Heartbreaker

by J. Dorothy

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  I’m driving again. This time I’m on my way to the building site where my Dad is. When the company he worked for went bust and he was laid off for about six months, it nearly killed him. Mom suggested he start his own business, so they put all their savings into it. That was ten years ago, and now after working long hours, his carpentry business is the most sought after in the district. I’m really proud of him, though I’ve never said it. I should tell him that. I should tell him a lot of things. Maybe in time I will.

  I told Dad I’d bring him lunch today and help him out with some of his invoices. His regular accountant has been evasive and Dad is thinking of ditching him to find someone else. He messed up Dad’s tax this year and Dad had to pay a hefty amount to the government. That did not make him happy at all. He’s been trying to save to do some much needed renovations on our house, and most of that had to be sucked up paying back Mr Tax man. I am actually thinking about offering to help Dad out on a more permanent basis, not sure what he’ll say, but I’m hoping I can bribe him with a nice lunch, of chicken salad sandwiches and the chocolate cake I baked this morning.

  All things considered I’m starting to feel a bit better. I’m sleeping and Dad continually feeding me has plumped me up a bit. Like I’m a turkey getting ready for Thanksgiving. I shake my head at the thought as I turn down a dirt track to Mr Hellier’s place. Dad’s fitting a new kitchen for him, he’s come into a bit of money since the town’s revival from Knowledge of the Hidden. His small grocery store has been expanded and now he’s expanding his home.

  It’s good to see everyone is having better times since I left. The town was really on the way to nowhere, a lot of businesses doing it hard. Reminds me of myself a bit. Might be nice to heal along with the town. I smile, reeling in the fantasy that things always turn out okay. Walking on Sunshine comes on the radio, and for once the radio god has got it right. I tap the steering wheel to the cheery tune, as I turn into the drive of Mr Hellier’s property. And that’s when I see it.

  Stupid hopeful thoughts! Stupid radio god!

  I slam the big knob on the radio off, and stop the old truck next to Dad’s newer pickup. And there right alongside it, is another familiar truck I know all too well. Intimately in fact. Too intimately. The nights Cam and I spent in that truck were some of my best memories. I was kind of hoping he’d sold it when I didn’t see it at his place last week. Now it’s a tangible reminder of all that I’ve lost, and I swallow the ache welling in my chest. I can’t believe a stupid truck has me near to tears. I’m such a loser.

  Now I don’t want to get out, but it’s going to look obvious if I sit here or take off again. I bite the inside of my cheek really hard and wish I’d dressed differently. I thought I’d make an effort for Dad and dressed in a pale yellow sundress, and white denim jacket. With the weather warming up I felt like being lighter and brighter today. I should have known better. I take my hair out of my ponytail and mess it up a bit. I don’t want Cam thinking I came out here hoping to see him and putting on a show. No way, that would be like putting loser on my forehead with permanent ink.

  I stamp my foot and beat my head on the steering wheel for a minute, letting out an exasperated squeal. I really hate the mess I’ve made of my life.

  Get a grip Bailey Ryan.

  Okay, pep talk and frustration abated for now. I yank on the handle and get out, not looking where I’m stepping, and of course, I step right into a pile of horse poop.

  Fabulous! Could this day get any worse?

  Oh wait don’t ask, that question. You know what the answer will be. It always is.

  “Bailey?”

  I want to roll my eyes, but what’s the point. Instead I scrape the heel of my tennis shoe onto the grass, and turn to give Cam a quick glance over my shoulder.

  “Oh, hi Cam.”

  Nice, I think. Casual, but not too keen and not too dismissive.

  “What are you doing here?” he asks roughly.

  I’m still concentrating on scraping my shoe, keeping my eyes on my task, not daring to look at him. I know I’ll find it hard to stop if I start. I’ve already eyed the work gear he's wearing. Dusty jeans, thick denim shirt and old leather boots. My memories quickly revert to all those times I picked him up from working on the farm. I loved it when he was all dirty and we took our time getting him clean again.

  Stop that!

  I scrape my foot harder on the grass. Most of the manure is gone, but my once new white sneakers are now a yellow brownish color.

  Fantastic!

  “Um … I uh, told Dad I’d bring him lunch. Is he around?” I say and move to the back of the truck.

  Cam follows. “Yeah, he’s just finishing up.”

  I want to ask what he’s doing here, Dad said he was working in town today, but I don’t want to keep our conversation going. It’s still too hard to be around him. I find my mind wandering, and I want to do things I’m not allowed to do anymore. I really hate that. I feel like a kid in one of those fancy stores with all the signs that say: don’t touch, making your hand itch to just graze your finger along the shelf and caress the pretty stuff. Except I’d like to do more than graze my finger on Cam. I bite my lip harder.

  “Thanks. I’ll uh go find him,” I say as I unlock the back and reach for the picnic basket. It’s moved to the end of the tray and I need to bend right over to grab it. I think I hear Cam suck in a quick breath, and I turn to look at him. He’s watching me. Shit. I must have given him quite a view, this dress isn’t exactly a ball length gown.

  “Well, hello there, lovely legs.”

  What the heck? That wasn’t Cam.

  I hear Cam sigh and I turn around with the basket now in hand to see Travis. The cowboy from the other night, and he's striding toward us. Except there's no Stetson and rawhide boots today. He’s dressed pretty much the same as Cam. And he’s really big. Huge arms and long legs. I don’t remember him being that big, but I do remember those eager brown eyes, that look pretty much the same as they did the night he was edging me off the dance floor. I guess some girls would say he’s good looking, but dirty blonde hair doesn’t do it for me. I prefer dark hair. Cam’s hair, to be precise. Those gorgeous locks that fit just right through my fingers. Ahhhhh…. This is torment of the worst kind. I really need to get a grip.

  “Hello, Travis,” I say in a bored tone.

  “Hello to you too, Miss Ryan. Is that lunch for two or can anybody join?”

  Cam moves in front of me, blocking Travis’s smug grin. And I must say I prefer the new view.

  “We’re getting lunch in town. Jen’s making it, remember,” Cam says to Travis putting his hands on his hips.

  Ouch, ouch, ouch.

  Of course Miss Cheery Cheerleader makes lunch. Lunch I should be making.

  I want to smash her pathetic sandwiches in her face so hard right now. I bet she didn’t bake. I baked. I want to say that. I want to say so much, but I don’t.

  I turn away from them both and head toward Mr Hellier’s house, gripping the handle of the old picnic basket so hard, I’m worried it might crumple.

  “Bai …”

  He hasn’t called me that in so long. I turn without thinking.

  Big mistake.

  Now I’m several feet away, but it doesn’t matter, distance is just math. I look at him. And he looks at me. This time there's no scrutiny, but there’s hurt. I see it now. And it nearly kills me. My breath hitches, and he looks away rubbing his forehead. “Your Dad’s in the work shed,” is all he says.

  Travis looks between us, then pulls Cam and I watch as they get into Cam’s truck. I drag my eyes away and force my feet to step forward.

  I hear the tires squeal on the dirt, but I don’t look back, I just keep walking.

  I find Dad busy cutting wood in the back shed where Cam said he’d be. I love watching him work. The care for his work is evident in his caress of the wood and the satisfied expression he always has as he peruses his finished product. I wish
I could have passion for something like that. I’ve always been average at everything.

  He looks up as he cuts through the last piece with the electric saw and he smiles wide. I gesture toward the basket, and he removes his goggles and white mask, before making his way over to me.

  “I brought lunch as promised,” I say.

  “I see that. I’m glad you’re here.”

  I smile, glad that I’m here too.

  “Shall we, there’s a nice place we can go.”

  “Okay. Lead on.” I smile again, happy to be spending time with my dad.

  Dad brushes off some of the sawdust from his work clothes and I follow him out into the bright sunshine. He takes the basket from me and we walk together down a long narrow path winding around the back of Mr Hellier’s property. We stop when we reach a covered arch with a bench seat underneath. There’s a large pond close by with some nice flowering plants landscaped around and it’s really pretty. I gather Mr Hellier’s been doing some work outside as well as in. I think for a moment that we could do something similar in our yard, minus the pond of course.

  We sit and I take out the container of sandwiches and open it for Dad.

  “This looks good. I’m famished,” he says.

  I take one half of a sandwich and bite into it. It’s not bad. Not as good as you’d get at a Chicago Deli, but for an amateur like me, it passes.

  “So, what’s up?” Dad asks.

  He’s quick. Obviously working out there’s an ulterior motive for my luscious lunch.

  “Not much.”

  “Uh huh. These are good.” He waves the sandwich in front of me.

  “There’s cake too. I baked it this morning. Chocolate. Your favorite.”

  Dad chuckles. “Okay, now I know something's up. That was your mom’s trick. She knew chocolate was my weak point.”

  I smile at that memory. Coming home from school smelling chocolate brownies or chocolate cake, I always knew Mom had a plan she wanted Dad to approve. I was never allowed to have one till Dad got home and had the first one while she laid out her latest scheme.

  “You got me,” I say.

  “So …”

  “Um … I wanted to ask about the business.”

  “What about it?”

  “Well, I know you’ve been having trouble with your accountant. And um… I wondered if I could maybe help out.”

  “How so?”

  “You know I’ve been studying this past year and a half. Well I’ve decided to continue with my business degree. I could take over the books for the business, until I find something else, or until I finish my studies … it would give me a lot of practical experience and I have Bennett to help me, with anything that might be tricky. He’s already agreed.”

  “I see. So you’ve really thought this through.”

  “Yeah. I wouldn’t ask for pay or anything. You are already doing so much for me.”

  Dad puts his arm round my shoulder. “Bailey, honey, you're my daughter. I’d do anything for you. You know that.”

  “Thanks Dad, that means a lot. But I want to pay my own way, and I thought this would help you out as well.”

  Dad sighs. “It would and I've actually thought about it, but Bailey, there's something you don’t know.”

  I raise my eyes.

  “I’ve taken on a partner.”

  “Oh.”

  All my dreams and plans fade with those words. A partner is not something I even contemplated. That would prove complicated. Working for Dad is one thing but not someone else. They would probably want someone who is qualified, and that won’t be me for another few years.

  “I’m not sure how they’d be about taking you on.”

  My ego deflates a little more. “Fair enough,” I say and support a weak smile.

  “Let me talk to him, and see what he says.”

  “Oh, no that’s okay, Dad. It was just an idea. I understand, really. I can help out with the invoices until you find someone else.”

  Dad squeezes my shoulder. He reads the disappointment on my face. Disappointment I can’t hide.

  “Honey, it has nothing to do with your ability. I have every faith you would do a great job. It’s just, the new partner I’ve taken on is Cam.”

  Shit, and double shit. Could this day get any worse?

  Oh crap, I should not ask that question.

  I’m sitting in the living room, papers scattered all around. My ancient laptop I bought for the bargain price of one hundred dollars from ebay, resting on my crossed legs. I’m trying to complete an essay on sustainability being an economic issue. Huge topic and I’m finding it hard to keep my rambling to two thousand words. My internet is running at a snail’s pace and its taking ages to log onto the library data base to find the articles I need. I have no idea of the time, until I hear the door knob turn and Dad appears, kicking off his boots as he walks into the room.

  “Hey there, studying hard?” he asks and makes for the fridge. He always has a beer or two after work and I make sure they're cold and ready for him.

  “Yeah, something like that,“ I reply, frustration evident in my tone.

  He returns and sits on the couch, beer in hand. He takes a swig. “Can I help?”

  I grin. “Sure, if you know the sustainability indicators and all about ecological economics.”

  Dad grins back. “Sounds like a lot of academic bullshit to me.”

  I laugh. “I wish, but unfortunately I have to get my head around it, if I’m ever going to get my degree.”

  “I’m proud of you, you know,” he says with a warm smile.

  I love that smile.

  “I’m proud of you too.”

  He blinks. “Me?”

  “Yeah, you’ve worked so hard to build up your business. Mom would have been proud to see what you’ve made of it.”

  Dad swallows. I know it still hurts him to be reminded she’s not with us anymore.

  “She would have been proud of you too, you know. And I think she might have had more of an idea of sustainability, economic crap than me.”

  I chuckle. Mom was definitely the more academic of the two. I always went to her with homework questions. Dad helped by building dioramas and running me around to the one sport I played. Basketball. They were both supportive in their own way. I was lucky to have them growing up. I sigh remembering those happy days.

  “So,” Dad says, interrupting my memories. He clears his throat and I look up at him and close my laptop. He sounds serious.

  He clenches his hands in front of him, his beer sitting half empty beside him. “I, um ... spoke to Cam.”

  Oh, no. I thought we were done with that.

  “He agrees, we need to get rid of Dreik. And I uh, mentioned your idea to take over from him.”

  My palms start to sweat, I so wish Dad hadn’t done that, but he’s right it was my idea. So I stay quiet and give a small nod.

  “Cam is pretty smart when it comes to business matters. Way better than me. Your mother always took care of that side of things, that’s why I hired Dreik in the first place.”

  He doesn’t mention Mom’s death, but I know that’s when Dreik, our accountant, took over our finances.

  “Anyway, that’s one of the reasons I decided to make Cam a partner. He came into a bit of money when his dad died and he wanted to invest in the business, and I couldn’t say no. He’s a really skilled carpenter; he’s come a long way in two years. And honey, I know there’s still stuff between you two, but you should be proud of him.”

  I suck in a breath. That’s about the longest speech I’ve ever heard my dad give. And I am proud of Cam. So proud. He’s the better one. The one on the right path, not the wrong path like me. I’m glad he’s doing well and that he’s in business with my dad, they’ll see right by each other. They are two of the most decent and honest people I know.

  I manage to say, “I am proud of him, Dad. And I’m glad he’s your partner. What we had is over. I know that now. But it doesn’t mean you have to ta
ke sides. I don’t want that.”

  I can feel tears welling, but I don’t let them fall. I refuse to cry in front of my dad.

  “That’s not why I’m telling you this, honey. And I would always take your side if it came down to it. But I don’t think I have to. Do you?”

  I shake my head. He’s right, that’s just petty. Dad, Cam and I are better than that.

  “Good. I’m glad to hear it. So how would you feel about taking the job on a full time basis?”

  I blink rapidly, and lean back. Take the job? Full time?

  “I don’t understand … Cam wants me to do the job? I thought, when you said he’s good at the business side of things, you were gently telling me he’d prefer to do it.”

  Dad lets out a small laugh. “Cam’s good at business, but he doesn’t have time or the inclination to do the paperwork. He likes getting his hands dirty too much. He will of course oversee the big picture and all the other aspects, like advertising and contracting our services to the bigger companies…”

  Dad trails off as I’m still looking at him open mouthed. I can’t believe Cam is okay with this and I wonder what sort of fast talking my dad did to bring him round.

  “Um, I don’t know what to say. I never thought he’d agree.”

  “He knows you need this. And he wants what’s best for the business and right now you’re the solution we need to get us out of this bind with Dreik. We need someone we can trust to sort it all out.”

  “I’ll do my best, Dad. I mean I have no qualifications or anything, but working for Bennett’s dad’s company taught me a lot.”

  A lot more lessons than I care to share with Dad right now, but I block that out.

  “Dad chinks his beer on my water glass sitting beside me on the floor. He smiles wide, “I’m so glad to have you home and I’m so glad to have you on board, it means a lot to me, Bales.”

  I give him my best smile, even though my head is swimming. I’m grateful for the job, that part is exciting, and I’m looking forward to working with Dad. It’s just the other complication of working with Cam. I wonder if I’ll need to see him that much. I could correspond by email and texts. Yeah that might work. My heart rate decreases a little, as I continue to mull over how I can work sight unseen. Invisible me. I can pull that off. How hard could it be?