by C. J. Lau
Chapter 4
My mind is full of troublesome things on board the bus for the short trip north. Distracted and on my own at the front, with just under an hour to pull myself together. The chatter of my girls keeps me tuned in. Making sure they’re all okay, despite knowing I’m the one who needs help.
“You couldn’t even walk inside and spend a few minutes with us!” Memories of Solo’s rage over the phone stabs little chunks out of me. “Emma’s my sister, Maggie, yes she’s a pain in the arse sometimes, but I’m not going to keep taking sides.”
Hearing him angry brought tears, lots of them. “I’m sorry. I just can’t face it with Cat so far away.”
Laughter from the back of the bus snaps me out of my pondering. And I turn to see Sam, trying to hide her face in embarrassment. Glean what I need to from the chatter around her.
Seems like some boys at school have a crush on my Captain. Sam doing an unconvincing job of pretending they didn’t. Nancy refusing to let it go.
I was like Sam once, tall and fit, in my final year of school with every boy wanting to be with me. But now I only have one boy, and my destiny is in my own hands with him.
When sorry wasn’t good enough, I asked Solo for some time apart, while I sorted things out.
“I still love you,” he told me, even through his anger. Then he said he’d wait for me to call back.
A week has passed. Still I haven’t picked up the phone.
A tear falls for my own worthlessness, blurring a landscape already shimmering in the heat haze. This is not a typical summer heat. But the kind you feel in every part of your body. It makes your bones dry and your eyes sting with glare. It’s that kind of hot.
At least it dries my tears.
Focus on the battle, Maggie. I bring myself back to the challenge of today. Overcome Moss Vale.
Friday afternoon, our first away match this season. As uncomfortable as I am about playing in the heat, there isn’t much I can do about the weather. But I’ve prepared the team for the added challenge. Done my best.
More unwelcome scenes sneak in, with scenery flying by. Apologising to Danielle after training, but no more details of last year forthcoming. Then I visited Sam and Carol at home. Sam confirming she walked out on the team after being challenged by Zara to obey her or quit.
Then Carol had taken over the tale when I asked about the fate of Ms X. “Oh yeah, we all made it clear she wasn’t going to be involved this year,” she confirmed, with no remorse at all. “Everyone knows how important morale is, even if we don’t win everything. She just didn’t get that.”
Zara took the hint and applied for a transfer. Fleeing town as soon as the teaching year was over, not leaving a forwarding address. Nor had anyone asked where she was going. No one caring for details, other than she was gone.
“So will I get sacked too if we don’t make round four?” I’d asked Carol. “I need to know my KPIs. What’s a pass mark?”
“Sam, can you leave us for a minute?” Carol ratchets up my fear by dismissing her sister, my Captain. Before setting me at ease. “We’d all love to make the finals again, but it’s so much more than that. You do your best and let me handle everything else for now.”
Then she told me something about Sam that sends the nerves rumbling back.
“I need her in the team, Carol,” I said through my shock. “Especially if we make the finals.”
“She’ll be there, Maggie,” Carol’s answer instant. “Just be ready.”
So now I’m standing at the front of the bus, pulling off the highway into Moss Vale, glad public speaking’s not one of my fears, but no less nervous about our future. The girls stop what they’re doing, everyone looking at me.
“Okay, team. Before anyone says it, I know how hot it is out there.” And I let a few of them roll their eyes at my observation. “We’ve prepared. There’s ice and drinks, and we have a few ice vests as well. Come straight to the sideline if you’re feeling faint, or you think the heat’s getting to you.” I stop, making sure everyone gets the message. “No heroes today. I’ll make a lot more changes than last match to keep you all alive out there. Remember the new starting team. Four defenders, but hit them early while we have energy. Run up as big a lead as we can. Sort out the rest from there. Any last words, Sam?”
“Nothing more, Coach. No one needs to be Wonder Woman out there today. Don’t hesitate to run across to the sideline and load up, we’ve brought enough for all,” Sam says loudly without standing up.
We’ve arrived at the venue.
“Okay. Anyone want to go first?” I ask. No volunteers. “Fine. I’ll do it.”
A wave of heat rises up to slap me, one step out of the air conditioned team bus. Feeling suddenly faint, I will myself forward.
“Hello, are you Margaret?”
“Yes. Please call me Maggie,” I answer. Lungs filling with scorching air.
“Hi Maggie, welcome to Moss Vale, I’m John. Sorry about the weather. We’ve prepared a little area for you under there.” He points to a temporary shelter where our travelling support gathers. “Francis arrived a few minutes ago.”
“Thank you,” I say, leading the girls over.
Francis has driven here by himself. Beside him sits Nancy’s mum, and the ever present Carol. It seems that that is going to be it for travelling supporters today.
“Okay, girls, let’s get out there and get used to the turf,” I shout once we’re gathered beneath the shelter.
“I think I will explode,” Anna replies, reaching for a towel already.
Soon I’m with them, stick in hand, grass field under my feet. Sending a hockey ball in Sam’s direction.
“Shorten your passes and be alert for bumps!” I shout. Sam sending a long pass bobbling across the grass to Sarah, who traps it first time.
“Five minutes to game time, girls!” Francis announces, walking onto the field.
“Come in, girls!” I head for the sideline. Try to shake the distractions away and focus on the task ahead.
The girls all huddle around me. Oblivious to the torment I’m putting myself through.
I keep it short. “Danielle, Brooke, and Angela are starting in place of Kimberley, Jennifer, and Martina. If you’re on the bench, stay cool and keep hydrated because you could be called on at any moment. Let’s go.”
The seat burns to my touch. “Unseasonably hot for March,” I say, wincing.
A whistle, and we’re underway again.
“Any predictions on the final score?” Carol asks. Danielle scooping up a wayward pass.
“Ten - nil.” Sarah answers with a giggle.
“Only ten?”
I give them a nervous laugh before settling in for the match.
Round 2: Moss Vale
Angela relishes the hotter weather. In 30 minutes she scores four goals, and sets up two more. Playing unchanged.
“Are you sure your sister will be okay?” I ask Sarah. Angela again waving me away when I ask if she needs to come off.
“Yeah, she’s fine,” Sarah answers, “we live on a farm, chasing animals in the sun is normal. She’ll probably collapse at half-time and be ready again for the second half.”
“Not going to happen,” I respond. “She’s done enough for the day. I’ll get you to take her place at half-time.”
“Sure thing, Coach. Miss Conrad.”
“Coach is fine, or Maggie if we’re not in school.”
Sam scores her first goal. How many is that?
“Sure thing, Coach Maggie.”
It’s seven – nil at half-time. The match over, but 35 minutes of sweat to go.
“Brilliant work, Angela,” I speak to them. Recovering in our little shelter, “Well done out there. We’ve totally dominated them.”
Angela, lying down with a wet towel over her face, gives a thumbs-up.
“Since Angela played the whole half, I’ll run with an extra midfielder this half and one striker. Let’s preserve ourselves out there. Match their intensity. But
if they drop off, then we’ll ease up too. A scoreless second half will do me just fine.”
“Pretty negative tactics, Miss,” Nancy jumps in. 18 sets of eyes looking at me for a response.
“Yes, they are. But as hot out as it is I’m not going to let you run yourselves to death,” I shoot back, not caring if it sounds like a scolding. “Just because seven – nil isn’t enough for some people’s egos.”
Nancy shrinks back from my glare. Carol quick to fill the silence.
“Miss Conrad’s right. Everyone back at home would never forgive us if someone collapses out there.”
Carol’s support means a lot to me. “We have a few minutes more. So everyone get lots of fluid into you.” I take over again, “Any words Sam?”
“The hard work is done. Do what Miss Conrad says, we just need to ride this half out. At the end of the season no one looks at scores, just whether we won or lost.”
“Sorry,” Nancy starts.
I wave her down. “Don’t Nancy. Your suggestions are important, everyone’s suggestions are. But in this instance we are doing it my way.”
A few minutes later the team’s back on the field for the restart. Nancy taking her place.
“Thanks, Carol,” I tell her. “That’ll help me a lot in earning everyone’s trust.”
“You don’t need to earn anything, Maggie.” Carol’s turn to wave me down. “The team’s still getting used to you. But we all still remember.”
“I know,” I admit with a tight grin, “Principal Ripley said as much. The pressure is killing me.”
On the field, Nancy and Sarah lead the attack. Sam pushing forward towards goal. No surprise come back this match as our dominance continues.
“You’re going to be fine, Maggie.” Carol’s reassurance soothes the chattering nerves. “It will get easier.”
I nod. Know in my heart things won’t get easier while part of me is on the other side of the world, saying prayers for Cat.
Our opponents mount a tired and demoralised challenge for the next period. Sarah making it eight before the girls act on my advice and drop back to defend. Our game switching to sitting back and countering in bursts.
I call Sam and Nancy off with ten minutes to go. The rapid rotations from the rest of the team helping, but Sam’s spent. Pacing slowly off the field.
“Sorry, Maggie.” Now Sam feels the need to apologise. “Up all night studying for an exam this morning. I’m stuffed.”
“It’s okay. You need to keep your studies up. You played a great match, so take an early mark.”
Anna’s the perfect person to take over leadership. The game now defensive. The oppressive heat taking its toll on everyone.
Five minutes pass of static play.
Five minutes to go and my girls are starting to suffer. No amount of changes are going to make this any easier.
“Have you called him yet?” Carol asks, taking a seat beside me. Sam subtly squeezing in on the other side.
I didn’t mind her eavesdropping, she and Carol are the only close friends I have, now a wall exists between me and everyone in Wollongong.
“No. It’s killing me.” I shake my head, eyes too dry for tears. “Every day that passes, I feel more hopeless and incompetent. But I can’t bring myself to do it… I know what he expects when I ring him back, and I don’t think I’m ready.” I add quietly, “I’m not sure if I’ll ever be ready to think that Cat will never come back.”
My girls win a Penalty corner on the field. Both teams in no hurry to get organised. Everyone happy if this were the final play of the match.
“Call him. I know you miss him, and so do you.” Carol urges, hand on the towel over my shoulders.
“I do miss him.” I can’t focus on the match right now. Wish Carol had brought this up at home. “But you know it’s a little more complicated than that.”
“Just accept that his sister is sleeping with Cat’s ex-boyfriend, and you’ll be fine.” Sam chips in, earning a glare from Carol, but simplifying my problems into one word.
Accept.
“Accepting is the hardest part,” Carol keeps on. Anna taking charge on the field. Her pride meaning the set play is taken seriously, even with our lead. “We’re very close to Cat too, our whole family is. It’s been a tough few months.” A hint of emotion from Carol means she’s hurting a lot. “Solomon seems like a great guy. He had to accept you moving here.”
Sarah scores a brilliant goal to end the match. The cheer interrupting, then a whistle.
“Let’s finish this later, Carol,” I say quickly, standing, “but thanks.”
I walk onto the field to shake hands. Carol shouting at our driver to start up and blast the air con.
A few minutes later we form a sweaty huddle together.
“Excellent performance, girls! We smashed them and I couldn’t have asked for a more dominant match. Let’s get out of here quickly. When you get home, have a shower and reward yourselves with ice cream. You deserve it.”
I bring up the rear, lost in thought as the girls pile on. No ice cream for me when I get home, only crucial words.
The Keene sisters are right. I need to accept the tragedy and find a way to move on.
Face up to Mark and Emma. Deal with reactions when they come. I decide a course of action. Have always been good at spontaneous decisions. Hoping my instincts won’t fail me now.