We shopped for a while longer, but I couldn’t get into it. It really is depressing that those people keep killing. I don’t want to deal with this. Why do I have to deal with this? Why can’t someone else do it? It’s not fair.
Teresa’s smiling face stopped smiling so much by the end of our shopping trip. When we left, she seemed really unhappy. I guess my mood is rubbing off on her. I should leave before I do something to hurt her. Not physically, I’d never, but I would hate to continue this and then her be even more upset later on, if she were to find out the truth. Or if those two come looking for me I guess they might hurt her physically.
“Shouldn’t you avoid the sun?” she asked. She was nudging me toward the shaded area, just off the sidewalk.
“I guess.”
“Hey, what’s going on?”
“Nothing.”
“I thought you were having fun earlier, and then... I don’t know.”
“Hey,” I leaned against her and sort of hugged her. “I was.”
“Are you always moody like this? Be honest, I’m your girlfriend now.” she said. She tickled my side until I pulled away laughing.
“Maybe.” I shrugged.
She pulled me against her and hugged me. And something about the way she was holding me made me feel really protected for a minute there. And sort of vulnerable. And I sort of let go and was crying against her shoulder.
“What is wrong, love?”
“Everything. Everything is so messed up, Teresa.” “You can tell me.”
“I... I can’t really talk about it right now.”
“Okay. Brynne, do I need to call someone to come pick you up?”
“What? No, I... why would...”
“You seem really upset. I’m sure Mr. or Mrs. Sloan, or even Barney, would come get you. Or I could call Tony. He’d give you a ride.”
“No, I’m fine.”
We walked a while again, once I calmed down. She seemed angry at me. I guess because I didn’t tell her why I was upset. I can’t, though. I really, really can’t.
“You want to see the house I was living in?” I asked. “What house?”
“I still have it rented. If you want to see it. But you have to
promise not to tease me.”
“Hmm.” She smiled again. She bent forward and bumped her
forehead against mine. “I already know about your doll collection,
love.”
This may not be a good idea. What if those two come back to look for me, and now I’m leading her right to them. Plus I’m sure there are things in my house that she will see that I may have a hard time explaining.
“So here we are.” I said.
“Nice. So are we going in, or just standing here all day?” “Um, yeah.”
I opened the door and we stepped inside. Why is it always so embarrassing to show someone your personal space for the first time? I guess I feel like I’m going to be judged.
“Wow, and I thought you had a lot of clothes at home. Or at the Sloans’.”
“Yeah. I sort of like clothes.”
“Doesn’t everyone? Oh these are cute.” she said.
She found the little villages I make out of clay. Oh this is so embarrassing. Jess never said anything about these. Jess took some of my posters down, and they’re at her house, so there are all these bare places on the walls. It makes the room feel different.
“These are good.”
“Thanks. For lying, I mean.” I said, laughing. “No, love, they’re really good.”
I like the way she calls me that. It sort of seemed odd at first, but now it just makes me feel special. She’s such a sweet girl. I wish I were normal, so we could have a normal relationship.
“So this place is kind of out there.” she said. “No bed? And your clothes are everywhere. Wow, you really did live alone, huh?”
“Um, yeah.”
“Cool. So we could like hang out here when we want to be alone.”
“I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”
“You don’t want to be alone with me?”
The way she says that just sounds so suggestive. No, I don’t want to be alone with her. Not like she’s saying it. Not yet. I’ve never had any kind of relationship with anyone, let alone an intimate kind of relationship.
“So you ready to talk about what had you so upset?” she asked. “No.”
“Oh. Okay.” She said angrily. “Well, I guess we should get
going. The Sloans are going to wonder where you’re at.” “They don’t care.”
“Yeah they do. And I want to go home anyway.”
“Oh.” I could feel my eyes filling again. I wrapped my arms
around her. “Please don’t be mad. The thing I’m not telling you, it’s just really personal. It has no impact on us.”
“I didn’t say it did. I wish you’d trust me.”
“I do. Don’t be mad. I don’t think I can handle you being mad at me today. I love you.”
Did I just say that? Oh wow. I’ve never really told anyone that. At least not anyone I was dating. Not that we’ve been dating long enough for me to really feel like that. But I do. At least sort of.
“I love you, too.” she said after a minute. “I want to tell you.” I whispered. “It’s just really dangerous for people to know.”
“I wish I understood what you meant with that.” she said back. “But you’re not going to tell me, are you?”
“No.”
“Okay. For now.” She kissed me. “Someday, though? Soon.”
“Um, I... don’t know if I can, Teresa. I’m really sorry.”
“Are you afraid?” she asked.
“Yeah.”
“If it was something that happened to you, or something you did, I don’t care. Love, it’s okay. I mean there’s nothing you could have done or could have had happen to you that would make me not love you.”
“You don’t know that.” I whispered.
We walked, sort of silently, back to the Sloan’s house. Teresa kissed me goodbye, but it was sort of quick and lacked feeling. She’s so upset with me, even though she’s trying not to be.
I went inside and stood at the door, watching her through the window until she was out of sight. I tried, really tried, to keep from crying, but it wasn’t working. I was doing okay, but every now and then a tear would escape.
I turned and saw Mrs. Sloan sitting on the sofa. She was doing a crossword puzzle, but I could tell she was sneaking peeks at me. I went over to the sofa and sat down next to her.
“Is Jess around?” I asked. Even I could hear how upset I sounded.
“She’s out with Tony.” I'm still jealous. Even if I have a girlfriend now, I still have feeling for Jess.
“Oh. I’m going to take a nap. Can you wake me for dinner? I mean if you... if it’s okay if I have dinner with you.”
“Stop asking, it’s okay for you to assume you’re eating with us, it’s okay for you to come in without ringing the doorbell, it’s okay to treat this like your own house, honey.”
“Thanks.” I actually didn’t ring the bell this time. I wonder if she noticed. “Well, I’m going to lay down.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“About what?” I asked.
“Whatever has you so upset.”
“You don’t need to listen to me whine, it’s okay.”
“Sometimes it helps to talk about things that are bothering you, Brynne.”
“I’m used to not talking about them. I’ve lived alone for a long time.”
“You don’t live alone now.”
I scooted back into the seat and stared at my hands. So she wants to listen to my complaining. Where do I start? What has me so upset, really? And why am I crying?
“I told her I loved her.” I said. “Okay. So that upsets you?” she asked. She put her crossword book down.
“Yeah, of course.”
“I guess I don’t understand. Were you lying? I mean I don’t know why you
would say that if you didn’t mean it.”
“It just came out! I didn’t mean to say it, but I was upset and I just said it.”
“But do you? It’s okay if you do.”
“I don’t know. Maybe. I think so. Which makes it worse.”
“Why? Honey,” She was smiling. “Love is a wonderful thing. It’s a great feeling.”
“Because... I have to leave.”
“You don’t have to leave. You’re welcome here, we want you here.”
“Not because of you guys, you guys have been great. But I can’t tell her. She wants to know why I was so upset, and I was upset because I heard of another attack.”
“You are not responsible for that. Stop blaming yourself!”
“I just don’t know what to do.”
I sat there and cried for a while. She got me some tissues, and then she sat next to me and put an arm around me and pulled me against her. I remember my mother doing this once when I was crying about my dog getting trampled by a horse. I miss them. Not all the time, but times like this. But I’m glad to have Mrs. Sloan here right now. Peggy. I keep forgetting she wants me to call her Peggy.
“You could try telling her.” Mrs... Peggy said. “Tell her I’m upset that some strangers are killing people in some other town?”
“No. Well that, too. But tell her your secret.”
“And put her in danger! It’s bad enough that I’ve put all you in danger, but I won’t do that to her. I wouldn’t have done that to you if I had a choice.”
“I’m not sure why her knowing would put her in danger.”
“Because!”
“Are you afraid she’ll say something and those people will find her and torture her to get to you?”
“Maybe.”
“Do you think it’s possible that they may already have seen her with you, and now she’s in the same danger no matter what you do? Only maybe it’d be better for her to know what may happen to her.”
“But... but...”
But what? I can’t think of any good arguments right now. Actually, I can’t think of anything right now. I just have no idea what to do anymore. About anything. I feel so worn down.
“I need to sleep.” I said.
“Good idea. Sleep on it. Give it some thought.”
“I feel like everything is going bad. I don’t know what to do,
Mrs. Sloan. Peggy.”
“Just try to calm down and relax.”
“Usually I run away at times like this. There’s never been a
time quite like this, really. I should have ran off instead of telling Jess.” “All of our lives would have been emptier if you had.” she said. “Brynne, we all absolutely love you, honey. You’re such a sweet little girl. And whatever has happened up till now, it’s in the past. We are where we are. So don’t have regrets, okay?”
“I don’t know how you can be so accepting of this.” “Because I got to know you before I knew you were a
vampire.”
“I’m not a vampire!”
“Well, whatever you are.” She gave me a little squeeze. “You
should tell her.” I went up and laid in the bed, figuring I’d stare at the ceiling and not sleep. But I did fall asleep. A few hours later Jess shook me to wake me for dinner.
“Dinner is ready, hon.” she said. “Thanks.”
“Mom says you’re having a bad day.” “No.”
And just like that I was in tears again. She hugged me and held me as I told her all that was bothering me between sobs. I can hear them downstairs, already eating their food. They didn’t wait for us.
“Mom is right, you should tell her.”
“Jess,”
“You love her. You have to tell her.”
“I can’t.” Look where telling my best friend got us. “She'll hate
me.”
“I know you think that, but she’ll deal with it. Or maybe she
won’t. But at least you’ll know. If you tell her and lose her because of
it, is it any worse than not telling her and just leaving her? That would
hurt her, Brynne.”
“And me being... rejected over this wouldn’t hurt me?” “You have people who understand and can help you through
it.”
It was hard to sitting with them to eat dinner. And on top of everything else, I need more blood again. Getting cut up so badly has really weakened me. I’m healed now, but it has taken a lot out of me. I’m going to have to go looking for some more.
“Stick around.” Peggy told me, after we ate. Everyone was getting up.
“Um,” I said.
“What’s up?” Jess asked her.
“Jessica, maybe you should leave us alone.”
“Does she have to?” I asked. This could be bad. Is she going
to kick me out?
“She can stay if you want her to.” Peggy told me/ Peggy cleared away most of the dishes. I tried to help, but she shoved me back into the chair. When she was done, she sat across from me. She took a drink from her glass, then stared at me for about two minutes before she spoke.
“So how much do you really love Teresa?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t strike me as the kind of girl that falls in love
easily.”
“I’ve never...”
“But you are with her now?” Jess asked.
“I... guess.” I said, nodding. Didn't we cover this already? “Well it’s important that you don’t just guess right now.” Peggy
said. “Do you love her?”
“Yes.” It’s so scary to even admit that.
“Does she really love you? I want you to think about that for a
minute. Is this just an infatuation for her, or do you think she really loves you?”
“They haven’t been dating for very long, Mom.” Jessica said.
“But sometimes you just know.” I said. They were giving me that ‘how would you know’ look. “I’ve seen it a lot. I watch people.”
“So what do you think?” Peggy asked.
“I think she does.” I can feel tears on my face.
“Do you really want to spend the rest of your life, however long that may be, and not know what it’s like to truly let yourself experience that, honey?” she asked. “That would be such a loss.”
“I don’t want her to get hurt.”
“She won’t get hurt, Brynne.” Jess said. She put her arm around me. “You need to tell her.”
“I can’t. She’ll... she won’t believe me.”
“Then you’ll have to prove it to her.” Peggy said.
“She’ll be scared of me.”
“I wasn’t.” Jess said.
“You were too.”
“Okay, a little, but it didn’t take me long to get over it. Because I love you, you’re my bestest friend of ever, girlie.”
“Nice grammar.” I said. She's trying to make me smile. “What if she... what if she hates me? What if she tells someone and they come for me? What if...”
“Brynne, honey, “ Peggy said. “You can’t live your life on what ifs. You need to decide if you love her enough and trust her enough to tell her. But I really think you should.”
“But... I’m scared.”
“I’ll help, if you want me to.” Jess said.
“We all will. Just tell us when and we’ll help you tell her.”
“I... I’m... I’ll think about it.” I wiped my face. “This is so hard. This is why I've always just ran off before when things got tough.”
“Sometimes the hard stuff is worth sticking around for.” Peggy said.
I sat in our room, crying and thinking. They’re right. I need to either tell her or break up with her. And I don’t want to break up with her. I mean... I love her. I do.
“Is Teresa there?” I asked. I think it was her uncle who answered the phone.
“Brynne?” Teresa said, just a few seconds later.
“Hey. So can you
come over? I really need to talk to you. It’s important.”
“Sure.”
“Can you spend the night?”
“Hang on.”
She was away from the phone for a while. I guess I should have asked permission before inviting someone to stay in the Sloans’ house. I don’t think they’d mind, usually, but this being my girlfriend may change that.
“Brynne. Hey, yeah, I can stay over. What’s up?” She asked, concern in her voice.
“I just really need to talk to you.” “I’ll be there in a while.”
I waited, curled up on the bed, listening for her. It wasn’t too long until I heard a car, then I heard her at the front of the house. Then the doorbell. Then she was on the stairs. I did my best not to cry.
“Hey, love. What’s going on?” “I just... need to tell you something. About me. The thing I couldn’t tell you earlier.”
“Oh.” She looks scared now.
She sat on Jessica’s bed and I climbed down to sit next to her. Jess was coming up the stairs, I could hear her. This is going to be so hard.
“Jessica is coming.” I said. “What?”
“I can hear her.”
“Okay.”
She looks so confused. And she actually seemed to be worried about me. I turned toward the door and waited. And waited. Jess had just started up the stairs when I told her, and she was taking her time and walking very softly and slowly. And then she appeared in the doorway.
“I have very good hearing.” I said.
“I guess so.” Teresa said.
“She also has great eyesight.” Jess told her.
“Good to know. Brynne, what is it you wanted to talk about?” “This is it. Or part of it.” I told her.
“I’m confused.”
“And you will be for a while.” Jess told her. “So our girl here
has some special talents. Mostly stuff that’s hard to prove, like being able to run really fast and keep going for hours.” “You’re a fast runner? And why is this so bad? So bad that you wouldn’t tell me earlier?”
“No, there’s more.” I said. “I also am really, really strong.” “And?” She sounds mad.
Jess said “Fast, strong, super hearing, super eyesight, can’t go
out in the sun. Sound familiar?”
“What do you mean?”
“I have to...” I took a deep breath and looked at Jess, and she
Brynne, Non-Vampire (The Non-Vampire Series) Page 13