by Suzie Twine
After lunch, Lois and Tom made their way back to the Park, with plenty of time for a rest before going to Richard and Debbie’s for dinner. Just as they both settled down to what they had started to call their ‘rehabilitatory nap’, Tom’s phone rang. He wasn’t happy to be disturbed. Seeing that it was his mother, he pulled a face and was about to put it back down on the floor, but Lois was peering over his shoulder.
“Go on, answer it, Mr. Grumpy!”
Tom grunted, then pressed the answer button, “Pippa! How nice to hear from you! How are you?” Tom said in a loud, bold voice, with a forced smile on his face. As his mother talked, he managed to push himself into an upright position and made his way downstairs, so at least Lois could have some shut-eye.
When the phone-call had finished, Tom came back into the bedroom and eased himself, as quietly as he could, back into bed. His weight on the rubber mattress, tilting Lois, disturbed her. She opened one eye. “How’s Pippa?”
“Yes, she’s fine.” Tom said thoughtfully. “Apparently she and Chris want to give us some money as a sort of house warming, wedding present.”
“That’s nice,” Lois said, still half asleep.
“Yes, the figure she mentioned was fifty.”
“That’s nice. We could put it towards the curtains.”
“No Lo, not fifty pounds, fifty thousand pounds!”
Lois sat bolt upright in bed, “Bloody hell Tom, fifty thousand pounds!”
“I reckon they’re, I mean she, Pippa, is in competition with your mum and dad. Never a one to be upstaged, my mother.”
“Hey, at this rate, we could end up with that paddock after all!”
“Don’t get too carried away now Lo!”
It took some time for Lois and Tom to fall asleep. After the phone call, both of them had very active minds, contemplating what they could use the money for. When Lois eventually did fall asleep, she dreamed of a birthing pool, which she was desperate to get into, but couldn’t, because it was full of diamonds.
Tom and Lois woke to a hard hammering on the door. Tom dragged himself downstairs to open it and found Annie and Dave standing in the rain.
“Are you ready?” asked Dave, shaking his umbrella outside as he backed into the house after Annie.
“Ready?” responded a very bleary eyed Tom.
“Dinner, Debbie and Richard’s?”
“Oh no! What’s the time?”
“Seven thirty.”
“Oh God! We only went upstairs for a little snooze at four o’clock,” exclaimed Tom, ushering Annie and Dave into the sitting room and realising there was nowhere for them to sit.
“Oh, perhaps you’d prefer to go on ahead and we’ll meet you up there?”
Annie pointed to the rug on the floor, “No, no, we’ll wait. We’ll make ourselves comfy, won’t we Dave?”
“I doubt that,” Dave chortled, “but we’ll wait anyway.”
Hearing the voices downstairs, Lois had woken, looked at the time, had a minor panic attack and started to change as fast as she could. When Tom reappeared she was just resurrecting her make-up. “I’m ready,” she said, “how about you?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be!” said Tom, spraying on some deodorant. He looked reasonably smart from the trip to London that morning, if a little crinkled. They grabbed the bottle of red wine they’d bought in town and the orchid that Lois had carefully chosen for Debbie. Dave, who had decided to wait standing-up, heaved Annie to her feet, pretending she was much heavier than she was.
“You’ll need your waterproofs or a brolly,” said Dave, “it’s foul out there.”
Tom gave Lois his ‘You know where everything is!’ look. “It’s in the car, the brolly,” said Lois, tossing him the keys. “Go, be gallant, good knight, save me from this dreaded downpour!”
“Good night!” said Tom, as he ventured out into the rain.
Making their way up the lane, brollies aloft, Dave said to Annie, “Now are you sure you locked the door properly? Should I check it?”
“Yes I locked it properly and no, you shouldn’t check it!” Annie said, grabbing Dave by the elbow with one hand, whilst taking the umbrella from him with the other, pre-empting his retreat to double, triple, quadruple check the door, and dragging him forward.
“It won’t take a second, just one push.” Dave jerked away from Annie’s grasp and went running towards the front door. When he got there, he pushed it with as much force as he could muster and called back to Annie, “Did you check the oven and hob?”
“Dave, for God’s sake, we’ve been through this already this evening. Stephen’s in anyway, he’ll be using the cooker in a minute.”
“Even so,” said Dave, taking the house keys from his pocket and letting him self in, “you go ahead, I’ll catch you up!”
Lois could see Annie’s face reddening and her forehead becoming increasingly wrinkled during this performance. Indeed by the time they started to walk on, she looked like she was about to blow a gasket. But she didn’t, she took three long breaths, muttering “in through the nose, out through her mouth,” and she visibly started to relax again. “Yoga,” she said, “I’ve started going with Sicily, she’s really into it you know. I’ve found it very useful in helping me to cope with, life,” she paused, “well, more precisely, my husband. Honestly, leaving the house is a nightmare with him. As for going on holiday, it takes what feels like hours to get him in the car and finally drive away! Every plug in the house has to be removed from its socket, then, he stands looking at the empty sockets for ages, contemplating whether they are really empty. The windows and external doors have to be checked and double checked and treble checked, until I’m just about tearing my hair out. The cooker is checked endless times to make sure it’s off. He actually stands with his hand underneath each tap in turn, for at least a minute, then having walked away he invariably goes back again to make sure that not one single drip is going to escape from the tap while we’re away.”
“He can’t be that bad, surely?” said Lois.
Annie nodded as she continued, “Then of course there’s the locking of the front door. He checks it at least five times pushing the door with all his strength to make sure it’s shut. He then walks a few yards from the house, goes back and pushes it again… and again… and again! Then he asks me to check it!” They walked through the gate to Debbie and Richard’s house. “One of these days I swear, I’ll go on holiday without him!” Annie reached up and rang the doorbell, just as they heard footsteps running up behind them.
“There, that only took a minute, didn’t it?” said Dave, grinning. Then the grin suddenly disappeared, “Oh bugger, I can’t remember whether I shut the door properly.” This time it was Lois and Tom who grabbed an elbow each and frog marched Dave through the front door, which Debbie had just opened. Richard appeared almost immediately, followed by two of the children, in wet swimming costumes, dripping over the floor and shivering, eager to catch sight of the new neighbours. Annie introduced everybody who didn’t already know each other. The children, twelve-year-old Lisa, and eight year old Luke, said a brief hello on being introduced to Lois and Tom and then disappeared back out to the garden. “Only another ten minutes in the pool!” Debbie called after them, in a voice that seemed surprisingly loud for somebody so petite. It surprised Lois that the children were allowed in the pool with a storm brewing, but Debbie seemed very relaxed about the whole thing. Lois was also amazed by Debbie’s figure. For a woman who had had four children, she looked astonishingly trim and vibrant.
Tom and Lois handed over the wine and orchid to Richard and Debbie. Debbie, appearing very grateful and excited by the gift of the orchid, ushered the four of them into the sitting room, where Adam and Mel were already sitting. The first thing that struck Lois about the room, was its size, they really had managed to add an enormous extension to this cottage. The second thing was the number of orchids that were sitting on every available surface. Lois felt embarrassed to have bought her another one. But as Debbie sa
w Lois’s face drop slightly on seeing the other plants, she grabbed her by the arm, with both hands and said, “I love them, you couldn’t have bought me a more perfect present, honestly!”
“Ah yes,” boomed Richard, “talking of presents, I have your house warming present in the garage, I’ll just get it. Sorry it’s not wrapped.”
Lois felt slightly sick as Richard walked through the French doors and out towards the garage. She really couldn’t imagine having a stuffed animal on her windowsill.
Debbie asked her newly arrived guests what they would like to drink. Lois felt like asking for a large gin and tonic to settle her nerves, but didn’t want to give the wrong impression to the doctor and his wife, so requested an orange juice.
She glanced around the room, to see if there were any dead animals on display. She couldn’t see any. What would she say to Richard? How could she respond without looking disgusted? As she heard the garage door slam, Lois firmly fixed a grin onto her face, in readiness for expressing enthusiastic praise and gratitude.
Lois was pleased that Debbie had not yet returned to the room when the huge sigh of relief escaped her, as Richard came into view. He was carrying a sweet little tree, which Lois later learned, from a surreptitious glance at the label, was a miniature weeping willow. She went over to the French windows to see it more closely.
“Oh, Richard, it’s beautiful. Thank you so much. What a lovely surprise! But come on in, you’re getting soaked.”
“I don’t know why you’re looking so amazed. What were you expecting? A couple of stuffed glis glis or something?” Richard put the tree down outside the doors and came back in, shutting the rain out behind him.
“Well,” said Lois, cautiously, “I did wonder.”
“Are you disappointed? I have almost finished a pair. Very fiddly they were too. I’ve never done anything quite so small before. Debbie said I couldn’t give them to you because you’re a veggie, but if you’d like them? Do you want to come and see?” He ushered Lois towards the door. She felt unable to refuse the offer, he seemed really sweet, the willow was lovely and she didn’t want to, or indeed feel a need to refuse. As they walked out of the door, Debbie came in with the drinks.
“Richard!” she shouted, firmly, “do not take Lois out to your little house of horrors!”
“I’m fine Debbie, don’t worry.” Lois decided not to add, ‘as long as I don’t have to have them sitting on my mantelpiece!’
“Well if we hear a scream, we’ll come and get you.”
At this point, Mel and Tom decided they didn’t want to miss out on the intrigue of Richard’s garage and followed Lois out into the soggy garden.
“It’s not really a house of horrors, the wife doth exaggerate,” Richard said walking them over the wet lawn to the garage, which, like Dave and Annie’s, was detached with loft space above. The children were still in the pool. Dave called to them that it was time to get out as he opened the side door of the garage and Lois followed him in. The strip light flickered and as it did so, Lois could see the most incredible form of a barn owl, in flight in the centre of the garage. The light settled and it became clear that the bird was hanging from the ceiling. Lois, Mel and Tom, stared at it in awe. It looked so alive.
“Wow Richard, did you do this one?” asked Mel.
“It’s great, isn’t it? Friend of mine hit him late one night. Went back and found him, to see if he was repairable, but he’d had it. Then he thought I might like to preserve him and of course, I jumped at the chance.”
“Gosh, you’ve done an incredible job,” said Tom as he walked around the owl, studying it in detail.
Richard showed them a woodpecker that he had also recently finished and was waiting to re-home. Then, he reached up to a high shelf and brought down the pair of glis glis. Perhaps he really had stuffed them for her and Tom. Lois wasn’t sure what to say.
“What do you think?” asked Richard, “Actually, I think they’re finished.”
“Well,” Lois paused, trying to find the right words, without offending him.
“I love them!” said Mel, picking them up and studying them closely, “they’re real little characters, aren’t they?”
“Well, they were.” said Tom.
Mel was stroking one of the glis glis, behind the ears. “Do you sell them Richard? I’d love to…” Richard laughed.
“Sell them, God no, I have enough trouble giving them away. Are you saying you’d like them?” Richard asked, tentatively.
“Oh yes, I’d love them! To be honest, I prefer dead animals, you never know quite where you are with live ones. Anyway, they’d look fab on my mantelpiece and nobody in London would have a clue what they are. They’d be great for breaking the ice at dinner parties.”
“That tells you a lot about Mel’s friends!” chuckled Tom.
Lois felt a swell of relief that Mel appeared to be getting her off the hook, and wondered whether Mel really wanted them, or realised Richard would never know if she disposed of them.
They returned to the house, Mel grinning as she carried her new acquisition into the lounge and showed Adam. “Lovely!” he responded, cautiously stroking one of their tails. Mel sat with them on her lap, stroking them gently.
Lois began to realise that Mel genuinely, liked them. “Weird!” she thought.
There were drinks and nibbles waiting for them all on their return to the lounge. Richard picked up his gin and tonic and took it with him to the kitchen, to give Debbie a hand. Lois went to find the loo, Annie pointing her in the right direction. She walked past a play room/children’s TV lounge, where six children were huddled together on the sofa, watching the current “find a pop star” competition. There were toys and wet towels littering the floor. Lois smiled. She liked this house, it had a relaxed, bordering on the chaotic, feel about it. She thought how nice it would be to have so many children and have their friends eager to sleep over.
Lois backtracked and went into the room. She casually introduced herself to the children she hadn’t met, Hannah, sixteen, Ben, fourteen and their two school friends.
“Do you ever vote?” Lois asked, pointing to the TV.
“Ten times a week for the same person,” said Hannah, “but don’t tell Mum, she’d go ballistic!”
“Mum’s the word,” said Lois, tapping the side of her nose.
The adverts started and Luke, the youngest, totally out of the blue, said, “Lisa nearly drowned today!” and he and Lisa started laughing uncontrollably.
“Gosh, what happened? Was it really that funny?” Lois sat herself down on a pouf.
Lisa pulled herself together and said, “We were playing fifty ways to kill yourself in a swimming pool, it’s our new game.” Hannah raised her eyes to heaven, “I put on a rubber ring, which was quite, like, tight and went into the pool head first, so my legs were up in the air. It seemed funny to start with, that I couldn’t get myself the right way up. Then I thought I was so gonna die! Anyway, I got myself to the side of the pool and managed to pull myself up.”
Lois had a hand up to her mouth, flabbergasted that the children could find this so funny. “God, that’s awful Lisa. You must have been so scared.”
“Yeah. I’m not gonna do it again, that’s for sure. We’re not gonna play that game anymore, are we Luke?”
“No, too dodgy.”
“I’m relieved to hear it,” Lois said, getting up to continue her toilet mission, “Luke, did you try and help Lisa?”
“No, I couldn’t. I’d put arm bands round my ankles, I was having trouble staying above the water myself!”
Lois shuddered. “Perhaps you should get rid of some of this, so called safety equipment, it sounds much too dangerous to me!” As Lois walked through the door, Lisa called to her, “Oh Lois, please don’t…” Lois and Lisa tapped their noses simultaneously and smiled at each other.
“But,” said Lois, “only, if you promise never to play that game again!”
“Pinky promise!” said Lisa and Luke together and
both held up their little fingers. Lois walked back and shook pinkies, which according to Luke was enforcing an unbreakable promise.
“When’s your baby due Lois?” asked Hannah.
“Middle of September.”
“Wow, that’s so exciting! Can I baby sit for you?”
“Yes I’m sure you’ll be able to, when he, or she is big enough to be left.”
“Woah, luckyyy!” exclaimed Lisa. Then their favourite contestant appeared on the TV and they all, once again, became engrossed.
By the time Lois got back, everyone had left the lounge, made their way to the dining room and were sitting around the large oak dining table. A space had been left for her between Richard and Adam.
During the first course the conversational focus was very much on Tom and Lois. Where they’d been living, which professions they were in, where they worked. Debbie and Richard were intrigued to find out about their plans for Honeysuckle. To which Tom replied that they wanted to live there for a while and get a feel for the house before they decided what major changes should be made. Lois noticed that he kept very quiet about the fact that they’d run out of money, then it occurred to Lois, that of course they could bring forward the extension if Tom’s parents gave them money….. and they didn’t buy the paddock.
“Lois? Penny for them?” said Richard.
“Oh, sorry I just….” Lois daren’t say what she was thinking out loud, Tom would not be happy if she talked about anything to do with money in public. She decided it would be best to change the subject altogether. “…So, Richard, you’re a GP?”
“Yes, that’s me,” he said, then took a large glug of wine.
“And a homeopath and an acupuncturist!” exclaimed Dave, as Debbie got up and started to clear away the plates.
“Yes. It sounds quite impressive doesn’t it? But it’s the homeopathy that I enjoy the most. We’ve just kitted out our study as a consulting room so I can see private patients here, instead of at work. It was becoming a little, shall we say, awkward?”
“Go on Richard, tell them what happened,” said Debbie as she returned from the kitchen with three of the children helping her carry plates and the dishes of the main course. “It is a very funny story!”