‘She’s too fragile at the moment,’ Laura told them. ‘We need to give her time. And I think we should take a step back too. It’s a really emotional time for all of us. It’s not the right time to be making big decisions. My priority now is Sophie’s happiness. The last thing I want to do is hurt her.’
‘But surely Jody will want justice too,’ Joan added. ‘Now that she knows the truth, she’ll want that woman to pay for her sins.’
Laura shook her head. In a very firm tone, she told them, ‘We are not going to send Anna to prison because, if we do, the very person we’ve waited for will leave again. Look, I want justice too, but Sophie loves Anna. By hurting Anna, we hurt Sophie. All we should be focusing on is making sure Sophie feels safe with us and happy. Let’s not do anything to upset her or make her run away.’
‘She is a lovely girl,’ Joan conceded.
‘So are we saying that we do nothing? Let Anna walk free?’ David asked.
Mandy shook her fringe out of her eyes. ‘Look, guys, I’ve spent a lot of time with Sophie over the last week – seeing as we’re sharing my bedroom – and she’s incredibly normal and together. She’s not damaged at all. There was no weirdness in her life. Anna treated her like a bloody princess, from what I can see. Sophie has turned out to be, like, the perfect daughter – intelligent, studies hard, really polite, never rude, kind of a nerd, really, but a nice one.’
‘She does have beautiful manners,’ Joan agreed.
Mandy continued, ‘So we have to admit, much as we hate to, that Anna did a good job. In fact, Sophie is the most normal of all of us. The crazy part of this whole drama is that Sophie is the one who had the normal life. While we were all living with ghosts of the past, secrets and lies, she was just being a normal kid, with an adoring mother, growing up in London.’
‘Even if Anna was a good mother she still committed a terrible crime,’ David reminded his daughter.
‘I want to see her suffer for her sins.’ Joan was not backing down yet.
Mandy patted Joan’s arm. ‘I know you do, Gran, and I get it. But you’re not thinking about Sophie. You’re only thinking about yourself. If you really care about Sophie and you want her to be happy, then you’ll back off. Because I’m telling you now, if you go after Anna, you’ll lose Sophie. If that’s a risk you’re willing to take, go ahead, but don’t say I didn’t warn you. Mum’s right. Sophie loves Anna and she would never forgive us for putting her in prison. Never. So stop thinking about your hurt and your revenge and think about Sophie, her feelings and her future. Locking up the person she loves most in the world, the only family she has ever known, is the worst thing you can do.’
Laura smiled at Mandy, her eyes welling. ‘You’re right, you clever girl. You’re absolutely right.’
‘I think she might, in time, come around and see our point of view,’ David argued.
‘Dad,’ Mandy said, ‘she freaked when you mentioned going to the police yesterday. She was hyperventilating at the idea of it.’
‘But that woman did wrong,’ Joan insisted. ‘I can see she did our Jody no harm, and that she brought her up well, but she wasn’t hers to raise. She stole her, Mandy. She left a gaping hole in our family and a lot of bitterness.’
‘Yes, Gran, I know, but if you love Sophie, then you won’t do something that you know will hurt her. You’ll put her feelings before your own. Because that’s what you do when you love someone. You suck it up.’
There was silence in the room – except for Tanya’s impatient sighing – as Mandy’s words sank in.
Frank spoke first: ‘Mandy’s right. Let’s drop it and focus on Sophie.’
David beamed at Mandy. ‘My daughter has just shown that she would make a very good lawyer. I’m impressed with your persuasive arguments. I take on board what you said and I think we should wait and perhaps reconsider. Well done.’
Mandy flushed with pleasure.
‘Joan?’ David asked. ‘Where do you stand?’
Joan patted Mandy’s cheek. ‘When things settle down I want to have another meeting, but for now I’ll “suck it up”.’
‘Good. This meeting is adjourned,’ David announced. ‘Thanks for coming, everyone. Mandy, let’s grab a burger and talk about your future as a lawyer.’
Mandy grinned and walked out arm in arm with her dad, Tanya clipping behind them in her heels. ‘But, David, we have to collect the girls from ballet.’
David walked on. ‘Go ahead. Mandy and I will get the bus home.’
‘But, David …’ Tanya tottered after her husband.
The front door shut behind them. ‘Are you OK?’ Frank asked.
Laura nodded. ‘Fine, thanks. I’m glad we’ve decided to leave it. I feel relieved, actually.’
Joan came over with her bag and coat.
‘Do you ladies want to grab lunch?’ Frank asked his sister and mother. ‘I’ve got an hour before my date.’
Joan rolled her eyes. ‘Will you ever settle down, Frankie? I’d love to see you with a nice wife and children of your own.’
‘Don’t hold your breath.’ Frank grinned. ‘But sure you’ve got two beautiful granddaughters now to keep you busy.’
‘How old is this date?’ Laura asked.
‘Twenty-eight, and she looks like a young Cindy Crawford.’
Laura laughed and Joan groaned.
‘So, do you want to grab a bite to eat?’ he asked again.
Laura shook her head. ‘Thanks, but I’m keen to get back to Sophie. I know it’s ridiculous, but I can’t bear being away from her for even five minutes.’
‘It’s not ridiculous. It’s perfectly normal after all you’ve been through,’ Joan said.
Laura was shocked. Was her mother actually being nice to her? She didn’t know what to say, so she distracted herself by fumbling in her bag for her car keys.
‘Can I come back with you?’ Joan asked. ‘To see Jody?’
‘Of course, sure.’
‘I’ll just pop to the cloakroom first.’
While Joan went to powder her nose, Frank and Laura stared at each other.
‘Was she nice to me?’ Laura whispered.
‘I think she was. It’s a miracle. Joan’s thawing.’
‘Two miracles in one week! I can’t take any more.’ Laura laughed. It was a good day, blue blue blue.
34.
Sophie
Killduf, July 2011
Sophie sat on her bed – the bed in Lexie’s old room. It had been made up with crisp white cotton sheets, which reminded her of her own room back in London. It seemed a lifetime ago that she had been there, living her old life. A lifetime since she had seen Laura on the TV that night. That fateful night …
The cream wallpaper was covered with little pink flowers. Sophie liked it – it was cheerful. This bedroom didn’t make her feel anxious like Mandy’s did. It was a haven for her. She was able to escape up here without feeling like an intruder and without Mandy barging in all the time.
The room was very simply furnished, just a double bed and a small wooden desk and chair under a big window that looked out over the sea. There were two paintings on the wall. Sophie could tell they were Laura’s. She recognized her style. One was of a stormy sea, with crashing waves, all dark blues and blacks with small white reflections of the moon. She could feel Laura’s anger emanating from the canvas. It was very powerful. The other painting was of a naked woman, bent over in the foetal position, her long black hair covering her face. Although you couldn’t see her face, you could tell she was crying. You could sense her pain. Sophie found it difficult to look at because it was so poignant. The woman in the painting could be either of her mothers: they had both suffered so much.
Sophie kicked off her sandals and curled her feet under her. She reread Anna’s letter for the tenth time. It still made her cry. She felt as if something between them was broken. She wondered if they’d ever be the same again, Anna and Sophie, mother and daughter.
She had thought she knew her mother s
o well. She had thought she knew her better than anyone but it had turned out she didn’t really know her at all. She’d had no idea that Anna had been married or had had a baby who had died. It hurt her to think Anna had hidden all those secrets from her. She felt as if her mother was a stranger now.
Green and yellow – pain and anger. She’d been seeing those colours since she had first received the letter two days ago. She felt so sad for Anna: it must have been awful to bury her baby girl. Sophie couldn’t imagine the pain. But it hadn’t given her the right to steal someone else’s child. No matter which way you looked at it, it had been wrong. But Sophie had been happy – really, truly happy – with Anna. She had been loved and cherished and cared for and given everything a child could wish for; she had always felt completely safe and secure. But now she felt the opposite. She felt lonely and raw and hurt and betrayed and wounded and, most of all, confused. It was such a mess.
Sophie really missed Lexie. She had received one text from her, telling her to keep her chin up and follow her heart. It was difficult in the house without Lexie to balance things out. Mandy was still grumpy and Joan was still difficult to deal with. She was so intense: she wanted Sophie to sit with her all the time and listen to her stories. She’d heard them at least three times, but she felt she had to be polite and humour her grandmother.
She didn’t know what to do about Anna’s letter. She needed to clear her head. There was only one thing that would take her mind off it. Sophie pulled out one of the sheets of paper she’d taken from Mandy’s printer and began to sketch. She missed her easel, paints and brushes and longed to use colours again. She knew she could ask Laura but she was afraid Laura would crowd her if she did. She was afraid that Laura would watch her while she painted and she didn’t want that. She needed to switch off and let herself go.
Sophie began to sketch and time stood still as she lost herself in her art and switched her mind off for a few glorious hours.
Later that day, when she checked her phone, there was a message from Joe. It was the first he had left. He sounded tired.
Sophie, I know this is a really difficult time for you, and I’m sorry you have to go through this. But you only know what you know. The last seventeen years of your life were real, it was your reality and it was a good one. You were lucky to have a mother who adored you. You were loved more than most kids out there. Don’t shut her out for too long. Don’t forget all the good times, there were lots of them. Your mother is devastated. She misses you terribly. Call me anytime if you want to chat or cry or rant or rage. I’m here for you. Mind yourself. ’Bye for now.
Sophie closed her eyes and made herself remember the good times. She thought about all the fun she’d had and how much time and effort Anna had put into making her life perfect. She remembered all the themed birthday parties and the magical Christmas mornings, the Easter-egg hunts, baking cakes and cuddling up to watch Disney movies together … She missed Anna. She missed her mother.
Sophie decided it was time she called Anna. She hated to think of her being so upset, and she wanted to make contact, but she wasn’t ready to talk to her yet. She had to take it one step at a time. She rang into her voicemail. It was strange – she felt so awkward and uncomfortable. Her fingers shook as she dialled the number. ‘Hi, it’s me, um … well, it’s Sophie. Your letter arrived. Thanks, I appreciate it. I’m so sorry about your little baby Hope. I would like to meet up soon to talk. I’m just not quite ready yet. I’ll call you in a few days to arrange it. OK, ’bye. Take care.’
Sophie hung up and called Holly immediately. She needed to hear a familiar voice.
‘Hi, Holly.’
‘Oh, my God, it’s been, like, ages! I’ve been going out of my mind with worry. I thought they might have taken you away to some remote part of Ireland to, like, a safe-house or something where no one would ever find you.’
Sophie laughed. ‘Holly, what on earth are you talking about?’
‘Well, I just thought that maybe Laura had decided to make you cut all ties with your old life and taken you somewhere with no mobile coverage or Wi-Fi. I’ve been really worried, particularly as I just spent four hundred pounds on a dress for our meeting with Max Clifford.’
‘Holly! I told you that’s not going to happen.’
‘You might change your mind and I want to be prepared. Mind you, I’ll have to stop eating pizza or I won’t fit into the dress, and it’s gorgeous – midnight blue satin with one shoulder. I look really hot in it, if I say so myself. But working in a pizza restaurant is a bad idea. I’ve put on six pounds. If I don’t stop eating large slices of pepperoni deluxe, I’ll end up looking like Jessie. Urgh!’
‘How is Jessie?’
‘Still a complete nightmare. She keeps coming to the restaurant and asking me if I have any leftover pizza. As if she’s not fat enough. And I found her going through my phone messages when I came out of the shower yesterday.’
‘Oh, God! Did she see any of mine?’ Sophie panicked. She didn’t want anyone to know where she was or what was going on in her life. If Jessie found out, the whole world would know her secret and she’d die if that happened.
‘Give me some credit, I’m not a complete moron and I’ve lived with the little snoop for fifteen years. I know what she’s like. I delete all of your messages as soon as I read them. So she didn’t find anything. Besides, she’s not remotely suspicious, just thinks you’re on holiday with your mum. Your secret is safe with me.’
‘Thanks. I don’t want anyone to find out about this.’
‘I know. Don’t worry.’ Holly stifled a yawn.
‘Tired?’
‘I’ve been doing double shifts all week so I could spend more time with the cute new waiter I told you about – William.’
‘And?’ Sophie asked. She was loving this girly chat. She missed being a regular teenager. She missed gossiping with Holly and talking about boys for hours.
‘And … nothing.’ Holly sighed. ‘I’ve given him all my best lines, batted my eyelashes at him and worn the best push-up bra on the market, but he just acts as if I don’t exist.’
‘Well, if he doesn’t see how fabulous you are, forget about him.’
‘Oh, Sophie, I do miss you. You always say the right thing. Which, by the way, is why you’d be fabulous on TV. I’d be a disaster, putting my foot in it constantly, but you’d be amazing, so composed and articulate. Honestly, Max Clifford is going to love you.’
‘Holly –’
‘Yeah, yeah, I know, you probably won’t ever want to go public with your story, but it’s fun for me to imagine what-if! Mind you, Max is representing Lexie Granger at the moment so he’ll be busy with her.’
Sophie sat bolt upright. ‘Really?’
‘Yes! Apparently she’s written a book about her life and Max Clifford said there are loads of juicy bits about Dougie. It’s all over the papers here. Lexie was on Lorraine Kelly’s show this morning with Max and he was saying how all the newspapers are offering masses of money to serialize her book.’
‘How did she look? What did she say?’ Sophie was dying to know how Lexie was getting on.
‘Well, she had these really long false eyelashes on – they looked ridiculous on morning TV – she was poured into her jeans, and she must have had another boob job because her boobs were bursting out of her top.’
‘Did she seem happy?’
‘Why are you so interested in Lexie Granger? You always used to say WAGs were just bimbos who had no careers of their own and lived off their husbands.’
Sophie winced. ‘I was wrong – stupid and judgemental.’
‘Not really. A lot of them are like that.’
‘You shouldn’t judge someone until you know them.’
‘OK, Mother Teresa!’
‘Go on, Holly, tell me more about the interview.’
‘Well, I suppose she did look quite happy. She said she isn’t mean about Dougie in the book but that she is honest about their marriage. She said she’s sad that
things didn’t work out but they’ve talked and hope to remain friends.’
‘Did she say anything about what she was going to do now career-wise?’
‘No. I’m sure she’s just going to live the high-life on the money she’ll get from the divorce and the book sales, the lucky thing. The Daily Mail said they reckon she’ll get ten million in the divorce.’
‘Wow, good for her.’ Sophie was thrilled to hear that Lexie was going to be financially secure. She’d be able to set up a fantastic studio now for her photography and not depend on a man for money.
‘Enough about WAGs. How are you? What’s going on? Is Mandy still being a pain? Have you seen Anna yet? Is Laura still off the vodka?’
Sophie smiled. ‘Mandy is still being a pain. She’s jealous of all the attention I’m getting from Laura. I see her point, it must be difficult, but she can be really rude sometimes.’
‘You should tell her to sod off. Remind her that you’re catching up on seventeen years and that she’s lucky to have a fabulous sister like you in her life.’
‘Thanks, but I’m not sure if that approach would work. I just try to keep out of her way as much as possible. Things with Laura are good. She’s so cool, Holly. Honestly, she’s so lovely and well … young. She’s more like an older sister, really.’
‘That sounds great. But what about Anna?’
Sophie sighed. ‘I left a message on her voicemail. I’m just not ready to talk to her yet. I need a little more time. You won’t believe this – I found out she had a baby who died. She was born the same time I was.’
‘What?’
‘I know, and she was married too. But the baby – Hope was her name – died and Anna’s marriage broke up and she was devastated and wanted to start a new life, which was why she was on the boat to London that day.’
‘This story just keeps getting more incredible by the minute. Poor Anna, how awful. My aunt Margaret had a baby who died and Mum said it took her years to get over it. Anna obviously took you because Laura was drunk but also because she was desperate to replace her little girl.’
This Child of Mine Page 36