by Suzie Twine
“Ah, Old Man Black’s been round already has he? That didn’t take long. Anyway, your door, can I help?”
“Oh Adam, would you?” said Lois.
“Give me five minutes, I’m sure I’ve got some hardboard in the shed that’ll secure the house for now.” And he ran off, dog at his heels.
“Whoa,” said Mel, grinning broadly, “so not all the neighbours are a disaster then!”
“Yes,” agreed Lois, in hushed tones, “what a relief to meet someone friendly.”
“Yeah and the rest!” Mel gave Lois a nudge. Lois just looked bewildered.
“Good looking?” There was still no acknowledgement from Lois.
“Oh, never mind pet, you’re suffering from post traumatic stress disorder after your troubled morning. Don’t worry, I’ve a feeling everything’s going to improve from now on.”
Adam hunted through his shed for anything resembling some hardboard, but found absolutely nothing of any use at all. He started to get a bit flustered, so decided the best thing to do was to remove his own bathroom door and use that. It was old and would be replaced when he finally got round to building the extension. It was important for him to give a good impression to the new neighbours. Not to mention the fact that Mel was a particularly attractive woman and who knows, she might be single. He would have liked to have a quick shower really, he was very sweaty after his run, but he didn’t want to give the impression he was more worried about his appearance than urgently helping out women in distress. So he just sprayed some deodorant over the sweat, collected his tools, removed the door from the bathroom and set off back to Lois’s house.
When he got there he found that the door was completely the wrong size for the doorframe, which didn’t really come as a great surprise. He went home and picked up a couple of old planks that were lying behind the shed and returned. He removed the remains of the old door. “Bit of woodworm here then Lois.”
“Tell me about it!”
“The frame looks fine though doesn’t it? That’s odd.” Adam looked thoughtfully at the two pieces of door now on the front lawn. “You know, I’m sure this isn’t the original door.”
“Really?” said Lois, examining the remains herself.
“Hey, I bet those awful relatives came and took the old one. I’m sure I remember it being a really nice oak door. Yeah, I bet they took that and replaced it with this knackered one!” He gave the door a kick in disgust.
“Who?” asked Mel.
“Mrs. Smith’s relatives. Horrible pair they are, real scavengers.” Having sawn the planks to size, Adam started to nail them to the front entrance. “Sorry Lois, there’s going to be some holes in the door frame when all this is removed.”
“Don’t worry, I’m sure it won’t be the biggest problem we have to face.”
Adam continued working, chatting as he did so “Yes, so, Mrs. Smith moved here when her husband died, she downsized from a big house on the outskirts of Henley. That was about twenty years ago. She was great, played a round of golf three times a week, drank like a fish and smoked like a chimney! Got to the age of eighty-two and suddenly found herself coughing up blood. She was diagnosed with lung cancer and died two months later.” Adam paused, “I miss her actually. She was an extraordinary old girl, full of life, right to the end.
“So, her nephew and his wife inherited the lot. Not the slightest bit interested in her when she was alive. They live in the next village. Swooped on this place like vultures the second she was dead. They sold everything they could via auctioneers, house sales and e-Bay. By all accounts, including the front door!”
Lois told Adam about the phone call she’d received that morning about the cooker. “There, I rest my case!” said Adam grinning.
It was no surprise to Adam to hear that Charles Black had already made his presence felt. He filled them in briefly on some facts about Charles; a retired planning officer and parish councillor, whose wife had allegedly run off with someone she’d met at her ‘over fifties’ aerobics class about four years ago. Nobody in The Park liked him. He’d upset them all, one way or another.
Having secured the door, Adam wished the two women well and started to make for home, tools in hand. He hadn’t gone far when Lois called to him. She looked flushed and worried as she approached. “Adam, I’m so sorry. Oh God, I can’t believe I’ve done this!” She paused, plucked up her courage and said, “The back door keys, they’re in my bag,” she paused again, “in the cottage!”
To Lois’s great relief, Adam smiled convincingly. “Not a problem Lois,” he said, “that’s exactly the sort of thing that I do myself.”
Re-opening the doorway was difficult. Adam had been very generous with his use of nails. Re-sealing it, having retrieved said handbag, was a complete nightmare, with splintered pieces of planks and his poor old bathroom door falling everywhere.
When Adam had finished the re-repair, which resembled some very untidy patchwork and Lois had thanked him profusely, he invited Lois and Mel round to his house for a cup of tea and something to eat. They gratefully accepted, Lois was beginning to feel quite light-headed from lack of food and both of them were bursting for the loo. When they arrived, Adam directed Lois to the bathroom, which was downstairs. Lois reappeared very quickly, with bright pink cheeks, “uh…. Adam, you don’t seem to have a, um, door on your bathroom?”
“Oh bollocks!” Adam blushed, firstly for forgetting there was no door to the bathroom and secondly for swearing in front of women he was trying to impress.
Lois and Mel looked at each other and smiled. “Adam,” said Mel, starting to giggle, “You didn’t…” Mel and Lois started laughing uncontrollably, with Adam, who looked very embarrassed, eventually joining in.
When the laughter died down Adam said, “I didn’t expect it to matter, I don’t often have adult visitors. If you can hang on for ten minutes, I’ll fix it.” He made his way to pick up his toolbox from the entrance porch and disappeared upstairs. “That’s so sweet,” said Mel, “he sacrificed his bathroom door for you.”
“Astonishing,” replied Lois, “if a little odd?”
“No, not odd, just really generous.”
Adam returned within minutes with another door, which, he explained he had removed from his bedroom. “I won’t miss this one,” he said.
Lois was the first one to start giggling this time, the others soon joining in. Adam had to lean the door against the wall, breathless with laughter, “You two must think I’m completely bonkers.”
“Bonkers Adam?” cried Lois, “no, this is all perfectly normal behaviour!”
When Adam had recovered himself enough, he took the door and fitted it to its new frame. “Ah, yes, a much better position for it. Never did look right upstairs!” said Adam.
Adam proceeded to brew a pot of tea and concoct a very tasty pasta dish, which Lois and Mel wolfed down. They found out over dinner that Adam was divorced (Mel had to try hard not to clap her hands and punch the air, yelling a loud ‘YES!’). He was a self-employed roofer, having originally completed a law degree. “Mmmm, unusual,” thought Mel, to this revelation. She’d always been attracted to the unconventional.
It was nine o’clock by the time Lois and Mel made their way to the Manor. They found their room to be more basic and much more modern in decor than they’d been hoping. The outside of the hotel was beautiful. Old, Lois had guessed late eighteenth, or early nineteenth century. It had a classic elegance about it. She had been expecting antiques and gold leaf framed paintings inside. Instead, there was furniture that looked like it had come flat packed from IKEA and enlarged, clip-framed photos with the hotel chain’s logo printed across the bottom.
Once they were settled in, sitting on the bed with a cup of tea and free biscuits, Lois phoned Tom and told him that the day had gone well. He had at last had his operation and was still sounding a little groggy from the anaesthetic. Lois decided she wouldn’t tell him any of the negatives about the house until she was face to face with him. She felt so much better about ever
ything now anyway, having spent time with Adam, who was clearly a gem of a neighbour. Perhaps Honeysuckle Cottage was going to be the house of their dreams after all.
6
Lois woke early the next morning. She was excited about organising the work that needed to be done on the house. Mel was also excited, but in her case, it was about the possibility of bumping into Adam again. Breakfast at the manor was as mediocre as their room.
“I thought this was rated five star,” said Mel, indignantly, “the food’s no better than a motorway motel.” She used her phone to take a photo of the pathetic, wilted rose on their breakfast table. “That should have been replaced days ago, or just taken away. What’s the point of leaving a dead rose as a centrepiece?”
“Oh no, do I sense a letter of complaint brewing?”
“Quite possibly.”
“About a wilting rose on the breakfast table?”
“Well about the general feel of the place, not being luxurious. That is what you expect for five stars isn’t it, a bit of luxury?”
“Well, if you have nothing better to do, then good for you! But I have more important issues, like finding a fabulous builder to decorate, no, renovate, my house! Coming?”
Lois rang Tom and chatted as she packed her few bits into her bag. He sounded much better and hoped to be able to go home once the consultant had been to look at his X-rays. His Mother was going to pick him up and drive him to London. He said how much he was looking forward to seeing his gorgeous girlfriend and hearing all about their fantastic new house. Lois went slightly red and then in the most positive tone she could muster, said that she couldn’t wait to tell him all about it.
After checking out of the hotel, Lois and Mel returned to Honeysuckle on foot, a walk of about three hundred yards. It was a stunning, sunny day, without a hint of cloud. The birds were singing in the trees overhanging the road. Two baby rabbits shot across in front of them from under a hedge, making them jump and then laugh. “Gosh, I feel surprisingly envious of you guys moving out here,” said Mel, as Honeysuckle came into view, “I would give anything to be in your position Lois. Lovely man, baby on the way, cottage in the country.” Lois had to agree, she was very lucky. It was such a beautiful day that the setbacks of yesterday were starting to pale into insignificance.
Lois and Mel arrived at the cottage and let themselves in through the backdoor. Sunshine was pouring into the living room through the windows at the front of the house. “Wow!” said Lois, “Now that’s more like it.”
Lois wrote a to-do list while Mel made them both a cup of tea using an old saucepan that had been left in a cupboard, and the only functioning electric ring on the cooker. “Hey, you’ll probably get invoiced for this,” she laughed, waving the emptied pan in Lois’s direction.
Lois thanked Mel for the tea and took a cautious sip to test how hot it was. “Oh no, I forgot to pack sugar,” Lois said, looking briefly annoyed before easing herself up from the floor, grinning. “Perfect, the classic opportunity to knock on a neighbour’s door and introduce myself.”
“You be careful which door you knock on, you don’t want it to be old Mr. Black’s.”
“Good point. Hang on, didn’t Adam say he lives in Ivy Cottage?”
“Yes, that’s appropriate isn’t it? Poisonous old sod!”
“Anyway, that’s easy, I’ll not go next door, obviously, nor to Adam’s, nor to Ivy”. With that, Lois exited via the back door, with a small bowl she had found in a cupboard, in which to put the sugar.
She walked up the lane and did ‘eeny, meeny, miny, moe,’ to decide between the fourth and fifth cottages, Rose and Bramble. Bramble won. Lois let herself through the pedestrian gate and walked up the garden path. There was a metal wheelchair ramp up to the front door. Lois felt ridiculously nervous as she approached the door. Would it be a family living here, a couple, another grumpy old man? No, there couldn’t be more than one of those living in this idyllic spot. Lois tentatively rang the doorbell.
As she waited she heard a dog bark once, then there was some scraping of furniture. Something banged into the front door and she could hear some indecipherable mutterings. Lois felt a twinge of guilt, wondering whether her visit was causing problems for the person who needed the ramp.
The door opened a fraction then bumped into something and stopped abruptly. “Oh bugger off!” said the voice behind the door.
“Oh no,” said Lois under her breath, the blood draining from her face, “I don’t believe this!” There was a whirring sound and the door opened a bit more. Lois wondered whether to make a run for it, but a few seconds of indecision made it too awkward and she stayed rooted to the spot, heart rate increasing by the second. The door began to open and Lois could see that the whirring sound was coming from an electric wheelchair, manipulated by a balding man, whose remaining brown hair was heavily flecked with grey. In her anxious state, Lois had to do a double take, as the door appeared to be opening on its own. The man in the wheelchair had one hand on the joystick of the chair and the other lay limp in his lap.
“Oh bugger off!” said the man with a cheery smile, holding out his left hand for Lois to shake.
Lois stood completely rigid for several seconds, her mind trying to process the ridiculously mixed messages that she was seeing and hearing.
“Oh bugger off!” said the man again, nodding towards his hand, with his head slightly tilted on one side and grinning, somewhat lopsidedly, but in such an endearing way that Lois took his hand and shook it firmly. “Oh buuger off!”
Just as Lois was wondering what on earth she should do next, she heard a door closing at the back of the house and foot falls coming in their direction. “Jack, who is it?” asked a woman’s voice.
“Oh bugger off!” responded the man, pointing to Lois and smiling, as the woman appeared next to him.
“Can I help you?” she asked. Lois had almost forgotten about the need for sugar and stumbled over her words a little as she tried to remember why she was there. The whole situation had taken her completely by surprise and she felt quite emotionally unsteady.
“I’m Lois, so sorry to disturb you. I’ve just moved in to Honeysuckle.” At which point the woman squeezed herself past the wheelchair and much to Lois’s surprise, gave her an enthusiastic hug.
“Oh I’m so delighted to meet you Lois, we’ve been wondering who our new neighbours would be, haven’t we Jack?”
“Oh bugger off!” said Jack, with a determined nod.
“I’m Doreen, this is Jack and Ellie is here somewhere, where are you Ellie?” At which point Lois noticed the black Labrador sitting by the door. She dropped the rope that was in her mouth and trotted out, tail wagging, to greet Lois.
“Have you time for a cup of tea Lois?” asked Doreen. Lois thought about Mel waiting for her back at the house, but was now so overcome by Doreen’s offer of hospitality, she tentatively accepted, “A quick cuppa would be lovely. Oh and I’ve just remembered,” Lois held out the bowl, “any chance I could borrow some sugar?”
Lois stayed for about twenty minutes. She felt surprisingly at ease with Doreen and Jack, but not enough to ask about Jack’s problems, much as she was intrigued to find out what had caused his disabilities. So she chatted away, telling them about Tom and his accident, the baby on the way and the work that was needed on the cottage. Doreen and Jack sat listening intently. When he heard about Tom’s accident, Jack covered his eyes and shook his head saying compassionately, “Oooh buuuger oooff!”
The sun was shining as Lois left Bramble Cottage and she walked down the lane smiling. ‘A successful visit’, she thought to herself. She started to daydream about her and Tom becoming friends with all the neighbours. Popping in for coffee, dinner and parties. Then she remembered Mr. Black’s grumpy face and the screaming and swearing issuing through the paper-thin walls of the next-door cottage and her smile faded.
Lois found Mel sitting on the floor of the living room, with her mobile clasped under her chin, scribbling frantically on a s
crap of paper to try and get a pen to work. She glared at Lois and gesticulated for her to find another. Lois rummaged through the contents of her oversized handbag. She eventually discovered a pen, lurking beneath the ludicrous pile of papers, old programmes, books, receipts, loyalty cards, and loose change and handed it to Mel. Lois then decided to make some tea while Mel finished on the phone, to try and win back favour.
“Well, you leave me to make all the arrangements why don’t you, while you go swanning off to have tea and cake with the neighbours!” said Mel sarcastically, as she put down the phone and stretched out her cramped legs.
“I went to Bramble,” Lois said, handing Mel a cup of tea.
“The man who lived there opened the door and told me to bugger off!”
“I don’t believe you! You’re smiling. You’re making it up!”
“It’s the God’s honest truth Mel.” Lois proceeded to recall her visit, which had Mel entranced, although she was still not totally convinced that Lois was telling the truth.
“This is quite an unusual little place you and Tom are moving to Lois.”
Lois smiled. “Anyway, did you organize my life while I was out?”
Adam had said if Lois could find a replacement door, he would fit it later in the day. He’d written down the door and hinge sizes and phone numbers of two relatively local reclaim yards, along with the best DIY stores in the area. Mel seemed suprisingly excited to fill Lois in on her telephone inquiries to track down a replacement front door.
“So, this place,” said Mel pointing to her meticulously neat notes, “said they had a ‘great solid oak door’ of similar dimensions to the original. It’s in very good condition apparently and,” Mel grinned, “he said you could have it for a hundred and fifty pounds and they would hang onto it for you for the rest of the day!”
“Wow, that’s fantastic!” Lois gave Mel a hug. “Thanks so much.”
“Yeah, it’s probably the one that was here in the first place,” Mel laughed.