Sophie looked at the photos, slowly, carefully, examining each one. Laura watched her. Blonde curls framed her face as she went through the pictures. Her eyebrows knitted together as she tried to understand how and why. Laura longed to hold her, but resisted the urge. She didn’t want to frighten her away.
‘It’s me. The photos are all of me, but how did I end up in London, living another life?’
Laura chose her words carefully. ‘We were on a boat and I took my eyes off you, which was wrong of me. I remember a woman hovering around and I’ve always believed it was she who took you. Stole you.’
‘What did she look like?’
‘I can’t remember,’ Laura admitted. ‘It all happened very quickly.’
‘What happened when you realized I was gone?’
‘I searched for you everywhere. Everyone was looking for you and the police were called. Then someone saw your sandals floating in the sea and everyone presumed you’d drowned. But I knew you hadn’t. I felt it in here.’ Laura tapped her heart. ‘I knew you were alive. It’s been hell not knowing where you were or who you were with. A living hell.’
‘But that means my mother –’
‘Abducted you. Yes, it does,’ Laura said, through gritted teeth.
Sophie twisted the napkin in her hands. ‘Laura, my mother’s not like that. She’s a really honest person. She’d never just take a child. She’d never do something so awful.’
‘Jody –’
Sophie looked taken aback.
Laura hated calling her ‘Sophie’ but she knew she had to. ‘I’m sorry, Sophie, but this woman did steal you. She ruined my life and my family’s lives. She is not a good person. She is a very bad person. An evil person.’
Sophie’s phone rang. She looked down. The screen said ‘Mum’. Laura sat on her hands to prevent herself picking up the phone and smashing it into tiny pieces.
Sophie switched it off. ‘I can’t speak to her tonight.’
Laura’s heart soared.
22.
Sophie
Dublin, July 2011
She couldn’t have abducted me! Sophie’s mind was racing. Her head ached. She’d almost fainted when she’d seen Laura in the airport. She looked so like her. It was all so surreal. She felt as if she was having an out-of-body experience.
And now here she was staring at baby pictures of herself and talking to her mother, her real mother, her birth mother. But it was insane. Was Anna a kidnapper? She couldn’t be. She would never do something so heinous. She was a good, honest person. She was the most upstanding citizen Sophie had ever met. But how else could this be explained? Laura seemed so normal and lovely. If she said Anna had stolen her then that must have been what happened. And it did explain a lot. But Sophie still couldn’t believe it of her.
‘What that woman did was wicked and immoral, not to mention illegal.’ Laura banged the coffee-table with her hand. She was getting emotional. ‘She stole you from me. You can’t imagine the pain of it. It nearly killed me, my mother and Frank. We all adored you. You were our Jody, our baby girl.’
‘But how could she just walk off with me? Didn’t you scream?’ Sophie didn’t understand how it could have happened. Especially on a boat where there was nowhere to run.
Laura closed her eyes and took a deep breath. ‘I was young, very young, only twenty. I got distracted briefly and when I turned around you were gone. At first I just thought you’d wandered off or were hiding under a table or something. It was only after a while that I started panicking … and by then it was too late.’
It sounded awful, but Sophie needed to explain to Laura that her mum wasn’t a kidnapper. She couldn’t have taken her. There had to be a mistake. ‘I’m sorry but my mother, I mean Anna, just wouldn’t do that. She’s the most honest person I know. She’s completely law-abiding and never even drives over the speed limit. There has to be a mistake.’
Laura sighed. ‘There is no mistake. Look at us. We’re cut from the same cloth. We are mirror images of each other. You are my flesh and blood and I did not give you up. I did not hand you over or tell someone they could take you. That woman stole you. I don’t know why she did it, but no reason is good enough. You do not take someone else’s child. It’s wrong. It’s the worst crime you can commit. I’ve been in Hell. Hell. I didn’t know if you were alive or dead, safe or in danger, with a normal person or a psychopath. I’ve been so heartbroken, so worried and sick with grief. I was terrified that I’d never see you again. Everyone thought I was delusional for imagining you were still alive. But I knew it. Deep in my heart I knew it. And here you are!’
Sophie could see how much Laura was hurting. It was all so upsetting. How could this have happened? She believed Laura, but that meant her mother had done something unspeakably wicked. She just couldn’t accept that Anna was such an evil person. ‘But she’s my mum. I mean, she’s not really, not biologically, but she is. She’s a nice person. I can’t believe she would do something so horrible and cruel. Oh, God, this is so awful. I feel so bad for you and your family to have suffered so much.’
It was too much. Sophie began to sob uncontrollably. Last week she had been looking forward to a fun summer before art college and now she was sitting with her real mother in Dublin, discovering that the woman she had thought was her mother was actually a fake and a kidnapper.
Sophie covered her eyes. ‘I’m sorry. All I can see is green.’
Laura caught her breath. ‘Is that your colour for pain?’
Sophie nodded.
‘Mine’s orange.’
‘Are you seeing it now?’
‘No.’ Laura smiled. ‘I’m seeing mostly blue, which is my happy colour, and a little bit of beige, which is my sad colour, because you’re so upset.’
Sophie stopped crying. She held up a corner of her dress. ‘I wore this because pink is my happy colour.’
‘It’s beautiful, as are you,’ Laura said softly.
Sophie blushed. Laura was looking at her so deeply and lovingly, it made her a little uncomfortable. She decided to stick to the subject of colours. It was safer, less emotive. ‘It’s amazing to meet someone who has synaesthesia. When did you realize you had it?’
Laura’s eyes lost their intensity. She sat back on the couch and absentmindedly fiddled with her necklace. ‘My first real memory of it is coming home from school when I was about six and announcing that my name was purple. My dad was thrilled. He couldn’t believe I saw the world the same way he did. Our colours were different. The only one we matched on was orange for pain.’
‘What’s Jody?’ Sophie asked.
‘Blue,’ Laura smiled, ‘which was why I chose it.’
‘My mum –’ Sophie saw Laura’s face fall. ‘Sorry. Anna didn’t understand what was going on when I started saying I saw things as colours. She thought I was autistic. She took me to lots of different doctors until one eventually recognized the symptoms. It was a relief to find out that there wasn’t something wrong with me.’
Laura sat forward again, frowning. ‘Did the other kids in school notice or make fun of you?’
Sophie needed to reassure her: she looked so concerned. ‘No, my mu– Anna was the headmistress so no one dared be mean to me.’
Laura seemed surprised. ‘Headmistress! Was that hard for you?’
Sophie thought for a moment. ‘There were times when I wished she wasn’t because she knew everything that went on at school. Every move I made. But she was very protective of me, too much so at times, so it probably made it easier. Otherwise she would have been quizzing me after school every day to find out exactly what was going on.’
Laura’s face clouded and she gripped the table. ‘Of course she was over-protective, having done what she did. What did she say to you about your past? Did she ever admit you weren’t hers?’
Sophie shook her head. ‘No, never. I had no idea I wasn’t her daughter.’
‘Do you have any sisters or brothers? Did this Anna nick any other kids?’
Sophie winced at the bitter tone of Laura’s voice. ‘No. Just me.’
‘Was she a good … ’ Laura searched for the word ‘… parent?’
Sophie couldn’t lie. She knew Laura wanted her to say Anna was an ogre, but she couldn’t. ‘Yes. She devoted herself to me. My friends’ mothers used to comment on how committed she was. To be honest, it was a bit stifling at times.’
Laura looked stony-faced. ‘Where is she from? London?’
Sophie looked surprised. ‘No, she’s Irish.’
‘WHAT?’ Laura almost fell off the couch.
‘She’s from here, from Dublin. But she never came back. She refused to bring me here.’
‘I’m hardly surprised. Dublin’s a village, really, so someone would probably have recognized you. I can’t believe she’s Irish. How could she do that? What kind of a human being is she?’
Sophie twisted her ring around her finger. ‘I realize this will sound strange, but she’s very normal.’
Laura slammed her coffee cup down on the table. ‘No, Sophie, she’s not. No normal person does that.’
Sophie winced. ‘You’re right. I’m sorry.’
Laura closed her eyes. ‘Yellow now, for anger.’ She opened them and looked at Sophie. ‘This is really hard for me. To know that for all these years someone else has been bringing you up just kills me. But I’m glad she was nice to you and I’m happy that you had a decent life. It just hurts so much to know I missed all those years. Those precious years that she stole from me.’
Sophie sipped some water. Seeing the pain in Laura’s eyes was making her feel weepy again. ‘It must have been awful. I can’t even begin to imagine. To lose a child like that … Did you not want any more children after it happened?’
Laura stared at her. ‘I’m sorry, I should have told you. I have another daughter, Mandy. She’s less than three years younger than you. I got pregnant shortly after you were taken. Having Mandy saved my life. I don’t think I’d be here if it wasn’t for her.’
Sophie was taken aback. When she had read on Laura’s website that she had a daughter, she had presumed she was referring to Jody, the daughter who had disappeared. ‘Wow, I had no idea. So she’s kind of, like …’ She hesitated.
‘Your sister.’ Laura smiled. ‘Yes, she is. She’s going to be so happy when she finds out you’re alive. Mandy always wanted a sister she could talk to and play with.’
‘Do we have the same dad?’
Laura blushed. ‘No.’
‘Who is my dad?’
Laura blew out her cheeks. ‘I’m sorry, but I don’t know where he is. He was an American musician I met one night and … well … he left town the next day. Two months later I realized I was pregnant.’
Sophie stared at her, open-mouthed. ‘That’s almost the same story Anna told me about my father.’
Laura looked shocked. ‘What?’
Sophie’s eyes flashed. ‘She said my dad was an American architect she spent one night with and then he left and she never saw him again. Is this some story you mothers make up?’
Laura leaned over and gazed into Sophie’s eyes. ‘No, it is not. I’m ashamed of what I did. I was young and very stupid and very immature. But you were a blessing so I can’t regret it happening. As for Anna, she obviously had to make up a story that put your father out of the picture.’
‘So my real dad was a musician?’
‘He said he was a drummer. I believed him. He was very good-looking and charming. I wish I knew him and could introduce you to him. If it’s any consolation you have a wonderful uncle, granny, and sister.’
‘I always wanted a sister.’ Sophie smiled. ‘A little sister is pretty cool. And a granny and an uncle.’
Laura beamed at her. ‘I can’t wait for you to meet everyone. They’ll be over the moon.’
It was so nice to see Laura smiling and not looking tortured. ‘I’m looking forward to it,’ Sophie enthused.
‘Mandy’s lovely but she’s quite shy and she can take a while to get to know, so don’t be put off if she’s wary at first.’
‘I won’t. I totally understand.’
Laura started twisting her necklace around her fingers. Suddenly she seemed cross again. ‘Does Anna know you’re meeting me today?’
Sophie didn’t want to talk about Anna. She’d much rather talk about her new sister and synaesthesia. She sighed. ‘At first I didn’t tell her but I know she suspected something was up because I’d been asking lots of questions about my past and then I sent her a text saying I was with you. I’d say she’s going crazy. I’ve never spent a night away from her. She never allowed me to go on sleepovers or on school trips unless she was on them too.’
Laura reached for her hand. Sophie felt awkward but didn’t want to hurt Laura’s feelings, so she put it out. Laura held it tightly. ‘Can I hug you? Would that be OK?’ she asked.
Sophie could see in her eyes how much Laura needed to hold her. She was afraid of it, afraid of the emotions that would surface when her real mother held her. She reached over gingerly and hugged Laura, who held her so tightly that she took her breath away. Sophie could feel Laura’s body heaving with tears of joy, relief, sadness for the lost years, happiness at the miraculous reunion and exhaustion from the emotions that were drowning both of them.
She let herself sink into the hug and allowed herself to feel everything Laura was experiencing. They wept in each other’s arms, mourning their lost past, celebrating their new future.
When Sophie pulled away, they looked at each other’s tear-stained faces and began to laugh. There was a hysterical edge to it. Sophie felt all of the emotions coiled up inside her being released. It felt fantastic.
Laura handed her a tissue and they wiped their eyes. Then she stood up and pulled out her car keys. ‘Come on, let’s go. I live a forty-minute drive away. Will you come and stay? Will you come home with me?’
Sophie didn’t hesitate. She wanted to be with her mother. She wanted to spend more time with her, get to know her and meet the rest of the family. ‘I’d love to. But I just need to ring my friend Holly. Is that OK?’
‘Of course. I’m going to call Frank and ask him to take Mandy for the night. I need to break this incredible news to her gently and give her a little time to process it before I introduce you. We can sort it all out tomorrow. For now I think you need some sleep – you look exhausted.’
Sophie was relieved. She felt drained. She’d had enough emotion for one day. She didn’t have the energy to meet any more people tonight. She longed for sleep. ‘That would be perfect, thanks.’
While Laura rang Frank to sort out Mandy’s sleeping arrangements, Sophie called Holly to see what was going on at home and to fill her in.
‘OMG, I’ve called you, like, ten zillion times!’ Holly screeched.
Sophie grinned. It was so good to hear her friend’s voice. It was like putting on your favourite fleece, warm and comforting. Holly knew her: she didn’t have to worry about what she said or how she felt or how Holly was going to react. She could be completely herself and totally honest. ‘Sorry, I turned my phone off to avoid Mum.’
‘Are you all right?’ Holly sounded very serious.
‘I’m fine.’
‘Are you sure? Can you speak freely or is someone beside you? Say “Jeepers” if someone’s beside you.’
Sophie sighed. This was typical Holly, talking in riddles. ‘What are you on about? I’m totally alone. Laura’s gone to call her brother.’
‘So you’ve met?’
‘Yes.’
‘Is she drunk?’
‘No!’
‘Has she been mean to you or abusive?’
‘No. Stop asking silly questions.’
‘They’re not silly,’ Holly protested. ‘I’m trying to make sure you’re all right and that you’re not in danger.’
It was sweet that Holly was worried about her and Sophie appreciated it. ‘I’m fine, Holly. Honestly.’
‘Thank God for that. So, wh
at’s she like?’
Sophie glanced at Laura, who was talking animatedly into her phone, laughing and crying at the same time. ‘She’s great. She’s really pretty and young. She had me when she was nineteen. She’s super nice but she’s really angry about what happened, Holly. It’s terrible – she’s been so hurt.’
‘So is she definitely your mum?’
‘Yes. No question.’
‘Is she messed up psychologically from the kidnapping? Like Mrs Havisham, all eaten up by grief?’
Sophie laughed. Typical Holly. ‘It’s Miss Havisham.’
‘What?’
‘The whole point of her character in Great Expectations is that she was jilted, never got married and remained a bitter old miss for the rest of her life.’
‘Oh, my God, you’ve just met your long-lost mother and you’re giving me English lessons! Can you please focus on what’s important here? Isn’t Laura a little bit weird?’
Sophie sighed. ‘No, Holly, she isn’t. She’s just a normal person. She’s lovely, actually.’
‘OK, good. I’m glad your real mother is normal because your other mother is in a terrible state. Sophie, I’ve got something to tell you. Please don’t hate me.’
‘What is it?’
‘It’s about telling your mum – I should probably call her Anna. We can’t call her your mum any more, can we?’
‘I haven’t thought about that yet. Go on.’
‘I know I wasn’t supposed to tell her anything about where you were and what you were doing. Initially I did really well. I kept my mouth closed. But then she got really scary. She’s such a good interrogator – it must be from all the years she’s spent in school quizzing girls on misdemeanours – and then she went from scary to completely devastated. I mean, I’ve never seen anyone so upset. It was terrible, Sophie. I just caved in and told her everything.’
Sophie shuddered. She hated to think of Anna so upset, but then again, look at the misery she had caused. She hardened her heart against her mother. ‘It’s OK. I knew you would.’
This Child of Mine Page 22