He pulls his hands away from me and places them over mine, and we’re both holding the gun, and then I feel him push inside me and I throw my head back and let out the longest, lowest groan.
‘Focus, Izzi,’ he murmurs, and I let go of the gun but he keeps hold of it, resting it against my neck and I groan again, burying my fingers in my hair as I grind down onto him. ‘Remember why you’re doing this, baby. Get angry, let that hate rise to the surface. You want to hurt people, Izzi. You want to hurt the people who hurt you.’
With every word he utters I feel all those fucked-up feelings start to return, flooding my veins, consuming me, until I’m tearing at his clothes, his skin, as I cry out in pain and frustration.
‘Channel that anger, baby, come on! Use it. Come on, darlin’.’
I shiver as I feel him slide the gun down over my neck, right the way down to my thigh, and it’s cold and hard and so is he, and I’m starting to remember everything he taught me now, it’s all rushing back, everything, invading my messed-up brain with the memories. And then he briefly rests the gun against my clit, and he laughs quietly, and when he pulls it away I let out another frustrated cry, Jesus, this is sick!
He winds his fingers in my hair and pulls my head forward, his mouth touching my ear as he speaks. ‘What’s happening here, Izzi?’
I open my eyes and smile at him. ‘We are.’
He grins, and I lean forward and kiss him, biting down on his lip, my groans seeping into him as I come. ‘Oh, baby, we are.’ And he’s coming too, but he’s so controlled, so focused, and it’s crazy the shit going round in my head right now. But this is what Zeb does; what I’ve always known he does, and I’m more than OK about going back there. I think it’s what I need.
He takes my face in his hands, and he’s still holding onto the gun, but his eyes are so dark and dangerous and another shiver wracks my entire body. ‘You wanna get those low-down bastards who shot your daddy? Who murdered your man? You want that, baby?’
I nod and I close my eyes as he kisses me; a rough, violent, beautiful kiss that invades every cell with the poison I need.
‘Then we’re gonna go get that for you, darlin’.’
I smile and squeeze my thighs tight against his, keeping him locked inside me and he kisses me again; tongues touching, teeth biting.
‘You work with me, you sleep with me, you stay by my fucking side until we’ve finished this, Izzi, y’hear me?’
I nod again, and he runs the gun lightly down over my cheek and I place a hand over it as our eyes bore deep into the others’, which sends another shiver tearing through me. ‘Then you’re gonna get what you came for, baby.’
I’m gonna get what I came for.
Finally…
Chapter Twenty-Two
Mack
I can’t lose this club, it’s all I have. I grew up within its confines. My parents – the people who took me in; became my parents – they ran this chapter for decades before I took over. It’s my fucking life, and I ain’t giving it away, not for anyone. Not even her. I’ve been given an ultimatum and I’ve made my choice. The club wins. Does that mean I don’t think about her? Shit, no. I think about her all the time. I got people complaining about her absence over at Laney’s every freakin’ night, so I ain’t being given a chance to forget her. Girls like her move on, that’s what I tell ‘em. Girls like her… I’d never met one before, not until she walked into my life all attitude and superficial arrogance because she wasn’t born that way. I miss her. Like fucking crazy. Like I’ve never missed anyone before, and I hate the feeling, it makes me weak, and I ain’t weak. I’m the Soldiers of Darkness’ President. I always will be. Until the day I die. Or until some bastard gets me first.
‘Everything go OK with Viper?’
I look up as Odi sticks his head round the chapel door. ‘Fine. He’s still wary but that’s only to be expected. And he always was a suspicious bastard anyway.’
‘We on for tomorrow night then?’
I nod and push my chair back, swinging my legs up onto the table. ‘Get Gator up to speed, and take a couple of the prospects along with you. Give Fitz a chance. He deserves something after the shit he took over at the safe house.’
Odi looks at me, and I don’t appreciate his expression. ‘What about Duke?’ But he’s sensible enough not to go there.
‘Duke stays. We need to be manned here at the clubhouse in case of any repercussions. Viper and a couple of his men are coming over, too. For back-up, just in case.’
‘In case of what? I thought this was a pretty straightforward job?’
‘It is. But you take nothing for granted in this life. It only takes one dumb prick to start something we don’t need, and we’re done. So we stay on guard. And this is drugs, Odi. So we need to be extra careful, in case the Sheriff’s office have got wind of anything going down. I heard the DEA are in town so we need to be vigilant.’
He leans against the doorpost and folds his arms. ‘You think there might be an informant working somewhere?’
‘Viper just recruited a new kid a couple of weeks ago, and a few of his men have expressed concern over some aspects of his behavior.’
Odi frowns. ‘They don’t usually employ amateurs to go undercover.’
I shrug, because I don’t think this is something we need to worry about. In fact, I know it isn’t. Both me and Viper are pretty good at spotting those that don’t belong. We’ve blown the covers of both FBI and DEA informants before and if Viper thought there was any real threat he’d have done something about it by now. No, there’s a whole other problem we need to be aware of. And me and Viper – we’re dealing with it. ‘We’re just being over cautious, is all. Stay focused, get the shit where it needs to be, take the money, and get outta there. No hanging around.’
‘You not coming with us?’
‘I’m staying here.’
‘Hang on… did you say Viper was staying here at the clubhouse, too?’
‘Y’all need your hands holding? You can’t do this job without your presidents to baby-sit?’
Odi frowns again and I’m starting to get tired now.
‘You got a problem there, Odi?’
‘You sure things are OK?’
‘Why wouldn’t they be?’
‘I’m your VP, Mack. If there’s something else going down…’
‘Just take charge, Odi, all right? Make sure things go smoothly and get the job done, that’s all I need you to do.’
He backs out of the door, but then stops, and I roll my eyes and drop my legs down from the table. What the fuck is with this guy?
‘Listen, Mack, I…’
I look at him, but say nothing.
‘You made the right decision.’
‘Did I.’ It’s not a question.
‘You know you did. She would’ve ruined this place. She would’ve killed this club. You pulled it back, you kept us going because if we’d lost that deal with Viper…’
‘We’d still be OK. Viper’s crew aren’t keeping us afloat, not anymore. They’re just helping us out. Making our life that little bit easier. But, yeah, I made the right decision.’
He gets the message now and finally leaves me alone. And once he’s out of the way I let out the heaviest sigh and get up, walking over to the window that looks out over the compound. This club has to come first. But for a brief time I’d actually allowed myself to believe that I could share it with someone who really mattered to me, rather than the endless line of biker mamas that troop through this place day after day, night after night. Does that really make me weak? That I might actually want someone to care about? Is love such a bad thing?
I close my eyes and rest my forehead against the glass.
I’m Mack Slayer.
I don’t have time for love.
Life goes on, as it always has done. Whether I like it or not…
Izzi
‘It’s good to see you, Izzi.’
I want to run to him. I want to throw myself into h
is arms and hold on tight because this man is the closest thing to a father I’ve had since my own was cruelly gunned down by men who are living on borrowed time now. But I can’t do that. I have to stay me – the new me. The one he and Zeb created.
I turn around as Zeb walks in, and he smiles at me, and I feel like I’ve come home. I feel safe here, with the men who made me the woman I needed to become.
‘Is Zeb looking after you?’
I turn back to face Sam, and it feels like it’s been an eternity since I was last here, in this house, with these men, yet it was only a few weeks ago that I’d left here to start this new and dangerous, unpredictable journey. ‘Yes. Yes, he is.’ I look back over my shoulder at Zeb, who grins and winks and I can’t help but smile back at him. Yeah. He’s looking after me. In the only way Zeb knows how.
‘Good.’
I turn my attention back to Sam.
‘He’s going to be with you constantly now, Izzi. Although, it’s best we don’t hang around too long with this one. We get the job done, we move on. I’m sure you want that, too.’
I nod, and the part of me that still needs work really needs Zeb to come and hold my hand and make me feel like I can do this without feeling any fear, but I know he can’t do that. He won’t do that. I’m not here to be wrapped in cotton wool. I’m here to learn my final few lessons; to repair the damage being around Mack Slayer caused.
‘OK. Come with me.’
I follow him out down the stairs that lead off from the kitchen. We’re heading into the basement, somewhere I used to spend a lot of time when I first arrived here. I learned a lot down there. This is where I loaded my first weapon; where I fired my first gun. This is where it all started. And this is where it all ends. As I look around I notice Sam’s already started packing things away, and that makes everything suddenly seem final; real. This is happening now.
‘Maybe we should have just done things this way in the first place.’
I really hadn’t meant those words to come out of my mouth. I’m thinking out loud, that’s all.
‘I wanted you to go to Mack, Izzi. I wanted to see how that worked out.’
I narrow my eyes slightly. ‘How that worked out? Hang on. Was I some kind of experiment or something? Was this really about me or did you just want to test him?’
‘Both.’
I’m confused now. And he gets that.
‘You needed someone. And that someone could have been me or Zeb and yes, we could have just done this from the start. We could have ended this way before now, but you knew, Izzi – you knew this was a two-way thing. We helped you, and in turn you helped us. Our way.’
‘Was I sent to him as a fucking trap? So you could see how weak he was? How distracted he could become? Did you honestly think this could help me, in any way, or were you… why don’t you tell him, Sam? Why keep it from him all this time, I don’t get it…’
‘It’s complicated, Izzi.’
I walk over to the table he’s standing beside and run my fingers over the array of weapons lying there. Just a few months ago this scene would have terrified me, but now it’s normal. It’s what I’ve surrounded myself with since the day I arrived here.
‘I only ever wanted him to be happy, Izzi.’
I look up at him. ‘Mack is an angry man, Sam.’
‘And he has every right to be angry.’
‘But you could have…’
He holds a hand up to silence me, and I immediately stop talking.
‘I was seventeen years old, his mother was dead, I couldn’t look after him, Izzi, you know this.’ He turns away from me and picks up a small handgun that he then hands to me. ‘A Glock 42, .380 AUTO. And don’t let its size fool you. It’s small, but it can cause a lot of damage.’ His eyes fix on mine and the corner of his mouth turns up slightly. ‘Just like you.’
I take the gun and turn it over and over in my hand.
‘You’ve used one like this before, you know how it works… Izzi?’
I look up sharply.
‘Remember who you are now. Remember that, and hold onto it. Don’t ever forget how far you’ve come.’
The twisted things I’ve done. The terrible things I had to endure. The sick shit I enjoyed. I’m not going to forget any of it. I couldn’t, even if I wanted to. I’m living it; this is my life now.
‘It’s happening tomorrow night.’
My eyes widen because I wasn’t expecting it so soon. ‘Tomorrow?’
‘Both Mack and Viper’s men, they’re delivering a shipment of cocaine to a friend of mine in Langfield.’
I put the gun down and look at him. ‘A friend of… Did you…? You set that job up?’
‘If you want to do this, Izzi, we do it now and we move on. You and Zeb will go to the Soldiers of Darkness clubhouse a little after midnight tomorrow. Some of Viper’s men, including Viper himself, are going to be there. Seems Mack and his associate are a little wary right now, with good reason.’ His eyes lock on mine and he smiles, just a small smile, but it kind of unnerves me a little bit. ‘You can take out the man himself, Izzi.’
I hear the door open behind me but I don’t turn around, I know it’s Zeb. I feel him come up behind me, and he picks up the gun Sam gave me and takes my hand, placing the gun in it before he pushes the hair away from the back of my neck and kisses it gently. ‘We’re happening, princess. You and me. Are you ready for the ride, baby?’
His breath’s warm on my skin and I close my eyes and lean back against him as his fingers stroke my neck, trailing down over my shoulder.
‘Zeb’ll take it from here,’ Sam says. ‘You’re going to be fine, Izzi. I promise.’
I open my eyes and look at him, and Zeb’s still kissing my neck, his hands sliding down, slowly pushing my skirt up over up my thighs and Sam’s gaze drops briefly before his eyes meet mine again. ‘You do what you need to do, and then we leave town. I have people ready to go in and clear up. You’re going to be fine.’
I don’t say anything, but he knows I understand. I can do this. I have to do this.
Sam climbs the stairs back up to the house, and my fingers tighten around the gun. ‘Sam?’
He stops and turns around.
‘Thank you.’
‘You have nothing to thank me for, Izzi.’
I watch as he leaves the basement, closing the door behind him, and still Zeb continues to play with me, his fingers hooking into the sides of my panties and I feel myself giving in. But this is a test. This whole journey’s been a test.
I knock his hand away with the gun and swing around, and he grabs my wrist and laughs before his mouth crashes down onto mine and I can’t breathe, the kiss is so deep, so hard. But he isn’t getting what he wants so easy. I’m not sure there’s much left he can teach me, so do we really need to be doing this now? But I like him, being this close. He’s my safety blanket. My go-to guy. I like him, this close. But he still isn’t getting it easy. He taught me how to do that, how to make them work for it.
I pull back slightly and wrench my arm free of his grip, lifting the gun and tucking it under his chin, pushing his head back. ‘I don’t have time for this. I’ve got work to do.’
He once more takes hold of my wrist and pushes the gun out from under his chin, his hand on my cheek bringing my face closer to his and he kisses me again, and I feel myself weakening, and I remember how much trouble that got me into before. So I bite down on his lip, and for a second it startles him, giving me time to pull away.
He wipes his mouth with his forearm and smirks, and his eyes are dark and dangerous and I feel a shiver wrack my body, but I’m not giving in. Not yet. But there was always going to be a time when he was too quick for me; when I hesitated for a second too long and he took advantage. And he’s there, in front of me now. He’s got me backed up against the table and I pull myself up onto it; I wrap my legs around him and pull him between them. I’ve got the control back. And he knows it.
‘Something you want?’ I smile, and he reaches
down to slide a hand between my legs but I grab his wrist and pull his hand back, shaking my head. ‘You need permission to go there, and I don’t remember giving you any.’
He laughs, and he lowers his head and rests his mouth lightly against mine as he speaks. ‘I want you naked, princess. Because I ain’t playing teacher no more.’
I take his face in my hands and push him away from me, just a touch, so I can look at him properly. ‘No,’ I whisper, shaking my head. ‘No, Zeb.’
His fingers dig into my thighs and I take a deep breath, throwing my head back as his mouth brushes the base of my neck.
‘Zeb!’
Sam’s voice startles us both and Zeb pulls away from me and turns to face his uncle.
‘You OK, Izzi?’ Sam asks.
‘I’m fine.’ I slide down from the table and allow Zeb’s arm to circle my waist. It’s the first sign to initiating a dangerous game, but I think it’s the way we have to play it now. He was right, when he told me Mack wasn’t my future. Mack can’t be my future. Mack’s future is about to be messed-up beyond belief and I can’t be a part of that, not anymore. I need to stay where I’m comfortable now. My time with Mack was only ever meant to be temporary. Zeb was always my future. I just hadn’t thought it was going to start quite so soon.
He leans into me and kisses the space just below my ear, his warm breath sending a deep shiver tearing through me and I feel a rush of everything from crushing guilt to dark anger start to take over. But I don’t feel fear. I’m not scared, not anymore. I’m just tired. I need this to end, and I need the rest of whatever life I have now to begin.
I turn my head and he catches my mouth and I let him kiss me, let his hand resting against my cheek allow me to feel safe. But I’m not safe. I’m far from that, but he makes me believe I’m OK.
‘Can I have a word, Izzi?’
Broken (Soldiers of Darkness MC Book 1) Page 19