TWENTY-FOUR
The patio was decorated in vivid colors. Lights were strung overhead and soft background music was coming from the den. Dozens of people wandered in and out with glasses of juices, cola’s and plates of finger foods, chips and sweets. Children were playing chase and tag as parents watched laughing at some of their carefree rambunctiousness. Some women hovered in the kitchen where they felt the most needed and some were hanging out in the den discussing a variety of topics. The men seemed to be having an intense debate on political matters. Jacks sat back and watched it all with a yearning he could not describe deep inside his being. Several of the guests had spoken to him and Sheila popped in and out of his view but Honey was constantly busy playing hostess and they had barely had time to talk.
He watched as she moved among the people hugging, laughing and looking blissfully happy. Looking around he thought, Christians aren’t supposed to be this happy, are they? He could not remember the ones he knew growing up being anything other than severely cold and harsh. His thoughts went back to his early childhood years and the torment he suffered at the hands of so called Christians. It was the point in his life where he learned hate and bigotry, not love and happiness.
“What are you thinking about? You look far too serious sitting over here alone. Not enjoying the party?” Honey sat down in the seat next to him. Her appearance startled him back to the present and he tilted his head looking at her. “I suppose I am. I have mostly just been observing, thinking about how you all seem to be having so much fun and there is no alcohol here. How do you do it?”
Honey knew exactly how he felt, for she had felt it too. “I know, huh? It is so incredible to have these people as my friends. At first I watched, fairly certain that it was just a first impression thing, but I have seen these same people go through horrible things and sad things, yet there is always a smile on their faces and a light in their eyes. It really is amazing.”
“You have that too, you know.”
“What?”
“The smile and the light in your eyes, so explain it to me.”
Honey responded with a nod in the direction of a couple who were helping the children play a game. “See Jessie and Colby over there?” When she saw that he had, she continued, “Two years ago Colby was burned really bad when the volunteer unit he worked with was putting out a fire and there was a terrible explosion. It killed half a dozen people and Colby was in intensive care at the burn center for weeks. There were major complications and well you can see the damage. He will never be what you would call ‘normal’ again.” Jacks had noticed that one whole side of the man’s face was still scarred very badly. He frowned at Honey.
“I do not understand, how is that explaining the cheerfulness, looks like that would make him angry not happy!”
“Oh no Jacks, his wife and their two small children are so grateful just to have him here with them. They are ecstatic and believe me Colby is pretty happy not to have left his wife a widow and his children fatherless. Look at them. They laugh because they could be crying.”
“What about the light in their eyes?”
“They have the light in their eyes because the Holy Spirit dwells within their hearts. It cannot help but shine through the eyes.”
“This Holy Spirit is the same thing as your God, I suppose. It always comes back to Him. You are educated. I would think that you would know that all that junk is only a crutch for people, same as any drug. I do not get it, but I guess to each his own.” The wryness in his voice was discouraging to Honey and she refrained from pushing. God was the only one who could make him see and she remembered the last meeting at church when Dwight had reminded them that they were only to plant a seed. God had promised that someone else would water it and He Himself would give the increase.
She asked him questions about his cabin and then the conversation turned to their work. He astounded her with the progress he was making with the ACAA behind him on child abuse laws. She admired his diligence and dedication, wondering how someone with such a passion for helping little kids could not believe in God. She wanted to bring up New York but just as she thought it a good time to do so someone called her from the kitchen and she had to leave him.
The younger adults left shortly after dark with children who were tired out from all the playing. The tone of the evening changed for the ones left and with all the help she had, Honey found that there was nothing left to do except enjoy the rest of her party. Eight couples remained and they decided to play Charades with a lot of hooting and laughing going on, so that Jacks could not help but have fun. No one made him feel like he was an oddball and he was cutting up so bad that everyone thought him hilarious.
When they tired of Charades, the game turned to Truth or Dare. Jacks laughed and said jokingly, “What is next, Spin the Bottle?” He never cared for the game of Truth or Dare but good naturedly he agreed. “Okay, but you will not get any truths out of me tonight, so do your best on the dares!”
It was fun and it was quirky with no one being too serious, so when it came time for Sheila to question Jacks it was a surprise when she asked, “Jacks, I want to know, what the biggest secret you have ever kept is? Truth or dare?”
“Depends on what your dare is I suppose. Well, what is it?”
“I dare you to, uh…” She was trying to think of something when an idea popped into her head. “I dare you to walk around the house ten times!”
Jacks laughed, “Is that all, I thought for sure you would make it really hard on me. I will take the dare because like I said, you are not getting any secrets out of me! I could use the fresh air anyway.” He hopped up and Sheila said, “Wait! I am not through; you have to take someone with you…ha-ha.”
Jacks gave her a ‘look’ but reached down and pulled Honey up from her seat amidst a round of clapping and woohoos.
“Come on, piece of cake, let’s do it!”
Once outside he commented, “That was genius on her part, don’t you think?”
Honey laughed. “It was kind of obvious. You could have answered her question instead.”
“What, give away my secrets and miss this? I think not.” He stopped and did exactly what he had wanted to do since the first day he met her. His kiss came as a surprise to Honey and when she would have protested, he kissed her again to still her voice of sanity and she lost herself in the touch of his lips on hers, his heart beating against her own, feeling as if she might faint, the emotion was so intense.
He let go of her. “I…I…that should not have happened. You can slap me if you want. Hey, you okay?”
Honey’s face was flushed from the kisses and from embarrassment, for the last thing she wanted was an apology.
“I am fine. Please,” She gave a shaky laugh. “It was just a kiss for Pete’s sake. Come on, we have all these laps to do.”
When they came back into the house, Sheila knew something had happened and she smiled.
She was officially seeing Pastor Dwight now and everyone was considering them an item, so she was basking in the delight of her own romance. She appreciated Dwight more because of her horrid marriage to Morgan and in her heart she knew God had brought them together. She wanted Jacks to feel the same kind of love she felt from both God and Dwight. She would keep praying for him to become a believer and to find the love she knew he had never had in his life.
Soon after Honey and Jacks returned, the party came to an end and Sheila whispered in Honey’s ear as she hugged her goodnight. “I want you to tell me everything girl! Tomorrow.”
When they were alone Jacks asked, “What was she whispering to you? She was looking at me when she did it.”
“You know Sheila, she pulled that little stunt so we would be alone together because she thinks that we…she thinks we have these feelings...”
“Do we?” His look was intense as he stood looking into her eyes trying to find the answer in them.
Honey turned away from his gaze and started for the kitchen. He blocked her. “You
are afraid to answer me, why? Do we have these feelings Honey?”
She looked down, puzzled for hadn’t he said the kisses were a mistake?
“I am not sure. I don’t know…yes…” How could she lie? “Yes, alright, I have feelings for you but…”
He stopped her with another kiss. This time he let all of his own feelings show in the way he lingered with tasting her lips as she responded, but when the wetness of tears caused him to taste salt he opened his eyes and asked, “Then why are you crying, it is not a bad thing to have these feelings for one another is it?”
He had pulled back only inches from her face so that he could see her lashes wet as the tears had not stopped. He in turn was confused.
“I cannot deny my feelings Jacks, but I cannot indulge them either. I have made a commitment to God and there is no future in my love for you. It will not stop me from loving you, for once you truly love as God intended, that love continues forever but it is a fruitless love, for without the mutual love of our Father it cannot bear fruit.” She twisted away from him and he followed her on into the kitchen, not believing what he was hearing.
“Wait a minute, you are saying you have these feelings for me, that you feel love for me, but your God will not allow it? What for, and if He is all about love Himself…do you even see how ridiculous that sounds?”
“It is not! Please let’s not argue Jacks. I have your room all ready for you and I know you have to be at the airport early.”
“Early be damned! Honey, do you not see what we could have here? We are so alike, you and I. We have the same goals, same dreams and we have this, this thing between us that I know could make us happy. It makes no sense that a God of love would deny His follower’s some of that love! Okay, at least come in here and you can explain it to me. We won’t argue, we will just talk it out.”
He took her hand and led her into the den and onto the sofa. He sat leaning forwards with his legs apart and his elbows resting on them as his hands propped his face. Honey had leaned back on the end of the sofa and she held a cushion to her while praying for the right words and the strength to say them. She would have preferred to curl up next to him and profess her love to him but she could not and she was not so sure she could explain why.
He changed positions, so that he was looking directly at her but far enough away he wouldn’t be tempted to touch her as he would like.
“I have never used the words ‘I love you’ to anyone. When I was a child, there was never much love shown to me, so I never knew how to recognize it. As an adult, I have had certain feelings for women but for some reason I could never use the word love with any of them. I don’t know, maybe that is why I never had a meaningful relationship with one. I thought if the sex was good and I gave her whatever she wanted it was good enough. My last relationship lasted longer than most. Carla was a great partner though now I realize that she must have known I could never make a commitment to her or love her the way she needed to be loved. But with you, it was different from the beginning. I think you felt it too, didn’t you?”
Honey could only nod, for she was afraid of what she might say if she started talking. Was this not what she had hoped for? To hear Jacks put into words what had been happening between them? She listened to what was to her the most beautiful words a woman could hear from someone she loved.
He kept talking as much to himself as to her for it felt so liberating to openly declare his love for another person. It was a new experience for him.
“I know what I feel now is love. I love you. It sounds so right that it cannot be wrong. What I feel for you goes beyond physical attraction.” He grinned and Honey’s heart did a flip flop. “Not that I don’t find you very tempting there too, because I think you know I do but there is more, so much more here than attraction. Tell me you do not feel it too? No, because you can’t; you know you can’t. Then why can’t we go with it, enjoy it, live it?”
“I wish it were so simple.”
“Why make it complicated? Honey, I am not asking you to sleep with me, I am just asking that you do not close the door here. Give it a chance. We already have a good friendship, so okay we shared a couple of kisses, but I can just not do that again. Not unless you want me too, of course.” Again he grinned the quirky grin that she so loved.
“I am not trying to complicate things, but I guess I am, huh?”
“Yes you are. In one breath you tell me that God is love and in the next you deny the love between us. It just does not make sense to me.”
Honey was feeling less vulnerable and had her emotions in check. She was still a baby when it came to being savvy to the Word, but she had learned some things since becoming a convert and she had the faith of a child that was pleasing to her Heavenly Father.
“Jacks, this love you talk about is very precious to me but even more so is the love of Jesus, who actually died on a cross because He loved me, you and every one of us, so that we can live eternally with Him.”
“Should I be jealous?”
She saw that he was teasing and threw her pillow at him.
“No…remember that song in the sixties….about love? Jealously has no place in love.”
“I am not really the jealous type, so you do not have to worry, but if I can be satisfied with coming in second with you, surely you would not have a problem being first with me. How much easier is that?”
“That is the problem, though I know you can’t understand, I want the man I love here on this Earth, to love God as much as I do and I want to come second. You see, if two people have mutual love for Him, then it makes their love for each other even better.”
“How so?”
“Because He is love and it is through Him that we can even experience love.”
“Hmmm. So, what you are telling me is that if I do not love or believe in God, then what I feel for you cannot be real love. Come here.” When she did not move, he laughed. “I just want to see something, prove something. I am not even going to kiss you, I promise.”
She slid over closer to him and he pulled her into the crook of his arm coaxing her head to his chest and leaning back on the sofa’s arm as he got into a comfortable position.
“What?” She was curious.
“Just lie here with me. No kissing, no talking, just me and you. I want to see if it is real.”
Again she said, “What?”
“This love I feel for you, I want to see if it is fake like you say, if it is, then surely it will go away, so I want to see if it does.”
Honey laughed aloud at him and raising her head to see him said, “Now you are making fun of me.”
“No I am not, I really do want to see if we can just lie here together...not being intimate and see if I lose that loving feeling…and it’s gone, gone, gone.” Singing the last of the words and holding her in his arms. There was silence following and it was a few minutes before Honey realized he was fast asleep. She lay there breathing in his smell and faintly remembered wondering what the fragrance was he wore, before she too dozed off.
The sun was shining through the patio doors before they woke up. Honey woke first and when she moved Jacks sleepily said, “It did not leave, did it?”
Honey had risen and was smoothing her rumpled shirt but stopped and said softly, “No Jacks, it did not leave.” Then with more of an alarm in her voice she said, “Jacks! Your flight! Get up or you will miss it!”
“I do not care.” But he jumped up anyway.
“Hurry, get your shower and get ready and I will make some breakfast. Your bag is in the guest room.” She blushed as she realized they had actually spent the night in each other’s arms. He grinned at her knowing what she was thinking.
“At least you do not have to make my bed….hey, you are really embarrassed aren’t you?”
“No….oh, I don’t know, maybe I am but you better go if you do not want to miss your flight.”
He was obviously not in a big hurry, for he put his arms around her and hugged her. “I won’t, did
you know it is only six-thirty? My plane does not leave until ten so I have plenty of time. You know, I think you should come with me.”
“What?”
“Yeah, I can get you a ticket and you can come with me to New York. It will be fun.”
“You are serious aren’t you!”
“I am. We have a three day weekend and we can come back on Monday. How about it, be compulsive and come with me, please?”
She hesitated, thinking what better way to find out what was going on in New York than to see for herself. After all, it was the prime reason for the overnight visit and since that had gone in a completely different direction, why not?
“Okay.”
“You are kidding? Alright, then forget breakfast and pack a bag. I will make the reservation and get ready….yeah!”
Honey laughed at his excitement and was beginning to feel it too. She did not have a compulsive nature but she was not even going to think about it. She was going to New York with Jacks.
After she packed her bag, she jumped in the shower. By the time she got out she was wondering if she had lost her mind. By the time she had dressed, she was sure she had. She had two voices going on in her head. One was saying, I can’t go traipsing off to New York just like that, what am I thinking? While the other replied, oh but you can, you can’t back out now, he has probably already purchased the ticket! Then, what will your friends say? and, “If they are your friends, they won’t say anything, because they will know you are not doing anything wrong!
Her thinking was interrupted by Jacks voice coming down the hall.
“Hey you! Bout done? Time to leave!”
She stuck her head out and said, “Just a minute, I am almost there.”
She leaned against the door as she shut it. “Dear God, please do not let this be a mistake!”
Wings of Deception Page 15