“Perfect,” he replied, and it was, at least for him. His love had been dormant for so long that it was as if his heart had been protectively hibernating behind a brick wall. And now she stood before him, the reality of his fantasies. It was finally safe to tear down that wall. Since the moment that he’d first laid eyes on her, he’d hoped she was the answer to his prayers. And when she stayed, covered in blood and pleaded with him not to die, he knew that she was.
“What are we going to work on first?” Kate asked. She nervously sucked her bottom lip into her mouth and gently bit it. She hoped things wouldn’t get uncomfortable between them. So much had changed, but at the same time, so much had stayed the same. She still felt as if she didn’t fully grasp her new life, but when she’d thought she might actually lose Alex, something shifted inside her. It was at that point that she realized she’d fallen for him. She couldn’t lose him. She didn’t want to mess this up, but had she already done too much damage?
“Before we begin, I need to talk to you,” Alex said. He motioned to the leather sofa that sat against the wall. An antique suit of armor stood next to it.
Oh, no. He wants to talk. The butterflies in Kate’s stomach dove into their chrysalises, folded up their wings, and sealed their homes up tight as dread filled her. Talking was the last thing Kate wanted to do. Talking would make everything real. You can’t live in denial if you talk. “Okay,” she said as she sat on the smooth leather sofa. “I hope those swords don’t fall on us,” she lamely joked as she pointed to the display of swords that hung above the sofa.
Alex chuckled as he sat next to her. He wanted her close. He wanted to breathe her in. “I think we’re safe,” he said softly. The only thing that could hurt him now was Kate, and he was certain he could take anything she gave him. There was nothing she could do that he couldn’t handle. If she needed more time, he could wait her out. He had all the time in the world. “I wanted to thank you.”
“Thank me?” Kate’s eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “For what?”
“For what?” Alex laughed. “Figures you’d say that. Are you being coy, or do you really not know?”
Kate fought to contain her emotions. She rubbed her hands together nervously in her lap and tried to steady her breathing. Alex didn’t owe her thanks. If anything, she owed him an apology. She’d failed him. She hadn’t saved him. She’d nearly killed him. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
Alex’s smile vanished. He covered her twitching hands with his and felt her pain. “What’s wrong?” he asked. He relished the softness of her skin against his palm as he gently turned her face towards his. When she blinked, a tear moistened his fingers as it trailed down her cheek. “What could you possibly be sorry for?” His voice was soft and soothing. She felt him trying to relax her.
“It was my fault. I threw the fire powder bead that struck you, and then I couldn’t save you after the cerberi tore you apart.” Another tear slipped from Kate’s eyes, but she felt relief at unloading this weight. Saying these words, admitting her failure was better than pretending that everything was all right.
Alex realized that he’d missed the obvious. Of course she expected perfection of herself. Of course she’d blame herself. Kate really did have many of Sarah’s traits. “It’s ironic, really,” he said. “A few hours ago you risked your life to save me, but now you sit here, tearing up and blaming yourself for almost killing me. And here I thought I was going to sit you down and tell you to never again put yourself at risk for me.” Alex smiled. “I really was quite irritated with you for staying.”
Kate subtly shook her head and studied Alex’s face. His green eyes were full of life, and his smile displayed his good nature. “I would never leave you,” Kate whispered. “That just wasn’t going to happen.”
Joy filled Alex at Kate’s words. Her words matched up with her actions. She’d stayed, and he’d never forget it. “The bead wasn’t your fault. It was Daevas’s. Your throw was good. He redirected it. You had no control over that. Whatever you do, don’t blame yourself.” Alex took Kate’s hands again. He wanted to pull her close and kiss her, but she wasn’t ready for that. He knew better than to rush her, so instead he lightly brushed his thumb along the side of her hand. “But we really do need to talk about why you stayed.”
“I stayed because it was the right thing to do.”
“No.” Alex shook his head. “No it wasn’t. We had no idea what was coming our way. What if something had happened to you? I couldn’t protect you. You may not have been able to protect yourself. You should have left.”
Kate let out a breath and narrowed her eyes in frustration. “Is that what you think of me? That I’ll abandon my friends? That I’ll flee to safety when something scary comes along?” She shook her head in disbelief. “Don’t underestimate me.”
Pride swelled in Alex’s chest at the conviction in her words. She sounded a lot like Sarah. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t underestimate you. I guess I worry a little more because I care a little more.”
“Hmm, just don’t let it happen again,” Kate teased. “The underestimating thing.” She knew his feelings were a lot deeper than caring ‘a little more’. If anyone ‘cared a little more’, it was her. Perhaps she even felt the initial flutterings of love. But she knew he loved her, or at least she thought he loved her. Her main concern was that his feelings for her were true and not just based on his past with Sarah. How would she ever know? Would he even know the difference?
The desire to ask her burned in his chest. The question fought to be free, to be spoken and given a reply, but Alex wouldn’t ask her if she ‘cared a little more’. He was certain of the answer, but he was certainly not going to force her to give a reply. He felt her emotions waver. As he read her body language, he could tell she cared, but she also seemed insecure, a little afraid. He was reminded of his past with horses. The new ones had a skittish look in their eyes. He was always gentle with them, and eventually they’d trust him. He knew he could win her trust too. “Do you have any questions for me?”
Kate stared at him. Her heart thumped as she read through the list of questions in her mind. There were so many, but she was trying to think of one that she had the nerve to ask him. There were none whose answers she felt ready to hear, but there was something she wanted to tell him. “Sarah came to me. In the other side.”
Alex’s brow furrowed as he contemplated her words. “How is that possible?” Isn’t she part Sarah?
Kate shrugged. “I don’t know. She said that we have some sort of weird symbiotic relationship. It’s like she’s ingrained in me. Maybe that’s why she was able to speak to me.” Kate shrugged. “Maybe no one else would have been able to see her. I don’t know. Maybe I was having a moment with my inner self,” she added with a chuckle. Kate had no explanation for any of this. Ever since Nick had shown up, her life had plummeted into a world of chaos. She was beginning to get used to not having answers to questions.
Alex leaned back against the sofa and rubbed his temple. “That’s why you have her memories, her powers.”
“At first I blamed the necklace.” Kate fingered the chain that encircled her neck. “I thought it was showing me all this stuff from your past, her past. But after talking with her, I realized that she was showing me the memories because she is a part of me. It’s not the necklace. I still don’t know if the necklace played a part, like a power boost to initiate the memory recall. And I guess it doesn’t really matter what role the necklace played. I am who I am.” Kate gave a half-smile. “I’m okay with it.” She nodded. “I may coexist somehow with Sarah, through memories and power, but I’m not her. You need to know that.” Kate paused and looked hard into Alex’s eyes. “I’ll never be her.”
Then Alex understood the tension pulsing from Kate. It wasn’t nerves about her feelings for him or even that she needed more time to understand her feelings. She was concerned about his expectations. Alex leaned closer to Kate and said, “It’s true that I mourned Sarah. I
was devastated when she died. I prayed for a miracle, that somehow Netra’s magic would work. But even when one prays for a miracle, there is always a dark corner of doubt. That doubt seeps into one’s thoughts and soul until one finally no longer believes that miracles happen. Then God casts a sliver of light onto something ordinary, and then all one can see is beauty and miracles. You see, nothing truly changed, only one’s perspective. Kate, even through all of this, you haven’t changed. And having this knowledge about Sarah has only changed your perspective of yourself.”
“Has it changed your perspective of me?”
Alex tilted his head as he took in her beautiful blue eyes. He’d studied them so many times and compared them to Sarah’s green eyes, looking for some connection. He couldn’t count the times he’d searched Kate’s face for some recollection of him, some intimate feeling that would show him that she was his true love returned to him. And never had her face betrayed itself to be his past love returned to him. She’d always remained Kate. He’d never seen Sarah within Kate’s eyes or smile, but he did recognize Sarah in Kate’s personality and expressions. They seemed to be ‘cut from the same cloth’, similar to the way sisters resemble each other. “When I first met you, I didn’t know what to expect,” he said. “A small part of me hoped that you were Sarah reincarnated. I prayed that you would recognize me. But you didn’t.” Alex’s weak smile constricted Kate’s heart. “You didn’t because you aren’t Sarah. I know that now, and I’ve accepted it.”
“But her memories,” Kate started.
“Are echoes of a life well lived,” he replied. “You are responsible for your own memories.”
A sweet smile brightened Kate’s face, and peace washed over Alex as it flooded Kate.
2. Departure
Nick needed to slow down, but that wasn’t going to happen. The thoughts in his mind raced too quickly for him to process efficiently. He grabbed a large duffle bag out of his closet and tossed it onto his bed. The zipper hummed as he opened the bag and riffled through it, checking the assortment of weapons he’d saved for a rainy day. Then he threw clothes into another bag and tossed a sketch pad on top. He wanted her close. Her face would be the first thing he’d see when he opened his bag and the last thing he’d see when he closed it. Plus, he would use Hayden’s image when he asked about her. Someone had to know something.
Justin stared at Nick as he ricocheted around the room grabbing his supplies. He’d never seen Nick like this. Usually Nick handled everything with calculated calm. Now it seemed that his emotions were making the decisions, and that bothered Justin. “Nick,” Justin said calmly. “You only need the essentials. We can always buy what we need.”
Nick froze and stared at Justin. “I’m not going in unprepared.” His heart rate tick up. Hayden had been lost to him for too long already. Each additional day would be another day in Hell for her. His mind took him to dark places when he imagined what horrors haunted her.
Justin nodded. “I know. I’m not suggesting that we do that.” Justin rarely saw the killer in Nick, but today, as Nick told him about Hayden, Justin could not mistake the fact that Nick was an Avenger. Anger and wrath poured off of him as he’d talked. Nick was going on a hunt, and it was going to get bloody.
“We’ll go to Washington D.C. first,” Nick said. “Someone there has to know something about Daevas. That should give us a break. We’ll find Daevas, and then he’ll lead us to her.”
“I agree,” Justin said. “But you said that Daevas has a magical ring.”
“Yeah, Vires.”
“How will we get information from Daevas if we can’t overpower him?” Justin asked calmly as Nick continued to pack.
Nick closed his eyes and inhaled deeply, taking a calming breath. “Have you finished packing?” Nick’s glare cut to Justin. “Why are you wasting time with these questions? We can chit-chat on the road.” Nick’s hands were planted firmly on his hips. His eyes bore straight through Justin, and Justin knew there was only one correct response.
“I’ll finish up and meet you downstairs.” Justin turned and went into his bedroom to finish packing. Normally, he wouldn’t be nervous about Nick going into a fight. He knew Nick could hold his own, but this thing with Daevas was different. Daevas had something they’d never been up against before. This ring, Vires, added an element to the fight that concerned Justin. He didn’t like unknown variables, and he especially didn’t like Nick’s nonchalant attitude towards it. He would have to use the time during the drive to work on Nick, calm him down and get him to think reasonably. Nick was way too close to this situation. He wasn’t thinking clearly. Nick was thinking with his heart and not his head. Justin needed to put an end to that.
Justin grabbed a few things from the bathroom and zipped up his duffle bag. With one last look at the bedroom, he shut off the light and jogged down the stairs. The door to the garage was open. Justin strode down the steps and called out, “I’ve got another bag for you.”
Nick popped his head around the open rear door of the SUV. “Good. Bring it here.”
Justin handed Nick the bag and said, “I’m going to get a drink. Would you like one for the road?”
“Yeah, a soda,” Nick said. He adjusted the bags and then shut the rear door. He swiped his hand through his hair as he went through his mental checklist. “We’re ready,” he mumbled to himself.
Justin walked into the kitchen. This house had been their home for such a short time. He hadn’t expected they’d leave so suddenly. That was one thing Justin had never gotten used to, never having a stable home. The never-ending changing wore on him. He felt like his life was in constant turmoil. He was always playing a different character in a constantly new situation. Playing Nick’s father had been easy, but now he wasn’t sure what his role would be in the rescue of Hayden. Would he be forced to become a killer in order to save a friend?
Before his transformation, his life had been steady, predictable. This life was nothing like that. The stability was what he missed the most, that and companionship. Asteri life could be very lonely. Perhaps that’s why Alex held onto the hope of Sarah for so long and Nick still hadn’t gotten over Hayden. Love is hard enough in the normal world, but love in the seemingly eternal, mystical world they lived in was even more challenging, though perhaps more rewarding.
He was glad Hayden was alive. And he knew Nick would move heaven and earth to rescue her. He didn’t doubt that Nick would risk his life to save any of his friends. He just didn’t want Nick to die because he wouldn’t slow down and think this through. Justin felt responsible for that. He needed to be the brakes for Nick’s racing heart.
Justin grabbed two soda cans from the refrigerator and headed back out to the SUV. As he closed the house door behind him, the engine turned over and the garage door rolled up. Nick was clearly not wasting any time.
Justin slid into the passenger’s seat and dropped Nick’s drink into the cup holder. “There you go,” Justin said. He wasn’t sure how to begin this conversation. How do you tell the man who’s on a mission to rescue his lost love that he needs to chill out, needs to slow down? So now he was left trying to find a good way to begin that conversation. Nick was as lost to reason as a mother whose child has been kidnapped. Just as a mother would do anything to rescue her child, Justin knew the same was true of Nick. So instead of talking, Justin popped the tab and took a swig as they rolled out of the garage. Justin would miss this neighborhood. It was nice. The people were friendly and everything here felt “normal”.
“Would you stop that?” Nick asked. He accelerated as they drove out of the neighborhood.
“Stop what?” Justin rested his arm on the passenger door.
“That huffing. If you have something to say, be a man and say it.” He could feel the frustration flowing from Justin, and it bothered him. Nick didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know where she was, what she was going through, and it destroyed him.
Justin glared at Nick. He shook his head and took a deep breath. “So
you’re attacking my manhood because I’m trying to be considerate?”
“No, I’m attacking your manhood because you don’t have the balls to tell me what you’re thinking.” Nick knew he was being harsh, but he needed Justin to be direct. He didn’t have the patience for games. Fear, guilt, and anger overwhelmed him.
“If that’s how you want to play this, I can roll with that,” Justin said. “I think you’re moving too quickly. You’re not thinking anything through, which means you’re racing to your death. If you continue on like this, you will fail completely. And your failure will leave Hayden in the hands of whatever Nephilim or Dolum has her.”
Nick gripped the wheel and huffed, “That’s what you think?” He gave Justin a quick look as they waited at the stop light.
“Yes. That’s how I see it. You’re too close to this. Slow down and start thinking.”
The SUV accelerated as they pulled onto 540. Nick looked over his shoulder as he merged with traffic. “So now that you’ve enlightened me, will you stop with the huffing?” Nick asked.
“Yes, as long as you’ll think about what I said,” Justin replied. “I’d prefer no one die on this rescue mission.”
“Hmm,” Nick grunted and focused on the road. He stared at the white lines. They blurred as he sped along, exchanging one road for another as they made their way to D.C.
Deep in his gut he knew Justin was right, and he appreciated Justin’s honest assessment. As soon as he’d heard about Hayden, he’d stopped thinking and started reacting. He knew better than that. He needed to set his heart on the bench and get his head in the game. The stakes were too high. He couldn’t lose this battle. Walking away wasn’t a choice either. If Hayden was his end game, then he needed to strategize before he used his best weapons: domination and destruction.
Synchronicity (Scintillate Series Book 3) Page 2