For Sage, I’m assuming I was the comfort of someone familiar, someone to help her through her transition to a new place, to a new chapter in her life.
Understanding washes over me, the realization that our relationship is coming to an end.
“We were each other’s safety blankets,” I say, speaking what’s on my mind.
She glances at me, her eyes widening as if a light bulb just went off in her head. “We were. The safe option.”
“The comfortable.”
She squeezes my hand. “The protective.”
I tug on her hand and pull her onto my lap, wrapping my arms around her and holding on to her tightly, knowing that this is the end. “I love you, Sage.”
“I love you, Colby . . . but . . .”
“We’re not in love.”
She shakes her head and pulls away a few inches. “We’re not.”
“Do you ever think we were in love, or was our relationship mutual companionship?”
“I don’t know. I would like to think I was in love, but I’m not sure I really know what that feeling is like.”
I have an inkling what the feeling is like, and even though Sage is sitting on my lap, I know she’s not the one tugging on my heart, making me feel nauseas and excited all at the same time.
Tipping her chin up, I say, “You know, someone once told me sometimes love can be a steppingstone, a path to the person you’re truly supposed to be with.”
“Were we steppingstones?”
Fuck if I want to admit to it, but . . .
“Yeah.” I nod. “I think we were steppingstones.”
She rests her head against my chest and circles my waist with her arm, the gesture more friendly than anything. We sit there for a few heartbeats before she says, “Do you think I’ll ever find what you have with Ryan?”
Drawn back, I say, “What?”
Sitting up, she smiles wickedly at me. “Come on, Colby. She’s perfect for you. She’s your person. The yin to your yang. It’s so obvious.”
“Sage”—I shake my head, another bout of sweat hitting me, this one stronger—“Ryan and I are friends.”
“You’re more than friends.”
“If you think something happened between us, it didn’t. I would never do that to you.”
She gently presses her hand against my rapidly beating heart, trying to calm me. “I know you would never do anything to me; you’re not that kind of man. It took me a bit, but once I saw the two of you together in a better light, in the right light, I could tell there was more than friendship. It wasn’t what broke us up, so please trust that. But I’m going to be disappointed if you don’t go after her.”
I want to snort. Go after Ryan? Fuck, she won’t even return my texts and phone calls as a friend. There is no way in hell she’s going to let me “go after her.”
Relenting, I shake my head, wanting to set the record straight. “We’re friends, Sage.” If that.
She shrugs. “Okay. If you say so.” She reaches down to her hand and wiggles her ring off her finger. “I’m guessing you might want this?”
I shake my head. “Keep it. If anything, it can be a reminder of what you’re striving to find.”
“Colby, you could return it, get your money back.”
I chuckle and put the ring in her palm, closing her fingers over it. “Not going to happen. Returning an engagement ring is like the walk of shame. Keep it, pawn it, sell it, I don’t care what you do, but to hell if I’m going to take it back.”
She laughs as well. “Ah, yeah, I can see how that would be a blow to your ego.”
“Don’t want those pity looks.”
“Understandable.” She clutches the ring to her chest and says, “I’m starving. Should we go out to eat, celebrate our breakup?”
“I can’t imagine having it any other way.”
I help her to her feet and stand. God, I cannot believe this conversation took place. For the first time in a long fucking time, I feel I can take a deep breath. I don’t feel . . . burdened, as if I’m doing the wrong thing. Everything Sage said was true. “I think it’s because we both knew we weren’t meant to be with each other.” If she’s right, what do I do next?
When I go to walk to the bathroom, she calls out my name, and I turn. With a gentle voice and a soft gaze, she says, “Thank you for being my man for a short period of time. You were good to me.”
I give her a soft smile. “You were good to me too, Sage.” And she was.
But she’s not my forever.
Chapter One Hundred Five
COLBY
The door opens and I barge through, walking right past Stryder, to his kitchen where I pop open the fridge and grab a beer. Not even taking a second to say hi, I down half the bottle in one large gulp.
“Uh . . . is everything okay, man?” Stryder asks, walking into the kitchen.
I lower the beer and take a deep breath, letting it out slowly. “Sage and I called off the engagement.”
Frozen, Stryder blinks a few times before calling out to Rory, “Babe, we’re going to need some Buffalo wings and beer!”
From the hallway, she comes waddling, yes, waddling—she is that pregnant—and holds her stomach while eyeing me up and down. “Colby, what are you doing?”
“They called off the engagement,” Stryder answers for me.
“Oh shit.” She goes to the front door and grabs keys to her car. “I’ll be back.”
“Wait,” Stryder goes after her. “You stay with Colby. I’ll go get beer, and we’ll order pizza and wings. It will take me five minutes. You shouldn’t have to go out and buy beer at eight months pregnant. What kind of asshole husband would that make me?”
“A huge one,” I answer and walk over to the couch where I crawl onto the cushions, bringing the bottle to my mouth once again. Once I take a long pull, I hold it up to Stryder and say, “Tick tock, this beer is going fast.”
He pecks Rory on the cheek and says, “Don’t get started without me. Just stare at each other until I get back. Five minutes.” He bolts out of the house, leaving me alone with Rory.
“Do we really have to stare at each other?” I ask her as she slowly lowers herself to a chair.
“I don’t think so. That would be weird.” Instinctively, she rubs her belly and after a short silence she says, “Being pregnant is fun.”
“Looks like it. I hope you’re giving Stryder hell.”
She smiles. “I am when I get a chance. He’s been amazing actually. He’ll massage my feet without me asking, goes to the store at the drop of a hat, and when I want to go on two-mile walks because I’m feeling fat, he’s right there by my side.”
“It’s because he’s head over ass in love with you. You got a good one, Rory.”
Shyly she tilts her head down and nods. “I know. I’m incredibly lucky he fell in love with me.”
“Are you happy?” I know it’s a weird question to ask my ex-girlfriend, but I’m curious. “Did your life turn out the way you wanted it to?”
She pushes her dark hair behind her ear, bringing it all to one side, revealing her slender neck. “It did and so much more. I never thought I’d be able to give the gift of sports and team camaraderie to so many special needs athletes, nor did I think I’d marry a man so engrained in my soul I feel absolutely complete when he’s around.” She pauses and tilts her head. “Why do you ask? Are you happy?”
Staring at nothing, I down the rest of my beer. “No. I’m not happy.”
Stryder comes charging through the door, phone clutched between his face and shoulder, holding two six-packs of Laughing Lab. “Half hour? Okay, I’ll pay extra if you can get it here in twenty. Awesome, thanks.” He hangs up and sets a pack of beer on the coffee table only to put the other in the kitchen. He strolls back into the living room, kicks off his shoes, and grabs a beer, popping off the top with a bottle opener from the kitchen. “Pizza and wings will be here in twenty. You haven’t said anything, have you?”
He gives Rory a
quick kiss on the lips before sitting down. He props his foot on the coffee table before quickly turning to his wife and saying, “Shit, can I get you anything? A drink? Food?”
She smiles and shakes her head. “I’m good.”
“You sure?”
“Yes, now shush, I want to hear what happened with Colby.”
They both look toward me, waiting to guide me through my current situation.
“Who called it off?” Rory asks first, her tone sweet and concerned. Anyone else would take the gossip route, ready to hear all about the destruction of a relationship, but not Rory. She always makes sure to put your feelings first.
I grab another beer and lean back on the couch, legs spread, head tilted to the ceiling, recalling the morning I spent with Sage. She decided to fly back tonight, changing her flight so it wasn’t super awkward. She also wanted to get started on canceling everything. I asked what I could do to help and she said she didn’t mind handling it all, as it gave her something to do. I hope she was honest with me, as I don’t want her to shoulder this alone if it upsets her.
We left on good terms, hugging once more before she took off for security. We both decided that I’d tell my friends and she would tell her brother and friends, besides Rowdy since she lives with him. I asked her if I could be the one who told Ryan, and she agreed it would be best coming from me. It was pleasant and oddly freeing when we said goodbye.
But now as I sit here, freshly un-engaged and confused as fuck, I can feel the world crumbling around me.
“She started the conversation, but we both agreed it was for the best,” I finally answer, taking another pull from my beer and then resting the bottle on the arm of the couch.
“What happened?” Rory asks. “How did it start?”
“Doesn’t really matter at this point. I think it has been coming for a while. Things have been weird between us, and we both kind of realized that even though we loved each other, we weren’t in love with one another.”
“Wow, so you just ended things?”
I nod. “Yup.” I drag my hand over my face. “Fuck, we talked about how our relationship was a steppingstone. I told her this wise person once told me that relationships can be steppingstones toward the person you’re supposed to meet, the person you’re supposed to be with.” Rory smiles brightly. “But fuck if that wasn’t a kick to the gut.” Chuckling, I shake my head before taking a sip of my beer. “What the hell is wrong with me? Am I the steppingstone guy? The guy women need to date in order to find their forever? When the hell am I going to be on the right side of forever?”
“The right side of forever?” Stryder asks, sounding confused.
“Yeah, it feels like I’ve been on the wrong side with every relationship I’ve had. I’ve thought I’ve found the person but turns out, I’m the one pushing them toward the right side while I stay on the wrong, never finding the right person.”
“Sometimes it takes longer, Colby,” Rory says. “It doesn’t mean you’re not worth loving or you won’t find your forever.”
I sigh. “I know.” I think back to my conversation with Sage, one thing sticking out in my mind, something I keep coming back to. “There was something Sage said to me I can’t seem to get out of my head.”
“What?” Stryder asks.
“She asked if I thought she would ever find what I have with Ryan.”
I catch an exchange of glances between Rory and Stryder. “Did she really ask that?” Rory asks.
“Yeah. I asked her what she was talking about and she told me Ryan was my person.”
A small smile pulls at the corner of Rory’s lips before she quickly hides it. When I look at Stryder, he’s holding a pillow to his face hiding any sort of facial expression.
“What the hell is going on with you two?”
Rory bites on her bottom lip and glances at Stryder, who shakes his head behind the pillow. She gives him a look and he shakes his head again. They’re doing that non-verbal communication only married couples can really understand. And it involves me, and it’s making me angrier by the second.
“What the fuck, you two? What aren’t you telling me right now?”
Holding her breath, Rory turns toward me and quickly lets it out while saying, “Ryan is in love with you.” She clamps her hand over her mouth.
“Jesus Christ, Rory,” yells Stryder.
“I’m sorry, but he has to know.”
I listen to them banter back and forth but my mind isn’t registering a damn thing they’re saying, as I try to comprehend the weight of the bomb Rory just dropped on me.
Ryan loves me?
Wait, no, Ryan is in love with me?
Since when? For how long? Is that why she’s been avoiding me?
The night in her parents’ driveway, the look in her eyes, the disappointment flashing over her face when I answered my phone.
The fact that she won’t return any of my calls or texts.
Holy. Fuck.
I sit up, hand fidgeting in my hair when I turn toward Rory. “Repeat that.”
Stryder and Rory stop bickering for a moment to answer me. “Repeat what?”
“Ryan. She loves me?”
Glancing at Stryder, Rory silently asks for permission. Not that it matters at this point; he throws his hand in the air just as the doorbell rings. The food is here.
“I’m going to take care of that.”
I keep my eyes fixed on Rory while Stryder takes care of the food. Once the door is shut, I press her. “Answer the question, Rory.”
Slowly, she nods, her confirmation hitting me dead in the chest. Ryan fucking loves me. The girl who started off as an acquaintance, and then a one-night stand, and then a true friend, someone I’m desperate to have in my life. She loves me.
“Holy shit.” I push my hand through my hair again, finishing off another beer. Once I swallow, I ask, “For how long?”
“A while.” Rory twists her hands together. “She would kill me right now if she knew I told you, but I feel like you need to know. You two are meant to be together. I didn’t see it until I watched you with her at breakfast the other day. I can see it in the way you talk to her, your body language. Your protective instincts kick in whenever she’s around. Sage is right. Ryan’s your person.” I’m silent, trying to absorb everything, letting my feelings come to the forefront of my mind.
Ryan loves me.
And fuck if that doesn’t make me feel like a prideful idiot, chest puffed, and excitement coursing through my veins.
“How do you feel about her, man?” Stryder asks, mimicking Rory’s approach.
I bury my hand in my hair, pulling on the strands, tugging until there’s pain. “I think I love her.” The confession slips out of me, and it doesn’t even surprise me. “I think I’ve loved her for a long time, but I’ve never let myself actually feel it.”
Rory starts clapping, giddy as a school girl. “Oh my God! Really?”
“Yeah. When she was here last week, my heart literally dropped to my stomach and a wave of butterflies hit me hard. I was nervous and excited to see her, like I couldn’t get to her fast enough. I don’t think I ever truly had that feeling with Sage.” I take a sip of my beer. “And then when we hung out, it was so easy. I didn’t have to think about what to say to her, it just flowed naturally, and I felt like I could be myself around her. I don’t have to shield her from my past or my baggage. And that night when I dropped her off at her house . . .” I shake my head, still a little in shock that I got that close to her. But I had wanted her. Desperately.
On the edge of her seat, Rory asks, “What happened?”
“We had a fucking moment. I was saying bye to her and she was trying to talk down about herself again. I was setting her straight, letting know she’s the entire package. We were close, really fucking close. Her hand on my chest, my hand on her hip.”
“Oh my God.” Rory waves her hand in front of her. “I’m getting all sweaty. Did you kiss?”
I shake my head. �
��I wouldn’t have done that to Sage, but fuck if we weren’t close to kissing. I could feel it in my bones that I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to taste her. I wanted to wash away all of her worries and let her know she’s worth so much more.”
“What stopped you?”
“Respect of my relationship with Sage and . . . she called.”
“Sage called?”
I nod. “Yeah. Ryan flew away so fucking fast and bolted into her house. It was a five-second call, but when I got off the phone, I had to beg Ryan to give me a hug goodbye. She wouldn’t. She said she couldn’t.”
“Because she’s in love with you, you idiot. She’s been in love with you for a while, and she’s been helping you plan your freaking wedding. Can you imagine how she must feel?”
I didn’t even think about that. She even helped me propose to Sage.
And then it hits me, a million light bulbs going off in my head. “Holy fuck.” I sit up on the couch. “She loved me before I even proposed to Sage, didn’t she? That’s why she’s been weird, pulling away, dating someone she shouldn’t have been dating. She’s been trying to distance herself.” I stand and start to pace the living room. “Fuck, I’m such an idiot. Why didn’t I see it earlier?”
“Because you were with Sage. You had blinders on, Colby, and that’s okay. The timing was off, but now that you know, what are you going to do about it?”
I pause and take in the waiting expressions from my friends. “What am I going to do about it? I’m going to fucking make her mine.”
* * *
Colby: Two more weeks here in the Springs, and then I’ll be back in Vegas. I want to grab dinner when I get back. You name the place and time, I’ll be there.
Colby: A week and a half to go. I don’t like how we left things, so maybe you can shoot me a text back letting me know you’re still alive.
Colby: Good morning. I had a dream last night you were flying one of my model planes, but when I say fly it, I mean you were miniature mouse-size and were in the cockpit taunting me. Is that weird?
The Duets Page 85