A minute later, I returned and when I walked into the room, my breath caught. I’d seen Charlie when she was hooked and hanging, but I was fueled with adrenaline. Now, her back was bare to me and the damage to her flesh was a lot more visible. She was cut wide open in thick gashes.
“Some of the tissue has already started to heal, so I can't stitch it. I need to keep an eye out for infection. We’re going to clean it, put ointment on it, and then re-bandage it.”
“What’s that?” I pointed to her lower back. I moved my face in closer. There was an angry gash through it, but I made it out. Branded into her skin, were the letters ES. “Motherfucker,” I roared.
“Need a minute, Doc.”
“I can do this alone, you don’t…”
“I said a minute,” I said through gritted teeth. I walked out of the room, saw Gun in the living room playing video games, and knew I couldn't lose my shit in front of him. I cut Reggie a look and knew my brother would shield my son, then I walked outside.
“Fuuuck!” I bellowed as I dropped to my knees in the dirt. I breathed in and out, inhaling the moist air. I wanted to hit something--someone. I wanted to scream to the universe that my Mouse didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve a thing that had happened to her. She didn't deserve to be in pain.
When I’d seen her on that stage after not seeing her for so long, I thought she was doing okay. She was high, so not great, but I thought she was okay. I was so angry at myself. If I’d only seen past my own bullheadedness, none of this would’ve happened.
I did this.
Me.
I might not have branded her, but if I’d only found her sooner… If I’d only seen past the glassy eyes… If I’d only saved her before…
I couldn't even finish my self-deprecating thoughts, too many ‘if only’s’ passed through my mind. My shoulders rose and fell rapidly. I was a man on the brink. I’d lose it or channel my anger. I felt a hand on my shoulder and heard Ace’s deep voice, “Reign it in. That shit you got going through your head, It ain’t on you.”
I don’t know how he knew what was going through my mind, but I shouldn’t have been surprised. It was, after all, the ever observant Ace.
I took a few more deep breaths and heard, “Reign it in,” again.
After another minute of trying to get myself under control, I stood. I didn't glance at Ace. I needed to get back into Charlie.
“You good?” Doc asked as I walked back in.
“Not even a little, but let’s do this.”
Doc eyed me, feeling out my temperament, and then began to show me how much ointment to apply and how to bandage her wounds. “I’m only going to do this for another few days, and then I want the air to hit it. It might start to scab better, so be prepared to find something for your kid to do, so he won’t have to see it.”
I agreed with the plan and once we were finished changing her, I got a hair brush and a fresh bowl of water. I cleaned her skin with care and then brushed her hair. I don’t even know how long I focused on each strand, but it was nearing lunch when Reggie knocked. “Going to make some burgers, you want one?” I couldn't think about eating at a time like this. I just wanted her to wake up, flinch, something. The rise and fall of her chest, the subtle pulse at her throat, were the only signs that she held life. I needed more. I wouldn't leave her.
“I’m good. Take care of Gun, would you?”
“I’m on it, but Gunner, he’s going to need you to look strong, even if you're not. He’ll need that from you. You got it in you to give it to him? You don't, then I’ll do my best, but he needs that from you.”
“Hear you, Brother.”
Reggie turned to leave. “How’s he seem?” I asked, knowing Gun needed me too.
“He’s a great kid. We’re keeping him busy. I think Shane is going to bring him to the lake to fish in a little bit, but he’s got that look in his eyes.” I knew what look, it closely resembled my own. I couldn't let him get lost.
“Stay with her for a few, would you? She as much as flinches, and you call me.”
“Got it.”
I found Gun sitting at the same table as earlier playing something I couldn't make out on someone’s phone.
As soon as he saw me he stopped, “Is she awake?”
“Not yet, but she will wake up. As soon as her body has had enough rest. It’s going to be okay.”
He looked down not believing me.
“I know this is hard. It’s hard on me too. She’s the strongest woman I’ve even met, and she loves you too darn much to do anything other than wake up. Doc says she continues to get stronger.”
To that his eyes met mine, “Shane said he’s going to take me fishing after we eat lunch. What if she wakes up, and I’m not here?”
“Kid, I’ll send someone for you. Don't you worry. I’ll be with her. If anyone loves her as much as you, if not more, it’s me.”
He had doubt in his eyes still, “I’m the one who’s been with her.”
“Told you, kid. I’d have been there, if I’d been able to find her.”
“You found her now. How come you couldn't find her then?”
“I tried, I failed, son. I won’t fail you again. Now, stop worrying over everything. It’ll be fine. You ever hook a worm before?”
“Never.”
“It’s fun. I’ll fish with you too, as soon as she’s moving around.” I wanted to be the first man to do this with him, but I knew he needed the distraction.
“Promise?”
“Have I broken a promise to you yet?”
He smiled, and I hoped he got it. I was going to do everything I could to be there for my family.
Chapter Eighteen Charlie
The leather cut into my flesh again, burning and peeling. And then the monster pushed inside, taking and taking. I’d cry out, but I was so used to his violation that I couldn't give in. I’d never give him that from me again. Hands gripped around my throat and I struggled to breathe. My legs involuntarily kicked and thrashed about.
“Shh, you’re okay. I got you. Get Doc!” The voice sounded mumbled and I wanted to hang onto it, but no sooner did it bring me from the horrible things that were happening to me, then I’d slip back into another state.
You watch me as I hang. You look over me up, down, side to side. I want to talk to you, but I can't speak, my mouth sewn shut. I want to scream, but it’s impossible. Your head moves to the side in an unnatural way. I don't understand why you don't speak to me, even though your familiar hazel eyes bore into mine. My flesh begins to melt, and panic flashes wildly in my eyes before I dissolve into nothing.
I am laying in a bed. Alone. The room is dark with a small amount of light. You walk through a door, but don't see me. You’re followed by Marjorie, who takes a seat across from you at the small table. Her long red hair hangs over one shoulder and her exposed leg runs along your jean-clad legs. She rubs your arm, flirting with you, but all I can do is watch. She is beautiful. I am... Well, I am gone. I disappeared into sheets from so much damage, and now, I’m nothing. I’m invisible.
You stand in front of me. You’re shirtless. I smile at you and you grab my hand, “What is it, Mouse?”
“Whatever do you mean?” I laugh and smack your shoulder. You’re getting so strong so quickly. I run the pad my thumb over the tiny stretch mark that only I’d ever notice. I like it because I see it. I see your small imperfections because they’re beautiful. They tell your story-- that you’re becoming a man.
“You know you can't stay here forever, right? You need to wake up, Mouse?”
“I don't want to wake up. It’s bad out there. I’m safe here with you.”
“Always safe with me, Babe. Wake up.”
I blinked and then squinted. The room’s light hurt my eyes.
“Charlie! Thank God, Charlie. Stay with me. Don’t leave me. Hang on.”
I recognized that voice. It felt so real. No, it couldn't be. I squinted again and through my hazy vision, I could make out Gunner Reed. Th
ose beautiful flecks of brown and green stared at me as if I’d hung the moon.
“Here’s some water. Take a sip. The Doc is on his way,” he spoke softly. I tried not to blink, fearful that this wasn't real. A straw was placed against my lips and I did as he instructed. He pulled it away, “Easy doll, not too fast.”
The room was beginning to fade again. I heard another man, “Charlie, I’m Doc. You're with family. I’m going to take your vitals.”
I briefly felt a something cold against my chest, and then it was all blackness again.
I opened my eyes. The room was shrouded in darkness. I felt a weight settle over my stomach and I looked down to see what it was. My breath caught and my chest ached. I couldn't believe it. My boy, my sweet precious Gun, was curled tight around me sleeping. How could this be? I must be dreaming. I moved my fingertips, they worked. I wiggled my toes; yep, still there. I took a chance on reality, and moved my arm to run my fingertips through his dark blonde hair. It was soft and gave me hope that this was real.
“Mom?” I heard his small voice that held so much uncertainty. I continued moving my fingers in his hair until they felt weighted. Before I knew it, I was drifting into darkness again.
The next time I woke, it was daylight and my boy was no longer curled around me. I wondered if it was a dream, but there was something familiar about the room, like I’d woken and seen it.
“He’s fishing with the boys,” I heard from across the room. I tried to sit up, but the slightest shift in movement, made my body scream in agony. The bed dipped next to me, and there he was, Gunner Reed. His dirty blonde hair fell slightly around those beautiful hazel eyes. Tattoos covered his arms, then a white t-shirt covered by a black motorcycle vest.
His presence confused me and I squinted my eyes and furrowed my brow. Gunner must have read my confusion. He began to explain, “The day after I saw you in the club, I regretted the way I treated you. I was angry. I can never explain to you how sorry I am. I should’ve seen past how high you were. I got your address and went by your place. That’s where I found Gun. Knew right away he was mine. He’s been with me ever since, well, I mean, I had him stay with Reggie, one of the guys, when me and the boys came and got you.”
I wanted to ask him how they rescued me. I wanted to ask him if Enrico was dead. I hoped like hell he was dead, but when I opened my mouth to talk, nothing came out. “You’ve been out for a few days. You woke up a few times, but it didn't last. This is the most alert you’ve seemed. Here take a sip,” Gunner pressed a straw to my lips and I took a small sip of the cool water.
“You have a lot of gashes on your back. I was getting ready to turn you over on your side and change your bandages. I didn't want Gun to see, so while he’s out, I was hoping we could let the air hit it.”
My eyes said okay as my voice remained silent. He leaned in, I presumed it was to move me, but then his facial hair scratched against my face and his soft lips pressed against my forehead. “I’m so damn thankful to see your eyes open. Missed you, Mouse. Missed you so damn much.” He was pulling away and gently rolled me on my side. He began the painstaking process of removing the bandages. I could tell he was hurrying as the bandages were sticking to my wounds. I didn't have to see my back to understand how it looked. I knew what had happened to me. I was there. Well, at least, until I wasn't.
While he did his thing behind me, I tried to process everything I learned. Gun was safe and had been with his dad. Gunner saved me. Gunner was here. This was real. He rescued me from what I’d thought was the impossible. Hanging from that wall, I’d lost hope, yet here it was; real.
I must’ve dozed off again, but not for very long. I was laying on my stomach and Gunner was sitting next to me, stroking my hair. I wanted to cry at the sensation. I’d thought I’d never see him again, yet here he was, taking care of me.
“You’ve been asleep for a few hours. I have some broth, I want you to drink some. Do you think you can do that? I nodded and then he continued, “You’ll have to sit up, but I want to keep your back uncovered, so I’m going to keep a sheet tucked around your breasts. You had an IV in your arm but Doc removed it yesterday when you woke up. You were thrashing around and he didn't want you to hurt yourself, so your arm might be sore too.” I sat up, pulling the sheet with me. Gunner gave me a look that said, he wanted to help me, but I need to see how I could move. My body was sore, but it wasn't as bad as I’d thought. My limbs felt stiff, but I had some strength. My hair hung over the white sheet and I was surprised to see how nice it looked. Without him saying it, I knew that was Gunner’s doing. He lifted a spoon to my mouth and I sipped broth over and over again, and then when I’d drunk about all I could, he set the bowl down, knowing I’d had enough.
A deep pain low in my groin made me squirm. I had to use the bathroom and badly. I grabbed Gunner’s arm and squeezed my legs together. At first, he looked confused and then as if a light bulb went off he said, “Shit, I should’ve thought of that. There’s not a bathroom in here. It’s down the hall.” Before I knew what was happening, Gunner had me up and was cradling me in his arms. We were moving down a hallway, I briefly saw a few guys sitting at a table and then I was in a bathroom, being deposited on my feet. My legs felt wobbly, “Hold on to me,” he said and then moved my sheet and held it in front of me trying to give me some type of privacy as my ass hit the toilet seat. I couldn't care about privacy, the stream of pee began almost immediately. I wiped and Gunner helped me up, wrapping the sheet around me so that my front and bottom were covered but also so that my back wasn't touching anything. “Put your arms around my shoulders.”
I did like he asked and we were up. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, what I saw was haunting. My face looked hollow and my eyes were vacant. My hair was thinner and I knew immediately it was because Enrico had ripped so much from the scalp. I hated my reflection, but no quicker did I see it, than we were moving again. As we passed down the hall again, Gunner stopped and spoke to one of the men in the kitchen. The man looked at me with sympathy. “Text Shane for me, and let Gun know she’s up. Then, call Doc, would you?” The man nodded and then in a deep scratchy voice said, “Glad to see you up, doll.”
We moved back to the room and Gunner started to lay me back down, but I felt safe in his arms and I didn't want to lose that, so I clung my arms tighter. “Alright, Mouse. I got you.” He laid against the headboard and I held on tight. His arms circled around me and I heard him whisper, “I got you,” before I fell asleep again.
I felt warmth wrapped around me and I still felt the heat from Gunner’s body. “Doc, she hasn't said a word. Is that…”
“The mind is a funny thing. It could be the way her brain is coping with the trauma she’s been through. She could open her mouth and talk today, or it may take a while and by a while, I mean years, if ever. You can’t rush these things. As soon as this shit is over, you’ll need to get her into counseling.”
I blinked and opened my mouth to speak, a squeak of a sound came out, but then I felt hands gripping around my throat. I was right back in the dungeon. Enrico was inside of me. I began to thrash and vaguely heard Gunner’s voice. “Doc?”
“Panic attack,” was the garbled mess I heard the doc murmur, and then I felt a prick and was slipping under into the darkness; again.
***
It had been three days since I’d woken up. Gun had been in and out with me since he’d learned I’d woken up, however, Gunner explained to me that he was trying to shield him from my back. I didn't communicate this, but I was grateful for the fact. I was also beyond grateful that Gunner had Gun. I was so happy to watch the two bond, even if it was only over solitaire at my bedside.
Gunner would use the silence to tell me about his life. He started where we left off. “Babe, worst mistake I ever made was thinking I could trust those Hades Runners. I thought because it was my Mom, I’d be okay. I was wrong. They wouldn't let me leave while I prospected. I should’ve fought harder. I mean, I did fight them and got my ass
handed to me once, but then I’d accepted my fate. I wished like hell I kept trying. When I finally could leave and went back, I saw the house burned.” I grabbed his hand to stop him and looked at him confused. “Oh, you don’t know. How could you? Well, after you left there was a fire. Your foster parents were killed. I had the club search for you, but no one really cared. It wasn't a brotherhood. They’re savages. Nothing like us.”
I didn’t know how I should feel about Claire and Mitchell, but I supposed I felt much like what they felt for me, nothing.
“I would’ve thought some caseworker would’ve told you. But then, I couldn't find where you went so… God, I wish you could tell me.” He let out a large breath and continued, “It was like you vanished. I must’ve searched every group home and foster home in all of Ohio. I searched for years. I was in a bad way. I hated that I’d lost you. I can only imagine what you thought.”
He’d searched for me? For years? I’d left Ohio. What if I’d stayed? Oh, I probably would’ve been arrested, but I couldn't believe he looked. I’d convinced myself over the years that I was just another notch in the never-ending bedpost of Gunner Reed’s. This story went against so many things I’d believed. By the time he finished telling me of how he walked away, my emotions were in overdrive.
I placed my hand on his arm to stop him from continuing. He could tell I needed a moment. I grabbed the robe that was near, cinched it tight letting the sheet that was covering me fall away, and swung my legs over the side of the bed. I gave a head nod towards the restroom. He began to lift me and I stopped him with a shake of my head. I could walk.
Cut Wide Open (A Bleeding Scars MC Book 1) Page 13