It’s not a test, nor a trick of the mind
Only love
Just say yes, cuz I’m aching and I know you are too
For the touch of your warm skin
As I breathe you in
It’s the last song of the night. The crowd rises and wildly applauds. I blink up at Logan, smiling. It was a perfect evening. He takes my hand and guides me through the crowd of people.
“That song is beautiful.” I smile up at him.
He leans and kisses me on the forehead. “Beautiful and fitting.”
“Fitting?” I ask.
He smiles at me but doesn’t reply.
“What a great place to see a concert. Do you come here a lot?” I ask wondering if he’s been here with any other girls.
He answers what I’m thinking. “You’re wondering if I’ve been here with a girl? You forgot. I don’t do the dating thing. Well, until I met you. I’ve only been here for a couple concerts just with Sebastian and some other friends. Honestly, I was so stoned I don’t really remember them.”
“Oh.” Those troubling thoughts of Logan’s pleasure-seeking days resurface in my head.
We are headed to the exit when I have the urgent need to hit the ladies’ room.
“You mind if I go to the bathroom before we head out?” I ask.
“Of course not. I’ll wait here for you.”
In a moment, I walk out of the bathroom. When I look to find Logan, I also find the familiar raven-haired beauty whispering in his ear. She is tall and tan with beautiful long, sleek black hair that falls to the middle of her back. She’s wearing tight faded jeans and a figure-hugging black top that shows off her ample cleavage.
She smiles at something Logan has said and he smiles back at her. It’s obvious they know each other. I am frozen in my tracks, staring with a sinking feeling in my stomach. When she catches my eye she looks back at Logan. Then she reaches down and touches his hand before she turns to leave.
Logan looks in the direction of the bathroom and moves towards me.
“Ready?” He asks.
I frown. “You didn’t want to introduce me to your friend?”
“Oh, Seraphina? You saw her. Why didn’t you come over?”
I should have known. The statuesque beauty is none other than Seraphina, Logan’s booty call.
I roll my eyes at him. “I don’t think she’s interested in meeting me and honestly the feeling is mutual.” I start to walk ahead of him.
“Why do you say that? She’s just a friend.” He says as he walks to catch up with me.
“I’ve met those boys who you say are friends of yours.”
I stop in my tracks and glower at him. “That’s because they are only friends. Not my fuck buddies.” I hiss.
His mouth drops open. “Emilia, stop. You are being ridiculous.”
“Am I?” My voice is cold.
“Yes. She’s just a friend. I’ve told you that.”
“Well, you need to open your eyes because I saw the way she was looking at you and she does not think of you as just a friend.”
We are making heads’ turn as the crowd makes their way to the exit. I hurriedly walk a head; Logan briskly walks to keep up.
“Come on, baby. Let’s talk.” He pleads.
“Don’t come on, baby, me. You’re always telling me how this boy wants in my pants and that boy wants in my pants. Well, wake up Logan. She wants in your pants.”
He hands me a helmet and I put it on. I have nothing more to say to him. Logan looks at me and he is speechless too. After putting on his helmet, he climbs on the bike. He puts his hand out to help me but I ignore it and climb on.
He turns his head back to me. “I know you are mad but we aren’t going anywhere until you hang on.”
Reluctantly I grab around his waist. He starts the engine and we are off. I don’t understand how he thinks they are friends. Seraphina’s intentions are obvious to me. I don’t like her and with the way she was staring at me, I know she feels the same way about me.
In a moment, we are at my house. I climb off the bike, take off the helmet and hand it to him.
“Can I come in?” He asks.
“No. It’s been a long day. I’m tired.”
“I don’t understand why you’re so upset.”
I shrug. “I don’t understand how you can insist you are only friends with her when I see that there’s more going on.”
“You have to trust me. There’s not. We are just friends.”
I decide to drop the subject. There’s no use talking about it anymore. We are at an impasse and nothing either of us can say will make any difference at this point.
He climbs off the motorcycle. Taking his helmet off and placing it on the seat, he grabs me around my waist and pulls me close. He breathes in my hair then leans back and gazes down at me.
“If you can’t trust me we will never work.” He sighs.
I blink up at him. “I know.”
“You sure you don’t want me to stay?” He whispers.
He leans down to kiss me. I reach up and tug at his hair, deepening the kiss. Pressing his body closer into mine, he grabs me tighter with one hand in my hair and the other on my back. Our tongues are in an erotic dance, heating my blood.
“Am I persuading you?” He breathes as his lips slowly move around my neck to my ear.
“I have to go.” I mutter, ignoring his question.
He leans back still holding me around my waist. We stare into each other’s eyes until he takes a deep breath and releases me.
“Thank you for the concert.” I whisper.
“It was my pleasure.”
“Good night.” I say as I turn and head into the house.
The house is quiet and I suddenly feel overwhelmingly alone. I quickly head up the stairs and take off my clothes. Pulling on a pair of sweats and a white tank top, I throw myself on my bed. My tears come like a flood and I bury myself into my pillow.
Logan is right. I do need to trust him for us to work but I don’t know if I can. I have found it difficult to trust anyone for so long. The pain is too much to bear and even the thought of Logan being dishonest makes my heart ache. The bottom line is that I have been hurt and I don’t want to be hurt again.
But is it best to just give up on Logan because I don’t know if I can trust him? The thought of not being in a relationship with him is also too painful.
15
I DON’T SLEEP MUCH. When I do allow myself to doze off, I have my usual disturbing thoughts but now more agonizing images are mixed in making it even harder to rest. I wake up gasping for air, my sheets thrown off the bed and my tank drenched in sweat. I don’t remember exactly what I dreamt about, but I know it was the same bad dream that wouldn’t end. It kept starting and stopping as I struggled to sleep.
I roll out of bed and stumble to the bathroom. I can feel my heart pounding against my chest. It’s as if I ran for many miles. Making my way to the sink, I splash cold water on my face and pull my sweat-matted hair up into a ponytail. I peel off my tank and sweatpants and replace them with a matching running top and shorts.
When I make my way to the kitchen, I’m surprised to find Bryn is already up. I was hoping to avoid her until I looked less weary and pathetic. My eyes are swollen and puffy from lack of sleep and crying so I try not to look at her.
“You’re up early.” I say without making eye contact.
Fortunately Bryn is absorbed in the morning paper so she responds but doesn’t look at me.
“I have to meet a group at the library for a project.” She says miserably. “How was the concert?”
“Good. We saw Snow Patrol.” I say. I open a yogurt and quickly eat so I can get out of the house before further questioning. I’m just spent, exhausted and can’t think or talk about Logan.
I suppose I don’t say that convincingly enough because Bryn looks up from the paper and I can feel her eyes on me.
“What’s up with you?” She asks.
My e
yes are downcast, avoiding her examination. “Nothing.” I mutter.
Bryn moves from the stool and approaches me, looking at me more closely. She holds her coffee mug between her two hands.
“I knew it. You’ve been crying.”
“I’m fine.”
“You aren’t fine.” She says with furrowed brows. “Look at me, Emilia.”
I look up at her, trying to muster a smile. “Don’t be silly.” I say.
“You’re eyes are all bloodshot and puffy, not from lack of sleep but from crying. I can tell the difference. What did that asshole do now?”
“It’s nothing really. The concert was great, really great.”
“Then why were you crying?”
“I don’t really know how to explain it. He ran into an old girlfriend but she’s not really an old girlfriend. She’s a booty call.” When I say it aloud it sounds so ridiculous but that’s the truth.
“I’m confused.” Bryn says trying to sort the problem out.
“Logan says they are just friends. I guess I believe him but I definitely don’t get that vibe from Seraphina.”
Bryn spews her coffee out of her mouth. “Seraphina?”
“You know her?” I ask.
“Everyone knows her and most know her intimately. She’s a total slut.”
“Well, she’s Logan’s slutty friend.”
“Look Emilia. I get it. I’d be bugged too but if he says they are just friends you are going to have to take his word for it or at least his word that he thinks of her as just a friend. I’m sure you are right about her though.”
“He thinks I need to trust him for us to work.”
“That’s true for any relationship. Just proceed with caution, just another good reason to take it slow.”
“You don’t think I should just give up on this all now?” I ask. “I just don’t want to get hurt, I don’t think I could handle that after everything else that has happened.”
“I don’t want to see you hurt again either. You’ve already experienced more pain than anyone should ever have to endure in a lifetime. But don’t you think you’d be hurt by telling him it’s over?”
“That’s the problem.” I say.
“And you are the only one who can decide what’s best.” Bryn gives me a reassuring smile.
“Thanks Bryn.” I say as I give her a hug. “I’m going to go for a run, that always helps me sort things out or at the very least helps me clear my head so then maybe I can sort things out.”
“Good luck.” She smiles. “And if that doesn’t work I can help you sort things out tonight over a cocktail or two.”
I giggle. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Right back at you.” She says and she’s out that door.
AFTER MY RUN, I shower, dress and then collapse on my bed. I need to start on my next essay before heading to work. When I power up my laptop, I find a message from Logan in my inbox.
From: Logan Prescott
Subject: Tonight
Date: Friday, October 19, 2012 11:34pm
To: Emilia King
Emilia,
I’m confused by the way our night ended. I sincerely hope that you will trust me. I don’t want to lose you especially over something so absurd.
I can only presume that jealousy is getting the best of you. I have to keep those feelings in check with you as well.
I think Iago said it best when he told Othello, “O, beware, my lord, of jealousy! It is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on.”
Logan
I don’t know what to think when I read Logan’s email. Am I jealous? I guess a little bit but I think I keep coming back to the same issue. Can I trust Logan? I just don’t know. I know we can only move forward if I at least will try and trust him. The fear of getting hurt is overwhelming to me. Maybe I wouldn’t worry about trusting him if he didn’t have such a bad reputation?
I finally decide what to write in response to his email.
From: Emilia King
Subject: Jealousy?
Date: Saturday, October 20, 2012 9:32am
To: Logan Prescott
Logan,
I’m sorry about the way our night ended. While I appreciate your Shakespeare reference, I don’t know if it’s completely fitting. Jealous? Well, maybe a little but I think you are missing the point.
Let me refer you to another quote from Iago.
“Good name in man and woman, dear my lord, Is the immediate jewel of their souls.”
The trust you ask me to have in you is quite a challenge given your questionable reputation.
Emilia
I quickly log off and head to Spyder. Work is pleasantly busy. But whenever there’s a lull, my mind starts to buzz with thoughts of Logan. I wonder if he replied to my email. He’s probably fed up with my lack of trust in him. But he has to realize this is a huge leap of faith for me. I know he isn’t aware of all of the pain I’ve endured in the past. He will never understand and deep down I don’t know if I will ever move past that hurt.
Bryn is in the kitchen when I get home. She excitedly spins around when she hears me open the front door.
“I’m so glad you’re home!” She bursts.
I smile at her enthusiasm. “Nice to see you too.”
“You don’t understand. I’ve been in the library all day today.”
“Seriously? All day?” I giggle.
“I know. Right?”
“You probably set some sort of Guinness Book Record.” I tease.
She’s dropping ice cubes into two large glasses. “I need a drink and we need to celebrate.”
“Celebrate? I could use a drink myself.”
“My world record of course.” She winks. “Margarita on the rocks?”
“Make it a double.”
Bryn laughs as she hands me a large glass tumbler. She holds her glass out towards mine. “To no more Saturdays in the library.” She clinks my glass.
We take a sip and then I make a toast. “To the healing powers of tequila.”
“I’ll certainly drink to that.” Bryn smiles. We clink our glasses and take another sip.
“Now get ready so we can go. I’m in the mood to party.” She laughs.
“YOU READY TO PARTY?” I say to Bryn when I come down the stairs. She’s dancing around the kitchen to her music that plays on the iPod shuffle.
“I am so proud of you, girlfriend. It’s only October and you have made super strides with your baby steps.” She giggles. “By the way you look totally hot.”
I laugh. “I look far from hot. You are in such a rush to get out of here I didn’t even shower.”
“Doesn’t matter. You still look hot.” She smiles.
I roll my eyes and finish my drink.
“You, my dear friend, need to learn how to take a compliment. You want another drink before we go?”
“I better not. That one was potent and if I have another you’ll have to carry me.” I giggle.
“Oh, Emilia. You are such a lightweight. I’m going to bring a to-go cup and we can share it while we walk.”
We head out of the house and start to make our way to State Street.
“Where are we going anyway?” I say as I take a sip of the tequila-laden margarita from the big red cup.
I’m already feeling the effects of the potent cocktail. It’s never a good idea to drink on an empty stomach but it’s too late to do anything about that now.
“Elsie’s. Josh and Tyler are already there. You think Logan will be there?”
“Don’t know.” I say as I take another sip.
“You didn’t talk to him today.”
“No. I got an email from him with a lovely Shakespeare quote about jealousy.” I giggle.
“That’s weird.” Bryn says.
“I had no idea men could be so…so…”
“Like gum.” Bryn says in a matter-of-fact tone.
“What?” I laugh.
“You know, like gum. After
you chew it awhile, it loses flavor.” She smiles.
I laugh. “I’m certain that’s not from Shakespeare.”
“I read it somewhere and it stuck on my head.” She giggles. “Get it? It stuck in my head.”
“I think you spent too much time in the library today. You’re nuts!”
We are cracking up as we stagger down the street. Bryn wraps her arm around mine for balance but that just makes us stagger even more.
“You weren’t going to say men are like gum?” Bryn says and laughs.
I giggle. “No. I was going to say they are, I don’t know, confusing, annoying, overwhelming. Take your pick.”
“I pick the gum. You didn’t care for his email. I take it.” Bryn says.
“He’s kind of missing the point.” I say as I take another sip of margarita.
“Guys tend to do that.”
“I also kind of thought he’d come by the store today.” I shrug.
“To apologize?”
“I don’t know. There’s really no reason for him to apologize. I guess I thought he might show up to persuade me into trusting him or at least trying to trust him.”
“I think you like his persuasion tactics.”
I giggle. “Maybe, a little. I think I may have scared him away this time.”
“Don’t be silly. From what I’ve seen he’s quite enamored by you. I wouldn’t worry about that. You just need to decide if it’s worth it.”
“Worth it?” I ask.
“You know. Worth the risk of getting hurt and I told you that comes with any relationship.”
Bryn continues as we approach Elsie’s. “Let it go…At least for tonight. Deal?”
As we enter the bar I have to shout above the noise. “Deal!” I smile.
Josh and Tyler immediately wave us over to where they are sitting when we enter the crowded bar. We make our way to them and slide into the leather booth. It’s immediately evident they are also in the mood to party.
They are both pretty trashed and it’s still fairly early in the evening. I wonder if everyone spent Saturday in the library and have the overwhelming need to let loose.
Josh pours us both large glasses of margaritas from one of the pitchers on the table. He leans close to Bryn’s ear and whispers something. She smiles at him and moves closer to him.
Running from Romeo Page 19