Yawning big, and stretching she turned over knowing that Dwight was long up and letting her sleep in. Putting on a robe and sliding her feet into her slippers, she went looking for him, finding him in the room that was to be his office, bowed down on his knees in prayer. There was something incredible about seeing her six foot tall husband kneeling humbly in prayer. She watched him with tears brimming in her eyes, not wanting to disturb him. Turning back to leave him to his other love, she went into the kitchen humming cheerfully as she set about making breakfast.
He was not long in joining her. “My sleeping beauty woke at last! Did you sleep well? I did. Wasn’t it wonderful to get up to almost no boxes this morning? Not to mention these wonderful smelling biscuits.” He pinched a piece off a golden brown one and tasted it. “Yum, I wonder which one of the ladies made these?”
Kim smiled and nodded her head, knowing he expected no verbal answer. She was savoring the news of the baby’s active kicking while Dwight talked about all the help they had from the new church members.
“Remember the last two moves? Makes you really appreciate these good people.”
She put the breakfast on the table as he got the dishes and poured two glasses of juice that someone had conveniently stored in their fridge. She agreed that everyone here had been more than considerate as she sat opposite her husband and casually remarked,
“Dwight, our baby kicked this morning, it was the most incredible thing!” She put her face in her hands looking at him dreamily. “We are really going to have this baby aren’t we?”
Dwight looked at her in awe. There was a lot of movement lately but… “Are you sure it was real kick, not just one of those flutters? Kim, this is so exciting. Do you think he will do it for me?”
Not waiting for an answer, he was on his knees with his hand on her belly as if he could command it. Kim laughed. It was a beautiful laugh and one that he loved to hear. It was her laugh and her eyes that attracted him to her, but it was her heart and humbleness that made him fall in love with her. He was so ordinary that it surprised him when she showed him any attention. She was perfect and beautiful, with hair the color of an old copper penny and eyes as blue as the sky, while he was tall and bigger than he would like to be. He knew he loved her the first time he saw her. She came with her family to church after moving to town and they sat right in front of him. He was more interested in the tresses of beautiful hair she had than what was being said by the pastor. It took him three months to finally ask her out and he was really surprised when she said yes. He was a senior and she a junior in high school and when she graduated a year after he did they were married. They were in love and best friends. He could not remember even one argument or cross word that had passed between them in the ten years they were married.
Kim was enjoying the excitement on her husband’s face. “You will have to wait now until she is ready, I hope you are not going to be disappointed if it is a she.”
She was certain he would care no more than she what sex it would be, not one whit. It was the first time she allowed herself to think of this baby in terms of being a girl or boy. She placed her hand over Dwight’s and pressed. After a minute they felt the thumps they were waiting for and Dwight looked up at Kim with wide eyes. “I love you so much…Kim…I love you so much it hurts. Right now has to be the perfect moment in time for me. I cannot thank God enough for this incredible joy.”
Touched by his passionate outburst, Kim said, “Ditto.” It was a favorite response of hers ever since watching the movie Ghost. It was enough. Their food grew cold as they basked in their joy at the life growing in Kim’s belly.
It took a few weeks, but eventually every picture was hung and everything arranged to suit the soon to be parents. The next sonogram proved the baby was a girl and they were thrilled as the nursery took on a feminine look with Dwight doing all the work himself with very little help, determined that Kim not lift a finger. Once they knew it was a girl, gifts began to pour in from friends and family.
Kim grew larger by the day, waddling everywhere she went. Laughing when Dwight had to pick things up for her because she could no longer bend over and she still had seven weeks to go. It was a week later, in the middle of the night that she woke Dwight screaming in pain. He thought she was in labor but freaked when she went limp in his arms. Fear as he had never known before gripped his guts and though he got her to the hospital in record time, the doctors could not save her.
It was an aneurysm and she was just gone. No chance to say good-bye, just gone. He hardly understood what the doctors were saying after that, moving as if in a trance. All he could do was try to grasp what was happening. There was an emergency cesarean which brought a too small, too frail baby girl from her mother’s womb and into a waiting incubator.
The night was almost gone. Four or five people were still there with him. One of the ladies from church worked in the ER and had called her husband and several people showed up. Now they were waiting to see if the baby would survive. Six weeks too early and weighing only three pounds, the doctors said the first twenty-four hours were critical. The thought of the baby without Kim caused his stomach to lurch and he briefly thought the baby would be better off joining its mother in death. Shame flooded him as he repented for having such a thought and when they allowed him to see her; he knew he was grateful to have this baby that Kim and he had made together. Reaching his gloved hand into the incubator he rubbed the tiny little arm, which was not much bigger than his finger.
By mid-morning, Kim’s parents arrived, their grief so apparent that he pulled himself out of his own depressed state and tried to give them some comfort. At first, they blamed the pregnancy, but the doctors assured them that the weak vessel Kim had in her stomach would have ruptured sooner or later with or without a baby. It was little consolation to them but they too turned their minds and prayer to the infant girl who was fighting for the life her mother so longed to give her.
Kim’s funeral came and went. Finally even Kim’s and his parents had to return to their respective homes and lives, leaving Dwight to bring home a now healthy four-week-old baby girl.
He named her Gem. It was the name Kim was adamant about, be it boy or girl. He placed her in an all pink and white crib, sat in the rocking chair Kim so carefully picked out and he cried.
When there were no more tears to come, no more questions, nothing more than resignation that the rest of this life would be without Kim, he reinforced his belief that God was not an unjust God. He knew that she lived on in God’s heavenly dimension. He also knew that knowing this would not soften his grief, but it would get him through it and help him be strong for his baby girl.
It was that first night the baby was home that he dreamed about Kim. She stood by his bed looking so full of love she glowed all around her body. Behind her, a string of stars that so amazed him that he rose from where he lay and followed as Kim went from their room to the room where little Gem lay sleeping soundly. She turned to look at him and he whispered,
“I will always love you Kim and I know I will see you soon.”
She smiled as she stepped backwards no more than three steps and it was as if she stepped through a wall that was not there and was gone from his sight. However, the star lights she left behind formed into the one word. Ditto. He watched, not taking his eyes off them until the last one disappeared. How long that may have been, he had no idea, and after they were all gone, he sat in the rocking chair where he awoke the next morning and knew her visit was no dream. Kim had come to say good-bye and give him the closure of which her death had cheated him of.
THREE
“Go away! Leave me alone!” The moans were followed by, “Jesus! Help me please, Jesus!”
The words woke the woman from the nightmare she was having. Her short curly hair was clinging to her forehead and neck, wet with perspiration. Her mouth was dry. Reaching for the lamp, relief flooded her being as light flooded the room. Emptying a glass of water that was on the nightstand, she stil
l needed more. Shaking from the horror of the nightmare, she took the glass into the kitchen, filled it, and drank thirstily.
Her thirst satisfied, she went back into her bedroom and climbed under the covers leaving on the lamp. Each time the nightmare came, it was the same, and she would wake only when she called the name of Jesus out loud. This did not make sense as she quit believing in Him about the time she realized Santa Claus did not exist. She remembered the time well for it was the year she started school. The same year Bea had…died. Clenching her teeth, she squeezed her eyes shut as if she could force old memories not to come. They came anyway, cruel and treacherous, taunting her, daring her to remember. The same old insecurities always followed the nightmares.
She lay awake until dawn terrified of the thing that always tried to kill her in the dream. A Psychotherapist for disturbed adolescents, she often explained away monsters in the night for them, but her own she could not. Her name was Honey and her life was good. It was not always so, for she spent her childhood in a dysfunctional family, resulting in a too early marriage, which ended seven years later. At thirty-seven she was divorced, and dealing with the worst circumstances that surround it, falling into a depression not easily overcome.
However, Honey was strong and the fact that she did not attend a church or believe in Jesus, no way meant that she did not believe in a ‘higher’ power. She did, for she supposed one must believe in something. She was just far more concerned about teaching others how to make the world a better place to live in than who it might be. Her thinking was that if people would forget religion and concentrate on helping each other it would be much more profitable than building the great big fine buildings all over the world and calling them God’s houses. Better to put all the money to work saving starving children all over the world.
She pulled herself together and moving west to Arizona, she went back to college earning her degree and working with the state for several years before moving back to Mississippi. Her parents were no longer living and her two siblings were gone as well. Her sister committed suicide when she was only ten and her brother was killed in a car accident before he turned twenty. She felt lucky to be alive, coming close to death more than once.
She was well established at the mental health clinic in Philadelphia, Mississippi now. She loved her job and she loved her life. Everything was good, except now for the dream. She lay thinking, why won’t it go away for good and leave me alone? There were several months between them, sometimes years. This time it had been at least five or six years and she had almost forgotten it. They were the main reason she studied Psychology, hoping to rid herself of insecurities brought about from such a trauma filled childhood. She felt sure this was the reason for them. She thought if she could come to understand the workings of the mind, she could abolish the nightmares altogether. Not so, for now after all this time, it was back to haunt her. It was the third time in less than a week.
She turned from one side to the other, waiting for day to break. It is almost daylight. It never comes in the light, always darkness. I can sleep, I need to sleep and when I wake back up I will think about it then...when I am rested.
Knowing that she had no appointments until one in the afternoon, she closed her eyes and a deep sleep engulfed her consciousness and she slept a dreamless sleep.
Light streaming in through the window, the sun caressing her face, Honey Magill slept until it was almost noon.
However, she was not alone. There was a seven-foot presence in the room with her, but he meant her no harm. His name was Ragas. Over the years, he had watched over her, sometimes with delight and sometimes with sadness, but always with admiration. The first years, she called him her special friend but as her spiritual eyes gradually closed he became a vague memory.
As he was thinking back on the young and innocent Honey, he watched the present one sleep peacefully. Ah, little children who see and play innocently with their angels. Such is the Kingdom of Heaven!
Ragas, well aware of her struggle, stood with his senses tuned to detect the slightest disturbance. His fine linen clothing seemed only an extension of his body. His dark hair hung to his shoulders having a slight wave, his eyes a flashing brown with gold rings. As her guardian angel, he had the authority to protect her from evil and he took his position seriously.
His charge stirred and then slowly began to awaken. Ragas silently stood guard as she hurriedly went about preparing for the afternoon, for the morning was gone.
Practically shouting into the phone when it rang,
“Betty…. please keep my one o’clock there. Blast it, I am running late but no more than five minutes!” She hated being late.
“Yes, that is fine and no nothing is wrong. I just overslept. I am on my way now!”
Tugging on a shoe, she placed her cell phone into her jacket pocket. She reached for her purse and keys, heading for the door. It was after she started the car that she remembered the file she needed. Blast it again, she had to have it. She had not even looked it over last night and it was a new patient she was seeing at three. Usually, Honey was not one to wait until the last minute, but who knew she would sleep all morning? Still murmuring to herself, she raced back into the house, grabbed the file and was soon on her way to her work place. Her nightmare shoved to the back of her mind as she hurried to her job.
The one o’clock appointment was with a fourteen-year-old girl. The mother was waiting impatiently and brushed off Honey’s apologies with, “I don’t know why you people can’t keep your appointments on time. It’s not like I don’t got other things to do. I really don’t even think you’re helping our Kelly one bit, but the Judge says she’s got to see you so…are you gonna be through in an hour or not? I got my hair appointment while she is here.”
Finally, the overdressed and overbearing woman paused to give an irritated Honey a chance to speak. Keeping a calm aura about herself she forced a practiced smile she did not feel.
“I am so sorry to be late Mrs. Purser and I am also sorry that you cannot see the progress I have made with Kelly. I think she is doing much better coping with her problem and yes, we will see you in about an hour. If possible, I would like to have a few minutes to speak with you, so please come in when you pick her up. Kelly, let’s go to my office, dear and you can tell me all about your week.”
She dismissed the mother by turning her attention to the daughter. Sometimes she wished the judges would order therapy for parents too. She sighed as she led the way into her office, which resembled a comfortable living room. She provided a more casual atmosphere to help make her patients feel at ease. It worked and as she and Kelly settled down for a nice long chat, Kelly never noticed the recorder, which supplied Honey with the means to make notes when she was alone. A pen and notebook tended to make children less talkative so she never used one in her sessions.
This session went well and Honey did feel she had made much progress with Kelly. The quiet and withdrawn girl she first met now could actually have a two-way conversation and it had been two weeks since she had wet her bed. It was a shame her mother could not see how tormented she was about her parents’ divorce and the constant bickering going on between them.
Just as Honey thought, Donna Purser gave her a whole five minutes of her time, claiming other errands to do while expressing more of her thoughts on the lack of importance of Kelly’s sessions. While Honey would have liked to convince the woman otherwise, Betty silently reminded her of her next appointment and pointed to a tray with coffee and muffins. She really was hungry and should eat something before the next appointment. It would not be the first time she did not get to review a file as she sometimes got patients on very short notice. She took the tray to her desk, which was outside her patient room.
She was barely finished when Betty alerted her to the fact that her three o’clock was there. Just a bit early but…“Send them on back, Betty, I am ready.”
She was wrong. She was not ready for the nine-year-old Carol. Both parents request
ed to stay, which was common for concerned parents on a first visit. Not having looked at Carol’s history she asked her, “Carol, can you tell me in your own words why you are here today?”
“Yes ma’am, I told my mommy and daddy that Jesus wanted me to come see you.”
Her parents shifted in their seats while Honey looked startled. Exerting all the composure she could manage she asked, “Okay, why do you think Jesus wanted you to see me? You do not know me.”
With this, she looked curiously at the parents but Carol, protruding the aura of someone much older, was quick to answer.
“Oh, no ma’am, but Jesus knows you though and He wanted me to come tell you that He still loves you very much and He would like for you to love Him back, like when you were little.”
Camille swallowed hard. The child really did have problems. Addressing the parents, she asked them,
“How long has she been having these, uh…hallucinations?”
The father spoke up.
“Miss Magill, let me apologize, this appointment was not made because Carol needed help, but because you do.” He held his hand up to silence her protest. “I know that this is weird for you, but Carol has these things…she sees things, so when she looked for your name in the phone book and told us she needed to tell you something, we listened. It is true, she has a gift and if you will, please let Carol tell you what she came for, please.”
Honey looked at the girl, unenthusiastically nodding her head, “Okay, Carol, I will listen to you.” She was thinking that this child needed more therapy than the parents knew. A frown deepened in her forehead as the little girl spoke in a quiet but potent tone.
“You have a nightmare. You hate it and it’s always the same. It happens because you forgot about loving Jesus. He said you used to believe in Him a long time ago when you and your sister were little like me, before she went to live at His house and before those mean nightmares started. He said that your angel still watches over you. You remember him, don’t you?” Exasperated at Honey’s seeming lack of interest, she sighed deeply and looking wearily at her father. “That’s all now Poppa, I’m through. I want to go home now.”
Wings of Deception Page 3