My heart hammers in my chest. “No, he’s fine. He didn’t say anything. He’s . . . my friend. I’m just tired. Hard day.”
Another exchange of glances. Their ability to communicate from only a look as a married couple is powerful and annoying.
“If he’s your friend, why do you seem so shell-shocked, Ryan? This isn’t like you. What’s going on?”
“Nothing.” Rory has known me for a long-ass time, and I know—I know—she’s going to put this together, and I’m barely breathing waiting for her.
“You like Colby.”
And there it is. Rory’s power of deduction knows no bounds.
I shake my head, feeling the defeat in my shoulders as I sag into my seat, hand cupping my forehead. “No, I don’t like Colby . . . I love him.”
Cue the silence.
And the gasp.
And then the squeal followed by clapping. “Oh my God. You love Colby? This is so great. I can’t believe it, but then I can. Gah, I kind of want to think this is all because of me, but I won’t take all the credit, I’ll give some—”
“Rory.” Stryder places his hand on her shoulder and leans forward. “Are you forgetting the fact that Colby is engaged?”
Her mouth falls open, words nowhere to be found as she remembers the one thing that has been tearing me apart every damn day since he proposed. He’s getting married. And there is nothing I can or will do about it.
“Oh shit, I completely forgot.” Another gasp as Rory whips her head toward me. “And you’re the maid of honor.” I slowly nod. “Holy shit, you’ve been helping her plan this entire wedding while you’re in love with the groom. That’s like a Lifetime movie.” No. Not even close. It’s a nightmare.
“A screwed-up one.”
“Does he know?”
“Of course not,” I practically screech. “And if either of you two tell him, you’re dead to me. I don’t want anything messing with his feelings for Sage. She’s such a sweet and caring woman, perfect for him. I don’t want anything screwing that up.”
“Ryan, don’t you think he deserves to know?”
“No. Absolutely not. He doesn’t feel the same way about me. He’s happy with Sage, and there is no point for him to be aware of my feelings. It wouldn’t be fair to him or Sage.”
“And what’s fair to you?” Rory asks, her hand coming to mine. My mother told me many years ago what was fair for me. You can’t look like that your whole life . . . no one will ever want to date you.
“Nothing. Nothing is fair in life, and I’m okay with that. Rory, I will not be the girl who broke up a wedding.”
“And what about the girl who gets the guy? Are you ever going to be her?” In a word? No.
Why is she pushing this so hard? How can she not know how much her suggestion to intrude on Colby’s joy is hurting me? Trying not to raise my voice—she is pregnant and delusional—I say, “Rory. Stop. You’re not really suggesting I tell Colby I love him in the hopes that he throws away his engagement to someone as sweet as Sage for someone like me, are you?”
“Someone like you? What is that supposed to mean?” Oh dear. Angry Rory has arrived. Stryder is wisely silent. He knows Rory well now and knows not to intervene. Yet.
I give her a get real look. “Come on, I’m not stupid. Compare me with Sage. I’m the devil to her angel. We both have blonde hair but where hers is pure innocence, mine is pure sin. We are polar opposites, and Colby floats toward women like Sage.” I pause and look away. “Her kind heart reminds me of yours. I can see why he’s marrying her.”
Struggling slightly, Rory stands to her feet and walks to my side of the couch where she sits and lifts my chin so I’m forced to look her in the eyes.
I connect with my best friend, the girl who’s been through everything with me. We’ve held each other’s hands through some of the toughest times, and when we weren’t protecting one another, we were laughing and sharing our deepest secrets, cheering for each others successes, and eating pancakes together during our fails. I love her. I have missed this so much. Missed her.
The familiarity of having her in front of me, next to me—consoling me—creates a wave of emotion. My eyes begin to water. I don’t want to cry, but I can’t keep my broken heart in one piece any longer. I just feel so alone.
Holding me firmly, she says, “You have a kind heart, Ryan. Do not put yourself down like that. The woman sitting before me is so much more than you believe. You have a heart of gold and a vivacious soul that is addicting to be around.”
“Then why . . .” A sob rips through my throat. God, this is so embarrassing. Stryder—amazing man that he is—doesn’t leave, but instead, sits on the other side of me, placing his hand on my back where he gently rubs it back and forth.
“Why what?” Rory gently asks with her soothing tone.
“W-why doesn’t anyone love me?” Another sob rips through me as I bring my hands to my face and let the tears fall. The sorrow I’ve been building up—for what seems like decades—pours out of me. “I can’t find anyone who wants to stick around long enough. My own mother doesn’t love me; she doesn’t even care enough to see me while I’m here.” Letting it all out, I continue, “I found this incredible man, someone who truly cares about me. But not only is he taken, about to get married, when he had the chance, he told me he loves me as a friend. Do you know what kind of a blow that was? I know he’s engaged”—I hiccup—“and he’s not mine, but hearing him finalize the fact that we’re friends and only friends, it was a gut punch I wasn’t ready for.”
“But he doesn’t know how you feel.”
“Exactly. Because he thinks of us as friends.” I bite the side of my cheek. Should I tell them? They don’t know about the night after their wedding, at least I don’t think they do. It doesn’t seem like something Colby would tell them. “There’s more.” I swallow hard.
“What do you mean?”
I twist my hands in my lap, feeling both their eyes fixed on me, waiting for my next words. If I was going to tell anyone, besides Leah who really is not part of the equation, it would be these two. If anything they know us the best.
“The night after your wedding, Colby and I hung out. One thing led to another—”
“I told you.” Rory points at Stryder who groans. “I told you they totally did it.”
“What?” I ask.
Irritated, Stryder says, “She thought she saw you guys go to Colby’s hotel room together after the wedding.” Thank God she never asked me before now. How mortifying would it be if she’d known he’d slept with me and then got engaged to another woman. God, even thinking it makes me feel like I’m going to vomit . . .
“We did, but we didn’t do anything that night. We were too drunk to even think of it. But the next day we spent together, hanging out and joking, which led to a night together.”
“And how did you leave things?”
“As friends. He was going back to Vegas, at the time I was still in Colorado Springs, but I can’t get that time together out of my head. It’s clouded my brain and the worst part is, we had sex but never kissed.”
“You never kissed?”
I shake my head. “No. And now I watch him with Sage, the way he so delicately lifts her jaw to his mouth, the smooth way his mouth glides across hers. Fuck, I’m so in love with this man, that all I want is to feel his lips on mine, just once.” Turning toward Stryder, I decide to ask him something that has been burning in my mind since my epiphany. In fact, it’s made me respect him even more. “Is this how you felt when you couldn’t have Rory?”
Slowly he nods, eyes on his wife. “It was fucking torture. Knowing that the person you feel the most connected to, the person you know deep down in your soul you’re supposed to be with is with someone else and there is nothing you can do about it. It’s like living in hell every damn day of your life with a three-hundred-pound man sitting on your chest making it impossible to breathe when they’re around.” Yep. He gets me.
He couldn’t ha
ve painted a more true picture. The inability to breathe when he’s around, when I see him with her, when he smiles in my direction because of something I said. It’s devastating not being able to leap into his arms, take his head in my hands and finally feel what it’s like to fully connect with this man.
“And what did you do?”
“Nothing.” He shakes his head. “I did fucking nothing, and I still thank my lucky stars that the woman sitting across from me right now is my wife.”
I lean back on the couch and close my eyes. What Stryder is saying is unfortunately true. There is nothing I can do. Absolutely fucking nothing.
“Love is pain,” I mutter, letting a new wave of tears wash down my face.
“It’s not over,” Rory says, the ever optimistic.
“It’s over, Rory. He’s getting married. There is nothing more final than that.”
Chapter One Hundred Two
COLBY
A small bungalow in the heart of old Colorado City. Teal planters hang from the windows, empty because of the winter months approaching. A red-brick pathway leads to a yellow front door on a cream adobe-style house. Quaint and charming, exactly what I pictured for Rory.
And the welcome mat with their faces on it at the front door . . . I snort.
Not what I pictured for Stryder, but fuck is it good to see him settled down . . . and domesticated with his face on a welcome mat.
I knock on the wooden door and shift in place, gripping a giant bouquet of flowers and a jug of orange juice, because I honestly didn’t know what else to bring.
The door unlocks and Stryder appears on the other side, looking like the happiest motherfucker I’ve ever seen. The smile that stretches across his face matches the one he had when he slipped a ring on Rory’s finger.
It makes me so happy seeing him like this. I’ve seen him at the worst, the struggle he endured, and the pain he suffered for years, but now, he’s truly happy. There is no denying it as I look at the crinkle of his eyes or the fucking jolly look on his face.
“Colby, come here, man.” Stryder pulls me into a hug and pats me on the back. We embrace for a second before he moves to the side and Rory comes into view, a beautiful round belly pulling at her shirt and a genuine smile on her face.
“You look amazing,” I say, bringing her into a hug.
Many years ago, seeing her pregnant with another man’s baby might have thrown me off the deep end, turning me into a jealous asshole, but none of those feelings surface. Instead, I’m truly content for the both of them.
“How long do you have left?”
“A month. We decided to wait to find out the sex, so don’t even ask.”
Stryder shuts the door behind me. “She decided that. I’ve tried bribing the nurses and doctors, but she has them on lockdown.”
She jabs Stryder. “No cheating. We will find out the sex when the little dumpling is ready to join us.”
“Sure, babe, whatever you say.” Stryder rolls his eyes playfully. “I’m going to check on the waffles. Make yourself at home, dude.”
The smell of waffles filters through the living room that is full of bright colors, cozy and comfy, just like Rory’s studio apartment. There are some familiar decorations I remember and some new things. Pictures of their wedding scatter the wall as well as pictures of Stryder, Rory, and Rory’s brother Bryan at the training facility they own.
It’s perfect.
“Here.” I hand Rory the flowers. “These are for you.”
“Thank you. You’re too sweet.” She sniffs them and then looks at me, a smirk on her face. “Never thought you would be giving me flowers again.”
Laughing, I pat her on the shoulder and say, “Too soon, Rory. Too soon.”
“Even after all these years?” she questions, walking toward the kitchen.
“I’m a sensitive soul.” I’m only teasing, and I’m about to throw in a little fake cry when I stop dead in my walk to the kitchen, orange juice in hand. Ryan steps into view, wearing a pair of leggings, and a loose gray sweater that hangs off her shoulder. Her hair is tied into a bun on the top of her head and her eyes are coated heavily in mascara making her eyes shine brilliantly bright. My heart jumps in my chest as excitement and confusion hit me at the same time.
Holy shit, she’s here.
Relief.
Not even thinking about it, I walk up to her and pull her into a giant hug, burying my head into her hair, my arms wrapped tightly around her shoulders. “What the hell are you doing here?” I ask, soaking in her familiar scent. God, I’ve missed her.
When I pull away, she quickly glances at Stryder and Rory before taking a step back and smoothing down her sweater. “Uh, my dad flew me out here to visit. Just here for a few days.”
“And you weren’t going to tell me?” I feel a pang of hurt hit me square in the chest.
“I didn’t want to bother you.”
“Bother me?” My brow pulls tougher. “Are you kidding me? You know I would always make time for you.” I bring her into my chest again and place a kiss on the top of her head before turning toward Stryder and Rory. “And you fuckers didn’t tell me either. Why didn’t you tell me?”
For some reason, the tension in the room grows as Rory, Ryan and Stryder all look between each other. What the hell is going on?
“Uh, care to share what you three are communicating between each other?”
“What? We’re not communicating anything.” Rory turns around and starts tending to the flowers.
“Waffles are almost ready,” Stryder says, holding up a spatula before turning back around again.
Shifting next to me, Ryan slips from under my grasp and takes the jug of orange juice from me. “I’ll put this in the fridge for you.”
All three of them busy themselves, avoiding my question, sharing covert looks with one another.
I cross my arms over my chest, fed up with the secrecy. “What the hell is going on?”
“Nothing.”
“Nothing.”
“I’m breaking up with Donovan.”
Now all eyes are focused on Ryan, who is nervously shifting in place, head tilted down.
She’s breaking up with Donovan. I know I should ask her if she’s okay and empathize with her, but fuck if I don’t want to jump off the wall right now and do a backflip out of pure joy.
Thank fuck!
Don-the-douche doesn’t deserve her, not even close, and I’m glad she’s finally realized that. I hold my tongue, though, knowing how sensitive she is about the subject.
“You are?” I ask, swallowing my emotion.
“Yeah, that’s why they’re being weird, because I just dropped the bomb on them before you got here, and they know how you feel about Donovan. Right, guys?”
“Oh yeah. Kind of still in shock.” Rory sets the bouquet of flowers on the table.
“Really surprised,” Stryder adds.
Ignoring the weird reactions from Rory and Stryder, I turn to Ryan and ask, “When did you decide?”
She shrugs her shoulders. “A while ago. And I also think I’m going to move back here.”
My eyes shoot wide open and my heart drops to the floor. “What?” She’s leaving?
Leaving me?
“Yeah, what?” Rory asks, looking way too excited.
“I’ve been doing some thinking, and I’m not sure Vegas is for me.”
Like a hammer to my chest, the wind is knocked out of me, making it feel almost impossible to stand, my knees weak and my breath hitching in my chest. I take a seat at the table and steady myself.
“What do you mean?”
Taking a seat as well, she avoids eye contact with me and says, “The job is fun, but I’m not sure it’s what I want. I don’t like the hours, and I’m not sure it will get me where I want to be.”
“Have you looked for something else?”
She shakes her head. “Not really, no. I think I need a change.”
A change? Why do I feel like this is a direct dig at
me? I might be taking this too personally, but hell, she didn’t tell me she was here, and now she’s moving away? I barely survived when she wasn’t talking to me, what am I going to do when I can no longer call her and ask her out for a burrito lunch date, or have her come over for a barbecue? What about when I need someone to talk to or just hang out with? I have my boys, but Ryan is different. She makes me fucking happy, and I don’t want to lose that.
“When are you planning on moving?” I ask, feeling my throat starting to close in on me.
“Not sure.” She shrugs. “It’s just a thought for now but figured I’d let you all know.”
“You can always stay with us for a bit if you need to,” Rory says, rubbing her belly. “Lord knows, we’ll need the help.” I’ve never wanted to yell at Rory more than I do now. What the hell is she thinking? No, Ryan can’t stay with them. Fuck, she needs to stay in Vegas.
“Thanks,” Ryan says weakly and then takes a deep breath. “Okay, enough about me. Let’s talk about the baby. I can’t believe it’s a girl.”
“What?” Stryder whips his head around, spatula in hand, just as the waffle iron beeps. “We’re having a girl?”
“Are we?” Rory turns to Ryan who is now laughing, the worry on her face slightly masked by the humor in her joke, but I can see right through the bravado. Something isn’t right here.
“Jesus Christ.” Stryder holds his chest. “I thought you knew and weren’t telling me.”
“You really think I would find out and not tell you but tell Ryan?” Rory props her hand on her hip, anger spiraling out of her.
“I don’t know what you two talk about. For all I know, you could already have names picked out between the two of you.”
“Lilah and Jax, right, Rory?” Ryan jokingly eggs them on, causing Rory to roll her eyes.
“I take back my statement from earlier. You are not allowed to stay here anymore.”
* * *
“Hey.” I sit next to Ryan on the couch while Rory and Stryder clean up the breakfast mess. We both offered but they refused to let their guests clean. Instead, they shooed us off to the living room, which I prefer because I want some alone time with Ryan, without prying eyes.
The Duets Page 82