‘That I’m clearly a man for porridge?’
‘Exactly . . . And meanwhile there’s being strange and then there’s being a stranger. You being a stranger – that’s kind of the point, isn’t it?’
‘Is it?’
‘And you look all right.’
‘Thanks a lot.’
‘I mean safe.’
‘Thanks a hell of a lot.’
‘Okay, you look like I’m going to fuck you. And you’re going to fuck me. How’s that.’
‘That’s . . . true. And so I should . . .’
‘Where are you going?’
‘Put my coat over the chair – if it’s on the floor I’ll think about it being on the floor . . . I’m tidy.’
‘And nervous.’
‘Yeah. Why not . . . Your beauty renders me nervous . . . and you don’t look like a strange woman. In case you were about to ask.’
‘How can you tell – Rose West didn’t look like a strange woman.’
‘Yes, she did. And she looked fat. Was fat.’
‘You have a problem with fat women?
‘Are you likely to get fat between now and tomorrow morning?’
‘I’ll try not.’
‘Then I don’t have a problem. That’s a nice arse. Neat little skirt, neat little arse . . . but you’ve trashed your room. Messy. Now why’s that? Are you messy? Messy and a neat arse. Going to want to get to know that arse.’
‘I wasn’t expecting you.’
‘Well, no. I wouldn’t think you were.’
‘I wasn’t expecting anyone. So I didn’t tidy. Nice suit.’
‘Yeah, I scrub up well. Or else I’m like this all the time, let’s say I’m like this all the time. That’s sad. Not my suit – my suit isn’t sad. It’s sad that you weren’t expecting anyone . . . And how are you finding me so far? How am I doing?’
‘What, you want marks for technique?’
‘Sure. Why not. Maybe I have a notebook and I keep score.’
‘In that case . . . it feels as if you’ve kissed people before.’
‘In a good way?’
‘Like you’ve practised. Done a module. Or you have a notebook and keep score.’
‘I don’t have a notebook. You do have very beautiful lips, though. I thought that – first thing I thought.’
‘What do you smell of?’
‘Ahm, I don’t know . . . Soap, mainly. Posh soap they give you here . . . Maybe my dinner – I had lamb. I don’t think I spilled any on my shirt . . . Gravy? I probably smell of gravy and the inside of a hired Nissan Micra . . . and manliness . . .’
‘Manliness . . . Well, I like it, anyway, whatever it is – how your skin smells . . . What about Crippen?’
‘Hm?’
‘Dr Crippen – he looked normal.’
‘Scary glasses.’
‘Dr Shipman.’
‘Scary beard. I had a beard once. Would you have preferred that?’
‘No. John Wayne Gacy?’
‘He dressed as a clown.’
‘He was a clown.’
‘That’s no excuse. Were you thinking of dressing as a clown?’
‘I never travel with the costume – shoes are too big for my bag. D’you want to do that again.’
‘What, this?’
‘Yeah. That.’
‘Or how about this?’
‘That too.’
‘This isn’t something I normally do, though. In fact. In case you were wondering.’
‘You don’t normally put your hands up women’s skirts?’
‘Not women I haven’t . . . met before. What about you?’
‘I don’t fancy women.’
‘Seriously, though, I don’t ever. Until this.’
‘Haven’t ever fucked a stranger.’
‘You do like the stranger thing, don’t you? Gets you going. Gets you. It gets you that you don’t know my name, won’t know it – how’s that? Oh, you like that. And you don’t know where my hands have been – if I’ve washed them – and where’s that finger going to go. Like that too, don’t you? Don’t even know my name and I’ll never know yours . . . We’re lucky – paths crossing – I’m not in hotels that much. Hardly ever. I had to . . . hold on, I think I should . . . we don’t really need my jacket any more, do we?’
‘I think we should get on with this, yes.’
‘Okay, okay . . . But I’ll hang it up then, if that’s . . . here we go – Jeez, they don’t give you many coat hangers, do they? The price you’re paying for the room, you’d think there’d be more. Can I put it over this blouse?’
‘Why would I worry what you put your jacket over?’
‘I was being polite. Polite stranger.’
‘Sorry. Come back and be polite with me.’
‘Having sex doesn’t mean I needn’t be polite. Even when I’m being rude I can be polite. That’s why, as you will notice, I’m removing both my shoes and my socks. A gentleman always removes his socks . . . Folds his trousers . . . Thus . . . Thuswise . . . Anyway . . . Hotels . . . Yeah, I had to get condoms out of the vending machine in the Gents. Indicating I don’t travel with them.’
‘Or indicating you’ve run out. Might have been a busy week.’
‘I’m not like that. I’m just right now saying that I’m not like that.’
‘Well, neither am I.’
‘I know, I know . . . I can tell. It’s just a nice . . . idea. And we can be like this tonight.’
‘Eventually.’
‘All good things to those who are patient and have a nice arse. Fruit flavour’s all they had left – in the condoms. Sorry. And here’s me, back again. Barefoot and no more jacket, no more suit. Hi.’
‘Hello.’
‘D’you like my boxers. Sorry about the rather obvious hard-on.’
‘No, you’re not.’
‘No, I’m not. D’you want to take anything off?’
‘Pick.’
‘Take off my tie.’
‘What?’
‘I’d like you to take off my tie – maybe I like the taking off the tie thing, the way you like the stranger thing. And if I have to choose your sweater or your skirt, I’d probably go for the skirt. So you can take that off, too. Please. And undo my buttons. Do you like being told what to do?’
‘Not the way you mean it.’
‘Thank Christ for that – I’d really rather not be in charge. It’s been a long week, as it happens – and we’re only on Wednesday . . . Not a bad week, but . . . long. You going to take your skirt off, or not?’
‘Kiss me.’
‘Absolutely. I aim to please . . . What about your skirt?’
‘It’s coming.’
‘And are you? . . . Sorry. Not funny. Not clever . . . It’s always . . . this bit’s tricky . . . Fuck, that’s nice, though. That’s . . . that’s lovely. That’s . . . an eyeful. Only a eyeful’s . . .’
‘A tower?’
‘Something off a seaside postcard. Ooh, missus, what an eyeful . . . Then again, under the sweater, I’ll bet . . . there’s another. Such a lot of good things you have about you. I love you.’
‘No you don’t.’
‘But I want to say I do. And let’s see if I can . . .’
‘If you want to unfasten it, then unfasten it – don’t just fiddle with it . . . What bit’s tricky? The catch?’
‘No. That’s . . . fine. It’s this bit. You know – we’re not completely started, but we’re not completely – oh, you could do that some more, actually – not completely carried away yet. It’s like being thirteen – makes me feel awkward.’
‘I was thinking it was like being fifteen. But you started early, did you?’
‘I started on my own.’
‘Start, finish, it’s all on your own.’
‘Don’t say that.’
‘How am I now? Better?’
‘Let me look, then.’
‘You are looking.’
‘I know. Gorgeous.’
‘Liar.�
�
‘Why don’t you think you’re beautiful.’
‘I was joking.’
‘No you weren’t. Fuck – legs all the way up to here. Right. Here. Fuck. I’ve just realised – I like saying fuck to you. Fuck. FUCK!’
‘Shhh.’
‘What for.’
‘They’ll hear you – in the other rooms.’
‘Which you’ll like. Strangers hearing you fuck a stranger. FUCK! ME!’
‘Then don’t just say it.’
‘Does that feel like I’m just going to say it? Does it?’
‘Because, if we keep talking, we’re going to end up –’
‘Getting to know each other?’
‘That wouldn’t work.’
‘Fine.’
‘Well, don’t sound annoyed.’
‘I’m not annoyed.’
‘You are.’
‘Take off your knickers.’
‘Ah, I . . . Could you? Please? Would you like to?’
‘Look, I don’t know if . . .’
‘What? . . . What’s wrong?’
‘Take them off yourself.’
‘What’s wrong?’
‘Take them off. Now. Do it. Okay. Good. And here’s what we do. Okay? This is when you get what you want. Okay? You get exactly what you’re asking for. So now shut up and show me your tits. Really. I mean it. I’m very serious. Hold them. Together. And squeeze. Harder. You don’t know me, we’ve never met, so I have to explain – I need to see your tits. Show me. And open your legs. Right open, you’re not shy, you want this. And touch it. Touch it. If you want this, you won’t be shy. You’ll like it. You’ll touch yourself and show me everything. Relax and show me. That’s it. Just relax. Like it. Because this is what you like and twenty . . . I make it twenty-four . . . minutes ago you were in the bar downstairs and by yourself and ready to pick up anyone, anyone at all, ready to fuck anyone, because that’s what you like. Twenty minutes ago you didn’t know me and now you’re showing me your tits, showing me everything – and I’m not even going to pay you, just fuck you. Keep touching it, put your finger in. Put it inside. Put your finger where I’m going. You’d have done that in the bar, wouldn’t you? Wouldn’t you? You’d have sat on a table and lifted your skirt and fingered yourself so anyone could see you, any stranger, and that’s why you’re doing it for me. A total stranger and I’m going to fuck you. A total stranger fucking you and other strangers hearing it, hearing you get fucked, the whole thing. D’you want them to knock on the door later and fuck you, too? You do, don’t you? You do. But I’m having you all for myself. And in the morning you won’t know my name, you’ll only know my cock . . . Oh, she likes that, that’s got her. Roll over, all fours. Like a bitch. Come on. Come on. And I’ll make sure they hear you. Come on. No, leave that, I’ll do that. Lovely. Stay that way. Just like that and then you get my cock.’
‘You’re a bit tense.’
‘Not really.’
‘Only a bit.’
‘I didn’t expect you to . . .’
‘What? You didn’t expect me to fuck you? You were liking it all when we started and then –’
‘I did like it. I do. I just . . . We can do something else, we can –’
‘No, tell me how we make this work. Because you have a lovely – there it is – you have a lovely cunt . . . I thought that you’d . . . I thought it would be . . . Do you want me to put the light out?’
‘No.’
‘So you could concentrate.’
‘I can concentrate.’
‘Because you’re wet. You’re very . . . I mean, you were enjoying it and then you weren’t.’
‘That’s not true.’
‘You seem a bit tense, that’s all. You know, why don’t you decide what’s next. All right, love? ‘
‘Are you annoyed?’
‘No. And please stop asking that. I’m very pleased to be with you and I’m having a good time. But I can go away if you want. And I didn’t intend to freak you out or anything. It was just playing.’
‘I don’t irritate you?’
‘Darling, you’re just bringing yourself – so much worry in one head – it’s not that kind of night, is it? Not a heavy night and we’ve got to obsess about stuff together, eh? Bloody hell, love . . .’
‘I’ll suck you.’
‘You’re very kind.’
‘I said I’d suck you. So I will . . . Now what? What’s the matter?’
‘But it’s not a duty, love. Hey, why are you . . . ? Don’t turn your head. I can’t kiss you if you do that.’
‘Why do you want to keep making this romantic, it’s not romantic, it’s . . . why call me love? And if you kiss me – you’ll taste of . . .’
‘I’ll taste of you. Of course. I taste very much of you. I would. I’ve just spent at least ten minutes trying to get you to come – with my mouth.’
‘Sorry.’
‘I’m not complaining. Shit, I am complaining – you don’t want it romantic, you don’t want it horny . . . Could you be clear at some point and let me know how I’m meant to be here. For you.’
‘I wanted to . . . I want to . . . I’m a bit confused.’
‘You’re telling me, love. Ah, there you go, though – a fucking smile. Haven’t seen that for a bit.’
‘Well, and you’re confused, too – I’m a bitch and I’m your sweetheart?’
‘You’re both. Which is exactly what I want and why I want to stay. And why I’ve given myself a knot in my larynx, or pulled something vital, anyway, eating you out like a hungry hound.’
‘Like a hungry hound?’
‘Yeah. Like a hungry hound.’
‘Don’t go, though. Sit back down.’
‘No, I’m going to rinse my mouth. And that’ll be better? If I taste of spearmint instead of cunt?’
‘You don’t have to do that.’
‘I do if I want to kiss you. Jesus, you’ve even killed my hard-on, which isn’t how I wanted to say that – don’t get worried again – but it was on its way back and now it’s undecided.’
‘Then I’ll sort that.’
‘You don’t have to.’
‘I’ll sort it.’
‘Okay . . . Determined bitch . . . Determined sweetheart . . . And down she goes. Oh. Kay. Steady, though – no need to be . . . Let me lie down . . . No, let me stand up. I want to stand up and you can . . . that’s it. If you . . . that’s it . . . Oh, what a girl you are. What a girl. But you don’t have to be so . . . There’s no rush. Christ, unless you do that. Oh, darling. More like . . . Oh, that’s the way. And look at me, look up. That is the way. Sweet lips. Good lips. You looking at me and. My. Cock. In. Your. Mouth. Saw you and I wanted to fuck your mouth. Wanted this. I did . . . Nod your head if you’re going to swallow. No, don’t smile, not now – naughty girl. D’you want a mouthful of come? Do you? Suck it. Suck it. Jesus, I fucking like fucking your fucking mouth.’
‘How are you feeling, love?’
‘Fine. Great. That was . . . that was great.’
‘I love you.’
‘Why say that? Honestly, though? Why make this something it’s not? Not that you’re not . . . a good man.’
‘A good man? I dunno about that. Don’t think a good man would have had at you in every possible manner and place – except that one. But you do kind of want it there, too . . . Admit it.’
‘I . . . I thought you would. I tried to–’
‘I did notice . . . suddenly your tongue’s up my arse, that did catch my attention. Isn’t she the pleasant surprise, I said to myself. And you liked my finger up there – return the favour – and it’ll be a lot better with my cock. I won’t hurt you.’
‘I’ve never done that.’
‘You’ve never done any of this, you said.’
‘Which was true. I don’t go round picking up strangers . . . just you. And you’re . . .’
‘I’m what?’
‘A lovely . . . choice.’
‘And, ladies and gen
tlemen – she gets romantic. Just about. But will she be romantic enough to do me the honour of letting me very softly and gently and passionately screw her the back door way.’
‘That would be . . . I’d remember that, wouldn’t I?’
‘You could lie back any night and think – that guy took my last virginity. I would love to do that. And you’d love it . . . And over she goes, persuaded, and let me see . . . Like a natural . . .’
‘Yeah.’
‘You’re trembling, though.’
‘That’s all right.’
‘Is it good trembling.’
‘Yeah, good trembling. Oh. That’s . . . That’s . . .’
‘My thumb. Relax. Relax. And . . . one finger. Let it happen.’
‘This is . . . I want this. I do want this. I want you to have this. You have to take everything.’
‘Which is what I intend. Two fingers . . . that’s a brave girl.’
‘No, I’m a bitch. A bad bitch.’
‘Of course you are. Of course you are. And this is your punishment. Are you ready? There you go, there you go. Relax, though. No, you’ll have to relax. No. No, stop, love. There’s a bit of blood. We’ll need to stop. No, I can’t do it if you’re –’
‘Please. I want it. I want –’
‘You want to lie down and I’ll hold you. Don’t cry.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘It’s okay. Not the end of the world. I should be sorry. Didn’t do it right.’
‘I wanted it.’
‘We’ll maybe try again later.’
‘My mother? She taught me lots of things. Like the being polite. Saying I love you.’
‘When you don’t mean it.’
‘I know what I mean. Just now.’
‘Well, I love you if it’s just now.’
‘There now, was that so hard . . .’
‘And you loved your mother.’
‘Certainly not like this, I didn’t.’
‘But I can hear it in your voice – you loved her . . . You can always trust a man who loved his mother.’
‘Who told you that?’
‘My dad.’
‘Did he love his mother?’
‘I think so.’
‘Fair enough. You look sleepy.’
‘I’m just . . . resting.’
‘So since you’re not sleepy and we only have tonight and you’re feeling better . . .’
‘I want you in me again. For a long time.’
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