighting to fall out beneath her eyelids and down her cheeks. ‘Maybe it’s over.’ She thought and that only made her erupt into more tears.
There was nothing left for her to do but wait. In time he would leave, but she wasn’t going to be the one to push him.
*****
Milan dozed off on the couch and remained asleep until the front door was pushed open. She fluttered her eyelids open and took a look at the man who walked in.
“Derek?” She said, unable to make out the shadow in the dark house. He walked over to her without saying a word but she recognized the cologne and smell of whiskey on him. It had to be her husband.
“Where did we go wrong?” He asked sitting down on the couch. Milan scooted her feet up and pulled her knees up to her chest. She was disoriented and wasn’t completely prepared to voice her reasoning. Derek waited for her answer in silence.
“Maybe, we grew apart.” She suggested; she hadn’t really thought about it herself but it was a plausible reason. Many couples whom married very young grew apart because they had not yet experienced all of life. Without many vital adult experiences they change before the other partner can keep up. It’s very common.
“Maybe…” He sighed and dropped his head against the couch. Milan reached her hand out to comfort him and she rubbed his shoulder. “Do you think there’s anything left? Maybe, we can repair it somehow?”
“Of course we can.” She smiled hopefully. A silence fell over them and the air conditioning became a steady noise in the background. Milan stopped rubbing his shoulder and he looked over at her.
“Hey, why’d you stop?” He asked. She smirked and tried not to laugh – a nervous thing she did sometimes when she had something on her mind.
“I was just thinking… What do you think about love? Is it a commitment or just a feeling?”
“It’s a feeling for sure. It’s a feeling that comes and goes. If you’re lucky it’ll come and stay for a while.” Derek answered with no hesitation. Milan began to rub his shoulder again and faked a smile. His answer wasn’t satisfying. It was barely even an answer. It hadn’t been thought out as much as she had thought about it.
Love was a complicated debate and the way Derek made it seem so simple had finally opened her eyes: it wasn’t going to work out.
Two completely different minded individuals couldn’t share the same love. Derek and her were proof that eventually the mind takes over and all attraction can be lost. There was no way love was that simple and it scared her to think she was married to a man who thought it was.
In that moment, Derek touched her thigh and she watched as he proceeded to make his move on her. It had been so long since she had sex with him and it was impossible for her to feel the way she once did about it. She laid back on the couch and allowed him to get on top of her. She felt as if it was the least she could do. Since he complained about not getting it all the time.
Chapter 5
Milan stretched her arms as sunlight peered through her curtains. She had finally gotten one of the best sleeps of her life. Last night was sex. Emotionally, she was unfulfilled but her body thanked her for the much needed pleasure. She smiled and kept her eyes closed cherishing the final moments of her rest before she remembered she had to get up and get ready. She quickly looked at the alarm clock on her bedside table and read the time aloud: ‘8:45’.
She had an appointment with Dr. Gerard and Andre in an hour. She sat up in the bed and ran her fingers through her kinky hair. She looked to her side and Derek was not in the bed. It didn’t surprise her but some days it really hurt.
“Let me go take a shower.” She mumbled to herself and slipped out of bed shaking off the bad feeling that was coming over her. She didn’t want to ruin her day this early.
She slipped into the shower and as the water ran down her body she thought about the baby that had now caused her belly to protrude a bit. She ran her hands over it and watched as the water rolled off of it. She had never thought about having a baby or even considered being pregnant. It was such a huge step and choosing to help Andre out like this was beyond any boundaries she had for their friendship but that didn’t stop her from doing it. She loved Andre and she would love visiting the baby. At that moment she began to think of a future for the child. Would Andre tell the kid that Milan was the biological mother? Or would he lie and say the mother left their lives or died? She wasn’t sure how it would affect the kid and if she would be able to be around her own child without him or her knowing. It was a strange existence.
She stepped out of the shower and wrapped a towel around her body. Her cell phone began to ring and she answered the call.
“Hey Andre.”
“Milan, did you forget?”
“Forget the appointment? Of course not, I just got out of the shower.”
“The appointment is in fifteen minutes. Why are you now stepping out of the shower?” Milan ran out of the bathroom and looked at the clock on her bedside table and sure enough it was 9:30. She began to panic.
“Shit! I must have been in the shower for too long. I can’t even believe this.” She said as she ran to the closet and pulled out a casual t-shirt and jeans to wear. She placed the phone on speaker and stepped into the jeans.
“I just passed your street so I’ll just meet you outside of your door.” He told her before they said goodbye and hung up. She cursed herself as she pulled on a pair of ballet flats, applied deodorant and quickly smeared lotion on her skin. She hated to rush, it was the worst feeling ever.
She pulled her handbag off the bedside table and threw her hair up in a wet bun. She dug in her bag for sunglasses as she doubled down the stairs. As soon as she placed her hand on the doorknob she noticed the TV was on. She heard a reporter on Sports center highlight the game from last night and she turned to see who was watching. Derek sat with his legs open and his hand gripping an ice cold Guinness. She sighed and shook her head. He was so predictable.
“Where are you going in such a hurry?” Derek asked without turning to look at her. She silently wished she would’ve just opened the door and ran out when she had to chance.
“I’m meeting up with a friend we have an appointment thing and-”
“Have I ever told you how bad you are at lying? It’s almost funny.” He said before chugging down his bottle and burping ferociously. Milan pursed her lips and waited for him to say another thing but he remained silent.
She placed her hand on the doorknob and twisted it open.
“I hope you’re not going to cheat on me in an outfit like that. You look horrible.” He said before she shut the door. ‘How in the world could he be so nasty?’ She thought with a roll of her eyes. She looked to the left and witnessed Andre’s Bentley pulling up to the curb. She quickly walked over and got into the car.
“Good morning.” She said getting into the vehicle. He smiled at her and gave her a friendly kiss on the cheek.
“Good morning to you too, baby momma.” He joked. Milan giggled and lay back against the seat. She tried to forget Derek’s foolish antics and remind herself that today would be a fun day. She didn’t have to work and she certainly didn’t have to be home. It was going to be a relaxing day with her best friend.
“So, did you figure out your baby’s future yet?” Milan asked vaguely.
“Do you mean like a college fund? I decided I would start that once my kid is like sixteen so they can decide if they even want to go to college. You know? I don’t want them to think they have to do something that they don’t.”
“No, I’m talking about their parents. What are you going to say about their mom?”
“I… I haven’t really thought about that.” Andre lied. He had thought about it, but every time he did visions of Milan and him holding a kids hand flashed through his mind and nothing else made sense. Milan would visit the baby all the time and she’d probably look like the baby too. Andre wanted Milan to be in the child’s life more than anything but he wasn’t going to be someone who came between a woman and her husband. Even if he knew he would treat her way better than Derek ever did or could.
“I was thinking about it in the shower this morning and I was just curious. It’s not something you’ll have to talk about until the kid is in first grade when everyone is talking about mommy and daddy so you can probably think of some story by then.”
“I mean, Milan I’m not going to lie to my kid… I won't have some elaborate story when the whole time you’re actually the mother and you’re always around. That sounds like a really bad lifetime movie… But it won’t make for a good life. That kid will be so screwed up.”
“I guess so and with all the money you have a screwed up kid is not a chance anyone is willing to take. I mean look at you, you’re so screwed up that you’re making your best friend carry a baby for you because you don’t trust anyone.”
“I trust people… I just trust you more.” He smiled as they pulled up to the doctor’s office building. She stepped out of the car and they walked up into the office together.
“My two favorite people. How are you guys?” The receptionist, Tracy said once they arrived. They laughed and signed in. After a few visits they had really grown to like Tracy and her quirkiness.
“Hey Tracy, how’s your boyfriend?”
“He’s still annoying…. How about your husband, Milan?”
“He’s still annoying.” She mocked her. They all laughed.
“It’s still so amazing that he let you do this for your best friend. My boyfriend said he would never let me have a baby by another man before he got to.”
“Well, at least now we know we’re not with the same guy.” She joked again. Tracy led them to Dr. Gerard’s office and knocked before pushing the door open.
“Andre and Milan are here.” She announced and smiled at them before going back to her post at the front desk. Andre and Milan sat on the couch as they’d done many times before and smiled at Dr. Gerard.
“Good Morning.” She said before typing something into the computer.
“Good Morning, Doc. Are we going to find out the sex of the baby today?” Andre asked with so much excitement. Milan smiled and watched as Andre blinked intensely. He was so excited about this and it was adorable.
“Wow, you didn’t even let me brief you on our procedure for today.” Dr. Gerard laughed and stood up. “Let’s go to the ultrasound room and see if we’re lucky today.”
“Yes!” Andre shouted popping off of the couch and grabbing Milan’s hand. She laughed and shook her head.
“Wow, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this excited.” She told him. He looked at her and shrugged.
“I’ve just been trying to buy baby clothes for months now and I can’t if I don’t know the sex. I have too much gender neutral stuff right now.” He explained. She dropped her jaw and feigned offense.
“What? And I wasn’t a part of this shopping?” She was offended. She would love to shop for a baby. It was kind of hurtful that he hadn’t even asked her to join along.
“I only shopped online. I wanted to wait until we found out the sex before I asked you to go to the store with me. I actually looked up three really nice baby stores I’d like to stop by.”
“Aw you actually planned to invite me?” Milan asked as they made their way into the ultrasound room. He smiled at her.
“Of course, I can’t go shopping by myself. I need a woman’s touch, better yet –a mother’s touch I should say.”
Milan lay across the exam table and wiggled against the wax paper as she tried to get comfortable. Andre pulled a backless round rolling chair up to the side of the bed and grabbed Milan’s hand. He was shaking nervously.
“Do you want a boy or a girl?”
“I don’t care. I just want a baby.” Andre told her.
“Let’s predict which one it’ll be… Every time I have a dream about the baby it’s a girl.” Milan admitted. Andre’s eyebrows raised and his eyes lit up.
“I always see it as a girl too.” He agreed. She squeezed his hand.
“Wow, that’s got to be a coincidence, right?” Milan asked out loud to no one in particular. The doctor shrugged and snapped her gloves on.
“Well, let’s see.” She squirted a glob of the blue ultrasound gel onto Milan’s belly and rubbed it in with the wired transducer. A black and white image appeared on a small monitor and Andre tried to decipher it himself.
“I don’t think I see any protruding genitals.” Andre said hopefully before looking at the doctor for confirmation. Dr. Gerard continued to move the transducer until she spotted what she was looking for on the screen. She smirked and looked over at Andre.
“Are you a trained ultrasound technician?”
“No, should I be?”
“Either that or a psychic because you’ve definitely got a girl.” She revealed. Andre’s heart practically jumped out of his chest he was beyond excited and ecstatic. Milan shook her hand in happiness as well but she was otherwise immobile.
“We’re having a girl!” Andre shouted to Milan. She laughed and felt a pang of excitement run through her body as she reveled in the news of a baby girl.
“You’re having a girl.” She corrected him once she realized what he had said. He nodded and laughed nervously. It was an honest mistake.
“Sorry, it’s just without an actual baby momma some of these moments feel… Selfish.”
“Well, that’s the life of a single parent. There’s no one to share some happy moments with. Unless, you’re a single parent with a best friend like me, in that case you’re pretty lucky!” She shared. Andre laughed and nodded in agreement.
“Definitely.” He smiled looking into her eyes. She was such a great friend to him and no one else compared to her.
“Well, I might have to say you two are the most in sync surrogate and donor I have ever met. It seems like you two could finish each others-”
“Sentences!” Andre and Milan interrupted in unison before causing all three of them to roar in laughter.
*****
“I think that’s too tacky for a newborn. She won’t even be able to hold her head up straight let alone wear a visor.” Milan commented on the item Andre picked up. He nodded.
“You see that’s why I needed you here. As soon as I saw it I was ready to buy it and your reasoning behind why I shouldn’t made so much sense –common sense. Something I clearly don’t have.”
“I can only imagine the things you bought online.” Milan shook her head and picked up a dress. She held it up and Andre smiled at it.
“That’s so cute.” He shot her a thumbs up and they continued to shift through the clothing. After a few silent moments, Andre spoke up.
“So, at the doctor’s office today… I’m sorry about the slip up. I can’t believe I said our baby.” He apologized with a nervous chuckle. Milan shook her head.
“It was nothing. I knew you didn’t mean it. I corrected you for Dr. Gerard’s sake I didn’t want her to think we’d gone crazy and just decided to like raise the baby ourselves or something.”
“Oh yeah, that’s right… That was some quick thinking.” Andre praised her. Milan giggled and picked up another article of infant clothing.
“That’s what I do best.”
“No,
what you do best is being a best friend. I don’t know if I’ve thanked you as much as I should.”
“You thank me like forty times a day. It’s getting annoying to be honest.” Milan joked. Andre wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her into a hug.
“Well, think of this as forty one and I hope I annoy the shit out of you forever and ever.” Andre said into her ear as he hugged her chest tightly making sure not too squeeze into her belly. She laughed and tried to squirm out of his grasp.
“Okay, okay. Let me go, Romeo.” She teased. He did as he was told and placed his hand on her belly.
“I’m glad the nickname playa-playa has finally been retired. I’ll be called Romeo anytime.”
“Well, Romeo needs a Juliet.” Milan noted.
“Not really, because before Juliet, Romeo had a best friend. All Romeo needs is a Mercutio and you fit the role perfectly.” Andre challenged her.
“Except I’m not a guy so…” She laughed.
“Okay, that’s a minor detail that can easily be overlooked.” Andre laughed along with her. They continued to sift through baby clothes until she was hungry.
Andre spent nearly $500 on infant clothing and accessories at that store and that was a cheap buy considering the way he usually shopped.
Milan and Andre stepped out of the infant store. She had bags lining her arms as she bounced to the car. Andre helped her put everything in the trunk before she walked around to the passenger door. Andre offered to open it but she flicked her wrist at him dismissively.
“That’s exactly why chivalry’s dead. All you sisters want to be so independent.” Andre said as he walked to the driver’s side. However, he was wrong. Milan felt like they were being watched. She looked around and felt eyes staring at her. Although she couldn’t see anyone in particular she felt the looming presence of someone watching her and Andre’s every move.
“Are you going to get in?” Andre asked as he sat, already buckled up, in the drivers seat. She cleared her throat and shook the nerves.
“Yeah,” she told him and slipped into the car. She continued to look around as they pulled off the curb of the block. Andre looked over his shoulder at her as she stared intently out of the window.
I Love You Page 20