by Jane Corrie
'And if it doesn't?' queried Lloyd, his earnest brown
eyes searching her grey-green ones. 'Will you promise me that you'll accept my offer of a home? That's the reason why I've come, Tanya. I got to remembering how it was when we last saw each other, and wasn't too sure that I'd got through to you. I guess I wasn't too coherent myself at that time. When I didn't hear from you I kept wondering how you were faring, and decided to take a little action, and I'm glad I did,' he ended quietly.
Tanya felt a surge of gratitude flow through her. She didn't deserve such a good friend, especially when she had practically forced him to make the offer. If she had been in any way doubtful of his sincerity, she would have found a way of refusing the offer without hurting his feelings, but she did not attempt any such gambit. She needed a bolthole, and Lloyd wanted to look after her.
There would be time enough in the future to look again at what life might hold in store for her. What that future contained she had no idea, she only knew that there was nothing but unhappiness for her at Orchard Farm—or at best, a happiness tinged with bitter sweetness, because she would go on loving Kade. He had once said that she had tried to make him notice her as a woman. In actual fact, it was the other way around. She had tried her best to keep their relationship on a business footing, but it hadn't worked; Kade had seen to that.
When she recalled the look of triumph in his hooded eyes when he had finished punishing her the previous day, she felt a wave of hopelessness wash over her, and her fingers clenched round her glass as she replied to the watchful Lloyd, 'I promise to come to you when
I've fulfilled my obligation to Kade.' She then told him about her agreement to stay on for six months. 'I'm not making a very good business woman,' she said quietly. 'But at least I can say I tried. And really,' she added thoughtfully, 'I think that's all Kade asks of me—to give it a try.'
In a way it was the truth, she thought afterwards. Kade wanted nothing more from her than that she should comply with his wishes on this matter. It was the method that he was using to gain her compliance that had frightened her.
CHAPTER NINE
Now that the question of her future was definitely settled in her mind, Tanya was able to concentrate on other matters, such as showing Lloyd around her home state, for this was his first visit to Tasmania.
Her worries that Kade might prove a trifle awkward, and insist on accompanying them on their sightseeing tours, proved to be unfounded, for no such suggestion was made at dinner that evening when the plan was discussed.
It took a little while for the fact to sink into the amazed Tanya that Kade was actually in favour of the proposal, even suggesting certain places of interest that they could visit, and went so far as to offer to provide Lloyd with a detailed map of the areas to be visited.
This state of affairs was extremely puzzling to her. She wondered just how long he intended to stand on the sidelines. It was not like the Kade she had come to know during the last few weeks of their stormy relationship, and she couldn't help wondering what was behind his complacent agreement to her removal from the work scene.
It could have been that he was trying to impress upon Lloyd the fact that she was free to do as she wished. He knew who Lloyd was, and must have worked out the reason behind his visit. Her bemused gaze lingered first on Kade and then on Lloyd, as she listened to them expounding on the intricacies of load-
ing charges, a side issue that affected both men, although one was a fruit farmer and the other a cattleman.
Kade ought to have taken umbrage at Lloyd's presence on the scene, not to mention why he had decided to make the sudden visit, but here they were in complete accordance with one another as though they had known each other for years.
Her gaze lingered on Lloyd, who at that moment was nodding in agreement with something that Kade had said, and she noticed a touch of silver at the side of his brown hair that lent him an air of seniority, and brought back memories of her father. Not that Lloyd and her father had anything in common. Her father might have had a stubborn streak in him, but he had been a quiet man who rarely disclosed his thoughts.
'Try some of that cream cheese on a biscuit,' urged Connie, breaking into Tanya's reverie. 'You didn't eat much,' she complained, as she put the coffee tray down on the table beside her.
Tanya looked up at Connie resplendent in her best black and white dress, and wearing an air of satisfied bustle about her. She could not say the same of the men's appetite, Tanya thought with an inward smile as she recalled the way they had done justice to her cooking, and their complimentary remarks when she had cleared the first course had left her in no doubt of their appreciation. Lloyd had added the crowning touch by asking her to provide him with her recipe for the chicken chasseur, saying it was the finest he had ever tasted.
Not wanting to put a damper on Connie's culinary triumph, Tanya complied with her request, although she had had sufficient to eat.
When Connie had served the coffee and returned to the kitchen quarters, Tanya went back to her musings and this time concentrated her thoughts on Kade.
His dark blue business suit and cream shirt with matching tie looked as if he had dressed for dinner, but Tanya rather suspected that it was the suit that he had worn at the convention and that he had not bothered to change back into his casual wear. She could not see him making an effort to impress anyone, it wasn't in character, although it could be argued that Lloyd's immaculate dark grey pinstripe might have had something to do with it, but Tanya doubted it.
Her silent assessment of the two men went on as they continued to discuss various aspects of their working areas. She was content to sit and listen to them. Lloyd's rather soft intonations were just as compelling to listen to as were Kade's deep authoritative-sounding comments.
They were very much alike, Tanya thought, for each played a leading role in their respective domains. If it came to a direct clash between them Tanya would have found it difficult to select a winner, for they were both instinctive fighters to whom defeat was not to be contemplated.
As these thoughts went through her mind her eyes rested on Kade's strong clean-cut features. Had he sensed that Lloyd would be a worthy opponent should
hostilities ever break out between them? Tanya was certain that he had, for in spite of their attitude of bonhomie towards each other, she had sensed a certain wariness between them as if they were circling around each other and assessing one another. It was not unlike the law of the jungle—caution first, then attack! Tanya gave herself a mental shake
at this thought. What on earth made her think that? Had Kade's calm acceptance of Lloyd's presence, and his almost eager agreement that she should absent herself from the business scene and entertain Lloyd, made her conjure up a situation that did not exist?
After another moment's thought she had to admit that this was a possibility. Womanlike, she had felt a little piqued at Kade's refusal to adopt an aggressive attitude towards the man who was intent on claiming responsibility for her future—a future that had nothing to do with Orchard Farm.
She sighed inwardly. It was all very strange and she wished she had the answers.
Tanya was to find that Kade's seemingly strange behaviour got stranger as time went on. The proposed trips were carried out with Lloyd armed with the maps Kade had provided, driving them to their destinations. Not once did Kade attempt to join them, not even at the weekends when he was free from work.
Only at the dinners in the evenings did he put in an appearance, and Tanya wondered why he bothered to make a point of this as he seemed determined to stay out of the picture and give Lloyd free access to Tanya's company.
The dinners were pleasant enough, with Lloyd commenting on the day's sightseeing and Kade listening with studious tolerance at Lloyd's appreciative remarks on the natural beauties of Australia's smallest state.
Lloyd did not, Tanya noticed with gratitude, expound on similar wonders in his own country, or attempt to underrate the scenic splendours by compariso
n to the wonders of his native land, although he
had once said to her how much he was looking forward to showing her around the States, but this was not in any way a boastful statement.
It was after the men had left for Kade's quarters that Tanya felt a sense of loss, and she didn't know why since she would be seeing Lloyd the following morning, and Kade in the evening.
This sense of loss became more pronounced as the days slipped by and soon Tanya was engulfed by it. It had stolen into her senses as stealthily as a thief would steal into a house he was about to burgle. It invaded her heart as she stood beside Lloyd and looked out from Pulpit Rock across the valley of the Derwent. It haunted her as she gazed down into a deep ravine through which a magnificent waterfall plunged down into the green depth of the forest below.
It was there again that day, when they visited the Russell Falls in the Mount Field National Park, one of the seven of Tasmania's National Parks, the Russell Falls holding pride of place in the state's many waterfalls.
The sheer mystic wonder of the glades surrounding the falls through which the water cascaded down, rushing over the rocks and past the bright green foliage of the ferns framing the banks and threatening the very existence of the tall trees that stood in its path as it rushed over the top of the falls, only served to increase her unhappiness.
In the midst of all this beauty with the rays of the sun penetrating through the forest above the falls and giving a kaleidoscope of brilliant colours, enhancing the falls with a rainbow-tinted effect, Tanya felt utterly bereft.
It was not the fact that she had decided to leave her home and turn her back on the past. It was more than that; Kade should have been there, she thought sadly. It should have been he who stood beside her, not Lloyd. It ought to have been Kade who had stood beside her in the rain forests, marvelling at the wonders of nature, and Kade who should have walked up the track to the Cradle Mountain with her, smiling with affectionate tolerance as she enthused in delight on the flora and fauna around them. The ache in her heart had continually acknowledged this and had given her the answer to her sadness.
It was useless telling herself that she would get over him. He had bludgeoned his way into her heart, and she sorely missed his dictatorial ways and bullying tactics.
Without his presence the days became static, not unlike the uneasy calm before a storm, only the storm would never come. They were dull days that lacked the essential ingredient for happiness.
Tanya knew that she was getting a preview of what life would be like without Kade, and she didn't like it at all. Telling herself that it would be a good miss wasn't going to work either; her heart knew different.
At dinner that evening she made a point of surreptitiously studying Kade, in an effort to find out whether he missed her as much as she missed him. It was a disappointing survey, since she could not determine any difference in his manner towards her, and he treated her in the same convivial way that he had adopted since Lloyd's arrival, stressing the fact, it seemed to Tanya, that they were only business partners and she was being afforded the due respect that such a position called for.
It was so uncharacteristic of Kade that she was forced to seek the purpose behind his changed attitude towards her, even though she was very much afraid she knew what it was.
If she were right, then the answer would raise her to the heavens, if wrong, cast her into the deepest gloom. Either way, there was nothing she could do about it. Her rise to the heavens would be of brief duration and leave her yearning for what could never be.
Did Kade love her? Her breath caught in her throat at the very thought—it was hardly credible—and yet she had felt his eyes rest on her on several unguarded occasions when she had been talking to Lloyd. It was nothing she could pin down, just an inward conviction that their relationship had taken on a new meaning. Just as the conviction was there, so also was another heartrending thought that followed in its train. If he did love her, he was never going to say so. He would do his level best never to let her know.
This deduction was strengthened by the recollection of what he had said earlier on in their stormy relationship, that he didn't hanker after kids. His pride wouldn't allow him to go back on that statement, she thought miserably. There was another poignant fact to consider, too, and that was that he had decided to let her go, and would not enforce the six-month time limit. He knew that Lloyd was wholly dependable and would have no qualms of conscience in relinquishing her to his care.
As much as Tanya tried to believe in this theory, she couldn't bring herself to trust her deductions. It could all be daydreaming on her part and in a way she desperately hoped it was. You could get over day-
dreams, she could look back on this point in time and tell herself it had all been wishful thinking, give a little sigh and get on with life again, and put it all down to the painful yet wonderful experience of first love.
Anything was better than to actually know that Kade loved her but had deliberately sent her away. She gave a slight shiver; she didn't think she could bear that.
'Say, you haven't caught a chill, have you?' queried Lloyd, giving her an anxious look. 'It was a bit chilly on that top track this morning.'
Tanya managed to come out of her unhappy theorising in time to answer with a crooked grin, 'I sincerely hope not. It's all your fault if I have,' she added, managing to inject a note of teasing in her voice, anxious not to let Lloyd or Kade know where her thoughts had taken her. She turned to Kade, watching her with that now familiar guarded look in his eyes. 'I didn't think I could make the top and tried to dodge out of the exercise, but Lloyd wasn't having any. As usual he was right, and I'm glad I went. It was a wonderful experience.'
If Tanya's mind had wandered in other directions before this small dialogue had taken place, it was plain that Kade's thoughts had taken a similar turn, for she received a hard stare from him, a look that said more than words, and she knew that he was telling her that if he'd suggested such a walk, she would have dug her heels in and refused to budge, but she had listened to Lloyd.
She had never questioned this ability of hers to decode Kade's silent messages to her, and in this she was closer to him than she realised. Such communications
were a rare and wonderful phenomenon, but she accepted them as a kind of feminine intuition, not attempting to see them as anything else.
It was only later that she realised that such a relationship could bring more heartache, particularly
when the silent messages were never spoken but remained tantalisingly out of reach and therefore unconfirmed.
A fortnight later Tanya had to steel herself against the knowledge that Lloyd would ask her to go back with him at the end of his stay. When he did so, she knew that she would have to say yes. She was sure that he had talked it over with Kade and must have received his agreement for the proposed move, although he said nothing of this when he made the suggestion.
'Come and try it out, anyway,' he had urged her a week before his departure. 'You said yourself that you were not cut out for the business life.' Then his face had sobered. 'I guess I know you well enough to know that you're not happy here, and I'd like the chance of making those big eyes of yours start laughing again, like they used to.'
Tanya looked away as he said this. Had her eyes ever laughed? She couldn't remember. She certainly couldn't visualise them doing so in the future. It would be a very long time before she could envisage such a state existing.
At dinner that evening Lloyd told Kade that he had managed to persuade Tanya to return to the States with him. To give Kade his due, he did not attempt to look surprised, just gave a curt nod that said a lot more to Tanya's watching eyes than any words would have done.
In all probability he had put Lloyd up to it, she thought despondently. There wouldn't be another chance like this to get her out of his hair. Lloyd's arrival must have been a heavensent opportunity and one that was not going to be missed.
It was pride alone that made Tanya just that bi
t more attentive to Lloyd and to listen to what she hoped was an eager ear while he outlined their travelling arrangements. She somehow managed to smile at Kade and murmur something about how she hoped he could get along without her vast business acumen. Her smile was not returned, but she was past caring. If he could throw her out like that, wild horses wouldn't drag out the fact that she loved him.
Lloyd gave them the opportunity to talk things over by murmuring something about paying his compliments to the cook and went in search of Connie, leaving Tanya alone with Kade.
Tanya felt unable to look at Kade and stared down at her hands twisted in her lap. She desperately wished she could find some way of getting back at him. Even if she had wanted to change her mind about going, he was giving her no choice in the matter. 'It could have worked out,' she said in a low bitter voice.
`No way!' was Kade's curt answer, and as usual this abrupt terse answer held a wealth of meaning to her; he had no need to say more.
'We could start again, and this time become friends,' she said hesitantly, giving him one last chance to reprieve her from the situation he was pushing her into.
Kade's harsh laugh in reply made her want to hold her hands over her ears, it was so derisive. 'Not you and me,' he said harshly. 'There'd be only one way out,'
he added adamantly, and at her swift flush and half negative shake of her head he went on ruthlessly, 'You know what I'm talking about, so don't pretend you don't. You and I know each other a little too well for that. What I said before still goes—I don't tangle with inexperienced youngsters.'